


Reborn and Refined

by Mercyisnotasignofweakness



Series: Drabbles, requests and more [10]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, A lot of bad shit happened to UF!Pap and UF!Sans, Angst, Because there is a shit ton of it, Blow Jobs, Cowgirl Position (Basically the normal "riding the dick" position), Dirty Talk, Doggy Style, Dom/sub Undertones, Drug Use (Only happens once), Ecto-Penis, Ecto-Tongue, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Female Reader, Finished, Have I mentioned angst in these tags?, It all sounds really boring I know but it's really not, Kneeling Fox (sex position), Light Dom/sub, MULTIPLE ENDINGS!, Mild Body Exploring, Multiple Orgasms, Multiple Sex Positions, Oralsex, POV Third Person, Personal Growth, Quantum Mechanics, Reader Is Not Frisk, Request Fill, Rough Sex, Sciency talk kinda thing, Self-Hatred, Soul Touch, Swap Pap has been through shit too, Swearing, Teasing, This entire story is seen through UF Pap's eyes, UF Pap and US Pap is best pals, UF Pap redemption, Underfell AU, Underswap AU, Unrequired Love, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, WE CAN'T GET ENOUGH ANGST, angst angst and more angst, kinda slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 05:34:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 127,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6841030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercyisnotasignofweakness/pseuds/Mercyisnotasignofweakness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Mercy” she had said, a single word that had an immense impact on him. Mercy was a foreign concept to him, a curse in his world [...] but she said it to him like it was the answer to all the questions he couldn’t answer, no matter how hard he tried. She said mercy and commanded him to put the other monster down, and despite Papyrus never taking orders from anyone but his former Captain and the King, he surprised himself by actually putting the damn monster down unharmed.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The Fell bros end up in the Swap universe. They meet US Pap and Sans, and their human companion. While trying to find a way to return home, Fell Papyrus finds something else he hadn’t expected: He finds love, and it absolutely terrifies him. He can’t turn weak. He just <b>can’t</b>. His brother’s and his own safety depends on Papyrus being a cold, ruthless killer.</p><p>But reader won’t give up without a fight. She’s determined to fight for their love, and Papyrus soon has to admit that she has managed to change him in ways that will have great consequences once he returns to Underfell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nagini_M](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nagini_M/gifts).



> Yeah, so this is a one-shot request that got out of control rapidly fast. It is now a +30000 words, 72 pages long _monster_ of a fic and I have not yet finished it. So I decided to post it as a chaptered fic instead of one long one-shot. I'm posting the first chapter now to give the anon who requested the fic something to at least enjoy while I work hard on finishing it. 
> 
> This is also my first UF fic and this is my take on the whole AU. I've read alot of fics from this universe, so some of this might be inspired by some other fic, so if you see something similar, then it's probably why. I absolutely love UF Pap, so getting this request was a damn dream come true for me. I have so much fun writing it and I really hope you will like the characters I have developed. 
> 
> I'm thinking that I will update each every other day, but if I suddenly fall behind for some reason, you'll have to wait xD 
> 
> This fic is beta-ed by the lovely Rii (Timewasrunningout). Thanks for the help hun! <3 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Oh, and kudos to the first person who finds the reference I have hidden in this chapter. It's a bit narcissistic, but it just fit so well :p

## Chapter one

 

 

_I'll have you know, that I've become Indestructible_  
_Determination that is incorruptible_  
_From the other side, a terror to behold_  
_Annihilation will be unavoidable_  
_Every broken enemy will know_  
_That their opponent had to be invincible_  
_Take a last look around while you're alive_  
_I'm an indestructible Master of war!_

Indestructible by Disturbed  - __  
__

 

* * *

Calling them _friends_ would be an overstatement. Papyrus doesn’t have friends. The idea itself is ridiculous. Him, The Great Papyrus, allowing himself to be as weak as to feel such towards someone. No, he has accomplices, soldiers or even slaves, but not _friends_. Never friends. That sort of thing just simply gets you killed in his world. It’s as easy as that. If you don’t care, you don’t get hurt. Caring makes you weak. Love is a death sentence.

At least… That’s what he _used_ to believe with every ounce of his soul. It’s why he always treated his brother as if he only held a little more value than a handful of dirt. It’s why every monster he came across got a sneer instead of a happy smile, despite him wanting nothing more than to meet people with kindness instead of hostility.

It might come as a surprise, but he never wished to be as he became. When he was young he held so much stupid hope, despite the world continually trying to beat the reality of itself into him. He lost almost all his baby teeth that way and thank fuck for the second pair of teeth that grew out instead. The idea of being a skeleton monster without teeth…

Just the thought makes his soul turn sour.

Back in the day, Papyrus thought he could save his world with kindness. He thought that if he showed kindness, kindness would be shown to him. He genuinely believed that all people had potential to be good, if they just tried hard enough. Yeah, it’s a foolish notion, he knows. The mere stupidity of a statement like that… Well, he eventually learned his lesson the hard way.

The scar across his left eye socket still aches sometimes when he thinks of that day. It’s nowhere near the unbelievable agony he had been in back when the wound had been fresh, oozing marrow all over his still childish face, but it’s just sharp enough for the memories to rattle in the cages he locked them in.

Papyrus sighs and leans back on the stump of tree he’s currently sitting on, taking in the scene in front of him with a calculated gaze.

It’s hilarious really. Even in this joke of a universe, he’s still not able to relax and let his guard down. He’s still sitting off to the side, alone, observing the surroundings like he expects something to jump out from the shadows and bite his head off. The clearing before him is filled with laughter and people, and despite the sound and feeling of joy circulating the air, his soul still feels bitter, dark and icy cold, like the snowflakes falling from the fairytale like “sky” above him.

Fucking hell. All it would take is for him to get off his ass and go join them. These idiots wouldn’t even bat an eye if he suddenly appeared. They would gladly invite him into their midst and pull him into their “playing”, and yet, he still hesitates. He observes them, instead of joining them, because caring means pain and that lesson is still cut deeply into his bones. Despite him knowing better by now, he’s still not able to actually act on these new beliefs all that much.

He sighs again and decides that, maybe that package of cigarettes his alter ego in this universe handed him with a knowing look earlier on the day, might actually be a pretty damn good idea right about now.

As he fishes the package out of a pocket on his belt, his eyes find his alter ego. “Papy” as the other Papyrus has agreed to be called while this particular “situation” is at hand, is standing off to the side too, much like Papyrus is. His expression is lazy and relaxed, but Papyrus can read his own face as easily as a book, and it’s almost too easy to read the orange clad version of himself. “Papy” is no more relaxed than Papyrus is. His gaze is calculated too, his shoulders tensed, although Papyrus must admit that the ridiculously oversized orange sweater he always wears does hide this fairly well. He’s not sure anybody but himself would be able to notice it. They would, however, notice how Papy’s head always turns just the slightest bit every once in awhile, his eyes searching the forest around them like he too feels something hidden in the shadows is watching them.

Papy has a cigarette in his mouth too, a habit that probably grew from the same set of feelings that Papyrus’ own did. Stress and emotional distress can cause all sorts of nasty side effects for monsters. A soul slowly dying, slowly turning black… A tremor runs through his body just thinking of it. He remembers all too well what a monster with a black soul is capable of doing. The strong magic of a sane monster, but none of the empathy or moral standards. None of the fear. A true _monster_ in all it’s glory.

There was a time where the myth of the black soul fascinated Papyrus. A time where he actively sought out a way to turn his own soul black so he could grow stronger and finally become the Captain of the Royal Guard, the most prestigious and powerful position in the Underground. This was despite the fact that the only monster with a black soul he had ever come across literally tore out a chunk of his skull and effectively killed his hope, the only good part his soul had. He wished to stop caring so much after that, that he was willing to lose himself in the process and sitting here now, thinking back, he can hardly believe he allowed himself to be so stupid.

He rests a hand against his chest, feeling the strong hum of his powerful soul just beneath the protective cage of his ribs. He knows there are parts of his soul that are permanently black and that there is a very good, and simultaneously _very bad_ , reason for it.

As a young adult he had spent months searching for a way to turn his soul black. He didn’t want to go through half his life in agony, which a soul slowly turning black definitely is. No, he wanted a quick solution, a rip-the-band-aid-off kind of deal. He wanted to turn his soul black instantaneously and deal with the pain of doing so at once so he could live the rest of his life without being weighed down by his emotions.

After almost a year he found a solution. An old forgotten book he found in the abandoned royal library. It held a lot of information about dark magic, something that was practiced during the war that ended with monsters trapped by the barrier. Papyrus remembers thinking that this was the reason that monsters turned so dark and evil. A species made out of love, compassion and kindness using such dark, twisted magic certainly would corrupt their souls and they would certainly pass that on to their offspring.

The book had one solution to turning his soul black instantly, something that monsters desperately needed during the war to gain strength. He needed to break his own soul.

Not physically of course. No, that would be suicide. He had to _emotionally_ kill himself, turn himself into that kind of monster by force and free will. He needed to sacrifice that last part of himself that was still a tiny bit good and held compassion, despite how much he tried to prove otherwise.

Suffice to say, Papyrus didn’t hesitate to try out the first advice the ancient book he had found offered.

Simply killing another monster wasn’t the way to go. Killing holds almost no significance, soul-wise. Sure, it’ll make you stronger, but that’s about it. The emotional distance killing again and again gives are nothing more than a physiological progression that takes place. It has nothing to do with the soul. Besides, Papyrus already had a couple of lives on his conscience back then, so he knew that couldn’t be the right way.

No, killing a monster wasn’t good enough. He had to kill a monster’s soul, he had to break it, to inflict so much pain that the monster would beg for the sweet mercy of death and then he had to still deny them peace. He had to be as horrible and despicable as possible.

Why he had chosen his own brother for this, is still a mystery to him to this day. Maybe it was because his brother was the biggest weakness he had, maybe it was because he had became scared of the amount of love he could feel towards him, he doesn’t know.

Papyrus looks off to the side, doesn’t have to move his gaze more than a few inches to find his brother. As always, seeing him relaxed and genuinely laughing at something Papy just said hurts Papyrus to the deepest parts of his soul. Not for the first time he feels the toxic stab of jealousy in his chest, which he quickly stomps down because it’s ridiculous. It’s his own damn fault his brother can barely look at him without flinching. All the crap Papyrus put his brother through over the years and still nothing compares to that night…

He can still see Sans before his inner eye as he laid on the ground, the snow around him turning pink because of the marrow seeping out of too many wounds to count. He can see Sans’ trembling hand shaking in the ice cold air and hear the raspy intakes of breath as he tries to calm himself enough to speak. He can see the glow of his own bone attack hanging just above Sans’ head casting red shadows on his naked body. See how Sans’ eyes go from glowing red embers, to soft white pearls for the first time since both of them were children. Papyrus can feel the imaginative bile rising in his throat as Sans’ too weak voice whispers that he understands why he needs to do this, and that he forgives him. _‘it’s ok bro. you’re going to be ok. i still love you. don’t ever forget that.’_

Sans still loved him despite everything Papyrus had done to him.

It’s so typical of his brother. Despite literally being seconds from dying by the hand of his baby brother, after enduring days upon days of psychological and physical abuse, he still loved him, still forgave him. He still _understood_. Papyrus hasn’t been able to figure out how Sans was able to find so much love in his soul in his final moments, not after living most of his life in misery.

He still hasn’t been able to figure out exactly what about the display made him change his mind. Maybe it was the awful pain in his soul he had been battling while the entire thing played out or simply the thought of living without his brother, the only monster he considered trustworthy simply because Sans was weak. Maybe it was because that lump in his imaginary throat had been strangling him the entire time that he grew tired of. No matter what it was, Papyrus turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Sans in the snow.

He still doesn’t know how Sans survived either, or what made him come back to the house to continue to live with him. Any other sane monster would have turned tail and never showed his face again. But not Sans. No, he came back.

Things were dramatically changed after that of course. Sans never trusted him again, always flinched whenever he moved a little too quickly or spoke a little too loudly. Papyrus could break his brother’s cool and fake uncaring demeanor by just looking at him in a certain way and Papyrus has to admit he took advance of Sans’ fear more often than he likes.

He looks at him now, watches how relaxed he is next to this other Papyrus, notices how broad his smile seems to be and how his eyes are white and not red at the moment. Sans took to this universe quite well and didn’t seem to have any trouble trusting it, unlike Papyrus has.

His gaze gets caught by Papy and for a moment they stare at each other. Papyrus has no doubt that his alter ego is able to read him as easily as he is able to read Papy, but as if it’s a mutual agreement, neither mention their observations.

Papy tilts his head slightly to the side, the bone arches above his eyes rising just a little bit. A question and an offer. Papy takes a slow drag of his cigarette and waits for his response, blowing the smoke out through his nasal hole. Papyrus hates and is fascinated by how Papy’s eyes can be half closed and seemingly disinterested in the world and yet still hold so many secrets and emotions. So much intelligence.

Sans by Papy’s side turns his head, following the other's gaze and Papyrus tenses his body to stop himself from shrinking in on himself when Sans’ eyes turn blood red instantly. It’s a reaction born from fear he has learned, and not an attempt to seem more threatening as he has always believed. Sans’ eyes glows red because he is scared out of his mind and his magic is acting up because of it, getting ready to defend him. When Papyrus thinks back on all the time Sans has spent with red eyes, he’s greatly surprised at the seemingly endless magic reserve his brother must have in order for him to be able to have his eyes glow like that. It certainly explains why he was always so tired when they were still in their own universe. Using so much magic all the time is not only tiring, but right now exhausting. Papyrus even has to take a nap some days after a particular hard battle, just so he can recharge his magic.

Papyrus looks back to Papy and then turns his face slightly to the side, almost breaking their connected gazes. Papy understands his answer perfectly it seems. It’s a screaming ‘ _no thank you’_. Papyrus does not wish to join them.

Papy doesn’t argue like Papyrus is sure the others would have. Instead he simply shrugs and takes another long drag of his cigarette, accepting his choice.

No, Papyrus thinks. Despite being almost the exact opposites, they are still very much alike and he just knows that Papyrus’ smoking habit stems from the same horrible reality. Their souls are turning black and they are in constant agony because of it. Papyrus still doesn’t know exactly _why_ Papy’s soul would be turning black, can’t imagine the softy of a skeleton hurting anything at all. His agony must come from emotional distress, although he has yet to discover exactly what causes Papy that much sorrow. It’s a mystery Papyrus has sworn to solve before they manage to fix the damn machine that will send him and Sans back to their own universe.

Papyrus stomps out the burning butt of his cigarette before lighting up another right after. He decides to turn his gaze away from the mystery that is his alter ego and his own brother. Instead he looks towards his brother’s alter ego, the Sans of this universe.

Sans of this universe, _Blueberry_ as he offered to be called almost instantly because “blueberry is my favorite color!”, is the exact picture of what a dead man walking would be in Papyrus’ universe. He is loud, he is proud, despite having no qualities to be proud of whatsoever, he’s compassionate, friendly, passionate. Everything that’s bad if you want to stay alive in Papyrus’ universe. He is a constantly moving, constantly doing something and _he never shuts up._

Papyrus remembers his first few thoughts when he came across the tiny skeleton. First thought: Sans looked bizarre with those glowing stars in his eyes. Second thought: The lack of fear in those eyes made something hot burn in his soul, something he hadn’t felt since he was a child. Third thought: He should crush the impostor like the weak bug he was, and do it quickly before he managed to use more of his weird magic on Papyrus, which was turning him soft rapidly fast.

Again he had been surprised by the amount of love his brother was able to hold for him, even when that brother was from another universe and had never seen his face before. Despite having Papyrus’ fist wrapped around his throat, Blueberry still managed to smile and speak encouragingly to him. A lot of the words that came out of his mouth were far too familiar to the words and thoughts that had surrounded Papyrus in his childhood. It was eerie and probably why he didn’t snap at his brother when his Sans asked him to put Blueberry down. Well, it had been more of an unspoken request. The roar of the red dragon skull aimed at him certainly made sure the message was spoken loud and clear.

Although, his Sans’ Gaster Blaster’s viciousness was _nothing_ compared to Papy’s that had appeared only seconds later. It was only thanks to Papyrus’ skill and agility that both him, his brother and Blueberry are all able to be here in this clearing today without any limbs missing. As powerful as the other Papyrus seems to be (just as powerful as Papyrus himself, despite the lack of LV Papy has), Papy doesn’t seem to have any knowledge of how to use his power. He has no expertise, no training. It’s pitiful to see such a magnificent amount of magic be wasted on someone as unwilling to use it as Papy.

A lot of conversations and a lot of harsh words later, they came to an agreement and now here they are. Playing house, watching Blueberry with the good soul sling snowballs through the air while time just flies by. What a waste.

A clean, melodic laughter flies through the air and that hot part of Papyrus’ soul that has been burning almost non-stop since his and his brother’s arrival to this universe, starts burning even hotter, as it always does. His eyes easily finds the source of the sound and he can practically feel himself soften.

Of all the things that have happened the past few months, meeting _her_ certainly is the least crappy of them all.

For some reason, this woman, _this human_ , has been able to twist her way into his soul in ways that nothing else has been able to before. As so much else about this world, Papyrus still can’t figure out exactly what make him so interested in her. Sure, she is pretty, if a human can be described as such with all their fleshy parts. She has good bone structure. Papyrus has noticed. He can see she takes good care of herself in some way or another.

Maybe it was her attitude that first day in this universe. How she stood up to him and stared him down, protecting her friends despite the obvious fear shining in her eyes. How she had thrown herself at him and practically ripped Blueberry from his hands after Papy’s Gaster Blaster had scorched the ground they had stood on only seconds earlier. Yes, maybe it was her courage. Papyrus always appreciates someone who can put aside their fear and get the job done.

Something tells him that isn’t it though. He would have had similar reactions to multiple other monsters in his own world if that had been the case and he had not.

But if not that, then what? What make him unable to look away from her, what makes his soul feel so hot by just hearing her laugh? They have barely spoken in private at all and one of the only times it happened it had been her making a point. If he hurt her friends, which now included his own brother who undoubtedly had been tricked into telling their life story within the first few days, hell would rain down upon him and she would appear as the vengeful angel, purging him and his evil from the Earth.

Papyrus never doubted her sincerity for even a second. Something in her eyes just told him she didn’t play around. That she was fiercely protective of others and held more than enough power in her soul to actually succeed.

At first, he admits he had seen her as a common Mary Sue who was all bark and no bite. A precious soul who loved before thinking and who would end up dead in the nearest gutter within a day if she had been in his world.

He only had to look at her soul once during an argument that got a little too heated to know she was far from the innocent angel he had believed her to be. Not only was her soul cracked and damaged beyond repair, a clear sign of her having lived a hard life, but her LV wasn’t 1. The “angel” has lives on her conscience, exactly like he has. Not as many as him obviously, but her LV is high enough for it to be a good amount. Maybe a dozen or so if Papyrus has to guess.

After that he had a different kind of respect for her and he started actually paying attention when she spoke.

A lot of his change of heart (pun _not_ intended) she is responsible for. Without even talking to him all that much, she has managed to make him doubt the beliefs he has lived on for over half of his life.

To be honest, it scares him beyond belief. He’s not used to being proven wrong and he’s certainly not used to feeling weak, but when he is near her, he has never felt weaker. He finds himself wanting to please her, wanting her to smile at him like she smiles at the others. He wants to actually matter to her, to be one of the people she considers important enough to protect and not just some asshole she has to endure for the time being.

He doesn’t know when he started growing weak, but he thinks it was around the fifth or sixth day in this universe. For some unknown reason she had chosen him to take with her to the shop to buy food instead of the others. She claimed it was because he was the only one besides herself that could actually cook, but she never said that out loud in front of the others, so he’s not sure of it’s truthfulness. Either way, they walked to the store together, discussed dinner together and bought food together. It was clinical, quick and with no chit chat in between. They simply got the job done.

On their way back to the house, some good-for-nothing monster literally ran straight into her, knocked her to the ground and then had the actual audacity to yell at her for not looking where she was going. She dropped the bags of food she had been carrying, the contents spreading across the snow. She cut her arm on a sharp rock hiding underneath the snow and Papyrus remembers feeling anger like he has never felt before bubble up in him when her blood stained the white snow.

He can’t remember grabbing the monster by the throat or even summoning the bone attack that nearly stabbed through the monster’s belly, but he does remember the sharp bark of command coming from her. A signal horn guiding him through the fog of anger boiling in his mind.

He remembers the feeling of her warm hand on the cloth and leather covered bone of his forearm, remembers the steel in her eyes as she looked at him with a hard expression, telling him to let go of the monster that made her _bleed_.

“Mercy” she had said, a single word that had an immense impact on him. Mercy was a foreign concept to him, a curse in his world. Mercy meant being weak, meant allowing yourself to be vulnerable while trusting another person to not rip your soul apart. Mercy was a death sentence, just as love was, but she said it to him like it was the answer to all the questions he couldn’t answer, no matter how hard he tried. She said mercy and commanded him to put the other monster down and despite Papyrus _never_ taking orders from anyone but his former Captain and the King, he surprised himself by actually putting the damn monster down unharmed.

She then proceeded to surprise him even more by sitting down and embracing the monster and fucking asking them if _they_ were alright and if _they_ needed anything. She was literally bleeding all over the place, a wound inflicted by the very person she was trying to comfort. And even more to his surprise, the other monster broke down and started explaining how their day had been awful, how their child was sick and their husband didn’t come home for dinner and how the suspicion of an affair with a bird monster in the Capital was more true than they had imagined it to be.

For forty minutes Papyrus stood behind her, keeping watch over the surroundings and the situation, making sure she didn’t come to more harm. He never let his guard down, never let his magic vanish from his eye sockets or from the tips of his fingers and he watched her comfort, help and eventually see the monster off with a smile and a promise of everything working out in the end.

She even fucking apologized on his behalf, telling the monster that he wasn’t from around here and he was a bit overprotective of her. That he came from a place where kindness was a curse word and he didn’t understand how their world worked yet. Instead of claiming her to be insane, the other monster just accepted the apology and gave him a smile.

The monster _smiled_ at him, all fear gone from their expression.

Papyrus and y/n never spoke of the incident again, but something definitely changed in him that night. He spent the next few weeks observing and calculating her interactions with others, trying to learn her secrets. Trying to see the world through her eyes. He tried to find the loophole in her beliefs, tried to find just a tiny thing he could use as an excuse to continue living in his beliefs, despite them already having changed. He was simply too stubborn to admit it.

When he _did_ admit it to himself though… Oh boy, had that been a fun night. And by fun he of course means it had been the worst night of his life.

That night he felt all his sins crawling on his back and he cried in agony over the loss of his innocence. He cried like a baby, mourning the bright hearted and kind Papyrus that died that day the monster with the black soul tainted him and gave him more scars than just the one running across his left eye socket.

She had found him in the woods broken, crying, hopeless and she had picked him up and put him back together in the only way that worked, a way he hadn’t even known worked. She had slapped him across the face and when he reacted with anger, she hit him again, which made him cry harder than before.

Then she had embraced him and held him for what felt like hours, letting him spill his metaphorical guts to her.

When the sun rose and his tears had long since dried up, she pulled him up, brushed snow off his armor and told him one single thing.

Mercy was _not_ a sign of weakness and it was _not_ too late to seek forgiveness.

And funnily enough, he had believed her. He had let her guide him back to the house by holding his hand, had let her force him to pull off his freezing clothes and let her push him underneath the scolding hot water in the shower stall without arguing even once.

Ever since that night, Papyrus had tried being better. He has tried bringing back a little of that kid he once was, allowed himself to have hope and to care, although it hurt something so fiercely. He tried being more polite, tried helping out where he normally wouldn’t.

Obviously, he hasn’t come far. His brother still prefers Papy’s company over his own, and still can’t look at Papyrus without fear coursing through him. Sans still looks at him weirdly every time he acts out of character and it still makes Papyrus’ soul beat painfully with a confusing mix of regret, guilt and sorrow. Papyrus still reacts with negativity and hostility in conflicts rather than the opposite and he is still sitting off to the side, watching the others live their life while he wastes his by being a coward.

And that’s the bottom line, isn’t it? He’s a coward. He’s too proud to admit that he was wrong and too scared to do something about it. He should apologize, should atone for his sins somehow, but he’s afraid of what kind of pain he will have to endure in the future if he does so. Him and Sans needs to return to their own universe someday and when they’re back there, there’s no time to play house, no time to have snowball fights and laugh together, lazing around at noon instead of working. Back home, there’s no beautiful sky lit up by glimmering crystals and no children running through the town with loud voices and happy laughs. There’s no Christmas lights or trees or gifts always present at the town square, no home baked goods in the store or smiling spider ladies greeting you when you enter their pastry shop slash bar.

There’s no Blueberry telling him that he believes in him, no Papy giving him knowing looks and silent support and understanding and there’s no y/n telling him mercy is an option and it doesn’t make him weak to allow himself to love.

When they go home they are going back to war and Papyrus dreads the day he has to pull back all these emotions that have started to run rampant through his soul. His world is dark and cold and ruthless. It’s unforgiving and dangerous and will dust him without hesitation.

He now knows he always loved his brother and always protected him because of that. He also knows he tried to lie to himself, tried to ignore his basic instincts in order to survive and he knows it worked. That he wears the title of Captain of the Royal Guard with honor after defeating the earlier Captain in combat because of how he adapted to a world that was as bad as it can be.

Papyrus has gained a lot of insight to himself and the world during the past months and he fears the day he has to return. He’s no longer the same as when he left it and he’s unsure if he can slide back into who he was before in order to survive again.

He’s unsure if he even wants to.

But he knows he can’t stay here, knows that them being in this universe upsets the balance of the multiverse, creating anomalies through time and space or whatever the hell it was Sans and Papy tried to explain to him the second day here.

They have to go home and he has to turn back into his old self.

That’s why he can’t put all his energy into becoming a better monster. Why waste his time pretending to be good, when he will soon have to prove he’s just as rotten as the world believes him to be? Soon he will have to kill to keep his brother alive and he will have to live with seeing the hatred, fear and disgust in his brother’s eyes when he comes home from patrol covered in dust once again.

There’s simply no point in trying. It’s all useless anyway.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Papyrus pulls himself out of his thoughts and looks up. His face has already morphed into a mask of indifference before his eyes can even confirm what his hearing has already told him.

She has sat down next to him and by the stars, she is _beautiful_. There’s still lumps of snow sticking to her hair after the snowball fight with Blueberry, her cheeks are red because of the cold and her breath appears in the air like a cloud of white, contrary to his that is as invisible as always when he breathes out. It’s just one of the many things that prove that he’s as cold and dead inside as she is hot and alive.

He sniffs at her, not answering and he throws the butt of his finished cigarette away before he stands. He brushes some snow off his pants where it has decided to rest after falling from the sky and corrects his scarf so it sits perfectly around his neck, just as he likes it. He hasn’t worn it for quite some time, despite always keeping it in a pocket on his belt. It was a gift from his brother he got on his eighth birthday and he had stopped wearing it in fear of it making him soft. Being attached to a piece of fabric seemed silly to him back then, but now it’s one of the few things that actually reminds him, that his brother once thought it safe enough to just wrap his arms around him and pull him into a hug. Papyrus remembers making Sans correct his scarf for him countless of times, exactly like he’s doing for himself now.

“I will go on patrol” he announces to her, not caring to turn around to make his voice easier to hear over the happy chatter of Blueberry, that is standing a few feet in front of him. He sees Sans react to his voice from the corner of his eye and Papyrus can’t help but compare Sans’ reaction to that of a dog about to be beaten.

“It’s Saturday” y/n points out, “No work.” She stands and walks around him, coming to a stop before him. She has to lean her head back to be able to look at his face.

“It is of no matter” he responds coldly, hoping his voice doesn’t betray how shaky he’s feeling, standing here, looking straight into her eyes. Having her full attention on him like this is unnerving, to put it mildly.

She simply lifts a perfect eyebrow at him. Her question sounds loud and clear and she didn’t even have to open her mouth to speak it out loud.

“I need to keep my schedules” he explains without knowing why, “Or I will grow too soft in this mushy world. I need to keep my mind sharp.”

“by doing what boss? knockin’ a few trees over? there ain’t any threats here and you know it” his brother says. Papyrus looks at him, an automatic reaction to being spoken to, but Sans ducks his head like he expects to be killed instantly anyway. Maybe it’s an automatic response from him too, Papyrus doesn’t know, but he doesn’t like it.

Papyrus feels himself smiling. Hearing Sans speak up and challenge him again is refreshing. It gives him hope that the feisty soul of his brother isn’t completely dead inside the monster standing before him. It gives him hope that forgiveness might not be as unbelievable as his soul tries to make him think.

He glances at Papy who Sans is hiding behind, who just tilts his head in another silent question. It’s impressive how he can ask so difficult questions by just tilting his damn head.

As always, Papyrus says no by turning his face away. He does not need to talk, least of all with his universal twin. He is fine by himself, thank you very much.

“As a matter of fact, I saw a few pine trees on my last patrol that could use a trimming” he answers his brother. He hopes his voice doesn’t sound as dead to them as it does to him. Judging from the twin looks of surprise on his brother’s and y/n’s faces, the smirk on Papy’s and the happiness on Blueberry’s, it doesn’t.

He doesn’t wait for them to answer. He spins around on his heel and stalks away, ignoring the mock whisper coming from his brother. _“please tell me you guys heard that come outta his mouth too!”_

Papyrus’ face falls. Oh who is he kidding? Being forgiven is so far out of his reach that even the snow doesn’t think him worthy. His brother can’t even believe his own sanity when Papyrus doesn’t instantly bite his head off after a smartass comment like that. How the hell will Sans be able to understand that Papyrus is being truthful when he apologizes to him? Papyrus has never believed for one second he deserves the forgiveness he so badly desires, has never for a second fooled himself into thinking Sans would forgive him for years of abuse and him being a total moron. Papyrus is smarter than that.

“It’s the air” y/n’s voice sounds beside him, startling him out of his thoughts once again. Outwards he doesn’t react to her sudden appearance, but inside he is screaming bloody murder at her for startling him so badly. He has never let himself be so lost in thought before that he wasn't aware of his surroundings.

“What’s with the air?” he grumbles at her. He continues to look forward, not sparing her a look. He doesn’t have to anyway. He can feel her walking right next to him, can feel the heat radiating off her body.

“The reason you feel weird” she answers, “It’s so thin and reused so many times, it messes with your head. Makes you feel lightheaded.” This makes him glance at her and he finds her looking at him and not the road they’re walking on.

When he looks away again she sighs. “So when are you gonna tell him?” she asks instead of struggling to get a response out of him.

“How about never?” he answers her. There’s no reason in trying to act like he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. The damn trees know by now because he’s that fucking obvious apparently. Obvious to anyone but his own brother. Oh how the universe is cruel.

“That seems counter productive” she says, “Considering you’re desperate for his forgiveness.”

“I do not need to justify myself to you” he just says.

“Of course not” she replies, sounding way too chipper. He is pretty sure she is being sarcastic.

“You seem to think so” he tells her, glancing at her again. She’s still looking at him. “Tell me, was it because you care about my brother and want justice for him, or was it simply to satisfy your insatiable need to save everyone that made you follow me just now?”

He knows he struck a nerve when the small muscles around her eyes harden and her lips tighten, but as he had expected, her face softens just moments later.

“Would you believe me if I said it was because I cared for you and hate to see you in pain?” she asks him. He snorts at that but offers no other response. “Of course not” she says, this time sounding much more subdued and almost sad, “Is it really that hard to believe that someone could care for you?”

“Someone, no. I am The Great Papyrus. I have lots of admirers. You, on the other hand. Yes.”

“Why?”

“Really?” he snorts at her, giving her one more glance, “I really need to explain why?”

“Yes, please do enlighten me” she answers. He takes a deep breath and stops walking. This is just too much. How people in this world can be so infuriatingly ignorant is beyond him.

“You are damaged” he answers her. He gestures to her chest with a hand, not looking at her face. He doesn’t want to see which emotion it will show after this.

He calls both their souls forth, showing them side by side to her. He hears her gasp when she sees the state of his. It’s without a doubt the sound of horrified surprise. He knows the sight of his soul is a pitiful one and had she been anyone else he would never have dreamed of letting himself be this vulnerable. But because it _is_ her, he doesn’t feel as much need to quickly hide himself away again.

“We are both broken beyond repair” he tells her, “People like us can’t love. We don’t know how. All we can do is pretend and lie to ourselves that we’re actually able to do it. So no. I don’t think you are able to care for me, because I am not able to care for anyone either. I should think the abuse I’ve put my brother through should be evidence enough. Now please, stay the _fuck_ out of my way.” With those words he lets their souls return to their bodies and he walks off without another word.

This time she doesn’t follow him. He can’t figure out if he’s sad or happy that she doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. Comments and kudos are very much appreciated! 
> 
> Until next time! <3
> 
> See ya!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the wonderful and nice comments on the first chapter guys! I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me your thoughts! 
> 
> Here is the next chapter, a day ahead of schedule, just because you're so awesome. Enjoy!
> 
> Betaed by the incredible Miss Time over at [Timewasrunningout](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/)
> 
> (And if you wanna get updates on how this fic is going and stuff like that, follow me on Tumblr! I'll answer questions there too if you have any and I take requests. [Mercyisnotasignofweakness](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Also, I need to add that I do not condone the usage of drugs in real life and I do not support, like or even encourage the usage of drugs in real life. This is a fictional story with fictional characters. The appearance of drugs happens only this once and it is because it is something one of the characters sometimes do to "relax". Just remember that, ok? No killing the writer with harsh words please xD Ok, bye.

## Chapter two

 

_You want to know why I feel so horrified?_   
_I've let my innocence die_   
_You want to know why I can't be pacified?_   
_You made me bury something_   
_I won't be sleeping tonight_

Deify by Disturbed - _ _  
_ _

 

* * *

Papyrus tries to figure out how everything could go so wrong. How he, as seemingly the only monster in the entire Underground in his world that believed in happiness and love, could be twisted into this hollow shell of a monster he now is. How the once compassionate and loving child could grow up to be such a terrible adult.

After several hours of wandering around in the forests of Snowdin, he’s only come to one conclusion. He is an excellent liar and an expert manipulator. He’s so good, he can even fool himself.

It’s the only explanation he has for how he has been able to do the things he has done. How he could kill without remorse and even laugh in delight while doing it. How he could hit, beat and torture his own brother without feeling guilty, despite loving his brother with everything he has and is capable of.

He convinced himself he didn’t care and just like that, he was able to do whatever he needed to do to stay alive.

Papyrus sighs to himself and leans his head back against the tree he’s sitting in front of. Life was much easier when he simply didn’t care. Emotions are so difficult. They’re a mess, but he can’t fool himself into thinking that caring is being weak anymore. Not when he has seen the evidence speaking against that belief.

Papy is stronger than Papyrus for the simple reason that he _cares_. He loves and that makes him stronger than Papyrus, despite Papyrus having an LV ten times as high as Papy’s. Caring makes him strong, unlocks a power that is otherwise unobtainable and Papyrus hates it. Hates that even though it makes him strong, it also makes him weak, because he will always have a weak spot for those he cares for. Others will be able to harm him worse than any physical wound could because of that.

“You are a hard monster to find.” Papyrus closes his eyes and begs the stars for strength.

“What is with you people?! Can’t I be allowed a single damn day by myself?” Papyrus snaps.

“No can do. I’ve got orders. Either I bring you back home or I stay with you. Blueberry sends his regards.” Papy drops down to the ground right next to him like a sack of potatoes. Papyrus snorts at him. Of course it’s that little ball of happiness who send his brother out to look for him. He’s probably scared Papyrus will kill someone while he’s not under observation.

“Here” Papy says, holding his hand out towards Papyrus.

Papyrus easily recognizes the shape and smell of a joint, but he still huffs and asks, “What’s this?” It makes Papy chuckle quietly.

“Bro, you need to relax. This is gonna help ya” he says. When Papyrus does nothing but stare at him, he sighs and rolls his eyes at him. How a skeleton with no eyelights can do such a thing, is a mystery, even to Papyrus. But then again, his eyes are always lit up by the red glow of his magic, so he wouldn’t know how living without eyelights feels like.

“Come on, there’s nothing to be scared of here. Nothing’s gonna jump out and eat your skinny ass, I promise. It’s okay to let yourself relax a little” Papy says.

“Why are you always prepared for it then?” Papyrus can’t help but ask, lifting his brow bones in question. It’s the first time he has acknowledged his ability to read his alter ego and the reaction is exactly like he expected.

Papy simply just rolls with it. “Brother, that’s a whole other can of worms that we shouldn’t be poking at right now. Let’s focus on yours first, then we do mine, ‘kay?” he just responds. Papyrus huffs annoyed, but doesn’t press the matter. He knows a lost cause when he sees one. Papy isn’t gonna talk about it. Not yet anyway. Papyrus is sure it’s because he doesn’t trust him.

“I’m fine” Papyrus tells him stubbornly.

“Sure” Papy answers.

“I’M FINE” Papyrus repeats louder.

“S u r e” Papy just says again. A loud groan bubbles out of Papyrus chest and he rips the damn joint out of the other’s hand and lights it up. To hell with it all. If he dies today, then at least he’s going to be so high he won’t even care.

After the first few drags he exhales slowly, sighing deeply. “She told you” he says. It’s not a question. It’s a statement. He already knows he’s right.

“Doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened between the two of ya made her upset bro” Papy tells him as he takes the joint Papyrus offers him.

“Although you are a genius” Papyrus says. He doesn’t mean it as a compliment. It’s another statement. Papy has proven himself to be incredibly intelligent, even more than Papyrus himself is. Papy’s intelligence resembles Sans’ a lot Papyrus has noticed. It’s why it is them who have taken responsibility for fixing that damn machine.

Papyrus’ comment makes Papy grin stupidly. Papyrus hates Papy’s face for being able to look so happy despite everything he must be dealing with.

“I don’t like to brag but... Guilty as charged” he answers, mock bowing to Papyrus.

“You’re a pompous asshole, you know that right?” he tells him.

“It takes one to know one bud” Papy throws right back at him. Papyrus just shakes his head.

“Whatever.”

They sit for a long time in silence, the only movement between them is when they exchange the joint and take a drag from it. It doesn’t take long before Papyrus is feeling the buzz of it in his bones as they forcefully relax. His mind is pleasantly empty and for once, the feeling of losing control is welcomed instead of feared.

“What is he like?” he asks before he can stop himself. Once the words are out of his mouth he stops caring about them and instead starts waiting for the answer.  He knows that Papy knows exactly who he’s talking about, so he doesn’t even try to clarify that.

“Feisty” Papy answers, “He’s a little bastard, always being a smartass. And he’s witty as all hell. Some of the jokes he delivers are so good they make me speechless. _Me_.” With the joint long gone, Papy fishes a pack of cigarettes out and offers one to Papyrus, who accepts it gladly. Talking always did make him want to smoke more. Although, he never did much talking in his universe anyway.

“He has zero confidence of course, but I think he’s working on that” Papy continues. Papyrus kind of likes how he didn’t even sugar coat the secret meaning behind the words. The “of course” holding all information that he needs. Of course Sans has no confidence, because Papyrus strangled it out of him a long time ago. “He likes mustard. A _lot._ It’s kinda gross, but who am I to talk? Heh.” Yes, Papy has a “thing” for honey. Another thing that suggests Sans and Papy is more alike than what Papyrus is comfortable with. Another thing that makes them able to connect in a way Papyrus will never be able to connect with his brother.

“Don’t let him drink it too much” Papyrus warns him, “It works like alcohol on him.”

“Yeah, I noticed. Again, didn’t take a genius to figure that out when he tried jumping my bones the first time he got hammered on the stuff at Muffet’s.”

“He did _what?_ ” Papyrus exclaims a little too loudly.

“Yeah, crazy, right? I put him to bed instantly. I wasn’t dealing with that shit” Papy says. Papyrus relaxes back against the tree again and closes his eyes to calm his soul. He’s glad that his brother has someone looking out for him, that can stop him before he makes a huge fool out of himself.

It gives him hope that maybe he’ll be okay someday when Papyrus isn’t there to ruin him.

“How is the pain today?” Papy asks him out of the blue. The question makes Papyrus sigh. He suddenly feels exhausted.

“You want a number or a metaphor?” he asks, the usual bite gone from his voice.

“Either is good” Papy just says, giving him a half-hearted shrug.

“It feels like I’m dying” he admits. His soul reacts on the attention, sending large waves of pain through his body as if it wants to remind him just how fucked up it is. Feeling like crap really isn’t good for the soul. If he continues to let himself feel like this, he’ll end up with even more black spots on his soul that he can’t get rid of, and he’ll be just one step closer to losing himself completely.

“Explains the extra edgy mood today then” Papy just says and fuck, Papyrus is grateful that he seems to understand how little he wants to talk about it.

“How do you do it?” he asks. He just has to know. “How do you stay…” He gestures to him with a limb hand, “... like that, all the time?”

“Happy? Was that the word you were looking for?”

“Asshole” Papyrus bites out, “Just answer the damn question.” Papy laughs and shrugs before taking a drag of his cigarette. Is that his second, or third? Papyrus can’t remember. He doesn’t even remember what happened with the cigarette he had been holding in his hand.

“I got my bro and y/n keeping an eye on me” he finally answers, “When I have a bad day they kinda just know and they try to make me feel better.”

“How?” he asks.

“Well” Papy responds, flicking the ash off his cig, “Blueberry usually lets me be lazy all I want. Wraps me up in blankets until I look like a damn burrito and then he makes me tea and sits with me, telling me stories until I fall asleep. Y/n, she’s… Different. I can’t explain how she does it, but sometimes all it takes is her giving me this look before she drags me into a hug and then everything’s just better.”

“Sounds ridiculous” Papyrus comments. He’s not jealous. He’s _not._

“Amen bro. But it works and I hate being down ya know. It’s not good for the soul. So I let them do it.”

“Do they know?”

“Know what?”

“What is hurting you?” Papyrus clarifies.

“Hell no. That’s just… No. Telling them would complicate so many things and hell, I can’t even figure out how to tell them without them thinking I’m batshit crazy. It’s why I never say anything to anyone. It’s just too complicated” he answers.

He’s not doing it. He’s not saying anything. Don’t say a damn thing Papyr…

“If you ever need it off your chest, just say the word.” Fuck.

Papy turns to look at him in surprise and Papyrus understands why perfectly. Offering something like that is just… It’s dangerous. It means he’s so close to caring that he might as well just admit it.

The thought scares him, which is probably why he reacts to Papy’s surprise like he does.

“The fuck are you looking so surprised for? I just offered to listen, not solve your damn problems. Jeez.” He looks away, but he knows that Papy can see right through his fake anger and see the fear and embarrassment behind it.

“Thanks bro. I’ll remember that” Papy says, giving him a huge smile. Papyrus looks away again.

Being called bro so casually, despite Papy meaning absolutely nothing with it, reminds him so much of how Sans used to call him bro. How that simple word held all the love and affection his brother had for him. How it meant that everything was good and safe, because his brother was there to protect him.

The word makes the hot thing in his soul burn brighter, but Papyrus stomps it down desperately, trying to banish that feeling.

He is _not_ feeling happy. He does _not_ have hope.

Papyrus _does not care_.

* * *

The short walk home is a surprisingly hard one to take. It feels like his boots freeze to the ground every time they touch it. Papyrus doesn’t like to feel like he has to force himself to go anywhere, doesn’t like the nervous pool of energy swimming around somewhere within his soul, but he has sadly had to do this exact thing hundreds of times before. Every time he went to work, whether it be on patrol, to meetings or an occasional execution of some poor bastard that pissed off the King, every time he had to strap his armor onto his body and walk out the door with a scowl on his face instead of a smile, he felt like he had to force his legs to move.

He _hates_ the feeling of going to war. Hates the pit in his not-there gut that keeps weighing more and more the closer to his destination he comes, hates how his hands starts shaking and how the nervous sparks of magic electrocutes his bones.

It’s the same feeling consuming him now as he and Papy walks towards the skeleton brothers’ home.

Papyrus fears facing y/n again. He doesn’t know if it’s anger, sadness or some other emotion he will see when he looks at her face and that scares him. He doesn’t know how to prepare his own reaction to match and not knowing is one of the worst things possible for him.

When they enter the house they are faced with y/n almost immediately. She has evidently been running around in the living room, cleaning it up. She’s wearing small pink rubber gloves and have a bucket of soapy water next to her where she’s sitting on the floor next to the television stand.

The moment him and Papy walk in, her eyes are on them, her gaze sharp and calculative. She tries to read them, but Papyrus can see she’s failing to do so. She gets a small wrinkle on her forehead when she gets frustrated, he has noticed. It makes him smirk a little, satisfied that his mask is still unreadable to non-Papyruses.

“Welp, that right there, that’s all yours bro” Papy announces. So he saw it too. There is a shitstorm coming in Papyrus’ near future.

He claps Papyrus on the shoulders once in a friendly manner before he quite literally flees the room by running towards Blueberry’s voice, that can be heard in between the clattering of pots and pans in the kitchen. Papyrus leans his head back a little, surprised at the beautiful voice singing along to what he assumes is a radio. Blueberry is a pretty good singer.

He doesn’t apologize to her. He knows he probably should: He made assumptions about her without conducting a full investigation into the matter and without studying her soul closely, and he lied. He’s very capable of love, the obvious guilt he feels because of the things he did is evidence enough, which also means that y/n very well could be capable of the same, even though her soul is as broken and damaged as his own.

Papyrus thinks that perhaps… Perhaps he let his own desire for numbness cloud his words. He wishes so badly that he could vanquish the constant emotional turmoil in his soul so he could feel at peace, even if it was just for one day. Being able to love is the root of all his problems. Had he simply not been able to, he wouldn’t care and his life would be so much easier. He wouldn’t have to feel guilty for all the things he is forced to do in order to keep himself and Sans alive.

So yes, maybe he said he isn’t able to love because he so dearly wishes he wasn’t. And maybe he said she isn’t either because on some level, he wishes she wasn’t so she would stop looking at him like she does right now.

It’s almost painful to be the one that gaze is rested on. Her entire face is screaming what he already knew but wouldn’t acknowledge. Now, he can’t deny his knowledge of it any longer. He is too good an observer. He knows facial expressions and body language too well, a skill he has had to teach himself to predict attacks, and even though he is a good liar, lying to himself is difficult for an extended period of time.

She has grown fond of him, for some unexplainable reason. It’s unfathomable why her heart has chosen _him_ of all humans and monsters in the multiverse, but the evidence all points towards it. Despite not having held a real conversation for more than five minutes at a time, she grew fond of him.

Some part of him wants to think it’s because there’s something wrong with her. That because he’s rough around the edges, because he is evil, some people might even say, and “damaged”, she grew attached to the fact that she could “fix” him. That she could be the reason he became happy.

But he knows that is not the case. Despite how much he wishes it was true, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. He has no explanation for her feeling anything besides disgust towards him and to be honest, it scares the everliving crap out of him. He’s used to violence, anger and harsh words, but that expression she is wearing is so far from any of those.

That expression aimed towards him right now is forgiveness and adoration and he has no idea how to deal with it. He isn’t used to those feelings. They are new and scary.

Papyrus breaks the tension in the air by moving away from the front door. He walks straight towards her, keeping his eyes on a spot right over her left shoulder and he doesn’t acknowledge her when he continues walking when he reaches her.

“Hey” she calls quickly when she realizes he is going to walk past her. A small, incredibly hot hand shoots out and grabs onto his elbow before he can move completely past her.

He stops, but only because he is frightened of her tripping if he continues to move. She wouldn’t have let go of him without a fight.

“We need to talk” she says.

“I have nothing to say” he responds coldly. He’s fighting against his own body, trying to keep it from trembling. Her skin is so hot against his bones and the many aches in them has already started to be soothed by her warmth. He can only imagine how his body would feel wrapped up in hers, how she would soothe all his aches and pains with just a simple touch…

No! He will not think of her like that.

“But I have plenty to say” she presses harder. He can hear her voice becoming a little bit strained as worry clouds it.

“And what if I have no desire to listen?” he asks her, sparing her a simple glance. He doesn’t even turn his face, just looks at her from the corner of his eye. It’s a huge mistake to do that. Now the sight of her worry and broken hope will be burned into his memory forever.

“I would hope you might do it anyway, to make me happy” she answers. It almost makes him snort, but only almost. Instead he looks away and breathes in deeply until the tightness in his chest vanishes.

“I couldn’t care less about your happiness” he lies. He tries to pull his arm out of her grip, but she won’t let him go.

“Why are you like this?” she asks, stomping her foot a little, “You are so infuriating! Do you really only care about yourself? Are you really that self-centered?”

“I think the real question to be asking is, if you are really naive enough to think anything else after the stories you have been told of me” he says, finally turning his head to look straight at her, “I think that perhaps you should be asking why you are so desperate to tell me what you have to say, when you find me so infuriating. Why you insist on baring your heart to me despite all the bad stories you so obviously think about every night before you go to sleep.” Her grip loosens around his elbow, but it’s not enough. He has to press harder. He needs her to let go and he needs her to never grab onto him like this again. He’s too dangerous for her and even though it kills him to lie and play the role of the bad guy right now, he knows it’s for her own good. He is showing her mercy, by breaking her heart.

“Tell me, do you try to convince yourself that the stories have to be worse than what actually transpired? That my brother somehow made them sound more horrible because his memory was colored by being the victim of them?” he asks her. Her answer comes in the form of a diverted gaze and her worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

“Interesting…” he says before he forces out a fake chuckle, “Oh, dear y/n.” He leans down towards her a little and finds himself feeling excited over how easily he can get her breath to hitch. He wonders if it’s arousal or fear making her pulse quicken. He wishes he could smell it on her, but due to the lack of a nose, his sense of smell is rather dull. The only reason he can smell at all is because of his magic. “You are right. My brother is effected by being the victim of many of his stories, although it is not in the way you think. He has always been weird like that. He is a horrible liar and he is a coward. He gets easily embarrassed by things that are not his fault.” Papyrus leans a little bit closer again, putting his face so close to hers that he can feel her breath on his cheeks. It smells like the flower tea Blueberry always makes for them right before bedtime.

“Sans’ stories doesn’t get _worse_ because of his involvement. They become _milder_. They are nothing compared to what actually transpired.” Papyrus straightens up again and tests the grip on his elbow. Almost completely slackened.

“Perhaps the real question to be asking yourself is why you seem to be willing to ignore the fact that I am exactly as abominable and malicious as you fear I am” he finishes. He doesn’t have to rip his arm out of her grip anymore. She let’s go by herself and with a teary eyed expression she turns away from him, not uttering a word. Good. He managed to get through to her.

He walks off towards the bathroom which had been his original destination. A shower would be nice after spending that much time sitting in the snow. Maybe it will heat him up a little so it doesn’t feel like he’s made completely out of ice.

He ignores the warning sound coming from y/n when he reaches out to open the door into the little room. He does it simply because he thinks she decided to go against her basic instincts, which should be screaming “stay the fuck away from the skeleton” right about now.

Instead he realizes it was because the bathroom is occupied. He finds Sans standing stark naked in front of him, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

For almost a full, painful minute, they stare at each other with wide eyes. It’s no where near the first time he sees his brother naked, but it is the first time it’s in such an innocent setting. It’s the first time it happens outside a situation where Papyrus isn’t either cleaning bloody marrow or mustard from Sans’ body because of some situation that got out of hand. If Papyrus has to be honest, cleaning marrow off his brother that Papyrus himself was the cause of, was the more frequent occurrence of the two. A lot can be said about Sans, but he isn’t as big a slob with his personal hygiene as he is with everything else.

Normally, Papyrus would have yelled at Sans for not locking the door and sparing them both the embarrassment, but he fights that urge with everything he got. Instead he politely diverts his gaze, something he has _never_ done before.

“b-boss?” Sans asks in that tone of voice that tells Papyrus that he is waiting for orders. It makes Papyrus feel sick that Sans doesn’t yell at him for being interrupted, but instead just accepts that he is there and then right out asks what Papyrus wants, like he expects that it was on purpose that he walked in there.

“I apologize. I should have knocked” Papyrus mumbles. He sees Sans face go completely blank and in his surprise he almost drops the towel he has been holding against his body like it is a shield. Papyrus closes the door before either of them say anything that will only make this situation worse.

Papyrus walks up the stairs and straight to the room he is sharing with Blueberry and Papy.

 _Sharing_ is a big word. All he has is a makeshift mattress on the floor while the brothers share Papy’s big bed, but it’s enough. Papyrus knows that the reason he ended up on the floor of this room was because Papy needed him to be somewhere where he could keep an eye on him when they first arrived and the reason Blueberry is sleeping in his bed is because that’s the only way Papy can protect him while he sleeps.

Papyrus is sure that Papy didn’t sleep for the first week after their arrival.

He throws himself on the mattress on the floor with a groan. He doesn’t know why he’s still trying, but it’s painfully obvious that it’s not working. Why does he have to be strong all the time? Why is it him that needs to protect himself and Sans and sacrifice himself in the process? Papyrus wants to be happy too. He really, truly does. Hearing Papy speak of how he manages to stay happy just because he has two people that care about him makes Papyrus ache with the longing for the same.

He wishes so badly he could have offered y/n to listen to what she had to say. Fuck, he wanted to so badly. He needs to hear her say it. He just needs to hear that someone is still able to love him.

He wishes that Sans didn’t get so surprised every time Papyrus tries to do the right thing. That he would understand that Papyrus isn’t playing a game, but is really trying to be better to, and for, Sans now that they are both in relative safety in this universe.

Papyrus just wants to re-experience what having a brother is like. He wants to go back to their childhood so badly, back to a time where Sans was able to laugh and joke without sweating because he’s so scared. Where Papyrus could apologize for a mistake without Sans looking at him like he grew an extra head.

All he wants is a damn hug from Sans, one that is genuine. A hug where Sans doesn’t shake in fear just because he’s near Papyrus. He just wants to feel safe again. He’s so tired of constantly fighting. Is that too much to ask for? To just get one moment in peace?

Stars, he is being so fucking _stupid_.

* * *

Papyrus doesn’t go down for dinner, despite Blueberry coming up to get him. He fakes being asleep to get the small skeleton to leave him alone.

Going without dinner is no problem for him. Back in their universe, food is a scarce resource. Almost no one wants to do the actual job of farming and breeding animals to make food, because it’s a job that offers little to no prestige and because it’s considered a job fit for slaves. Getting caught farming is a sure way to get yourself killed too. You’re easy Exp when you willingly put all your attention on a plant and not your surroundings.

It wasn’t unlikely for himself and Sans to go without food for a week at a time. They simply didn’t have the money to buy food for more than one night a week, even with Papyrus’ salary for being the Captain of the Royal Guard. The job didn’t pay all that well. It was just enough to keep them alive and keep their magic levels healthy.

Being a skeleton monster, he has no use for the extra energy in food. He has almost no body mass to support with food. All he needs is just enough to keep his soul and magic healthy and the rest is just for pleasantries. It’s just to banish the feeling of being hungry, a feeling that is as familiar to him as the pain in his scar is. He barely even notices it’s there anymore.

It’s another reason why he is so impressed with Sans’ magic reserves. He could go a week without eating and barely sleeping and still have magic left to have his eyes shine. Although, Papyrus is sure Sans had some kind of deal with Grillby to pay for food in alternative ways. That is however, something Papyrus does _not_ wish to think about. He is many things, but he is not _that_ insane. Whoever his brother chooses to have sex with is none of his concern and he would actually rather not think about it at all if he could. Sans still is his brother after all.

This universe is different however and Papyrus first really realizes how much the next morning when he wakes up and only finds Papy sleeping in the bed. Blueberry is nowhere to be seen, but if the noise coming from downstairs is what Papyrus thinks it is, he has a pretty good idea to where the small skeleton is.

He sneaks out of the bedroom without making a sound, leaving the sleeping Papy behind. It’s still weird to see his own face be that relaxed. It doesn’t seem like Papy experiences the same nightmares as Papyrus does. He looks almost peaceful when he sleeps. Not that Papyrus has watched him. That would be creepy.

Blueberry’s room where Sans and y/n are sleeping, is dead silent when he sneaks past it. He peeks in through the door for only a second, just to make sure Sans is sleeping peacefully before he closes it completely and continues down the stairs.

When he enters the kitchen, he is surprised at the state of it.

Blueberry is, like Papyrus himself, very fond of order and discipline. The state of the kitchen at the moment however, tells a completely different story.

Papyrus can recognize about three of the dishes currently taking up space on the kitchen table, what looks like tacos, spaghetti and some sort of bread, but the other five is completely foreign to him. He pays them little attention.

“Are we celebrating something today?” he asks Blueberry, making the small skeleton startle at his sudden appearance behind him. Papyrus leans over to watch what the other is cooking in the pan and finds some sort of flatbread sizzling away on the hot surface. Interesting. That actually looks rather appetizing. He wonders if it’s edible too. He remembers Papy telling him in an urgent tone to never swallow the tacos Blueberry makes if they tasted funny.

“Stars, you scared me!” Blueberry exclaims as he jumps on the little stool he is standing on so he can reach the stove. It has always been funny to Papyrus just how different the two Sans’ are, not only in personality, but in size too.

“You should pay better attention to your surroundings then” Papyrus tells him with a smile, “A Guardsman needs to always be prepared for danger.” Blueberry’s eyes lights up in stars again, burning so bright Papyrus almost has to look away so he doesn’t get blinded.

He finds it amusing, and a bit endearing too, how enthusiastic this Sans is about joining the Royal Guard in his universe. Papyrus knows it is nowhere near being similar to the Guard he commands back in his own world, but it shares similarities. Protect the Crown, keep the masses under control. And, eh, well, protect the innocent is the vows they say at their initiation too, but in his world it’s more of a formality than a rule. Here, though, Papyrus doesn’t doubt for one second it’s one of a Guardsman’s most noble jobs. It just fits this disgustingly sweet universe so well.

Being a Royal Guardsman here is a reason to be admired, praised and congratulated. It’s considered something good, thought about as a great accomplishment. You are a good monster if you are a Royal Guardsman, one who dedicated your life to protecting others.

Being a Royal Guardsman in Papyrus’ universe is a reason to be feared, envied and even conspired against. People will do everything they can to take that kind of power from you if they can. It is nothing good to be a Guard in his universe. He just wishes he had learned that before becoming the Captain. Now he’s stuck in that job until someone else comes by and kills him for his title. In his universe, being a Royal Guardsman means that you are brutal, bloodthirsty and easily corrupted and that people should stay away from you if they want to live.

“I will try to remember!” Blueberry promises, “I just get distracted so easily. It’s really annoying.”

“I did too, in my youth” Papyrus says. He leans back against the kitchen desk next to Blueberry. He crosses his arms loosely in front of his chest and lets his face morph into a pleasant almost-smile. He always feels so at ease when he and Blueberry are alone together. He doesn’t feel judged or feared. Next to Blueberry, he is just Papyrus the skeleton. Blueberry looks up to him, is impressed and fascinated by him. Perhaps even a little jealous of his title as Captain of the Royal Guard. It’s refreshing to be in the presence of someone who doesn’t cower in fear the second he lays his eyes on them.

“Really?” Blueberry asks excited. He turns his attention back to the flatbread on the pan and flips it with a spatula. The pan sizzles hotly when the uncooked surface of the flatbread touches it.

“Hmm” Papyrus just hums in answer, nodding his head.

“How did you fix it?” Papyrus thinks for a moment, considering whether or not he should tell the truth. For some unknown reason he finds himself wanting to lie and tell a made up story. He doesn’t want to taint Blueberry’s sweet and innocent view of the world. But on the other hand, he wants to be truthful to at least one person in his life. He wants to prepare the small skeleton for the horrors of the world, to make sure he understands that not everything is happiness and smiles and forgiveness all the time. That in some parts of the world, actions have consequences that you can’t possibly imagine.

“A monster took care of it for me” he answers, deciding to tell the truth. Blueberry deserves the truth.

As expected, Blueberry looks at him confused.

“Do you mean someone trained you?” he asks. Papyrus shrugs.

“I guess you could call it training” he says, “Although it felt more like getting my ass kicked.”

“Oh” Blueberry responds, noticing the somber expression on Papyrus’ face and the dark tone in his voice, “Was… was it the monster that gave you your scar?” Blueberry gestures to his face, even though it is rather obvious which scar he is talking about. None of the other scars Papyrus has can be seen. They are all hidden beneath his long sleeved and long legged clothes. He never shows off his body for that exact reason, but he can’t hide his face.

“Yes, it was” he answers. Blueberry’s shoulders sag a little and his flips the flatbread off the pan with little energy. He seems almost defeated now and Papyrus regrets his decision to tell the truth a little.

“Can…” Blueberry starts, but he stops quickly after, biting his tongue.

“Just ask” Papyrus tells him. He hopes his voice sounds soft like he wants it to sound. “It’s alright.”

“How did it happen?” he finally asks after a few moments of thinking pause, “Red didn’t know anything about it and I’ve been a little curious. Or a lot curious. It just looks so cool.” His voice almost vanishes the longer he speaks, his shyness making him mumble the words rather than speak them.

“Red?” Papyrus comments, lifting a brow bone.

“He doesn’t like to be called Sans by us. So he’s just Red to us” Blueberry explains. Papyrus shrugs, finding it strange but not enough to waste effort investigating it.

“It happened when I was young. Barely even a teenager” he starts. He shifts around so he is leaning his hip against the desk instead so he can watch Blueberry’s face for reactions. “I was a lot like you back then. Had a lot of hope, a lot of compassion. A thing that is dangerous in our universe. I saw a monster fall to his knees with a shout of pain and ran out of the hidden cave me and Sans lived in at the time to help him. It was a trap and the monster attacked me when I got close enough. After that I learned to pay attention to details. Had I looked at him for more than a second I would have noticed the lack of panting in pain, that the monsters eyes followed me as I came closer, that his soul was black. But I didn’t and I paid the price for my foolishness.”

“Why did he attack you? Why was his soul black? What does that mean?” Blueberry asks quickly.

“A lot of questions” Papyrus comments with a smile. Blueberry looks adorable when he blushes. He gets why Papy is so protective of his brother. A sweet soul like this is a rare thing and should be protected at all costs.

“He attacked me because he wanted easy Exp to raise his LV” Papyrus answers. Blueberry’s jaw drops in shock and Papyrus chuckles at the response. “Yes, that is something that happens quite a lot in our universe. It’s why we have to be so careful. Why we don’t trust anyone. A high LV means a better chance of surviving and people will do just about anything to gain power. Even kill children.”

“But why can’t people just get along?!” Blueberry exclaims, “Fighting is stupid! Innocent people gets hurt and for what? So more fighting can happen? It’s so stupid!”

“I agree, but that is how it is” Papyrus says, shrugging indifferently when Blueberry looks at him in question.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” he then asks, “Aren’t you tired of fighting? Wouldn’t you rather just talk things through with people instead of killing them every time someone was in your way?”

“Sure. It would certainly make being the Captain easier” Papyrus agrees, “But as said, that is not how my world works. There are no good monsters there. Everyone is in it for themselves. Everyone will gladly kill me if they have the chance because it would mean gaining a lot of power.”

“I refuse to believe that there is nothing good in your universe” Blueberry says stubbornly, “I’m sure people are only like that because they are really scared. And I know for a fact there has to be good monsters in your world.”

“And how do you know that?” Papyrus asks amused.

“Because you and Red came from there of course!” Blueberry exclaims happily. He says it so easily, like it’s no big deal. Like he’s telling him that water is wet and a barrier keeps them trapped under Mount Ebott.

“You have a strange definition of what makes a person good, Blueberry” Papyrus says quietly, looking away. Why is it suddenly so hard to look at him?

“No I do not!” he disagrees passionately. He takes the pan off the stove and puts the spatula down, before turning towards Papyrus and slapping his arm so he looks back at him. “I know there is a lot of things you regret doing and that you were forced to do them. I know that you only did those things because you were desperate and because you love too easily, just like me! So I know that you are a good monster Papyrus, and if you can’t see that I will gladly remind you of it again and again until you can. You are not evil if you feel guilty about the bad stuff you do. It just means you are in a tough situation.”

Papyrus looks at this small skeleton, a monster so filled with determination to make him see reason and he feels his soul pull together tightly.

“It’s okay that you don’t believe me” Blueberry continues, giving him a bright smile, “I know you can’t see it right now, but I know you will sometime in the future. Anyway!” He jumps down from the stool and lands on the floor with a little bump.

“You didn’t eat dinner last night and I am very disappointed in you!” he tells Papyrus, holding up a finger, “So I will have to supervise your meals today to make sure you eat enough!”

“I don’t need to eat for another week” Papyrus grumbles half-heartedly.

“You might not _need_ to, but it would still make you feel better!” Blueberry says, “Trust me. I am very good at taking care of people. Just look at how good Papy has it! I let him be far too lazy and he always has that smile on his face.” He grabs onto Papyrus’ hand and Papyrus lets Blueberry drag him over to the table and push him down on a chair. “I made plenty of food for you so you can get enough energy to try and stop being so moody all the time! So sit down, eat and _be happy_ for once, jeez! Put a smile on your face.” Papyrus fakes a smile that is more like a grimace and Blueberry rolls his eyes at him.

“Well, you will get better with practice, I’m sure!” With that he walks off, probably to go wake up the others.

Blueberry’s voice rings through the air a minute later, his excited shouts followed closely by sleepy groans. He hears y/n actually ask him about the food, and hear Blueberry answer her that, _yes he did follow every direction in the cook book she made for him._

The sound of him waking the others, of them interacting like this and the feeling of sitting at the table, faced with a buffet of food someone else gladly cooked for him… It feels almost… domestic, in some way.

Papyrus’ mouth tilts in a real smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By now I guess that you have figured out I have a crush on Disturbed. They are my favorite band and their music fits stupidly well for the Underfell AU. 
> 
> If anyone is interested, here are the songs I listened to while fleshing out the characters. I think they fit almost a little too well for them.  
> Oh and [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vka6wPrB4E0) is the "theme song" for this fic! The fic title is even taken from it! :)
> 
> Fell Papyrus - ["Warrior" by Disturbed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ZMmEFA4Q0)  
> Fell Sans - ["A Rumor Of Skin" by Stone Sour](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNxCqVW6A28)  
> Swap Papyrus - ["First Of The Year (Equinox)" by Skrillex](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYYyMu3pzL4) (I always see Swap Pap as the techno/dupstep guy and not the reggae guy that everybody else seem to do. But this is a nice mix of both I think).  
> Swap Sans - ["Don't Worry" by Madcon feat. Ray Dalton](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlPx6tmAIlM)  
> Reader - ["Maybe" by Sick Puppies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKGwgEqMxMQ)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “the hell is wrong with you?!”
> 
> Oh, fucking _hell_. Sans followed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music suggestion for this chapter: ["Who taught you how to hate?" by Disturbed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Hpa6MfcY8U)

## Chapter three

_When you think all is forsaken,_

_Listen to me now_

_You need never feel broken again_

_Sometimes darkness can show you the light_

__The light by Disturbed -  
_ _

 

 

* * *

Seeing his brother drunk has always been one of Papyrus’ least favorite things. It’s one of the rare times where Sans can’t hide how miserable he feels and he isn’t stopping himself from letting the world know as he usually does. He’s loud and his jokes are far darker and less funny than usual and they always degrade himself in some way.

Nothing is different about that despite them being in another universe. If anything, Sans seems even more miserable than usual. Papyrus doesn’t know what set him off, but something made him snap during dinner and an hour later he is now returning home, drunk off his ass. When Papyrus walks over to help him get through the room and up to his bed without falling over, Sans slaps his offered arm away and says “don’t fucking touch me” in a low growl. Papyrus pulls away like he has been burned.

It’s just the _perfect_ evening for Sans to fall into one of his fits. Papy, y/n and Blueberry are having friends over for a night of tabletop games and sweet drinks, a gathering Papyrus politely declined being a part of. But now Sans is home and somehow Papyrus finds himself seated at the kitchen table anyway, sitting across from his very intoxicated brother with a plate of cookies in front of him and a glass of too sweet lemonade at his side.

He has never felt more out of place than he does right now.

The game turns out to be rather pleasant actually, a strategy game that he catches onto quickly. Soon he is dominating half the board with his “orcs” and is about to land a devastating water attack on Sans’ sparse troops.

And that is when Sans decides to open his mouth and say “heh, reminds me of how you walked in on me in the shower the other day. that was fun, huh boss? a real _watery_ affair.” Oh joy. Sans has come to the point where his puns don’t even make sense anymore.

Sans’ words instantly gain the attention of Undyne and Alphys, two monsters which are so different from those from his own world that he can barely think of them as the same monsters. Undyne is a scientist here for crying out loud. In his universe she could barely understand how to turn on her stove to heat up water for tea, let alone understand the kind of science a scientist surrounds themselves with.

“What?!” the warrior Alphys exclaims, her voice rough and loud in the small kitchen. Papyrus almost winces.

“Uhh, tell the story! It sounds fun!” Undyne says right after. Her voice is the exact opposite than what he is used to. It is soft and a bit shrill, volatile like it might break any second. It’s still weird for him to look at her and expect her to try and rip his throat out. The last time Papyrus saw Undyne’s face, it was covered in greenish blood and had a shiteating grin plastered all over it.

“not much to tell” Sans says nonchalantly. If there’s one thing Papyrus knows about his brother, it’s that Sans is _never_ genuinely nonchalant. He always fakes that. “boss walked in on me and he just kept on staring at me like i was a damn madjick or somethin’. almost scared the crap outta me and i’m a damn skeleton. i don’t go number two.” Papyrus feels his cheeks warm slightly at Sans’ words, but his next words chill him straight to his core in split-seconds. “thought he was gonna kill me for leaving the door unlocked again, but he _apologized_ . can ya believe that? apologized. to _me._ i thought i already died for a short second there. that he had just done me in without saying a damn...”

“SANS!” Papyrus finally barks, shutting his brother up with his harsh tone. Sans practically freezes and Papyrus can see how Alphys and Undyne look at him from the corner of his eye. They know little to nothing about the things he has done and he actually prefers it that way. Alphys is not a person he wants to fight if he can avoid it. She seems really powerful. And she seems like the kind of person that has a short temper and doesn’t wait for the story to end before she acts.

“s-sorry boss” Sans is quick to say. He looks down into the table in a submissive manner and instantly the temperature in the room suddenly pummels. The looks Papyrus is getting now is all hard and judgemental. The warm home-y mood that had surrounded them a minute ago is all gone.

He looks towards y/n for some reason, seeking her reaction first. She is looking at him with distaste, but with understanding too. She shakes her head, a barely noticeable movement and tilts it a bit towards Sans, who has started to shake. Her lips form the word _mercy_ without a sound. It makes his body feel too small for his soul, that is beating wildly in his chest.

“It’s… It’s fine” he says, “I was just… I shouldn’t have yelled… I just have to stop being such a baby bones.” He carefully puts his cards down on the table and pushes himself backwards on the chair. “E-excuse me. I think I am in need of some air.” He flees the room quickly and doesn’t bother grabbing his chest armor before he flies out the door. There is no point wearing it in this universe anyway. If something gets stabbed through his soul today, then maybe he fucking deserves it. Stars, how thick skulled can he get? It was such a tiny thing! Why did he get so angry because of it? It was just a stupid story.

He continues to walk with large, hastened steps for almost a mile through the thick growth of the forest behind the brothers’ house, before he stops and leans against a tree with a deep sigh.

Yet another failure on his part. He shouldn’t have snapped at Sans like that. He knows he is under a lot of stress, and making fun of an awkward situation is how he deals with it. And still Papyrus had to go and feel all offended and angry because of it.

“the hell is wrong with you?!”

Oh, fucking _hell_. Sans followed him.

“Go away Sans” Papyrus growls, hoping his dark tone can scare his brother away. He is _not_ ready to have this conversation yet.

“no, you know what? go fuck yourself. i’m sick n’ tired of being nervous all the damn time because i don’t know when you are gonna snap again” Sans shouts. He’s certainly fearless today, Papyrus thinks. Maybe it’s because he’s drunk. His survival instincts are probably shut down.

Is it weird that it makes Papyrus stupidly happy that his brother is yelling at him right now?

“you’ve been acting like a crazy person ever since we ended up in this damn universe and every time i’m sure you’re gonna snap you don’t. you fucking _apologized_ to me! what’s up with that shit? are you trying to kill me by anxiety? because it’s fucking workin’.”

Papyrus still doesn’t know what to say. What can he possibly say that will make his brother believe him? He has nothing. Sans doesn’t even believe that his actions during the past weeks are good. He sees them as an attempt to trick him. If not even his actions are enough to convince Sans, then how could his words possibly do it? Sans stopped believing anything good that come out of Papyrus’ mouth years ago.

So he keeps his mouth shut and just keeps looking at his brother. He watches the emotions play across his face, watches the anger boil over.

“stop looking at me like that and _do something_! react you stupid piece of shit!” Sans actually attacks him. He manifests a weak bone attack and throws it at Papyrus with a clumsy swipe of his hand. Papyrus doesn’t even bother with moving out of the way of the attack. It does almost no damage to him. He has plenty of HP for his brother to take his anger out on.

Sans takes a step closer when Papyrus just takes the attack head on, his face growing increasingly more and more red the angrier he gets. “would you do something for fucks sake?” he yells, “fight back!” Another attack hits Papyrus on the his left shoulder. His shirt gets ripped to pieces by the ragged, dull edged bone and it cuts a shallow wound in his collarbone. Papyrus doesn’t react, not even when a thin line of marrow starts running from the wound and soaks into his shirt.

Sans continues to attack him, continues to walk closer and closer. When he is about halfway to him, large tears appear in the corner of his eye sockets and Papyrus feels like crying too. His brother is in so much pain and it’s all his fault.

When Sans is standing only a few steps from him the attacks stop and the sobs start up. Papyrus doesn’t move to embrace him. He knows it would scare Sans if he did. So instead he stands there and watches his brother cry brokenly.

“why are you such a dick?” Sans asks in between hiccups, “why did you change? why didn’t you just stay young and innocent?”

“I don’t know” Papyrus answers truthfully. His voice is barely louder than a whisper and it makes Sans cry harder.

“i hate you” Sans tells him as he takes the last few steps over to him and he starts hitting Papyrus’ chest with his clenched fists. The hits are weak and almost don’t hurt. Papyrus lets him do it. “i hate you so much. i hate your stupid face and your stupid voice and y-your stupid _everything_.” For each punch and each word leaving his brother’s mouth, Papyrus’ soul shrinks more and more until it’s a barely-there stab of pain sitting in the middle of his chest.

After a few minutes Sans stops trying to fight him and collapses against him instead. Papyrus lets him cry into his ruined shirt but he still doesn’t hug him. He doesn’t want to scare Sans away. This is the closest they have been without hurting each other since they were kids and Papyrus desperately needs this. He can deal with just being a thing his brother cries on for a while if that is what it takes.

It takes seven minutes of heavy crying before Sans finally speaks again.

“please don’t kill me” he sobs, his words muffled and barely recognizable, but Papyrus hears them as if they had been screamed straight to his face, “i know i’m a shit brother but i don’t wanna die. not anymore. i really like it here and i’m not ready to leave yet. please don’t make me leave yet.”

He can’t do it. He can’t just stand here anymore.

Papyrus grabs Sans’ shoulders, getting the reaction he feared. Sans tries to rip himself away in fear instantly, but Papyrus doesn’t allow him to. Papyrus sits down on his knees so he doesn’t tower over his brother, but instead becomes a little shorter than him. He looks at him, tries to make his face soften so Sans can see he isn’t angry right now, but incredibly sad and sorry.

“I will _never_ hit you again brother” he says slowly, “I will _never_ hurt you on purpose again. I will try my best to make sure you won’t live in fear anymore.”

Sans doesn’t believe him, as expected. It is as plainly obvious as Sans’ fear of him. Papyrus didn’t expect Sans to believe him, had prepared himself for it, but it still hurts so badly to see it on his brother’s face.

Papyrus lets go of him and stands up. He looks at Sans for a short moment, looking for some kind of response to his words, but he doesn’t get one. It makes him sigh deeply in disappointment. He doesn’t know why he still hoped for something different, despite being clever enough to know the truth. Sans will never forgive him. It’s as simple as that.

Papyrus walks away. He doesn’t look at Papy that is standing hidden in shadows a few yards from where him and Sans had been before and he doesn’t say anything when Papy walks past him to get to Sans. Trust his alter ego to be there for his brother when Papyrus himself can’t be.

In some way that makes him feel a little bit better. He might be alone in the world, but at least his brother isn’t and that makes all the difference.

As long as Sans is okay, Papyrus can live with the loneliness.

* * *

“What happened to you?!” y/n exclaims when he enters the house. The little tabletop party has moved to the living room apparently and the television is showing some weird looking robot playing music. That must be this universe's Mettaton, Papyrus assumes.

“Nothing” he answers. He kicks his boots off and starts walking towards the staircase, desperate to go hide himself away in his room so he can lick his wounds.

“Don’t lie Papyrus” Blueberry interjects with a serious voice, “You are hurt and whoever did it needs to be punished! Right, Alphys?”

“Right” Alphys agrees. Papyrus does not like the dark expression on her face. She looks too much like he did whenever he stood before the mirror back home and tried to decide what kind of punishment a prisoner should get.

“No one hurt me” he just says. Blueberry jumps out in front of him when he tries to move past the couch and Papyrus almost trips over him. “Get out of my way Blueberry” he growls quietly, “I am not in the mood for games.”

“Tell me who hurt you!” he demands.

“No one did” he repeats slowly.

“Who hurt you?” Blueberry repeats too, matching the slow precise way Papyrus said his words. Stars, that just pisses him off. Why can’t this little fucker just let him be? Why does he insist on being so... So goddamn _nice_ all the time?

“Why won’t you tell us?” y/n asks. When did she get that close to him? When did her hand start hovering over his torn up shoulder?

She touches the wound on his collarbone briefly and Papyrus hisses in pain and pulls away. “Do not touch me!” he barks at her. She doesn’t seem to listen, because her face is caught in an expression of surprise and utter sadness. She is staring at something she is holding between the point of her thumb and forefinger.

“Is this… what I think it is?” she asks, holding a tiny red bone splinter out towards Blueberry, who almost faints when he sees it.

“Oh s-stars… that’s… I’m gonna be sick.”

“Would you stop being so dramatic?” Papyrus growls before he rips the bone splinter out of y/n’s grip. “It’s just magic. See?” Papyrus crushes it between his fingers and the magic crumbles. “Just an attack that didn’t disintegrate properly. No need to get all panicked about it.”

“Why is there left over magic _bones_ stuck in your wounds, Papyrus?” Alphys asks him slowly. Papyrus feels himself straighten and tense.

“Did you hurt yourself Papyrus?” Undyne asks right after and Papyrus feels like laughing. Of course they would think of _that_ first.

“Of course not” he responds. Right after the words leave his mouth, he bites his tongue hard, cursing himself. He should have just said yes, because if he didn’t do this himself, then the only other person with red magic who uses bone attacks is…

“Sans!” y/n exclaims, “Did he do this to you?!” Papyrus is on her instantly. His fingers dig into her shirt and pull her closer with no effort at all and he lets his burning eyes stare into hers.

“If you say anything about this to my brother _I will end you,_ do you understand me? What happened was between me and Sans and you have _no right_ to poke your nose into _our_ business” he growls at her.

“But… You’re better than that… You’re so strong. Couldn’t you have avoided the attacks?” Blueberry mumbles to himself. Papyrus can practically hear the gears turning in his head as he connects the dots. Y/n and the two monsters behind him have already figured it out.

“You _let_ him do this to you?” y/n ask horrified. Papyrus decides he has made himself clear and that he no longer needs to be here. Actually, he would prefer to be anywhere _but_ here.

“Not. A. Word” he says slowly. He looks at each of them, making sure that they understand that he means _every single one_ of them. He will not let them make Sans feel like crap about this tomorrow. Papyrus can deal with this. He can take it. He’s strong and if Sans needs to let his anger out on him, then Papyrus is willing to let him. Besides, he can’t really be angry at Sans for doing something he himself has done more times than he likes to admit.

Papyrus flees the room quickly and takes the stairs two at the time. He slams the door closed to the bedroom the second he’s inside.

His ruined shirt ends up on the floor in a crumbled mess and Papyrus kicks it towards his makeshift mattress in anger. He needs to get rid of that before Sans sees it. Papyrus is sure that he won’t remember much of what happened tomorrow when he is sober.

Even if he does, Papyrus will make sure nobody gives him shit for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the incredible Miss Time over at [Timewasrunningout](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/)  
> [Mercyisnotasignofweakness](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/) And you can find me here if you wanna talk!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can’t just start taking your clothes off in front of me!” she says shrilly.
> 
> “Why not?”
> 
> “Because!” she argues weakly, “It’s… Not right.”
> 
> “When have I ever cared for what was “right”?” he asks. He doesn’t get a response and he shakes his head at her. Sometimes he really thinks she forgets who he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say thank you to all of you who have been leaving comments to me. I had actually begun to doubt myself and this fic after last update because of the low activity and response it has gotten compared to my other fics. But then I woke up to over ten comments from you guys, all of them showering me with compliments and my confidence got a good solid kick upwards. It was everything I needed not to just give up and put in very little effort to get this done. So thank you for giving me that support and love when my stupid head decides to tell me I suck, just because not a lot of people read this fic. You reminded me that every single one of you is worth it, that even thought only one of you read my shit, you would still be worth me giving it my best. 
> 
> Thank you for reading my work. It means the world to me. 
> 
>  
> 
> Music suggestion for this chapter: ["Show Me Love" by Hundred Waters](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5bAVKzrBzI)
> 
> Betaed by the incredible Miss Time over at [Timewasrunningout](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/)  
> [Mercyisnotasignofweakness](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/) And you can find me here if you wanna talk!

Chapter four

_Don't let hope become a memory_   
_Let the shadow permeate your mind and_   
_Reveal the thoughts that were tucked away_   
_So that the door can be opened again_

The light by Disturbed - _ _  
__

 

 

* * *

  _A few weeks later..._

She is looking at him like that again. With that warmth in her gaze that makes his soul burn. It’s distracting him.

“Again” he commands, forcing himself back into focus and Blueberry instantly obeys. He creates another wall of bone attacks and pushes it towards him. Papyrus breaks through them with no effort, wielding the heavy, long bone in his hand as a hammer. Blueberry’s magic shatters instantly and scatters in the air like dust before vanishing.

“Again” he repeats. Blueberry is panting by now, but his eyes are still filled with determination. He is eager to learn and that is why he once again calls forth a wall of useless attacks. Papyrus shatters them easily again, not even using half his strength to do so.

“You need to _mean_ it Blueberry” he says loudly as he straightens up from the crouch he ended in, “If you truly want to learn how to _fight_ you need to stop being so concerned about hurting me and start acting like I am your enemy! I know you have it in you. Don’t hold anything back!”

“I-I’m _trying_ ” Blueberry pants. He can barely talk because he is so out of breath, but Papyrus doesn’t let him rest for long. In a real fight he wouldn’t be offered time to catch his breath.

“Try _harder_.” Papyrus lifts his arms, the bone in his hand vanishing as he pulls magic from his soul to attack differently. Several bones, all different in shape and size flicker into existence around him and Blueberry. Blueberry’s eyes widen at the sight of all that powerful magic. The air crackles with magical electricity and Papyrus feels himself smile. He likes that all he can see in Blueberry’s eyes are awe. There is no fear. Blueberry trusts him to not hurt him beyond repair.

Just like Sans, Blueberry has only 1 HP, a sickness that very few monsters are born with. Papyrus knows exactly how much a 1 HP soul can take before it breaks and he likes that Blueberry trusts him enough to technically put his life in Papyrus’ hands.

“b-boss!” Sans suddenly calls, dragging Papyrus’ attention over to him. He’s sitting in the snow at the edge of the clearing him and Blueberry are standing in. Papy and y/n are on either side of him and Sans looks absolutely terrified for Blueberry. The fact that he even spoke up because of that is proof to how much his brother has improved since their run in, in this very forest a few weeks back. “m-maybe you should t-tone it down a bit? he’s fragile remember?” Sans says carefully. He’s still a nervous wreck, but he’s talking directly to Papyrus. It’s huge.

“He asked me to teach him how to fight and that is what I am doing” Papyrus responds. He looks back at Blueberry, checking his expression just in case he missed something. No, there’s still no fear, only determination and awe and a little bit of exhaustion, but that is to be expected after him using more magic than he ever has before.

“Don’t worry. He has it under control” Papyrus hears Papy mumble to Sans. Papyrus can see them look at each other from the corner of his eye and Sans slumps down after just one shake of Papy’s head. Ever since Papy took care of Sans after that night, the two of them have seemed even closer than before. Sans listens to everything Papy says. It’s like they have their own language now. They don’t even have to speak to communicate. All it takes is a tilt of a head here and a roll of eyes there and bam. They’ve had an hour long conversation with just a few looks.

Despite being a little jealous over how close they have become, Papyrus still appreciates that Papy helps Sans so much, and Papyrus appreciates the trust Papy is showing him right now too. He has a feeling that if Papy didn’t trust him, he wouldn’t be allowed to stand in front of his precious brother, or be allowed to surround Blueberry with his strong magic. He is pretty sure Papy would have stepped in long ago if he doubted Papyrus, just as Papyrus would have stepped in if he had thought that Papy was a bad influence on his brother.

“Dodge” Papyrus says as his only warning before he starts sending his attacks towards Blueberry.

The first few attacks are slow and without much power and Blueberry avoids them easily by jumping to the side and rolling away.

The next few attacks he struggles more with. He has to run between them, twisting his body in different directions to avoid them. He only barely jumps over a sneaky bone sliding across the ground, but he still manages to stop and give Papyrus a cheeky grin that is oozing with pride when he avoids the last one.

The next set of attacks proves to be too much for Blueberry to handle. He is exhausted and doesn’t pay attention to his sides. He is too focused on his front and back that the sneak attack from the side goes completely unnoticed by him.

Papyrus hears Sans yell out a warning a few seconds before the attack would have hit Blueberry. Blueberry turns around, his eyes widening before he throws his arms up to protect his face.

The attack never hits of course. Papyrus is in control of his magic even as it is in midair and he dissipates it easily with a wave of his hand before it even comes close to hitting Blueberry. The rest of his attacks vanish into thin air as he starts walking towards Blueberry, that collapses into the snow when he realizes the attack didn’t hit him.

“Good” Papyrus tells him, “A bit sloppy in the end, but you are tired. It is expected. You need to start training your endurance. Use up all your magic each day and push yourself a little harder than you think you can stand, and you should see results within a few months.”

“I will” Blueberry mumbles, giving him a weak smile, “Thanks Pap.” Papyrus freezes at the nickname, but soon warms again. He smiles brightly, a stupid fussy feeling invading his soul. He has a nickname now.

He actually likes that.

“‘Sup bro? He tire you out too much to walk?” Papy asks when he appears next to them without a sound. Papyrus has long since stopped being startled when Papy does that. It’s a thing he has learned to anticipate.

“Mmh hmm” Blueberry hums. He lifts his arms towards Papy, who picks him up with a chuckle.

“Who’s being a lazy bones now?” Papy asks his brother.

“Silence!” Blueberry says weakly, “The Mighty Sans has merely been set back. He is not yet defeated and I _will_ hide your honey stash from you for a week if you do not stop teasing me!”

“Uhh, terrifying. I better listen” Papy responds. He winks to Papyrus and claps his shoulder once. It’s a thing that has started to became a regular parting gesture between them, a gesture Papyrus answers with a soft clap of his own to Papy’s shoulder.

“See ya back at the house bro” Papy says before he starts walking off with Blueberry in his arms and Sans at his side. Sans looks at him shortly and Papyrus finds comfort in the fact that his eyelights are white. It’s progress, even if Sans is still scared of him.

Papyrus sighs to himself and rolls his shoulders, trying to loosen up the tension between his shoulder blades. He always becomes so terribly stiff when he fights. He’s too tensed up when he uses magic.

“Are you going to stare at me all day, or are you going to actually come over here and say what you’ve been dying to say for the past hour?” Papyrus asks y/n who is still sitting at the edge of the clearing. He hears her stand up and follows her approach by listening to the sound of the snow crunching under her feet as she walks closer.

Papyrus fears what she has to say. She has been looking at him with that expression more and more these past days and when he finally relented to Blueberry’s constant begging and said yes to train him, y/n’s eyes haven’t stopped burning with the feeling since.

It’s about time Papyrus deals with it. Him being an asshole obviously didn't work. Maybe his new way of approaching things will prove more successful. Maybe being brutally honest is what is going to get through to her.

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or creeped out by your ability to read me so easily” she says when she stops in front of him.

“How about neither and you just cut to the chase” he responds coolly. He doesn’t have all day to do this (lie, he has nothing else to do) and he’s not sure how long it will take for his courage to run out. Being faced with her is still terrifying to him. She still feels like a mighty deity to him and he feels worth as little as a spec of dust compared to her.

“I wasn’t sure if you were even interested in hearing what I had to say. The last few times I tried talking to you, you made it pretty obvious you didn’t want to listen.”

“Maybe I had a change of heart” Papyrus says. He folds his arms over his chest and looks down at her expectantly.

“Was that supposed to be a joke?” she asks, tilting her head.

“No?” he just answers.

“Ah, well. You never know with you skeleton monsters. You have a thing for puns” she says, shrugging like it’s not a big deal.

“Why the change of heart so suddenly?” she asks when he doesn’t offer any response.

“Does there need to be a reason to everything?”

“There usually is, yes” she answers.

“Maybe I just grew tired of you staring at me all the time. It obviously won’t go away if I ignore you, so the only other way is just to let you say it and get it over with” he tells her.

“It’s just weird. It’s not like you” she comments. Her eyes move slightly side to side. She is very obviously trying to read him.

“Could we get this over with before I die of boredom please?” he sighs, “I could use a bath and food after this afternoon.”

“Well, since you asked to nicely” she says sarcastically, but her confident demeanor quickly changes. She looks over her shoulder as if to check for other people and starts rubbing her hands together nervously.

The second she opens her mouth, Papyrus chickens out. This is so not the place he wants to have this conversation and he’s not ready to hear her say it yet, he suddenly realizes. He needs time to prepare himself. More time.

“How about we just return home instead of standing here like a couple of idiots?” he proposes, interrupting her before she can even get a word out. Her mouth snaps shut.

“I was just about to start talking!” she exclaims.

“And I grew tired of waiting. You can tell me when we get home. I am cold and tired and don’t feel comfortable out in the open” he admits, hoping being honest will work as it always seems to do with these softies.

“Oh…” she breathes out, understanding lighting up on her face instantly, “Okay, let’s get inside. Sorry, I didn’t even think of that. I’m just too used to being safe that I… Never mind. Come on.” She starts walking and with a relieved breath, Papyrus follows her. Honesty. Who would have thought that that is the best tool for getting what you want?

“I can’t even imagine how it must have felt like” she says while they walk, “Constantly being afraid when you’re outside I mean. Always having to look over your shoulder. I would be crazy paranoid all the time if it was me.” He doesn’t answer, but just gives her a look when their eyes meet again. It makes her smile and blush and she quickly looks away again.

“Right. Probably not the only one who would feel like that” she mumbles.

* * *

Papy, Sans and Blueberry are exiting the house when they arrive.

Papy is the first to look up and see Papyrus and y/n approaching. He holds a hand up in greeting and y/n eagerly waves back.

“What is going on?” Papyrus asks as soon as they are within hearing range.

“ANIME MARATHON!” Blueberry instantly exclaims, throwing his hands up. Papyrus actually has to take a step back because Blueberry starts jumping up and down right in front of him.

“What?” He looks at Papy. “Why is he so energetic? He could barely _stand_ twenty minutes ago” he says.

“gave him coffee” Sans answers to Papyrus’ surprise, “turns out that was a _bad_ idea.”

“I see.” Papyrus follows Blueberry as he moves around them. He is currently talking to y/n about whatever “anime” is. From what Papyrus can understand of their rushed conversation, it is something they are watching on the television and that is where his interest in the matter stops. Papyrus doesn’t care for wasting his life away in front of a box.

“Are all of you going out?” he asks Papy. When he gets a slow nod in response he feels his non-existent throat lock up. He had not prepared himself to be alone in the house with y/n while they would have this conversation. This could end up being a catastrophe.

Perhaps… Perhaps Blueberry manages to talk her into going with them?

“Are you going too Sans?” Papyrus asks curiously. Maybe his brother just came out to see them off. Maybe he will stay home and that way Papyrus can make sure he doesn’t do something stupid. If there’s someone else in the house at the same time, nothing can go wrong… Hopefully.

Sans takes a deep breath and exhales loudly. He sounds absolutely done. “guess so” he says and shrugs, “the little devil made me fucking promise.” For some reason, the fond look Sans throws towards Blueberry and the contrast between that and his words make Papyrus want to smile. It’s so good to see his brother care about someone again, even if it isn’t Papyrus.

“You are stupid Pap!” Blueberry announces loudly. He stomps over in front of Papyrus and punches his chest armor weakly.

“What makes you say that?” Papyrus asks. Blueberry points to y/n who is having trouble keeping her laughter in. Papyrus understands why. The little skeleton is so very obviously exhausted, but being overdosed on coffee can make you literally crazy. Blueberry is practically vibrating with fake energy.

“You stole her from me!” he exclaims, “She was supposed to come too but then you had to go make plans with her!”

“I apologize” Papyrus responds, “I didn’t know you had made plans first.”

“Technically didn’t _make_ the plans first” Blueberry mumbles before he shakes his head and stomps his foot on the ground. “Fine, take her! I will have a great time anyway! Come on! Alphys and Undyne awaits!” Blueberry starts running without waiting for the others, shouting a goodbye over his shoulder.

Sans sighs deeply again before saying, “welp. better catch up to him before he falls in the river or something.” He starts walking after Blueberry with lazy steps without saying anything else.

Papy smiles teasingly to Papyrus when they look at each other. He wiggles his brow bones and nods slightly towards y/n who is still looking after the two Sans’. Blueberry is apparently running circles around Sans.

Papyrus rolls his eyes at his doppelganger and with a low chuckle, Papy starts walking too. “See ya later bro. Good luck.” Stars, Papyrus hates Papy’s stupid face sometimes.

When all three of them is out of hearing range, y/n shuffles closer to him. “Want to go inside?” she asks.

No. No he would actually rather stay outside and freeze in the snow, but he knows he can’t postpone this any longer. It needs to be dealt with.

Papyrus can barely feel his legs as he walks to the door. They both reach out to open it at the same time, resulting in their hands knocking together and both of them pulling away. When they finally manage to get the damn thing open after a few more failed attempts, they proceed to try and rush through it at the same time too.

It’s so awkward between them when they take off their outdoor wear. Papyrus pulls of his chest armor too and sighs happily when the heavy metal is no longer weighing him down. It’s the best feeling in the world to be unburdened. He feels so free without it on. The chest armor has saved his life more times than he can count, but fuck he hates it so much. He hates everything about that stupid plate of metal that’s molded to fit perfectly against his ribs.

Well, at least it’s subtle and blends in with his usual attire. If he had been forced to walk around in something stupidly ugly in addition to it being a pain in the ass, he’s pretty sure he would prefer being dusted instead.

They enter the living room together and then… nothing. Neither of them says anything. They just stare into the air in silence.

Papyrus is fighting against himself and the instinct that tells him he should flee the room and the awkward atmosphere. The air between them is so tensed that he feels like he’s choking on it.

Actually… That doesn’t seem like the worst idea ever. Maybe he can buy some time by changing clothes or something?

He’s almost at the top of the stairs when she seems to notice he’s gone. “Hey!” she calls after him, “Come back here!” He just hurries to his room, ignoring her.

A minute later she’s barging through the door just as he is about to unwrap the black leather bracers protecting his forearms.

“Don’t think you can run away from me again!” she says, pointing a finger at him, “You said you were gonna listen.”

“And I will” Papyrus responds, “But you were not talking and I need to change into clothes that are not soaked through by melted snow.”

“I was working up to it!” she argues, “It’s not exactly easy to say what I want to tell you.” Papyrus just rolls his eyes at her and unties the leather strings on the underside of his forearm. The leather armor falls to his mattress with a dull slap. He does the same with the other arm while y/n just stands there and watches him. Her breathing is deep and loud in the silent room.

“Are you going to start talking any time soon?” he asks her with a lifted brow bone. Her mouth opens but nothing comes out of it. She snaps it closed again and looks away. “If not, could I have some privacy then?” he asks. He looks between her and the door. It’s the most subtle way he can tell her to fuck off.

When she doesn’t move he just sighs. “Have it your way.” He doesn’t hesitate when he pulls the black thin shirt over his head. He can hear her gasp surprised and hear her spin around on her heels so she’s facing away from him.

“You can’t just start taking your clothes off in front of me!” she says shrilly.

“Why not?”

“Because!” she argues weakly, “It’s… Not right.”

“When have I ever cared for what was “right”?” he asks. He doesn’t get a response and he shakes his head at her. Sometimes he really thinks she forgets who he is.

He unties the leather armor strapped to his legs too and pulls his pants off, all while she stands with her back to him. She is so clearly uncomfortable and he doesn’t understand why she doesn’t just walk away. The door is literally right next to her and it’s wide open. Two steps and she could be out of here.

He catches her peeping at him over her shoulder and when he sees that deep red blush on her face, he suddenly knows exactly why she’s not going anywhere.

She’s enjoying this, isn’t she? Oh that is too precious.

“Are you going to talk?” he asks her, making her startle.

“A-are you decent?” she asks. Papyrus has just pulled an ugly pair of dark blue sweatpants on that Papy gave him. Papyrus doesn’t like to wear his alter ego’s clothes, but he has absolutely nothing besides his battle armor in this universe and he can’t wear that all the time. So he will have to deal.

“Yes” he answers. She looks at him again over her shoulder, but quickly turns away again.

“I thought you said you were decent!” she croaks.

“I _am_ ” he tells her.

“You are not wearing a shirt!” she says.

“And?” he prompts. He hears her swallow thickly.

“Your, ehm, your… You’re covered in…” she mutters. She’s making some sort of gestures with her hands that Papyrus can’t see because they’re hidden behind her body, but he understands her anyway.

“If my scars disgust you that much, you can just leave. I do not want to waste a perfectly clean shirt by wearing it before I take a shower” he says. He folds his arms across his chest, trying to cover himself up a little. He has never felt self-conscious about his appearance before, but right now he is actually considering just giving up and putting on that shirt. Teasing her is fun, but he doesn’t like feeling like this.

“No no it’s not that” she says too quickly, “I just thought that, maybe, you wouldn’t want me to, you know. See them.”

“What gave you that idea?”

“You always wear clothes that cover you up” she answers, “You don’t even pull your sleeves up when you help washing the dishes, even though it makes them wet.”

“I am not the only one who has a talent for reading other people I see” he comments. She just shrugs.

After another deep breath she finally turns around again and her eyes stubbornly stick to his face, even though he can see how much she’s dying to look at his scars. Her jaw tenses and she clenches her hands into fists.

“You can look” he tells her. Her mouth twitches just a little bit and for a split second her eyes dip down, but she rips them away quickly again.

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t care. It’s just scars.” Her jaw unclenches and she steps closer. Her eyes start roaming over his upper body, taking in every little dip and carving in his bones. He knows he is far from a pretty sight. Years of fighting has made his body more scars than smooth bone. Only the surface right over his soul is somewhat untouched, thanks to his chest armor.

He has huge claw marks across his chest, cutting across his sternum from his right shoulder and downwards towards his left side. It was a parting gift from an angry wolf monster that tried to jump him while he slept peacefully in his bed. After dealing with the monster, Papyrus had installed the heavy padlocks on every single window and door in his house to ensure he would never be surprised like that again.

“Is it okay if I touch it?” she asks. Her eyes are on the large claw marks. She seems fascinated.

“Sure. Whatever” he just says. They don’t hurt anymore so he doesn’t actually care what she does.

As always, her skin is scalding hot when she touches him. This is the first time it feels this intimate though and it makes his breath hitch a little bit.

Her fingers are small and long and only half as broad as the claw marks. She tries to fit her hand against the marks, but her fingers can’t spread far enough to do so. He has actually never noticed how tiny she is compared to him. His ribs almost seem thicker than her wrists.

“Did it hurt?” she asks.

“Of course it did. My ribs almost got cut in half” he answers.

“Right. Stupid question.”

“You don’t say.” She looks up at his face, as if she’s looking for his reaction when her fingers move from the claw marks to a rounded scar on his humerus.

“Bullet magic” he offers when her forehead wrinkles as she tries to figure out what could make such a weird shaped scar. “A Froggit. They’re a bunch of cowardly, sneaky bastards. One of them tried to kill me while I was busy fighting someone else. Didn’t even have the nerve to face me in a fair fight.”

“Did you…?”

“Kill it? Of course. It’s kill or be killed in my world. There’s no mercy there” he answers. She clearly doesn’t like that answer but she doesn’t say anything. It seems like she has finally understood that when he says that, it’s not just because he’s a homicidal maniac, but because that is _actually_ how it is in his universe.

“And this?” she asks, touching a long cut on his ulna.

“A spear” he answers, “From when I defeated the former Captain.”

“And by defeated you mean…”

“That I killed her, yes” he confirms, “She was a sadistic monster. She was more concerned about finding her next victim to torture than to actually do her job and keep order in the Underground. She needed to be dealt with.” And he had needed her position so bad. It was the only way he could get enough respect so people would leave Sans alone when Papyrus told them to do so. People had been trying to kill his brother for years and Papyrus couldn’t keep worrying about him all the time, when he had to earn money to keep the house they had worked so hard to get.

Y/n swallows again and takes a deep breath to calm herself. Papyrus doesn’t know why she keeps asking, if she knows she’ll hate the answers.

“And this?” she asks, touching the large crack that’s only just visible on his pelvis above the waistband of his pants. A shock shoots through his body and he quickly grabs her fingers before she can touch him any further.

“That, is _very_ sensitive” he tells her.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you” she say quickly.

“It didn’t hurt, idiot” he sneers, “You are touching my pelvis. How would you feel if I touched yours?”

Her face becomes red instantly. “Oh! Shit, I’m so sorry!” she pipes.

“Relax” he tells her, releasing her hands, “And this one is from a fall. I got pushed over the edge of a bridge and landed on my hip on the rocks underneath it.”

“Oh my god” she breathes horrified, “How did you get up again?”

“I climbed the mountain of course” he answers.

“With a broken pelvis?!” she asks.

“Yes.”

“Are you insane or do you just like pain?”

“Neither” he answers simply.

“Why didn’t you just call for help… Oh…” It seems like she answered her own question before he had to. Good. It is about time she realizes how stupid she sounds.

“Are you done? Or do you want to examine my back too?” he asks. He has no intention of letting her do that, but he feels like being sarcastic. He is feeling vulnerable and he doesn’t like it.

“Would you let me do that?” she asks quietly.

Papyrus swears his answer is just on his tongue. Any second now, the loud _no_ will come out and then he’ll make her either let him go take a shower or make her start talking.

When he opens his mouth however, the words that come out of it are not those he had expected. “You make it sound like you want to do much more than just look.”

“Maybe I want to, yeah. If you’ll let me” she says. That actually makes him take a step back from her.

So he hadn’t been mistaken. That blush on her face wasn’t from embarrassment, but arousal. She is attracted to him. Well, he knew that already, but he had never thought it meant physical attraction too. He’s so different from her and humans all look the same. He hadn’t thought that someone like him would interest her in that way. He’s simply too different from what she is used to.

“What makes you think we are even able to have sex?” he asks her. His voice and expression are as bored and neutral as before, but his soul has started doing flips in his chest. He’s really really happy that she doesn’t have the ability to see his soul right now. He wouldn’t be able to hide his reaction from her if she had.

Y/n lifts her eyebrows and gives him a dull look. “I’ve been living with Papy and Blueberry for almost half a year now” she tells him, “And lets just say those two have absolutely no sense of decency. They’ll tell me anything, even if it’s about themselves and how they work. The first month I lived here was practically one long session of twenty questions. They were as curious about me as I was about them. So I know all about how your magic supports your body and gives you all the parts I have, even if I can’t see them right now. And I know that you can make whatever you want to with your magic to fit the partner you’re with. Don’t even try to lie to me.”

“Fine.” They stare at each other. Papyrus refuses to let her know exactly how eager he is to do this, so he keeps his mouth shut and waits for her to make the first move.

He’s a healthy adult monster, okay? He has needs too, but in his world, finding a partner that he can trust is difficult. The last time he felt anothers touch is far too many years ago. It’s actually so long ago that it’s almost embarrassing. After he became the Captain he simply didn’t trust anyone. Being intimate is being weak and there is a really big risk of getting stabbed in the back.

With her, however, Papyrus has nothing to fear and he knows it. This opportunity is almost too good to be true and he swears that if he doesn’t calm himself down right this second, his soul is going to explode out of his chest in excitement.

Fuck, desperate doesn’t even begin to explain how he’s feeling right now. Having sex in general would be absolutely amazing, but having sex with _her?_ That’s just something he had never thought possible. She’s so absolutely perfect and just having her think about him like that is more than he could have ever hoped for.

“Do you want to?” she finally asks, “I know I’m not exactly a pretty little skeleton girl, but I have some tricks. I know I can make you feel really good.”

Papyrus tilts his head to the side and lets his eyes move over her body. He couldn’t care less about her species. At first he didn’t think anything of the way she looked. She was just another human, but then he noticed how her bones, hidden underneath her skin, resembled his and he became fascinated. That fascination turned into something much more dangerous really quickly, and now he can’t think of anyone in the universes he would say is more beautiful than she is right now. Fleshy parts included.

“I am tempted to let you try, just because you sound so confident” he says.

“I am confident” she says, “It’s not exactly my first time.” Oh that spark in her eye is doing incredible things to him. He has to take a deep breath to calm himself, and she notices.

A large grin spreads over her face. Fuck.

Now she knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pffh, is it getting hot in here or is it just me? 
> 
> As always, I would love to hear your thoughts! 
> 
> Until next time sinners <3 
> 
> \- Miss Mercy


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want to hear you beg” he whispers to her, “Beg me to fuck you or I’ll leave you stuck on my cock for the rest of the night until you turn mad with desire.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's been a good girl? ME! Yay! I completed a full chapter today and you know what that means, right? Yup, a chapter for you lovely sinners, one day ahead of schedule. 
> 
> I want to say thank you for all your wonderful comments again! I read every single one of them, but I must admit I'm getting overwhelmed with all the sweet things you say all the time. I just can't figure out how to respond to many of them without sounding like an idiot that just repeats herself. SO, therefore I'll say it all here: **Thank you for all your love, all your support, all the wonderful and amazing things you tell me. Thank you for reading my work and taking the time to leave me your thoughts. You are what makes this as enjoyable as it is. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.**
> 
> Okay, enough of this mushy shit. Let's get down to business. It's what you have been waiting for, oh yes it is. I am SUPER FUCKING PROUD of this chapter okay. It is, _hands fucking down_ , the BEST smut I have EVER written in my life and it really shows off what I can do when I am let loose. It's packed full of all my fav kinks: dirty talk, dom/sub, roughness and lots more, while still being fun and playful, exactly like sex should be. Hey, having fun is a kink too! Anyway, the anon gave me free hands in this and I used it to my full advantage. I hope you like it just as much as I do. 
> 
> Enjoy the sins!!
> 
> Music suggestion for this chapter: ["Animals" by Maroon 5](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5-tjIB9YBk)

## Chapter five

 

 _Come, take me away_  
_Remove the fear from my eyes_  
_Feel the flame of my heart_  
_Burning away_  
_All conversation tonight_  
_Hearing no one_

_Am I precious to you now?_

Rise by Disturbed - __  
_ _

 

* * *

She unzips her jacket and lets it slide of her shoulders slowly. Her eyes watch his face for reactions and he tries to stay calm and collected. He will not give her the satisfaction of turning him into a flustered idiot. He is The Great Papyrus. He will not fall for such cheap tricks.

When she rips the hair band out of her hair and shakes her head to loosen it, his eyes lock onto her long and slender neck. He can see her pulse beat rapidly against the thin skin and fuck, he wants to bite it so badly. He’s sure she would make the most delicious sounds if he did that.

“What do you say?” she asks him coyly as she lets her hands run along the edge of her shirt. It pulls up, revealing just a tiny bit of her soft looking stomach. His fingers itch with the need to touch it, to put his marks all over that fine untouched skin. “Do you think you can handle me?”

He gives her a smirk. “I think I can manage” he replies.

“Then what are you waiting for? An invitation?”

“As a matter of fact, yes I am” he says. She immediately rips the shirt over her head and throws it away over her shoulder, moving closer to him. She is still wearing a thin top, but he can see the peaks of her nipples through the worn fabric. His tongue suddenly feels heavier in his mouth and he knows his magic just made it visible and solid. He curses it silently for working against him.

“Is this invitation enough or do I need to take off my pants for you too?” She grins at him and rests her hands on her hips.

“That will suffice” he tells her, “I like unwrapping my new toys.” His comment makes her breath hitch and his smirk grows. He takes a small step closer, moving slowly and calculated. “But I need to warn you: I am _not_ a gentle lover.”

“I honestly didn’t expect you to be” she just says.

“I might hurt you” he warns. It is a real possibility. Neither of them know how this is going to go. It could be the most perfect thing in the multiverse, or it could be a catastrophe. Papyrus doesn’t think he has ever heard of a monster and a human being intimate together. This could very well be the first time in history it has ever happened.

“I promise to slap you in the face if you do” she responds.

“I might leave marks on you.”

“I would _love_ if you did that” she says. That makes him far too excited. To have permission like that… Oh the things he can do to her. She’ll never be able to forget him after this. She’ll wear his mark for the rest of her life, he will make sure of that.

“I won’t kiss you” he says as his final warning. This seems to make her hesitate a little, but she nods soon after. Her lips press harder together but she doesn’t say anything. It makes him feel like he should give her some kind of lie as to why. He doesn’t like that expression on her face. He wants the other one to return.

“Sorry darling, but my lack of lips would make that rather uncomfortable for you. My teeth are sharp.” Her expression becomes light again. She bought the lie. Good.

“It’s fine” she says with a shrug, “I don’t want it anyway. I just want you to fuck me senseless.” That is the biggest lie she has ever told him, but he won’t call her out on it.

“I can do that.”

He barely touches her at first. He knows she’s desperate for it. He can see how much she wants his hands on her in the way she trembles every so slightly when he reaches out, and lets the tips of his fingers brush along her jaw.

He pushes her chin just a tiny bit, making her tilt her head backwards. Her neck stretches beautifully. When she swallows he can see the muscles clench and release underneath her skin and his teeth starts itching. It’s not the right time yet, so he holds himself off. He’ll get his chance later.

His steps are unhurried and slow as he walks around her. He doesn’t hide the fact that he’s checking her out, and every time their eyes meet, she gives him a knowing look. She even goes as far as to crook her hip and push out her chest as if she wants to provoke him into action. Unluckily for her, Papyrus isn’t that easily manipulated. He has spent years suppressing his urges. He can go another hour without knowing the taste of her or the feeling of her around his magic.

“Take off your pants” he commands.

“I thought you were going to do that?” she teases him, but she’s already in the middle of pushing the jeans off her hips. She’s far too eager for her own good.

“It is much more amusing to watch you do it” he tells her. When she stands up again and her pants are lying forgotten next to his mattress, he finally closes the gap between them. His fast movement creates the reaction he had hoped for. She instinctively steps back and her back knocks against the wall behind her. She startles a little and he hums a laugh at her expression.

They are so close now that their chests are almost touching. He deliberately stays just out of reach, but he leans his head close enough to hers so he knows she can feel his cold breath on her face, exactly like he can feel her warm one on his.

Her breath hitches again when he runs the back of his fingers across her cheek and she tries to lean into his touch. He pulls out of her reach again until she stops following his hand. “You are desperate, aren’t you?” he asks, “How long have you thought about this?”

“Long enough.” Her answer comes like a whisper, a barely there sound carried on the rush of her exhale. Her eyes are fluttering, trying to stay open, but she’s losing the fight. Papyrus keeps moving his fingers in soft strokes over her cheek. He lets them dip downwards and run them over her neck and along her collarbone. He would like to bite that too, he notices.

“Have you satisfied yourself to the thought of me before?” he asks her.

“Yes” she admits.

“In the room you share with my brother?” he comments with a laugh, “Naughty girl. I wonder what he would say if he knew that.” Her cheeks flush again and she looks off to the side. He doesn’t allow her to hide from him. He wants to see the emotion in her eyes, so he grabs her chin and pulls her head back in place.

“Does that make you embarrassed? The thought of the others knowing about your dirty thoughts?” he asks, “I myself am curious about what they would think. Such a nice girl, having those kind of thoughts about a monster like me.” He shakes his head a little and smiles darkly to her. “You aren’t as pure and innocent as we thought, are you darling? I wonder what other kinds of dirty things has been rolling around in that little head of yours.”

He rests his head against hers and moves his face into her hair. Their chests are still not touching, he’s making sure of that, so she will be even more desperate to feel him against her. She starts breathing faster when he inhales her scent deeply.

She smells of icy water, pine needles and something sweet he can’t identify. It’s an intoxicating scent.

“Exactly how bad have you been?” he whispers into her ear, “What have you imagined?”

“D-do you want me to tell you?” she asks.

“Please do. I’m _dying_ to know.” He dips his head a little lower so his mouth is at her neck. His tongue daps out to taste her skin, and by the stars, she tastes absolutely phenomenal. A little bit salty and spicy and a lot of something he can only identify as all her.

“O- _oh god_ ” she stutters. Her hands shoot up like she wants to grab onto his arms, but he grabs her wrists before she can do that and he pins them to the wall next to their heads.

“You seem to have an awful hard time talking today” he teases her.

“Shut up, it’s kinda hard to say anything when you’re licking my throat” she snaps at him. It makes him laugh. Right now her tongue is as sharp and terrifying as a kitten’s baby claws.

“Would you rather have me lick something else?” he asks, loving the way her heart stutters in her chest. A choked moan rumbles in her throat, but she doesn’t let it out. It’s a pity. He’ll make sure she’s screaming later.

“Dick” she hisses at him.

“I can make that for you if you want it” he just responds. He knows that it was meant as an insult, but she’s just too perfect right now. Flustered but still feisty. He is loving every second of this.

“I’m beginning to think you’re all bark and no bite” she says, probably to try and rile him up. He doesn’t fall for her trick.

“I’m not the one having trouble breathing darling” he purrs. Her shoulder trembles when he nips at it gently with his teeth. He knows they are pointier than hers and will probably hurt more than she is used to, but hey. She gave him permission. He trusts her to hold her promise to slap him if he hurts her beyond what she can handle.

“Do you even have to breathe?” Papyrus answers her question by breathing in her scent again, pressing his face straight into the juncture where her shoulder and neck meets. Her scent is extra strong there.

“Like how I smell?” she asks him.

“Yes. You smell delicious” he murmurs. He licks the spot he just smelled and then pulls back from her. She whines a little at the loss of contact. “I so desperately want to eat you up.”

“What’s stopping you?” His thumb fits perfectly against the little dip at the bottom of her throat when he reaches out to touch it. Her head tilts backwards, hitting the wall with a soft thud and she breathes in deeply. So much trust. Doesn’t she know he could rip her throat out so easily right now?

“You are such a fragile thing” he tells her. He presses his thumb a little harder against her throat and her breath hitches again. He can feel her swallow against him. “I could so easily break you. It’s a rather sobering thought. One that breeds carefulness.”

“I thought you didn’t care about me?” she notes.

“I don’t, but I would hate for our fun to end too soon. Before I’ve even had a chance to make you scream my name.”

“That would be a shame, yes” she agrees, but he knows she’s being sarcastic. He hopes she doesn’t know he is being sarcastic too. He would never dream of hurting her that much. She’s far too precious to end like just another one of his victims. She deserves a much bigger title.

Lover might actually be a fitting title for her.

Her body is so hot when he finally lets his rest against it, that he is actually surprised for a moment that he doesn’t spontaneously burst into flames. He can’t understand how she can be this warm and not sweat constantly. Is it just a human thing? Perhaps it is.

He slowly unpins her arms from the wall and drapes them around his own neck. He needs his hands free to do what he plans to do next and she seems to appreciate the invitation to touch him too. Her fingers are already moving over the small bones in his neck and shoulders, curiously touching and examining. He feels her move slower over the scars she finds, feels her memorize them before moving on.

Any other day he is sure he could have been content with just feeling her explore his body, but there’s an urgent fire burning in his soul and a tightness in his pelvis that he can’t ignore much longer. She’s alluring, bewitching almost. She makes it difficult for him to control himself.

His arms close around her waist and he pulls her against him. She feels almost too alive as she moves against him, her body trembling just the slightest bit, and he feels his not-there throat tighten. The realization hits him hard, just as he lets his sharp teeth rest against the tender, delicate skin on her neck and he bites down just enough for the skin to bend.

If something happened to this human, he would be devastated.

Suddenly the desire to bite her neck until the skin breaks is gone, and he finds himself letting go of her so he instead can lick at the indents in her skin, where his teeth just were millimeters from breaking through.

She doesn’t notice the sudden change in his mood and he aims to never let her know of the momentary weakness he showed. He hides the new fear in his soul behind a smug smile when he leans back and looks at her again. He hides the new slight shake of his hands by grabbing her thighs and lifting her body up so she is sitting on his strong hips.

She seems scared to put her weight on him at first, probably afraid to hurt him because of the old break on his pelvis, but he forces her legs around his hips anyway and makes her forget her fear by pressing his pelvis against her core, dragging a surprised moan out of her.

The friction between their bodies is deliriously good.

Without much effort Papyrus secures his grip on her hips and lifts her away from the wall. He drops them both on the mattress on the floor and pushes the pieces of his armor of to the side without much care.

He immediately starts nibbling at every inch of exposed skin he can get his teeth on. He is careful, just as his hands are when they start to explore the soft swells of her body. He especially likes her hips and how he can just barely feel her bones underneath her skin.

“Are you very fond of this top?” he asks her.

“Fuck no, please, just rip it off me. I need your hands on me so bad” she mumbles.

“Gladly” he hums. He pulls back a little and quickly rips her top apart, creating a long rip right down between her breasts. She cries out in shock, but he has started pulling it off of her before she remembers how to speak.

“Holy shit I didn’t think you’d literally _rip_ it off of me” she laughs.

“I have no patience for stubborn clothing” he growls into the meat of one of her breasts. Her smell is so strong right here and her taste… Fuck, he might actually be addicted after tonight.

She keens loudly when he starts licking her nipples. It seems like she really likes that. Interesting. He didn’t think these lumps of flesh was for anything but decoration. It looks like he was mistaken.

She eagerly lifts her hips when his fingers trail along the trim of her panties and he mumbles a silent “good girl” to her, praising her for giving him access so easily. She is already so wet when he slides his fingers between her folds. He has little knowledge of the human body, but he learned about human biology in a history book his world’s Alphys insisted on showing him. She had said it would give him knowledge about how to easily defeat a human, but to be honest, he is no longer sure that was the real reason behind her showing him it. Papyrus has a slight suspicion that Alphys just really wanted to show it to someone. She did talk an awful lot while he looked through it.

No matter what the reason was, Papyrus needs to remember to thank her for it. It helps him so much now when he pushes a few fingers into y/n and twists them just so. It takes a short moment of wiggling his fingers before y/n cries out and begs him to hit the same spot again. He does so gladly.

“Fuck fuck fuck so good, you’re so good, _yes do that again please, fuck_.” Her words are hurried and makes his confidence skyrocket. He had actually been a little nervous about his ability to please her, but it seems like he was once again being foolish for not trusting himself. Being with her doesn’t feel much different than being with a fleshy monster. They both have different ways of being pleased than Papyrus himself have. Well, do be honest, everything can get him off. That’s the perk of being a skeleton monster. His magic is all that really matters. It makes sure he is having a good time, no matter the person he is with.

The temptation to taste her becomes too much for him the higher her moans get. Soon he’s sliding down her body, feeling her hands scramble to get hold over something that can ground her. As soon as his tongue touches her, both of them groan loudly. Her taste is simply inconceivable. It’s rich and warm on his tongue and he slurps loudly against her as he eats her out, enjoying the loud mewls of pleasure coming from her. His magic shields his teeth, keeping the sharp edges away from her fragile skin, so Papyrus doesn’t think twice before he buries his head completely in her.

Her hips never seems to be still. She is constantly moving around, constantly seeking friction. It doesn’t take long for his face to be covered in her juices, and he feels his neglected pelvis throb painfully when he wonders if her smell will stick to him for some time. Fuck he would love that. Love that everyone will be able to smell her on him, let them know that he was lucky enough to be allowed to pleasure her like this.

“I’m close” she suddenly warns him, her fingers scratching at his skull like she wants to grab onto it, “I’m gonna come if you don’t give me a break.”

Papyrus smiles against her and answers her warning by digging his tongue deeply into her.

She screams as she comes, a sound as sweet honey. Her entire body tenses up. The muscles in her thighs quiver against the sides of his face as she rides out her orgasm and he keeps licking her through it until she starts pushing against his head. It’s first then he reluctantly lets go of her.

He rests his head against her soft thigh while she breathes and watches the rise and fall of her chest silently. She is a fascinating thing, he must admit that much. The few monsters he has been with have never sounded or acted so passionately during sex as she just did. He is not sure if it’s just a human thing, or if it’s this universe that is different. Maybe the others didn’t react like she did, because they were afraid to show too much emotion. That is the exact reason why he always kept his sounds to himself, wasn’t it?

“That was amazing” she whispers when her breathing is much calmer.

“Enjoy it while it lasts darling” he purrs at her. He nips at her thigh, making her jump a little. “That first one was for free. The next one you have to earn.”

“Oh? I thought we were done” she responds cheekily.

“Not even close” he says. He lifts himself up and crawls slowly up over her body, keeping her trapped beneath him. She just watches him as he closes in with this tiny content smile on her face.

“I kinda hoped you would say that” she tells him when they are at eye level.

“Yes? Do you have more dirty fantasies you want to act out?” he asks.

“Mmh, more than we can handle tonight I think” she says with a nod.

“What a shame.”

“It certainly is” she agrees, “Although, if we try real hard, I’m sure we can get through a lot of them.”

“Without a doubt” he says with a dirty smile, “But you never did tell me what those dirty fantasies was all about.”

“No I didn’t” she just says. Her hands are moving over his body now, along the side of his ribs and over his spine. Her touches fuel the fire burning in his soul and make the tight feeling in his pelvis much worse. His magic is practically begging to be let loose, but he holds it off.

“I want you to fuck me good and hard” she says, “I want you to make me scream. And you promised me marks, which I still don’t have. I’m a bit disappointed. I had imagined more… roughness, from you.” She actually winks at him. She _winks_ at him. “Guess you’re just a softie underneath that scowl, huh?”

“You are going to regret that” he tells her.

“Make me” she challenges him.

“As you wish.” He buries a hand in her hair and grabs hold of it. When he sits back on his heels he pulls her with him, all pretense of being gentle thrown out of the window. His fingers are already leaving red marks on her skin wherever he touches her because of his roughness. He likes how they look on her.

She smirks at him and only winces shortly when he pulls at her hair to get her to move her head like he wants her to.

Her mouth pops open, her tongue dipping out impatiently when he pulls the waistband of his sweatpants down and lets the member his magic created for her spring free.

“Easy now. Don’t choke on it” he tells her with a laugh when she tries to rip her hair out of his grip so she can get his cock in her mouth.

“I won’t, promise. Please just let me suck you off. I’ll do anything.”

“Well, when you asked so nicely for it” he teases her, repeating her words from earlier. He lets his grip on her hair grow slack and she’s on him instantly, her hot, wet lips spreading around his cock in the best possible way. Fuck that feels so good. If the cock is different than those she is used to, she certainly doesn’t mention it. She seems very pleased and he is happy. Another thing that he can scold himself for later for being an nervous idiot about.

She has him reduced to a moaning fool within minutes. Her mouth supplies just the right amount of tightness, wetness and heat for him to see stars before his eyes and her _tongue_ , fuck. That should be illegal. It moves in an impossible way, making him choke on the air again and again. She weren’t kidding when she said she had tricks.

“Easy now kitten” he says when he has to pull her mouth off him so he doesn’t come too soon. She actually pouts at him, like a sulking child. “We have a lot more fun to have before you get your price.” Her face lights up again and suddenly he has a purring, horny human clinging to his legs, peppering small kisses all over his cock.

“But I’m so hungry” she says. Her tongue runs over his tip and he tightens the grip on her hair so she can’t do it again.

“Careful now darling” he warns her, “Bad girls doesn’t get to come again. They get punished instead.”

“But what if I want to be punished?” she asks innocently, even though she is far from it right now. She looks like the absolute definition of sin.

This expression on her face right now, is his favorite so far he decides. Her eyes half-lidded, her tongue still hanging slightly out of her mouth, trying to get one more taste of him. Her lips stretched in a happy smile. Fuck she is beautiful.

“You don’t want my punishments, I promise you. I can get very creative” he says as he strokes her cheek with a thumb. She catches it with her mouth and starts suckling on it, making him laugh. He can’t figure out if she’s playful or desperate or both, but no matter what it is, he likes it alot. It has been a long time since he felt like he was having fun.

“Lie down on your stomach, ass in the air” he commands. He releases her hair and she moves back, positioning herself as he asked. When she is done she looks at him over her shoulder and wiggles her ass a little at him. It actually makes him laugh out loud. She’s adorable.

He smacks her ass gently before grabbing her flesh and squeezing it. “You sure are obedient” he tells her and he scoots closer. “And so eager too” he adds with a chuckle when she starts rubbing herself all over his fingers when he touches her. She’s still so wonderfully wet. He should be able to slide right in. His fingers certainly do so without any trouble.

“Are you ready for me?” he asks her. He is slowly pumping his fingers inside her, feeling her clench around them.

“Yes! I’ve been ready for ages” she answers.

“Very well then. I won’t keep you waiting any longer.” He pulls his fingers out and lines himself up, feeling her tense against him in anticipation. He teases her a bit first by slowly sliding the head of his cock against her opening until she’s practically sobbing with the need to feel him.

When she is about as desperate as she can get, he finally enters her in one hard thrust. She cries out happily and he almost loses his damn mind when her powerful muscles squeeze around him. Fuck, he thought her mouth was just the perfect amount of wet and tight, but this is even _better_ . She’s so _hot_ inside.

“Damn it, move!” she demands. The position they are in doesn’t allow her to move much, making it impossible for her to make him move inside her without his help, exactly as he had hoped it would. It’s so good, hearing her small frustrated grunts every time a twitch of her hips doesn’t give her the friction she needs.

“Impatient, are we? Can’t we just stay like this and enjoy the pleasant feeling?” he asks her teasingly. He lets his chest rest against her back and slides his arms around her body. One arm circles her weight, his hand grabbing onto her hip for support and the other drapes around her neck, giving him full control over her body. When he sits back her body stays connected to his, following his easily until her ass is sitting on his legs and he is buried as deep inside in her as he can be.

She hasn’t stopped pulsating around him, her muscles spasming desperately to get some sort of friction from him. Her breaths are short and quick, her breasts quivering along with the rest of her body. There is a constant whine sounding from her throat now.

“Please move” she pleads him, “I need it so bad.” He puts his mouth right next to her ear and breathes against it for a few seconds before he answers.

“I want to hear you beg” he whispers to her, “Beg me to fuck you or I’ll leave you stuck on my cock for the rest of the night until you turn mad with desire.”

“ _Please!_ ” she quickly whines. She doesn’t even hesitate, which Papyrus really likes. As he thought, she is not afraid to ask for what she wants. “ _Please_ , I beg you. I need you to fuck me until I can’t walk. I want you to ruin me so everytime I’m with someone after this all I can remember is your cock destroying my pussy. _Please_ Papyrus. Please _fuck me_.”

“You are even more perfect than I had imagined” he tells her breathlessly. Fuck this woman has a dirty mouth.

“Yes, yes that’s all good, but could you please get to the fucking now? I’m losing my mind here!”

“As you wish darling.” He moves his hips back just the tiniest bit before he pushes himself back into her. It’s just enough of a movement for her to feel some small pleasure, but not nearly enough to make her sing. He laughs when she starts cursing his name and everything it stands for.

“You’re evil, do you know that? Absolutely evil” she babbles.

“But you already knew that” he responds.

“Fuck you.”

“I thought that was what we were doing?”

“No, you’re being a dick! Goddamn fuck me like a man. None of this sweet shit” she demands.

“Or what?” he asks low. He angles his hips a little and makes his next thrust a bit harder, making her shout. He even tops it off by running his hand on her stomach down to her clit so he can rub it a little.

“Or I’ll climb off this dick and do it myself!” she answers before her voice breaks in a moan.

“Mmh, now _that_ is tempting. I might just let you do that” he responds.

“Come on!” she sobs. Her head finally falls back and lands on his shoulder. It bares her neck beautifully to him and he presses his teeth to it, nipping softly at her skin.

He starts moving faster, making his thrusts harder. She reacts with cries of pleasure almost instantly, her fingers wrapping around his wrists and clinging to them desperately. The constant clenching of her muscles speeds him towards the end rapidly fast, faster than he would have liked. If he hadn’t known better, he would have sworn that it felt like she was trying to devour him.

He releases her from his arms and forces her to bend over again, pressing her face into the mattress. This position gives him a lot more room to move and he takes advantage of that gladly. Soon her cries get drowned in the sound of his hips slamming against her ass.

He lets his fingers dig into the meat of her hips and uses his hold over them to pull her backwards, impaling her on his cock again and again to the delicious sounds of her finally screaming his name. He’s moving so fast now that even he is starting to feel out of breath and yet, she still begs him for more.

“Please, fuck me harder. I want to be sore tomorrow” she pleads him.

“You want it _harder_? You are a sucker for punishment, aren’t you?” he grunts. He’s not sure how much longer he can keep this pace up. His magic has already started to collect and tighten in his soul.

“Yes! Fuck, yes, just do it! Ruin me!”

“As you wish. Hold on tight, beautiful.” He pulls out of her quickly and rips her up and around. When her legs are around his hips and her arms around his neck he leans his body back until he’s lying against the mattress.

“There” he says with a smirk, “Now _you_ are in control.”

“Oh hell yes” she cheers. He can barely prepare himself before she’s sliding onto him again and then she’s moving wildly, desperately chasing her end. She’s riding him like her damn life depends on it and it’s the most beautiful sight he has ever seen. Her face is filled with complicated emotions, her mouth slightly open and her tongue wetting her lips every other second.

Her hands come up to support her body on his chest, her fingers digging in between his ribs to find stability. His entire body moves with hers and every time she slides up and down on his cock, strong sparks of magic shoots through his body, making him almost as loud as her. And for the first time since the monster with the black soul attacked him, Papyrus doesn’t hide his emotions away.

It is probably why his resolution breaks the second his magic uncoils in his soul and he comes. It’s probably why his arms reach out and he pulls her face down to his and why his magic instinctively creates an energy barrier between his sharp teeth and her delicate lips.

Papyrus kisses her, clings to her and for a moment he forgets himself and his fear completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CAM, WHY THE CLIFFHANGERS WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!??" *really really sad face*
> 
> \- Because I can. That's why. Also, that's 5543 words of pure smut son. 5543 words are acceptable, but 5544 words is just too damn much of the sexy times in one chapter, okay? Let the writer chill for a bit. (Also, fun fact? This chapter took me A FULL WHOLE FUCKING DAY TO WRITE. I'm not kidding. 24 hours. Writing is hard dude. *lies down with a drink*. I need a minute.
> 
> What do you think? Did it tickle your funny bone? Was it entertaining? Enjoyable? Tell me what you think! What was your favorite part? I'M DYING TO KNOW OK. 
> 
> Until next time my dears <3
> 
> \- Miss Mercy
> 
> Betaed by the incredible Miss Time over at [Timewasrunningout](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/)  
> [Mercyisnotasignofweakness](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/) And you can find me here if you wanna talk! I love talking to you guys and would love to answer any questions you have. I also take requests, altho I need to be finished with this one before I have time for another xD But you are welcome to drop it in my inbox for later!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She pushes his chin up and makes him look her in the eye. Her smile is gentle and warm and it almost makes him crumble under it’s weight.
> 
> That is what forgiveness looks like, isn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me.

## Chapter six

 

_I never thought I would ever escape_  
_At times, I wanted to die_  
_Feared that it all was just a little too late_  
_For then I wouldn't survive_  
_I let you in and let go of the hate_  
_My heart recovered now, I_  
_Owe you a debt that I can never repay_

" You’re mine" by Disturbed - _ _  
_ _

 

  


* * *

He feels her choke against his magic lips, feels her press closer and open her mouth to him. Their tongues meet and they both moan into the kiss. For a blissful moment, he imagines doing this every night, feeling her like this every day. Her hot lips against his cold magic and her hips moving against his in their own perfectly synchronized dance.

But then she collapses on him, spent for a second time tonight and reality comes crashing down around him.

She wraps him in her arms and holds him close and he allows her to do it. Allows her to crawl into his embrace and mold her body against his, so they are lying so close to each other that they might as well be the same person.

He lets her press soft, tired kisses to his jaw and whisper thank you’s to him, because he is mortified, shocked at himself and his weakness. He is terrified of the feelings rushing through his soul, the very same feelings he has been trying to banish for so long.

He thought he could handle it, that he could keep it separated, but he failed. Her magnetic pull was too strong and Papyrus ended up caught in her web.

Now only time can show how he will be punished for that.

She has almost fallen asleep when he can’t stand being alone with his thoughts anymore. He needs to tell her that he can’t do this again. It’s not fair to either of them and it’s right out dangerous for him. He can’t be this weak, especially not over someone who he has barely known for three months, and even less for someone he will soon have to leave behind.

“You can’t love me” he whispers to her. His voice is almost unrecognizable, even to himself. The usual strength in it is almost gone, the small hoarseness always present in the background much more noticeable now. He sounds like a defeated man.

“I know” she whispers back to him, “But I can’t stop. I’ve tried. I really have.”

“It’s too dangerous. _I’m_ dangerous” he weakly argues.

“I know” is all she says.

“You shouldn’t love someone like me. I’ve done terrible things. I’ve killed countless of innocents for my own gain. I murdered monsters in cold blood.”

Fuck… Saying it out loud like that for the first time really makes him understand exactly how horrible he is. It makes him sick when he realizes that this disgust over himself is exactly what other people who know what he has done feels when they look at him. It makes him feel so dirty. He desperately wants to push her away from him so he can’t taint her, even though he knows that that is already too late.

“I know” she repeats. She tilts her head upwards a little so she can look at his face, “I don’t care. Not about any of that. That is your past. It was necessary. You were in a desperate situation.”

“Desperate situation?” he repeats slowly, before he lets out a dark laugh, “Was it a “desperate situation” when I tortured my own brother just because I desired something or because I felt like it? Or when I laughed as I killed a Whimsum that tried to steal from me? Or when I breathed in the dust soaked air after executing one of the King’s prisoners and loved the taste of it on my tongue? Was that a “desperate situation” too?”

“Yes, it was” she answers. She reaches over his chest and takes the hand that is lying lifeless next to him. His fingers spread willingly to hers when she laces them together. Right now he can’t see the point in denying her that. He’s already doomed. He might as well sin as much as possible before he burns. “Sans has told us a lot of stories about you” she tells him, “Some bad, some good.”

“What did he say?” he asks in a whisper. He’s actually a little afraid of what his brother has told them. Papyrus himself has never been present when the stories of their lives got told. He just had to deal with the angry people that ended up in his face the next day, yelling at him for all the cruel things he had done.

He still doesn’t understand what made them stop yelling and start caring. He’s not worth all this work. His soul is turning black and his sin list is as long as the Underground is.

“That you were adorable as a child” she answers with a smile, “That you would always come running to him when he got back from work and you would attack him with hugs until you both ended up on the floor laughing like idiots. That you always had some crazy idea to tell him. He said you always tried to find the perfect way to convince monsters that being kind was the solution to all the problems the Underground had.”

Papyrus turns his face away from her when his eyes start stinging. He clenches them shut and wills the tears away. He does not like to be reminded of his childhood and how stupidly happy he had been as a child. That is memories he has forcefully banished from his mind a long time ago. Being reminded of how easily he could smile back then just hurts so much.

“He said that the worst day of his life was when he came home one day and you didn’t come running out to greet him” she continues, making Papyrus soul weep in sorrow even harder, “He said that he was terrified that something had happened to you. He thought you died and when he found you bleeding and crying you screamed at him to stay away from him, that you hated him for not coming when you called for help… He said it felt like his soul was breaking.”

“I almost did die” he comments.

“Yeah… Yeah you almost did” she says slowly. Warm hands touch his cheeks and turn his head towards her. She has moved up to lie against his chest now. She looks like an angel as she hovers above him like that. An angel of salvation.

Suddenly, he remembers reading an old, crumbled stone tablet hanging on a wall in Waterfall, the words carved into it’s surface almost completely gone due to the lack of maintenance. It told of an angel from above who would come to the Underground, and make it empty.

If the prophecy ever held any truth, Papyrus would like to think the angel would look like y/n.

“You’ve been hurt so badly” she murmurs to him while her fingers softly run over the scar across his eye, “Someone hurt you so much and it changed you. You didn’t have anyone to guide you back then. No one to tell you that being scared was okay, that fear wasn’t your enemy, but a tool to keep you strong and alive. There wasn’t anyone there to tell you that being afraid is okay as long as you don’t let it change how you think and react. So of course it did. Fear changed you and made you do horrible things. You are not to blame for that.”

“I was weak” he says hoarsely, “I should have stayed strong. I should have kept my hope.”

“You were barely a _teenager,_ Papyrus” she interrupts him, “You were far too young to deal with something like that and you took it upon yourself to protect both yourself and your brother, because you knew you could be strong enough to do it. You knew Sans would never be able to become the monster he needed to be to protect you. So you did it instead. You let yourself be transformed into something terrible to protect him.”

“I treated him like garbage!” he argues.

“Because you were afraid of caring!” she counters him, “Which is completely natural! Love can hurt so badly and Sans was the person you loved the most. Of course you were scared of what that meant. Of course you were scared of how much he could make you hurt if something happened to him. So you decided not to care about him and you tried so hard to not to. You forced yourself to do horrible things and managed to actually fool yourself into thinking that you wanted it. That you liked it. And here you are, so filled with guilt and regret that you can barely accept kindness when it is offered to you. You see yourself as you are worth nothing, as if you are the weakest being alive.” She pushes his chin up and makes him look her in the eye. Her smile is gentle and warm and it almost makes him crumble under it’s weight.

That is what forgiveness looks like, isn’t it?

“But Papyrus, you are so strong and you are worth so much” she continues, “Someday I hope you are able to see that.”

“It’s no excuse for what I’ve done” he whispers. Y/n shakes her head softly, her expression turning sad.

“No, it’s not. But it’s an explanation and that is all I need” she says. Her hands slide over his cheeks and down along his neck.

“But it’s not enough for me” he tells her sadly, “It will never be enough for me.”

“Why not? You deserve to be happy too, no matter what you have done. Don’t punish yourself for something you didn’t ask for. You didn’t want to be cruel.”

“But I was!” he interrupts her. He pushes her off him and sits up, turning his back to her.

“Don’t you get it?” he says while gesturing with his hands, “It doesn’t matter what I do or say to attone for my sins. In the end, I’ll end up as the monster again. I’ll end up covered in some poor bastards dust and my brother will end up despising me again, because of what I have to do to keep us alive.” He hides his face in his hands and curses the tear that dares to spill from his eye. “He just finally stopped being terrified every time he looks at me” he whispers into his palms.

“I can’t stay here y/n” he tells her quietly when he feels her arms envelop him, “No matter how much we both wish for it, I am forced to return to my own world. I do not belong here and neither does my brother. Us being here is a mistake and it has big consequences.”

“But… We… We can find a solution. I’m sure we can. Let me talk to Undyne. Maybe she can find a way to balance the worlds or something” she desperately tries to argue, but Papyrus just shakes his head.

“I won’t risk upsetting the balance of the multiverse because I suddenly feel afraid” he says.

“But you can’t just go back” she says, “What about all the change you’ve gone through here? All the good things that have happened to you?”

“It will probably be those things that end up killing me” he answers truthfully. Fuck, he probably shouldn’t have said that. He sometimes forgets that not everyone takes statements like that as easy as he does.

He takes one of her hands from his chest when her arms tighten around him. His thumb starts running over her skin in small circles. It’s the only comfort he can really offer her.

He has thought of this a lot since the night since that night where she found him broken in the forest. Papyrus is a changed monster. He is no longer the fierce warrior he once was and he is no longer protected from his own emotions by apathy. Returning to his world will certainly be hell and he is sure that he won’t survive the first day back. He can only speculate of what has happened to the Guard in his absence and he is sure that whoever his successor is, they won’t be happy when he returns. Papyrus is sure he will have to fight for his life as soon as he arrives because his successor probably won’t be comfortable with his presence, despite Papyrus having absolutely no interest in being the Captain any more.

“What makes you say that?” y/n asks nervously a short moment later.

“Don’t worry about it” he tells her, trying to soothe her discomfort, “Don’t worry about me. I will find a way. I always do.”

“Yeah, that’s what scares me” she whispers, “Why do you have to go through all that again? Don’t you deserve to be happy too?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?” She doesn’t respond, as he had expected. She already knows the answer he would give her.

No. He doesn’t think he deserves to be happy too.

She turns her face away from his. Her cheek ends up resting on his shoulder. He wonders if it feels uncomfortable for her for a brief second, but then casts the thought away.

Minutes pass by slowly as they just sit together on the shoddy mattress on the floor, her front pressed against his back. Papyrus can’t even begin to imagine what array of emotions that must be running through her right now. He can hardly decipher his own emotional chaos. Whatever she is feeling, all he can say for certain is that she is greatly affected by it. She is clinging to him, her arms refusing to let go of their hold over him. It’s like she is afraid that he will vanish into thin air if she doesn’t hold onto him.

He understands the feeling a little too well. He feels the need to hold her too and never let her go. To just hide her away in his arms and protect her from the cruelty of the world. He thinks about her soul and the many cracks in it and not for the first time, he wonders what exactly happened to her that made it look like that. It must have been a huge emotional crisis.

The thought of anyone having put her through that kind of pain, knowingly or not, makes his soul burn with anger.

Almost ten minutes in silence passes before he feels her move again. She turns her head towards his again. As soon as he looks at her, he can see she has come to some sort of decision. He can also see that the decision hurts her.

“Okay” she whispers, “I think I get it. Just… tell me the truth, okay? I just need to hear you say it.” She pauses for a second, taking a breath. “Do you even like me? Or was this just… physical?”

Isn’t that exactly the question he has been trying to avoid answering all along? What does she want him to say? What can he really say?

Is he supposed to tell her how his soul always seems to burn with joy every time she laughs, or that it always sparks a little whenever she looks at him with a smile? That every time her eyes burn with anger or her sharp tongue delivers a witty remark, his soul flutters with arousal? That he has started to seek her opinion before deciding on his own. That she’s the one he listens too before anyone else. That despite his best efforts to remain cold and uncaring, she managed to break through his shield and invade his soul in a way that makes him unable to even comprehend the fact, that he will have to live the rest of his life without her?

It has been a little over three months since Sans somehow accidently teleported them here during a battle with a group of fire monsters from Hotlands. In that short period of time she has managed to change who he is so completely that he can barely recognize himself.

No… that’s not true. She hasn’t changed him. She just happened to find the key that unlocked the person he has been all along. The caring, loving Papyrus that always offered a hug before a mean word and would rather smile than yell. The Papyrus that he had hidden away after the monster with the black soul had shown him exactly how scary the world outside his and Sans’ little cave really was. That Papyrus is scarred, he is afraid and he’s broken, but he’s not dead. And he is back in business.

So what is Papyrus supposed to say? _Of course_ he likes her. She’s an amazing woman who is not afraid of speaking her mind and knows how to conquer her own fear. She is strong and beautiful and has a good soul. She is very much capable of defending herself, as her LV shows, but she prefers to find peaceful solutions. She is the perfect life partner and in any other situation, he would be honored to accept her love and call her his mate.

But they are not anywhere else, and their situation won’t change just because he tells her all this. It might make them feel better for a short while, but it will also hurt him so badly. He can’t even begin to imagine how it will feel to leave her if he says yes now. He is sure that it might actually kill him if he does so.

It’s hard to lock his emotions away. It doesn’t really work anymore. He can tell himself to ignore them, that they’re just insignificant and worthless, but the truth is that his soul has grown addicted to them, and her, already and it _hurts_ that he has to do this.

“I don’t exactly _dislike_ you, if that is what you are afraid of.” The words taste foul as they leave his mouth. He feels like a coward when he feels her sigh deeply and pull away from him.

“But you don’t exactly like me either” she says for him. He’s glad that he doesn’t have to tell that lie. For the first time in a long time, he’s not sure he would be able to pull it off.

She lets out a hollow laugh, one that sounds painful to Papyrus. Her smile is stiff and clearly fake when he looks at her over his shoulder. “It’s okay. We had fun, right?” she asks.

“It was pleasurable, yes.” It was the best night of his life. He wishes he could tell her that so badly. He wants to see her smile, not she the light in her eyes die out little by little.

“Maybe…” she starts carefully, “We can do it again? Before you go home.” He’s not sure he would be able to withstand her one more time if they ever fell into bed again.

“Maybe” he just says, because he can’t handle the thought of seeing her anymore sad right now. He just can’t lie to her again.

Their eyes stick to each other for a few more moments before Papyrus forces himself to pull away. It’s too intense a situation and he needs privacy so he can get himself under control again.

He stands up and corrects his sweatpants before he looks at her over his shoulder. “I’ll be in the bathroom if you need me” he says to her.

He doesn’t wait for an answer before he exits the room, leaving her sitting on his mattress, naked and alone.

* * *

Despite turning the knob over all the way, the water still feels freezing cold when Papyrus steps in under the spray. His body is still overheated after being close to y/n for so long and after all the magic he just had coursing through his bones. Feeling overheated is a uncomfortable feeling for a monster that naturally always is cold and Papyrus certainly doesn’t enjoy it right now. Any other time he would have savored the feeling, welcomed it. Warmth soothes the aches in his war withered bones, a pain that gets worse the more cold he is. Right now however, the warmth is just a reminder of how stupid he just allowed himself to be. It’s just a reminder of the guilt swirling in his soul.

He such an _idiot_. His soul is beating wildly in his chest, the pain in it more sharp than it has been in a long time. Why does he keep putting himself through this? Why does he insist on hurting himself so much? He knows what feeling like crap does to him! It’s why he has tried so hard to remain apathetic. Feeling nothing is better than feeling yourself slowly slip away into nothingness.

His hand shakes violently when he lifts it up to his chest. He shields it from the spray of water with his back, an attempt that’s a little fruitless: it’s not much water that actually gets diverted.

He has to take a few deep breaths and he actually closes his eyes involuntarily when he lets his magic tug at his soul. It resists the tiniest bit, just enough for it to feel like he’s peeling his soul away from his rib cage. It pinches, but the pain is almost a relief from the constant guilt and emotional pain. Physical pain has always been easier to deal with.

When his soul is hovering in his hand he finally forces himself to open his eyes. He went through the trouble of materializing it, so he better actually do the check up that he did it for.

The shower stall is bathed in a deep red light. His sorry excuse of a soul hovers silently in his hand, bobbing gently up and down in a little dance. He notices that it’s movements are not as enthusiastic as usual. It barely even moves. Even the small pulsations of magic within it have all but stopped. If Papyrus didn’t know better, he would have sworn that this was a soul of a monster that had fallen down. It looks dead at first glance.

He looks closer, lets his gaze move over all the cuts, bruises and chips in the souls wine red surface. He has always thought that souls resemble the light crystals the Underground uses as it’s only source of light other than fire. It’s transparent, but still solid in color. It’s not a physical thing of course, not something he can touch and feel as a hard surface against his hand. It’s mostly energy, but if he had to put a description on it, saying that it looks like a crystal heart is a fitting one.

It certainly helps his mind provide a word to use for the damages on it. Chips, cracks, breaks… All good words to use to describe the many damages on his soul.

Fuck, it looks _awful_. He actually feels embarrassed by it. He’s so fucking ugly it’s a miracle y/n was even able to hold her breakfast in when he showed it to her. Well, it wasn’t for long and maybe she doesn’t exactly know a lot about what a beautiful, healthy soul looks like. Maybe that’s why she seemed fascinated and not disgusted when she saw it.

Papyrus remembers her soul, remembers the feel of it in the air, hovering so close to his. He didn’t touch it much, made sure that his magic kept it far away from his hand. It’s one thing to call someone else’s soul out in a fight (and he’ll never admit to actually having spared her before walking away so her soul would return to her body), but it’s an entirely different thing to touch it without permission. He has not yet sunk as low as to do that. That is just too personal. He has considered it, as a punishment for a prisoner before, but he always threw the idea away as quickly as it appeared. He’s not _that_ kind of monster. Not yet anyway.

Shit, he really doesn’t have long, does he? His soul looks miserable, like it can barely stay together. The vibrant red color of the inverted soul-heart has started to fade. The entire point of it has turned into a depthless, eerie black. The blackness seems to drain the color out of the rest of his soul slowly, like it’s eating it up. He can see it has spread a lot since he looked at it a week ago. Almost a third of an inch he estimates. Even the magical energy aura swirling around his soul has turned grey and lifeless.

It’s all physical signs of the emotional pain he’s in right now. If his soul hadn’t already been a little black, a feeling of heartbreak like this wouldn’t have been anything seriously dangerous for his soul. But it _is_ turning black and Papyrus is almost constantly feeling depressed, conflicted and stressed about something. Adding heartbreak to the list of negative emotions he carries around in his soul just tilts the scale. That’s why the blackness is spreading this rapidly.

He really needs to be careful.

Or maybe he doesn’t. He’ll be dead within long anyway, as soon as he returns to his world. Why should he try to save his emotional life, when his physical one is almost over? It doesn’t make sense to him.

He sighs and closes his eyes again. His soul plops back into his chest and his arm falls down to hang limply by his side.

He can’t believe there was a time where he actually wished for this disastrous thing to happen. Losing himself feels horrible and it hurts so much. He wonders exactly _how_ desperate he had been so wish for something like this. He can’t really recall what he felt back then. It’s like the emotions in those memories aren’t really there. He knows theoretically what he felt, but he can’t recall the actual feeling.

Is that the first sign of him losing his emotions? If that is true, then the state of his soul is much worse than he had expected.

He wishes so badly there was something he could do to reverse the transformation, something that could make the blackness go away, but he knows there isn’t. If there is, then he at least hasn’t been able to find it yet. He doesn’t even want to try. Searching for an answer that probably doesn’t even exist means holding hope and means a real big risk of having that hope broken, something that will make the black spread even more when it does. He just can’t risk that. Not when it’s this critical. He doesn’t know when his emotions will start to be affected, if it’s when it’s halfway black or first when it’s all black, but he doesn’t want to take the risk. Not now.

He hears the low sound of the front door opening and voices calling out a greeting. It seems like the three other skeletons have returned.

He finishes up his shower quickly and dresses in his sweatpants again. He doesn’t linger in the bathroom. He desperately want to just go to his mattress and sleep this horrible day away.

The living room is filled with voices when he exits the bathroom, but the voices very quickly die out. When he looks up, Papy, Sans and Blueberry are all staring straight at him, their faces screaming horrified surprise.

Oh… Right. He isn’t wearing a shirt. His scars are showing.

“shit... boss…” Sans says quietly. Papyrus despises the hint of guilt in his brother’s voice, despises the low hoarseness that suggests that Sans is trying to hold his tears at bay. He has never seen Papyrus without a shirt on, something Papyrus very actively tried to avoid for this exact reason. Being with y/n must have clouded his mind too much. He should have used his damn head before stepping out of the bathroom.

“What?” he barks at Sans, “You got something to say runt?” Sans only flinches a little at his harsh tone, but his eyes are white when they meet his.

“i… i’m so fucking sorry. i didn’t know… fuck i… i never thought it was that bad” Sans half-whispers. His eyes travel over the many scars again, the hint of tears showing in the corners of his eye sockets. Papyrus’ soul pulls together.

“I don’t need your damn pity” he growls, “It’s just scars.”

“just scars?” Sans repeats flabbergasted, “fucking hell boss, they’re not _just_ scars. half these are fucking lethal wounds. how many times have you almost died without tellin’ me?”

“I dealt with it, did I not?” Papyrus just responds. He’s feeling very exposed right now and he can’t figure out what to do. On one hand, he wants to flee the room so desperately. He wants to escape those looks of pity and horror on the other’s faces. He hates that they are all skeletons too. They can see exactly how much pain he was in when he got hurt. He can’t hide that from them.

But on the other hand, Sans is talking to him like he’s a normal monster and not the cause of all his nightmares. Papyrus never wants that to end. Hearing his brother be so… calm, around him is refreshing.

So Papyrus ends up standing like an idiot, feeling exposed and uncomfortable, but stupidly happy too. He’s so weird.

“dealt with it” Sans snorts, “that’s what you call patching yourself up so you only just survived? guess that’s the reason for the permanent hp loss i saw.”

“What?” Papyrus asks slowly, making Sans duck his head. His eyes flicker red. “Sans. Have you been Judging my soul regularly?”

“just to check up on you boss, i swear!” he quickly says, holding his hands up in front of him like he thinks that will be enough to keep Papyrus away if he really wanted to get to him.

“Or to check my LV more likely” Papyrus comments, “Are you satisfied then? Or do you want me to materialize it so you can “examine” it too? Just like Dad did?” Sans flinches away like Papyrus slapped him and he looks at the floor.

“‘m sorry boss” Sans mumbles. He already looks like he expects Papyrus to hit him. That’s what makes Papyrus take a deep breath to calm himself. He’s just feeling embarrassed that his brother apparently checks up on the state of his soul as frequently as Papyrus himself does. He’s just unhappy with the fact that the state of his soul isn’t hidden from his brother. He does not need to be angry.

Damn Sans and his powers of Justice. Why did the King have to choose _him_ as a judge?

Maybe it was because Sans seems to be the only damn monster in the Underground with a conscience.

“It’s alright” Papyrus forces himself to say calmly, making Sans’ head snap up in surprise. Papyrus folds his arms across his chest and looks off to the side so he can’t watch his brother be surprised over not being beaten to a pulp again.

“You know I don’t like you doing that without asking me” he continues, “So next time you want to “check up on me”, could you perhaps just ask to see it instead of just doing it?”

“yeah, right, like you would actually just hand it over like that” Sans says with a snort. It makes Papyrus look at him again with a deadly serious expression.

“If you asked for it, then yes, I would hand it over “just like that”. You are my brother and I trust you with it.” That was so fucking difficult to admit. Holy shit, it was hard. Saying something like that is so unlike Papyrus. Admitting to trusting _anyone_ is something he has _never_ done before.

It’s probably why Sans has to pick his jaw off the ground where it landed due to his shock.

“Now, if we are quite done with this bickering, I would like to get dressed” Papyrus says. He doesn’t wait for a response before he starts walking towards the staircase.

When he lifts his foot to take the first step however, he is stopped by Blueberry that practically materializes in front of him. Shit that little skeleton can move quickly when he wants to.

“Wait!” Blueberry says, “You can’t just leave yet! You’re hurt!” Papyrus levels him with a deadly glare.

“It’s _scars_ , Blueberry. Not _wounds_. I will survive” he says.

“But they must hurt so much! Let me heal you. I can make them look prettier. The Queen has taught me. I’m really good, I promise!” Blueberry chatters happily. The bright blue eye lights in his sockets flicker with energy. He has already started to pull magic from his soul.

“I don’t want them to be _prettier_ ” Papyrus tells him, shocking the little skeleton greatly.

“But… why would you want to be in pain all the time?” he asks like he really can’t understand that.

“They are my reminder” he answers.

“Of what?” Blueberry asks. His head actually tilts a little to the side in question. That’s just adorable.

“Of why I have to kill” he answers easily, “That there are beings out there that won’t hesitate to kill me if they get the chance.” Blueberry clearly doesn’t like that answer.

“But you don’t have to do that anymore!” he exclaims happily, “You are a better monster now and you’re safe here!”

“Is that what you think? That just because I suddenly grew a conscience, it means that everything in my universe have just suddenly stopped being horrible?” Blueberry’s face falls. “Or did you perhaps believe we were going to stay here? We aren’t. We _have_ to go back. If you don’t believe me, ask Sans. Now, excuse me.”

Blueberry actually still refuses to get out of his way. “But you can make it better!” he says quickly, “You know the way now and you can show the other monsters it too! You can save your world from it’s own cruelty. You don’t need the scars to remind you anymore. You have us. In here.” Blueberry actually gestures to Papyrus’ damn soul. How fucking stupid and cute can one monster actually be?

“blue, just drop it. boss is right. nothing’s gonna change that hellhole. it’s a lost cause” Sans speaks up. Blueberry looks at him, his face falling again. Papyrus can see that he is slowly losing his resolve. The fight is dying in him.

Sans only looks at Papyrus for two seconds before he averts his gaze again.

“it’s kill or be killed in our world, and boss is the best killer of them all. if he doesn’t stay strong, we’re _dead._ so if the scars let him do that, just drop it, ‘kay? a little comfort is not worth dying for. our world can’t be changed. changing it for the better means there would actually have to be some good in there to begin with, and there’s nothin’. trust me. it’s exactly as bad as i’ve told you it is.”

“But…”

“Bro, let him go” Papy finally says, “This is not our business.”

“It is! They’re our friends. If they are in danger or are hurt, we need to help them!” Blueberry argues. His voice doesn’t hold any sort of power any more, like he has already given up. It seems like once again Papy manages to make a Sans listen with just a simple sentence.

“We can’t do anything. It’s not our world and we can’t understand what it’s like. It’s best to just let them handle it themselves” Papy responds. Papyrus appreciates the help, but hearing the others confirm what he has been thinking all along is hard. He realizes that he somewhere deep inside had believed that there actually was something he could do to get a happy ending. That a miracle could save him.

He should have known better. Miracles don’t happen for people like him. He’s not worth them. He’s just a killer, after all.

Papyrus runs up the stairs when Papy offers Blueberry a hug and Blueberry runs straight into his arms with a broken sob. The brothers end up sitting on the floor, hugging each other tightly. Papyrus watches them from the top of the stairs for a few seconds.

“I just want them to be happy brother. Why can’t I save them?” Blueberry cries into Papy’s chest.

“Not everybody can be saved bro. It’s just how it is.” Papy looks up at him with a sad expression. Papyrus has a feeling that Papy had hoped for a happy ending too. If not for his own good, then maybe to make his brother happy. But there is no happy endings in Papyrus’ world and that is sadly something that has followed him to this universe.

Papyrus turns his back to them and walks away. He doesn’t want to poison them with his darkness more than he already has. They don’t deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **  
> **  
> _*runs away quickly and hides under the bed*_  
>  Thanks for +100 kudos! You guys are the absolute best! :D <3  
>  
> 
> Betaed by the incredible Miss Time over at [Timewasrunningout](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/)  
> [Mercyisnotasignofweakness](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/) And you can find me here if you wanna talk! I love talking to you guys and would love to answer any questions you have. I also take requests, altho I need to be finished with this one before I have time for another xD But you are welcome to drop it in my inbox for later!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can you see the large crack down the middle?” Papyrus says with much difficulty. Speaking calmly while someone else holds his life in their hands is really hard. His instincts are screaming at him to protect himself, but he needs to show trust in Blueberry, or this will be fruitless.
> 
> “Yes” Blueberry whispers with grief in his voice, “Oh stars… Papyrus, what _happened_ to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this gets a little dark. Beware if you're sensitive for the mention of really bad times. Papyrus finally tells someone about the monster with the black soul and what he got put through, and even though nothing is super graphic, just be sure you're gonna be okay afterwards, ok? You're more important than this silly story and you can always come to me if you don't/can't read this chapter and get me to tell you what happens. 
> 
> Also, if you ever think there's a tag I've forgotten to add or one that I should put on this story, you are welcome to tell me. I suck at tagging stuff properly so any help/suggestions is very much appreciated. 
> 
> \- Miss Mercy

## Chapter seven

 

_In this world only the strong will survive_  
_Hear the roar and you will know you’re alive_  
_Feel the energy build in your soul ‘cause it’s time_

Immortalized by Disturbed - _ _  
_ _

 

 

* * *

For the next few days, the mood in the skeleton brothers’ house is considerably less positive. Blueberry takes the harsh reality check pretty badly. He sleeps in the day after and only rises to take a shower and cook a quick dinner with y/n before he goes back to bed. Papy says it’s the first time he sees Blueberry be depressed and that it scares the crap out of him. Papyrus understands why.

All monsters usually have a few days like these while they grow up. Or they have in his world at least. He’s not sure about this one. It’s always a few days where the reality of the world catches up to them and they realize that the happy fog they’ve been living in during their childhood is not how the world really is. It’s when monsters go from thinking like children to thinking more like adults. Most jump right back into who they are and continue with their life after the “reality check”. Only a few doesn't manage to pull through and they always end up falling down. Some monsters’ soul just can’t take it. They’re fragile.

Papyrus is sure that Blueberry will pull through, but he must admit that he feels anxious too while it goes on. Blueberry is already an adult and having this reality check this late in life is dangerous. Papyrus knows that Papy curses himself a little for having tried to keep Blueberry innocent for so long. Now, none of them knows what will happen. If Blueberry survives this, it could very well be a completely different monster that walks out of that room in the end.  

Papy stays with Blueberry almost constantly during the week he is down. Papyrus starts sleeping on the couch, just because he can’t stand listening to Papy whisper encouraging things to Blueberry all night while he thinks Papyrus is asleep. Papyrus never had anyone do that to him when he went through it. He had no one to tell him that everything was going to be okay and that the darkness had to exist so the light was as beautiful as it was. That was mostly because he pushed Sans away every time he came near and tried to do it. Because Papyrus’ mind was filled with the low rumbling voice of the black-souled monster, whispering into the side of his face that “caring makes you weak, and being weak means that you’re my bitch to do with as I please”.

To this day Papyrus still feels sick when he thinks back. His scar still hurts when he does so. He knows that if he had let Sans comfort and heal him back then, he would probably not have turned out as he had, wouldn’t be blind on one eye and wouldn’t have as big a scar running over his face, but he probably wouldn’t be alive either. Neither would Sans.

Blueberry starts crying and screaming loudly one night while Sans, Papyrus and y/n are eating in silence down stairs. They can hear Papy’s desperate voice try to calm him down, but can’t hear what he actually says. It’s both a curse and a blessing. The house fills with Blueberry’s sorrowful sobs soon after, and Sans looks at him with an expression that causes Papyrus to excuse himself to the woods.

When he returns late at night, there’s a few less trees standing in the forest. It was the only way Papyrus could get the pain of that memory to go away. He channeled it into anger and took it out on the trees. It’s not as satisfying as squeezing the life out of someone, but it was enough.

At least killing the trees didn’t make the pain turn into guilt afterwards.

It takes ten days before Blueberry pulls through. It’s early morning when he sneaks down the stairs, carrying a change of clothes and a towel with him. He stops when he sees the red lights in Papyrus’ eyes looking at him.

“So, you survived” Papyrus says quietly. Blueberry nods once. “Good. I knew you would.” Papyrus sits up on the couch and throws the blanket over one of the armrests. “Please sit down. I wish to tell you something.” Blueberry looks at the clothes in his arms briefly. “It will only take a few minutes, I promise you” Papyrus tells him.

The couch dips when Blueberry sits down next to him. He stays silent, a clear sign that his mind has already changed. Papyrus does not like that change in him. One of the best qualities Blueberry has is his positiveness, the fact that he never shuts up and always tells the world exactly what he is thinking. It would be a shame if he lost that.

“Do you trust me?” Papyrus asks him. Blueberry actually hesitates before nodding. His condition is much worse than Papyrus had thought it would be.

Papyrus takes a deep breath before he materializes his soul. It’s red light spreads through the room, chasing the shadows away. He really hopes that the others are still sleeping. He doesn’t wish for them to see him like this.

He grabs one of Blueberry’s hands and transfers his soul over to it, fighting the urge to snatch it away instantly again. Blueberry sits frozen, his eyes huge and round as they stare at Papyrus’ broken soul.

“Can you see the large crack down the middle?” Papyrus says with much difficulty. Speaking calmly while someone else holds his life in their hands is really hard. His instincts are screaming at him to protect himself, but he needs to show trust in Blueberry, or this will be fruitless.

“Yes” Blueberry whispers with grief in his voice, “Oh stars… Papyrus, what _happened_ to you?”

“I have told you about the monster that gave me the scar across my eye, yes?” he says, “He did much more to me than just give me a scar. I won’t go into details, so please don’t ask.” Blueberry closes his mouth again. He had probably been just about to ask what exactly the monster did, but that is something Papyrus just can’t share with anyone. Not that.

Papyrus takes a deep breath. “In our world, it’s not unusual for small children to go through what you just did. It’s actually quite common that it happens during the ages of three to five. It’s usually when the children learn that the world is out to kill them. That they can’t trust anyone. Parents stop caring about their children around that age because they’re usually strong enough to take care of themselves by then.”

“That’s horrible” Blueberry whispers.

“I was twelve when it happened to me” Papyrus says, making Blueberry look up in surprise, “Sans protected my innocence for that long. He protected it fiercely, refused to let me help with anything that wasn’t keeping our living space in order, refused to let me go outside without him. He read good stories to me every night and hugged me every day. He told me how proud he was of me, how good of a brother I was. He basically showered me in compliments from the moment I woke up, to the moment I fell asleep. He was a good brother.”

Sans still was a good brother, despite how terrible Papyrus has become. Sans will probably always be a good brother.

“The monster with the black soul changed that. He showed me exactly how cruel our world really was. I remember calling out for help, screaming Sans’ name until my throat was raw and my voice gone. I remember crying until my magic ran dry and remember wishing for death so badly I practically begged the monster to kill me once he was finished with me. He left me alive with a laugh, just to torture me more. It didn’t take me ten days to get through what you just went through. It only took two hours, although those two hours felt like a lifetime.”

This is really difficult. It’s the first time he has ever spoken about what happened that night and he doesn’t exactly know why he has chosen Blueberry to confide in. Maybe because he knows that the little skeleton will never look at him differently because of what happened to him. Maybe it’s because Papyrus thinks it will help Blueberry heal. It could be either.

“I dragged myself back to the cave we lived in after the monster left” Papyrus forces himself to continue, “I could barely move without screaming in pain. Every inch I moved felt like I was dragging myself across broken glass. It was agony. I tried to clean myself up before Sans came back from work, but it took so long to drag myself back into our hideout that I barely even got to wipe the marrow off my face before his panicked shout rang through the air.”

“I remember the absolute terror shining through his voice” Papyrus says, “I remember how much I wished for him to hug me and make the pain go away. I’m sure he would have found the monster and dusted him for what he did to me, but I didn’t let him. I was so afraid of being naive and vulnerable again. So, I pushed him away and I yelled at him to _never_ touch me again. I told him that I _hated_ him for not saving me, for not coming when I called for him, even though I knew he was miles away from me at the time. I never blamed him for what happened, but I told him I did. I had to make sure he would never make me weak again.”

“Caring doesn’t make you weak” Blueberry mumbles, “Papy kept saying that.”

“Papy is right” Papyrus tells him.

“But… Your soul… You are in so much pain because you tried to help. You got hurt because you were good” Blueberry says.

“I got hurt because my world is as unforgiving and cruel as yours is good and kind” Papyrus says, “The state of my soul is _my_ fault. I allowed it to become so damaged because I lost my faith. I stopped believing that all creatures have the potential to be good and I let myself turn into a true monster because I was afraid.” Blueberry sinks down in the couch a little. Papyrus can see that his words don’t reach him in the way he had hoped they would. Blueberry looks like he’s losing hope instead of gaining it.

“Do you understand what I am trying to tell you, Sans?” Papyrus asks softly. Blueberry looks up surprised at hearing his name being spoken instead of his nickname. A flicker of blue appears in his dark sockets.

“My soul looks like that because I lost my hope, because I didn’t trust anyone after what happened to me” Papyrus says when Blueberry just continues to stare at him.

“But… You let me hold it” he says. Papyrus nods, but keeps quiet. He wants Blueberry to figure it out himself. It won’t help him if Papyrus feeds him all the answers. Some he has to find for himself.

“You… You trust me” Blueberry finally whispers, “You actually trust me. S-stars… Oh wow t-that’s…” He starts breathing heavily and finally, his eye-lights flicker into existence and move up to look at Papyrus’ face. Papyrus isn’t surprised to see tears running over Blueberry’s face. It’s something he had anticipated would happen sometime during this conversation. He is a baby bones after all. Well, metaphorically speaking.

Papyrus holds his hand out towards his soul, quietly asking for it back. Blueberry is quick to transfer it back into his hand and the soul vanishes into his chest with a plop again. When the room is once again bathed in darkness and Papyrus feels more at ease, he opens his arms, offering something he himself hasn’t felt since he was young.

Blueberry eagerly accepts the hug. He scrambles into Papyrus’ embrace and curls into a ball in his lap. His small hands grab at the shirt Papyrus is wearing and he hides his face away in the worn material.

Papyrus lets his cheek rest against the top of Blueberry’s head and starts making a soothing noise as he softly runs a hand over his shaking back. Blueberry’s sobs are quiet, but powerful and Papyrus feels his shirt get soaked by tears quickly. He is surprised that he actually doesn’t care about it.

He knows Blueberry isn’t Sans. They aren’t the same and Blueberry is not Papyrus’ brother. Far from it, but in some way, being able to comfort him gives Papyrus a sort of peaceful feeling. This is something he has wished to do for so long to his own brother.

A small sound, too low to alert Blueberry who is still hulking against his chest, makes Papyrus lift his eyes to the second floor. The shadows are thick there, but not thick enough to hide the outline of Sans’ body or the light in his eyes, no matter how dimmed they look. Sans is standing near the railing, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Papyrus can see his face is hard and his expression is a mix of disbelief, jealousy and anger. When their eyes meet, Sans’ face hardens even more.

Papyrus can’t even begin to imagine what Sans must be thinking right now, but he is sure it’s nothing good. If he knows his brother right, it is probably something really self-loathing.

“You are a good monster, Sans” Papyrus says quietly, only speaking a little louder so he knows his brother will hear him clearly. Papyrus keeps staring straight at his brother as he speaks. “And you are the most perfect brother. Don’t _ever_ forget that. No matter what the world tries to tell you.”

Blueberry reacts by crying harder, a reaction that gets mirrored by Sans apparently. Large, red, magical tears spill from his eye sockets and he turns away quickly, vanishing through the door to the bedroom he shares with y/n. Papyrus sighs and closes his eyes, turning his attention back to the skeleton in his arms.

He isn’t sure if Sans understood that Papyrus meant him too, or if he thought that he was mocking him by saying such nice things to Blueberry, when Papyrus haven’t said them to Sans in many years. Papyrus just hopes his brother was able to hear that he at least was being honest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've left the actual "thing" that happens to Papyrus open to interpretation, just because I couldn't decide exactly which of the many ideas I had that I wanted to use. So, I would love to hear your theories? What do you think happened to poor Pap when the monster with the black soul attacked him?
> 
> Until next time <3 
> 
> \- Miss Mercy
> 
> Betaed by the incredible Miss Time over at [Timewasrunningout](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/)  
> [Mercyisnotasignofweakness](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/) And you can find me here if you wanna talk! I love talking to you guys and would love to answer any questions you have. I also take requests, altho I need to be finished with this one before I have time for another xD But you are welcome to drop it in my inbox for later!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How about for your own sake? You would get something out of it too! And stop being so over dramatic. You’re strong enough to fight even though you are in love. Loving me won’t kill you.”
> 
> “Yes it will!” he shouts at her, finally losing his cool, “Loving you will destroy me.” She rears back like he just slapped her. The expression on her face makes his anger drain away immediately. Sorrow invades his soul instead and suddenly he feels like just giving up. He really doesn’t like that feeling. It hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know I just made a post on Tumblr, saying I wouldn't update today because of google docs being a little bitch and messing up my work, but, then something incredible happened. 
> 
> **[BattZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BattZ/pseuds/BattZ) ** posted some fanart of the scene with Papyrus and Papy talking in chapter two and I just couldn't wait to tell all of you! You can find it on their Tumblr [HERE](http://battz.tumblr.com/post/144908758803/how-do-you-do-it-he-asks-he-just-has-to-know). Make sure to tell them how amazing they are!!! And thank you so much for this! I'm so so grateful that you took the time to actually make this for my fic! 
> 
> Music suggestion for this chapter!: ["Together" by xx](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoj2I6ZJLx8)

**Chapter eight**

 

_Tell me now, who taught you how to hate?_  
_Because it isn't in your blood_  
_Not a part of what you're made_  
_So let this be understood_  
_Somebody taught you how to hate_  
_When you live this way you become_  
_Dead to everyone_

Who taught you to hate? by Disturbed - _  
_

 

* * *

 

It is funny how a crisis can make someone forget about the awkward tension in the air. Even more funny is it that as soon as the crisis is averted, the awareness slams into Papyrus like a bolder.

During Blueberry’s “breakdown”, Papyrus has not had a lot of time to think of y/n and their night together. It’s not because he tries _not_ to think about it. He just simply has other things on his mind. As soon as Blueberry jumps back into his role as the house’s own private little sun and starts warming all of their lives once again, it’s like Papyrus’ mind gets put at ease again and he relaxes. He doesn’t have to stay as aware of what is happening upstairs, doesn’t have to strain himself so he can hear Papy’s voice mumble, because Blueberry is going to be okay.

Not that Papyrus was worried. No, he knew the little ray of sunshine would pull through.

He doesn’t think that he has begun to act differently towards y/n after they had sex. He still talks to her just as much, which means barely at all, and he is always polite while interacting with her: he says please, thank you and excuse me exactly like he does to everyone else. It has been a long time since either of them looked at him like he had three heads whenever he was polite, but y/n has started doing it again.

Papyrus just ignores it at first, doesn’t think too much of it. She can think whatever she wants of him. He doesn’t particularly care what she is thinking when she looks at him like that. He has more pressing matters to take care of. Making sure his soul stays in the state it is in now by keeping his mood stable and light for example.

So when she snaps at him for the first time, he is actually surprised. It’s a small thing that apparently sets her off: He’s drying the plates from breakfast as she washes them and he has been caught in his own thoughts for a few moments when her voice drags him into the present again.

“Are you even listening to me?!” she snaps. She drops a glass into the soapy water in anger, making it splash everywhere.

“I was caught in my thoughts. I apologize. What did you say?” he simply just explains and turns around to put the plate in his hands into the cabinet. When he turns back, she is glaring at him, but before he can ask what is wrong, she breathes out harshly, throws her hands up in the air is a resigned manner and she says, “Never mind. I’ll figure it out myself.” And then she refuses to speak to him for the rest of the day.

Papyrus is confused about what he has done to upset her.

The next time something like it happens is the next day. It’s another cold day in Snowdin and the group is spread across the woods, doing patrols. They have split the routes up between them, cutting Papy’s and Sans’ work down to be just a few hours every day instead of a full day’s worth of work. Papyrus appreciates the opportunity to have something a little familiar in his everyday life, even if patrolling in this universe might as well have been taking a walk just for the heck of it.

The small puzzles Blueberry has set up in an attempt to “capture” a human, is laughable, but kind of sweet too. Papyrus can see a lot of effort went into some of them and see the intelligence behind them. Blueberry is clever, but he is too good for his own good. That is why almost none of his puzzles actually work as intended.

He is walking back towards Muffet’s place where the group is having lunch together. Having lunch together in some way is almost a ritual by now, something Blueberry is very strict about. He goes through a lot of effort to make sure they have three whole meals each day and that they all eat together. It’s weird, but Papyrus indulges him, just because it makes him happy. And it makes Papyrus sort of happy too. He feels like part of their little family during those meals and it’s a feeling he is very unaccustomed to.

He meets Blueberry and y/n who have been patrolling together today at the bridge leading into Snowdin. Blueberry waves at him and he returns the greeting with a nod.

Papyrus has only barely caught up to them when y/n steps on a patch of hidden ice and almost tumbles over the edge of the cliff she’s standing next to. His quick reflexes makes it easy for him to sprint the few steps forward and catch her around the waist before she can fall.

He pulls them both back and keeps holding her up until she pulls away herself, just to be certain that she won’t fall again.

She doesn’t pull away though. She stares at him with wide eyes like she has only just noticed his appearance this very second, like she’s only now realizing he’s a monster. It’s an expression that makes him feel awkward and he clears his throat.

“Are you capable of standing without risk of throwing yourself to your death?” he asks her. He doesn’t know where the harsh tone comes from, but the expression on her face switches to hurt and angry almost instantly. She rips herself away from him by pushing him away and she turns her back to him.

Papyrus knows what he did wrong this time and he tries to apologize, but she won’t let him. She just interrupts him before he can even speak and says “Don’t even bother.” After that she just walks away and Papyrus lets it be. He knows a lost fight when he sees one, knows when it’s better to retreat and regroup.

Blueberry shakes his head at him disappointed before he follows y/n and Papyrus feels like a child that just got scolded by their parent.

Stepping into Muffet’s little restaurant is a relief for Papyrus. The extra chill in the air today makes his many scars act up and his joints are sore and stiff. The warm air feels like a gentle massage all over his body and he sighs happily, feeling himself relax a little. Just a month ago, this would have been almost impossible for him to do. He’s barely wearing any of his armor, only his chestplate because he doesn’t like leaving the house without it, he is surrounded by strangers, he is in public _and_ he’s relaxed.

As always, their arrival is followed by quite a lot of attention. The few monsters in the restaurant all wave and shout to Papy in greeting. This world’s sentries, which surprisingly enough is the _rabbit_ family, that spread their kind across the Underground rapidly fast after monsterkind’s imprisonment underneath the mountain. At least, that’s how it is in Papyrus’ world.

Papy nods to them and waves lazily, like always and as usual, Papyrus himself gets quite a lot of stares. Most of the Snowdin's residents have somewhat just accepted that Papyrus and Sans showed up one day and sticked around. Very few have had questions of where they came from and an easy lie was more than enough to satisfy them, but they are still very curious.

Papyrus looks around at the monsters in the room and not for the first time he wonders just how stupid they must be to believe that he and Sans are Papy and Blueberry’s long lost twins that have been living in the capitol. A lie like that is just _idiotic_. A toddler in Papyrus’ world would be able to see through it.

Maybe people just simply don’t care here. Maybe they know they’re full of crap, but just decided not to care because they refused to tell the truth the first time they asked. Maybe every single monster in this world except Blueberry is just as lazy as Papy.

Well, if that was true, then Blueberry _and_ Muffet would certainly be the only sane monsters in the entire Underground.

“Dearie!” Muffet exclaims just seconds before Papyrus gets wrapped in all six of her arms. He doesn’t hesitate to pat her back in a friendly manner, chuckling a little at her overly excited behavior.

“You haven’t visited me _in ages!_ ” she says when she pulls back. She slaps his chest softly with a hand and places the rest of them on her narrow hips. “I was beginning to think you had grown tired of me!”

“Maybe he grew tired of getting attacked the second he comes in” y/n mutters quietly under her breath. Papyrus gives her a hard look but she isn’t looking in his direction.

“I may not like your establishment, but I would never grow tired of you, my dear Miss Muffet. You are a delight to this world” he responds smoothly before he lifts one of her hands to his mouth and kisses it chastely. Muffet laughs melodic and waves him away. Luckily, she either doesn’t hear or she ignores the snort coming from y/n.

“Ahuhuhu, you’re such a charmer” she tells him, “No wonder you can get half the town to pant by just walking down the street.”

“Who is being charming now?” he gives again. He feels himself smile a little when Muffet laughs again.

Muffet was a true blessing in disguise when they first arrived here. The Muffet of their world is a nasty broodmother who devours anyone who dares come near her lair. She’s sadistic and enjoys playing with her victims before feeding them to her army of spiders. This Muffet is nothing like that. She’s witty, her humor dark and matches Papyrus almost too perfectly, she’s flirty and enjoys having a good time just for the heck of it.

Papyrus really enjoys these short moments of bantering every day, likes to feel like just a normal monster coming in for lunch. He has never had that before. Everyone has always been either terrified of him or thought him unworthy of their time. Muffet was one of the first monsters to dare speak to him despite his frightening appearance and attitude. When he had first growled at her and told her to mind her own damn business, she had warned him not to be rude or she would get her pet.

Of course Papyrus ignored everything she said and it resulted in him having to sprint through the town, running from a damn muffin monster that was dead set on chomping down on his bones.

Papyrus appreciates a woman that sticks to her word and who is not afraid of putting people in their place. He suspects that Muffet might hold a little of the insanity the Muffet of his world has too, because she is simply just too lewd and crude for this world. She’s too feisty to fit into the idyllic paradise the rest of this universe seems to be.

It’s fresh and entertaining and Papyrus likes it.

“Go sit down you naughty boy” Muffet commands, slapping his ass in the process, “I have something special cooking for you.”

“How did you know I would come today?” he asks. Muffet follows him over to the booth the others have sat down in and she practically pushes him into the seat by manhandling him around.

“I had a little help” she says, looking at Blueberry who quickly ducks his head shyly.

“I-I know you don’t like all the sweet pastries just like I don’t, so I asked her to make something else for us” Blueberry quickly explains. His face grows bluer and bluer the longer everyone is looking at him. “STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! IT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO BE NICE TO YOUR FRIENDS!” he exclaims when everyone just keeps smiling at him. He certainly gets flustered so easily and it is exactly as adorable as always.

“Thank you, Blueberry” Papyrus says, dipping his head in a slight nod to say thank you. He really is happy that he won’t have to survive through yet another lunch filled with sweet food. Muffet is many things, but she has a sweet tooth that can battle even Sans’ love for mustard. How Papy and y/n are even able to eat the food she makes for them is beyond Papyrus. Although, he understands how his brother can eat it. Sans’ magic must have become numb to tastes after all the mustard he has downed over the years. That kind of harsh taste must burn that ability right out of you.

Either that or Sans is more weird than Papyrus had thought. That is actually be pretty likely too.

“I’ll be right back with your orders dearies. Sit tight” Muffet announces. She runs a soft hand over one of Papyrus’ cheeks and smacks it gently before she goes, a thing that has become as normal to Papyrus as Sans rolling his eyes every time he thinks other people are acting like idiots.

“Wow, do you think she could be more obvious?” y/n asks and Papyrus sighs. Clearly, some people are not yet used to the light-hearted bantering between Muffet and himself. Y/n is clearly feeling jealous. “Why don’t you just fuck her and get it over with?” she asks him. She won’t even look at him. She’s staring at the menu, despite not needed to order. Everything about her is screaming awkward jealousy and Papyrus is tired of being at the receiving end of it. Y/n has never reacted like this towards Muffet and Papyrus’ friendship before.

“Miss Muffet is a friend” he tells her, “I have no desire to change that title.”

“Pretty sure she has” y/n responds, finally looking up. She has never looked at him like this before. He is rather sure the expression on her face is hatred and that actually hurts him. What has he done to make her feel like that? He has not changed at all. He is still the same monster as he was before they slept together.

“If she has those kinds of desires, I am sure she will tell me herself” Papyrus says clipped, his patience running out rapidly fast. He really hates feeling sad, especially after having just reached the sixth day of keeping his emotions neutral. He _needs_ to keep himself happy if he wants his soul to stay red.

“With you sending all those mixed signals, I’m pretty sure she’s completely clueless about how you feel” y/n comments. She tries to make it sound like she’s disinterested and not emotionally invested in that statement, but Papyrus can see right through her. That comment came straight from the heart.

“Muffet knows that if she is confused about what I am feeling, all she has to do is ask” he says.

“what’s with the sudden interest in muffet? jealous or somethin’?” Sans asks before y/n can open her mouth, hitting the nail straight on the head. Y/n snorts loudly and puts the menu down.

“As if. I just don’t like her, that’s all” she says. Papyrus refrains from saying anything and just rolls his eyes. He catches Papy’s eye and has to roll his again, just because Papy is looking at him with such a smug expression. Of course he knows exactly what’s going on. How could Papyrus ever doubt that. Papy _always_ knows what is going on.

* * *

After that everything just gets more awkward between them. They can barely speak to each other and soon Papyrus grows tired of it. He starts growling a little more at her and his tone becomes much harsher than intended whenever he has to speak to her. It’s all just because everything she does just reminds him how much she wants him, how fucking much _he_ wants _her_ , and that pisses him off.

It pisses him off because he _can’t_ have her. He can’t show the world that she’s _his,_ his alone. He can’t show her how much he actually cares for her. He has decided to spare them both the pain of having to say goodbye after being in love for a while and he hates himself for it, which makes him hate her for awakening those feelings in him.

It’s a Sunday morning that the tension between them seems to finally reach the limit. Blueberry is off at Alphys’ for some sort of lesson. Papyrus is sitting on the couch in the living room, reading a book peacefully while y/n is sitting in the armchair that appeared in the room sometime after Papyrus’ and Sans’ arrival. She seems to be working on some sort of knitting project. The low curses coming from her regularly tells Papyrus that the project is not going as planned, but he keeps his mouth shut even though he wants to tell her to calm the fuck down. It’s just yarn after all, but she is acting like it’s the end of the world.

Papy and Sans appears from the kitchen. They’ve been eating breakfast and chatting quietly together, probably telling each other jokes if the shit eating grins on their faces is anything to go by. Papyrus looks up curiously when Sans reaches over the couch to grab the his jacket lying on it.

“Where are you going?” Papyrus asks, as he usually does.

“just to the lab out back. me n’ pap got a new idea we wanna try out” Sans answers as he struggles to get his arm through the sleeve of the jacket. Papyrus needs to get him a new one soon, he thinks. It’s almost too ruined by now to do any good. Sans must be cold all the time while he’s out. Maybe that’s why he always wears those thicks sweaters underneath it.

He reaches out and helps Sans stuff his arm through the ruined sleeve. “How long will you be?” he asks, again, like he use to. He doesn’t think he sounds particularly angry or commanding. He thinks he sounds perfectly normal, but something in his voice makes y/n snap her head up and level him with a glare.

“For fucks sake, do you have to treat him like a child all the damn time?” y/n snaps, startling all of them into silence. Papyrus looks at her, but doesn’t feel surprised at her outburst. She has been speaking to him as harshly as he has to her for a while now. It was just matter of time before she snapped.

“Can’t he leave the house once without you hovering over him like he’s your slave?” she finishes. She’s still working on the project, but throws it to the side with a growl, giving up.

Papyrus reaches up to remove the reading glasses that are stuck to his face. He has always hated the feeling of anything clinging to his skull like that, but sadly, he needs them to be able to read. Losing his eye cost him a lot and using his magic to see perfectly is too exhausting in the long run. Reading should be relaxing.

“Not that it is any of your business, but yes, of course he can. I simply asked a question” Papyrus answers.

“It’s not _just_ a question when you constantly check up on him. Where are you going, what are you doing, who are you with, when are you coming home. He’s your brother, not your _pet_!” she says, counting on her fingers.

“hey lady, get off his back” Sans snaps at her, “mind your own damn business.”

“Aren’t you tired of him controlling you like that? Aren’t you tired of him playing with your feelings all the time?” she asks and suddenly Papyrus understands what’s actually going on here. This has nothing to do with Sans. Nothing at all.

Papyrus puts his book down and places his glasses calmly on top of them. Sans instantly takes a step away from him, sensing the storm brewing in Papyrus’ chest.

“b-boss. calm down. she’s just crazy. n-no need to get all upset” he quickly says.

“Calm down Sans. I’m not “upset”” Papyrus says as he stands up.

“yeah right. that’s your upset face” Sans says, “whenever you look like that, stuff around you dies. last time it was the couch back home.”

“I assure you, the couch is safe” Papyrus tells him.

“that’s not exactly comforting boss!” Sans says. Papyrus ignores him, which just makes him pull further back. Papyrus sees Sans shoot a desperate look in Papy’s direction and when Papy doesn’t do anything, Sans calms down a little bit. It seems like his brother trusts Papy’s judgement of the situation and his ability to read Papyrus.

He walks over to y/n and stops before her. He waits until she looks up at him defiantly before he bends down just enough to be within her private space. It’s _just_ enough closeness for her to feel crowded, but without making it plainly obvious he is crossing any lines. It’s something Papyrus is pretty good at. Making it seem like he’s being polite while still making his victims know he has them exactly where he wants them.

He puts his hands into the pockets of his pants and gives her a very fake, but pleasant smile.

“I do not appreciate you talking to my brother like that” he tells her.

“Like what? Like he’s a human being?”

“Exactly like that, yes” Papyrus says, “My brother is his own _monster_ . He is _not_ like you. Speaking to him like he is a child might be considered okay to do in the human world, but down here it is not. Trying to manipulate him to turn against me? Now, that is just using dirty tricks.”

“You would know all about dirty tricks, wouldn’t you?” she says, “You’re so full of yourself, it’s a miracle you can even stand up.”

“Being nasty will not achieve anything” he says, “Besides, you do not need to convince my brother that I have treated him badly in the past. He knows that perfectly well. He has multiple scars reminding him of that. You don’t even need to try and make him see that he would be much better off without me. He already knows that too. You don’t even have to convince him that I am not worth forgiving. Sans is the one that knows me best. He already knows everything you want to tell him.”

“Why doesn’t he tell you to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine all the time then, huh? You’ve made him love you somehow, made him dependant on you so he won’t leave you, but I’m gonna make him realize just how bad you really are. How much you toy with people’s emotions.”

Papyrus straightens up and gestures to Sans. “Why don’t you ask him that? Clearly whatever I have to say won’t convince you.” Y/n turns to look at Sans, who is looking uncomfortable. Papyrus can see he is very pissed off though and he feels a warm spark in his soul over the protective aura shining off of his brother. It is very rare that he gets to see Sans feel like this because of Papyrus.

“boss has anxiety” Sans tells her, “he gets nervous when he doesn’t know where i am. it’s not a control thing. it’s an “our world” thing. we got this... deal, you might call it. we tell each other where we go, who we’re with and how long it will take before we’re back and if we’re not, then we go look for each other. it’s the only way we can stay somewhat safe when we’re out alone. it’s…” Sans hesitates and looks at Papyrus for a short second before he looks away and finishes in a mumble, “it’s the only thing that stayed the same after he “changed”. i’m actually the one that started it, back when he was just a baby bones. he always got so scared when i went out that i had to give him a schedule so he would calm down. it was the only way i could get him to stay home when i went to work. he kept following me otherwise to “protect me”. it was stupid, but fucking cute too.”

The living room is quiet for one long minute after Sans stops talking. When y/n turns to look at Papyrus again, he can already see that apology tumbling around on her tongue.

“I would appreciate if you kept yourself from making assumptions about me and my brother’s relationship, especially if those assumptions are colored by your own opinion about me” Papyrus says, “Sans has absolutely nothing to do with you hating me.”

“yeah jeez lady, you sound like a love crazy bitch. tone it down a bit, will ya?” Sans comments, probably in an attempt to lighten the mood in the room, “you two have been bickering like an old married couple for days now. it’s almost like two of ya had been hitting the hay and you couldn’t keep your emotions outta it.”

Y/n turns red instantly and Papyrus feels himself stiffen a little. His brother is too good of an observer. Papyrus never knew.

“no” Sans says after watching their reactions, “holy shit! that’s too precious! you two are fucking? oh no, that’s just too fucking good. guess i owe you that bottle of honey pap. you were fucking right.”

“I am glad I seem to amuse you, brother” Papyrus tells him. He crosses his arms over his chest to appear calm, even though he wants nothing more than to run from the situation.

“amusing? it’s fuckin’ hilarious boss. can’t imagine you ever getting the stick stuck in your ass out for long enough to actually relax a bit, let alone get down and dirty with someone. and then with a human! hah.”

“So what if I’m human? I still have value!” y/n barks at him. Her annoyed, hurt tone only makes Sans laugh harder.

“oh sweetheart, i know that. i ain’t saying you don’t have value. all i’m saying is that boss _despises_ humans. he hates them almost as much as he hates fucking _dogs_ . even gutted a few of them and he fucking enjoyed doin’ it. so trying to imagine him actually fucking _you_ of all people is just hilarious. someone like muffet? sure, no problem. but you?” Sans shakes his head and looks towards Papy, who has been watching this from the front door. “i keep seeing him really fucking confused. fuck her or stab her, fuck her or stab her?” Sans bends over himself and starts howling in laughter. Even Papy hums a little laugh.

“Thank you, Sans, I think that is quite enough. Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Papyrus says.

“yeah” Sans forces out in between his hysterical laughs. He walks over to Papy and points a thumb over his shoulder. “you actually believe that shit? it’s fucking priceless. boss and a human.” They slam the door closed after they leave.

Papyrus walks over to pick up his book. He suddenly feels like lying on his bed instead of sitting in the living room.

“Is that why?” y/n asks him sadly when he starts walking up the stairs.

“Is that why _what_?” Papyrus asks. He is desperately trying to keep himself calm. This interaction has made his soul beat harder in his chest, sending small stabs of pain out through his body. The pain in his soul sparks a panic and a unbearable need to go somewhere private so he can check on it. He hates that he has started reacting like this every time he feels anything that’s not positive, that he gets this scared all of a sudden. It just makes the negative feelings even worse.

“Is that why you don’t want to at least try and like me?” she asks, “Is it because I’m human?”

“I don’t despise humans” Papyrus says, “Sans just believes that because I talked very passionately about killing them in my youth. It was one of the only ways to get accepted into the Guard if you hadn’t spent your entire life training for it, which I hadn’t.

“Then what is it? It’s my personality? The way I look? Because I’m… fleshy?”

“I don’t want to have this conversation” he tells her. He tries to walk away again.

“Wait, please!” she calls, her voice begging him to stop. He does so with a low growl. He _hates_ how easily she can make him obey. “I need to know, okay? I’m going crazy and I can’t figure you out! You send so many confusing signals all the time and I don’t know what to do with myself!”

Papyrus sighs loudly. Why he even tries to deny it anymore is a mystery to him. He’s so far gone on this woman that he can’t even act like himself anymore. “You are not fat, if that is what you mean by “fleshy”. You are a very nice looking woman and you are perfect just as you are” he tells her honestly, turning on the step he is standing on just enough so he can look down at her. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.”

“Then what is it?” she asks again. When she stands up and moves towards him, Papyrus gets a sudden strong urge to flee from her. She can’t come closer. The closer she is the weaker he becomes. He needs to get himself back under control before being that close to her again. He’s not emotionless right now!

“If it’s not because I’m human, and not because of how I look or who I am, then what? What is stopping you?” she asks. She stops on a step lower than him and leaves very little room between them. Papyrus feels like he can barely breathe without touching her.

“I’ve see the looks you send me sometimes” she continues when he stays silent, “I’m not stupid. I’ve actually become pretty good at reading skeleton facial expressions and I know what love looks like. Papy gets that expression on his face everytime he sees a bottle of honey, or Blue. Blue gets it when… well, when he looks at pretty much anything. And you get it when you look at me or Red. So, what is it? What is stopping you?”

“You are far too observant for your own good” Papyrus tells her. Why does his throat feel so tight? He doesn’t even have a throat! Damn his magic.

“Please just answer me honestly. If only this once” she begs. Okay. He can do that. Be honest with her just once.

“I can’t love you forever, so therefore I won’t allow myself to love you at all” he answers her.

“Who says it has to be forever? Nothing is forever!” she says angrily.

“Perhaps not for you, but for monsters it _is_ ” he says. Of course she would not understand this. How could she? She doesn’t know what it’s like to be dependant of her soul. To her the soul has just only become a truth.

“Love is not an easy feeling” he tries to explain, “It is not something that goes away. If I let you into my soul, I’m bound to you, exactly like I’m bound to my brother because I love him. It is why I can’t just leave him, why I always fight for him, despite wishing I didn’t have to. It’s why I couldn’t kill him, even though I had the chance many times. Leaving you behind when I go back home after having loved you for even just an hour will mean leaving my soul behind. And I can’t live without my soul.”

It’s bullshit. He could do that just fine. It wouldn’t kill him. It would just hurt like a bitch to not be near her and that hurt would make his soul turn more and more black until it’s too late for him to do anything about it.

“You don’t have to leave me behind” she says. Her hand eagerly shots out to take his and she steps closer, taking that final step up the stairs that means they’re practically standing on top of each other. “I can just come with you to your would. Being trapped underground here or there makes no difference to me.”

“No!” he snaps, “Don’t even think about that. You would be dead within an hour.”

“I’m not weak” she argues, “I can defend myself just fine.”

“Not against these monsters. Not against my world.”

“Are you sure you’re not just saying that because you don’t even want to try?” she asks.

“I don’t want to discuss this. The answer is _no_.” He rips his hand out of hers and hurries up the stairs and into his room. He’s not exactly surprised that she follows him, but he wishes so badly she would just let it be.

“Didn’t last time teach you that running from me isn’t going to work?” she asks when she enters the room.

“One could hope that you had some sort of respect for other people's wishes and privacy, but I seem to have forgotten who I was speaking to” he says deadpanned.

“Ha ha, you are hilarious. Shut up.”

“Okay” he simply says before crossing his arms. He can do that. That would actually be better than him speaking.

“Argh! Why are you so infuriating? Can’t you just let yourself feel something good for once in your damn life?”

“For what reason?” he asks. He unfolds his arms and gestures to her. “For you? Forget the fact that I don’t deserve it for a moment and please explain to me exactly why I should? Because the only person here that would gain anything from it is you and I don’t want to sacrifice my life for only a few weeks of happiness!”

“How about for your own sake? You would get something out of it too! And stop being so over dramatic. You’re strong enough to fight even though you are in love. Loving me won’t kill you.”

“Yes it will!” he shouts at her, finally losing his cool, “Loving you will _destroy_ me.” She rears back like he just slapped her. The expression on her face makes his anger drain away immediately. Sorrow invades his soul instead and suddenly he feels like just giving up. He really doesn’t like that feeling. It hurts.

“Did you think that my soul is black just because that is how I was born?” he asks quietly, “I have been _horrible_ in my life. I’ve been more despicable than you can ever imagine. Being that kind of monster leaves a permanent mark on your soul and trust me when I say it’s _not good_ . If I’m not careful, I could lose myself forever. I would have no emotions, no empathy, no _love_ whatsoever. I would only know bloodlust and rage. So when I say loving you will destroy me, I mean it in the most literal way. If I love you, and leave you behind, I will be in agony, exactly like I expect you would be. The only difference is that my soul is turning black and if it does, I could lose myself. That is why I _can’t_ love you. Not because I don’t want to, or because you’re not good enough or because I don’t want to allow myself to be happy, but because _I don’t want to die._ I don’t wish to be an empty shell walking around. I don’t want to force my brother to kill me because I’m basically dead inside.” He takes a deep breath and turns away from her a little. It hurts looking at her face and the pain he can see there. “Are you satisfied with that answer? I can’t possibly be more honest than that.”

“Y-yes… That’s…” She can’t even finish her sentence. Stars, Papyrus despises himself for having to break her heart like that.

“Now please, leave me alone.” He turns away from her and fights against himself, trying to keep himself from dipping into despair. He wants to hug her so badly, wants to kiss her and tell her that he will be hers forever if that is what she wishes. He wants to give himself to her so much, wants to let her come with him to his world so they can live together and he wants to fight for their love.

But he is not naive. Papyrus knows that nothing is forever and that one small catastrophe is all it takes. He knows that even though they become lovers, his soul won’t miraculously stop turning black every time he is drowning in negative feelings. Loving her will not make his demons go away. She can’t fight them, even though she looks like an angel to him. She will not be able to stop his world from tearing itself apart and she will not be able to promise him that he will never have to feel the guilt after having taken a life again. She might be powerful, she might be strong and her love might be the salvation he so desperately longs for, but she is not able to save what is already doomed.

And Papyrus is doomed. His life ended the day the black souled monster came for him and he has been living on borrowed time ever since. He will not drag her into his hell. He won’t sacrifice her too. She is too precious for that.

The door closes silently behind him and Papyrus’ soul shrinks. It is going to be a very long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the incredible Miss Time over at [Timewasrunningout](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/)  
> [Mercyisnotasignofweakness](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/) And you can find me here if you wanna talk! I love talking to you guys and would love to answer any questions you have. I also take requests, altho I need to be finished with this one before I have time for another xD But you are welcome to drop it in my inbox for later!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All or nothing, I guess” he whispers to himself right before he turns his head to look straight at Papyrus. “How much do you know about quantum mechanics?” The question makes Papyrus snort loudly.
> 
> “It might come as a surprise to you, but education has not exactly been a top priority of mine” he answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thank you all so much for +180 kudos and the constant amazing comments you leave for me! You make me so stupidly happy!**
> 
> Okay, so we're headed towards the end. This is were thigns starts getting a little hardcore. I have to remind people that I am NOT an expert in quantum mechanics and everything written in this fic is something I have researched to the best of my ability (I got mad Google skillz bro). I absolutely love science, and especially physics, and consider myself pretty decent at understanding the subject, but even I had to throw in the towel here. It was simply way too complicated to understand with no background knowledge into the subject. So I hope I managed to make what I understood from my research somewhat understandable to you. If not then... well... I can't really do anything but give you a google link to my source? xD Haha 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> \- Miss Mercy

## Chapter nine

 

  _The burden you bear can cripple you_  
_A ravenous cancer, eating your soul_  
_Lost within a world beyond your control_  
_So tonight, let there be a reckoning_  
_Let this moment empower you to no end_  
_Let the doubts within you, start to descend_

The Brave and The Bold by Disturbed - __  
__

 

* * *

Papyrus is on patrol during a warmish Tuesday. As always, there is nothing noteworthy happening around him and he is just walking along, basically wasting his time. He is longing to return home and get out of his armor, take a hot bath and change into some soft warm clothes and stars, he really did turn fucking soft during these past few months, didn’t he?

He almost laughs at himself, at how surreal this situation is. Here he is, casually walking through the forests of Snowdin, dreaming of when he can go home and be all domestic with a cup of tea and a good book.

It has been a few days since his run in with y/n and things have been strained between them ever since. Not strained in the same way as before. They no longer bicker and argue and there is no longer any heated glares or muttered comments coming from her. She’s very polite and always pleasant to talk to when they have one of their rare conversations.

Actually, she has stopped trying to be a part of his life at all, it feels like. It’s like she has just pulled back and returned to being the kind of “friends” they had been during the first few weeks after his arrival to her world. She stays away from him, doesn’t include him in conversations unless it is something directly concerning him, she doesn’t ask him how he is doing, ask for his thoughts on something or even acknowledge him when she leaves for her job at the library where she reads for the children with Papy.

It’s like Papyrus has been transported back in time where he was nothing but a shadow in her life, someone she knew existed but never put too much effort into getting to know.

It’s both a blessing and a curse. It’s good, because it makes it easier for him to keep himself emotionally neutral most of the day, but it’s bad, because when he finally lies down to sleep at night, regret and longing invades him. He always ends up spending most of the night thinking “what if”. What if he had kissed her instead of telling her he couldn’t love her. What if she had kissed him back and forgiven him for his weakness, forgiven him for being afraid. What if they had made it work somehow, what if she had been able to miraculously save his soul somehow, what if, what if, _what if._

He drives himself half-mad like that every night, resulting in him being grumpy and tired the next day because he have slept very little.

Papyrus finds himself wishing for the machine to just get fixed sometimes. He finds himself longing for his own world and the simplicity of it. Kill, or be killed. It was so easy before he arrived here.

It’s a lie though, and he knows it. He only thinks it was easier because he had hidden himself so far away he thought that part of him didn’t exist anymore. Even though his world is filled with darkness, happiness exists there too. He has seen a child’s first hesitant steps into the snow, late at night. Hidden behind a tree, he had watched the parents’ expressions when the child’s face lit up and seen them cry in despair because they knew that happiness soon would vanish from their child’s life forever.

There _is_ good in his world. He just has to look hard enough for it, and that tiny spec of light has made an ancient feeling bloom in his chest again. It’s a hope, naive and young, but it’s there. Some part of the little child he once was has awakened inside him and its optimism has started flowing through Papyrus’ soul.

Papyrus can try and save his world. Blueberry was right when he said Papyrus knew the way now. He does. He knows that kindness shown at the right time, to the right people, can do wonders for them and their entire life. Papyrus knows the cause of all the evil in his world. He knows how difficult it is to ignore the rush of power surging through your soul after a kill, how hard it is to stop yourself from doing it again and again just to feel that rush. He knows how you can become almost addicted to it and how difficult it is to let that feeling go.

He knows how it feels to despair, to fear and do everything in your power to protect the people you care for, even if it means turning you into the very monster you are trying to defeat.

There is hope and that is what keeps him going during these days were he would rather just sleep the day away and wallow in his misery.

Yes, this world certainly has changed him, he thinks. If it has been for the better or the worse, only time will tell, but at least Papyrus knows that whatever happens to him, he will never again let himself slide into ignorance. He will never again let himself be numb to the world. He is going to let every emotion in, no matter how difficult it is to do.

* * *

He is walking towards Snowdin town when his path crosses Papy’s. He hears the sound of shoes crunching in the snow long before he ever sees a glimpse of orange through the white and green cover of the trees. When Papy finally comes into view, Papyrus only nods to him and moves closer to the edge of the trail, leaving room for the other skeleton next to him.

Papy is dragging himself along. He barely even mumbles a hey to Papyrus and he doesn’t reach over to clap his shoulder as usual. Papyrus senses something heavy is weighing on Papy’s mind. He seems much more tired today than usual.

Maybe it has something to do with Papy waking up last night with a choked off shout. Papyrus had woken up because of it, but hadn’t announced it because Papy started crying quietly almost immediately after waking up. The sobs that had escaped the other skeleton had been heart-wrenching to listen to and Papy has been clinging to the sleeping Blueberry next to him, muttering words to him Papyrus couldn’t really make out. The only thing he is certain of, is that Papy continuously begged Blueberry to not leave him again, whatever that means. As far as Papyrus knows, Blueberry can never leave Papy behind, no matter what happens.

Despite his confusion, Papyrus is starting to form a picture of what it is that haunts Papy so much. Whatever it is, it makes him terrified of losing his brother. Papyrus understands that feeling a little too well.

“You seem exceptionally sluggish today” Papyrus comments when Papy finally falls into step next to him. The orange clad skeleton barely even lifts his head when he looks up and his smile is so far from genuine that it looks absolutely manic on his face.

“Heh, I’m just _bone tired_ bro.” Papyrus’ only reaction is just to lift a brow bone at his alter ego. Papy sighs deeply and the fake smile falls away from his face. Now his face finally portrays the feeling Papyrus can read on him.

Papy is scared out of his mind and Papyrus wants to know why. His nightmares have been getting worse and worse, he has been more tired and much more on edge than normal. Some uncomfortable feeling in Papyrus’ gut tells him that something really bad is lurking in the shadows, sneaking closer and closer. Something is coming for them, something that is a danger to Blueberry.

And Papyrus knows that Papy knows _exactly_ what it is.

“That was bad, even for you” Papyrus tells him, “What is going on?”

“Nothing’s going on bro. Just didn’t sleep well last night. No biggie.”

“Is that so?” Papyrus says. He can see Papy try and swallow uselessly. So, Papyrus is not the only one with that weird phantom urge. “I would have thought that you knew that lying to me is useless by now. I can see something is driving you mad with fear.”

“It’s kinda scary how good you are at reading people” Papy comments.

“It’s mostly you I am having success with. Others, not so much, although I do have my moments” Papyrus says, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Trouble in paradise?” Papy prompts, looking at him from the corner of his eyes.

“In order for there to be trouble in paradise, paradise would have to exist” Papyrus says coldly, “Which it does _not_.”

“Ouch. She gave you the boot before even giving you a chance?”

“It’s the other way around, I’m afraid.”

“Wait, what? You’re bullshitting me, right?” Papy asks surprised. When Papyrus just looks at him briefly, he shakes his head. “Bro, you are one hell of a bonehead. You’re _crazy_ about her. Why would you say no if she’s willing to be with you?”

“Because I am not staying here and being separated is dangerous to me” Papyrus just says. The way Papy’s face almost turns whiter than it already is tells Papyrus that he understands. Papy rests a hand against his chest and scratches at his ribs for a short moment.

“Oh…” is all he says.

“We are not going to talk about me today” Papyrus tells him. He knocks his shoulder into Papy’s, making him turn off the road towards town. Papy stumbles startled, making Papyrus grab his elbow to he doesn’t fall over in the snow. He really must be tired if Papyrus so easily can make him lose his footing.

“Hey, come on now. Blueberry is waiting for us. We can’t just…”

“There is still an hour left before lunch and Blueberry will certainly understand why we are late when I tell him a lie about needing to talk about “feelings” and such” Papyrus says.

“You’re gonna lie to Blueberry?” Papy asks in disbelief.

“It wouldn’t be the first time” Papyrus admits, and hesitates. “Although, it will probably be the first time I feel bad while doing it.” He gestures for Papy to sit down on the log of a fallen over tree and takes a seat next to him once he does.

Papyrus is the one to offer Papy a cigarette now, knowing it will ease the other’s mind and hopefully help him persuade Papy into telling him what is wrong. Papy accepts the cigarette as expected and after lighting his own, Papyrus leans back and blows the smoke into the fresh air slowly.

“What is coming after you?” he asks Papy, “And why is it a danger to Blueberry?”

“How did you…?” Papy starts out, but he stops himself, “No, nevermind. Forget I asked. Okay. Fuck…” He rubs a hand over his face and leans his head back. His eyes close for a moment. When he opens them again, he decides to stare at the ceiling and the many small crystals that keeps it lit up.

“I can’t do it” he says after some time, “I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, I just can’t. You’re going to think I’m insane.”

“Possibly” Papyrus agrees, “But think of it like this: You desperately need to tell _someone_ and who is going to believe you better than yourself? Besides, I will be gone soon, so if I do end up thinking you are crazy, you at least won’t have to live the rest of your life watching me think that.”

“That’s true I guess…” Papy mumbles before he sighs deeply and takes a long drag of the cigarette. The smoke dances in the air before them for a little while, while Papy collects his thoughts.

“All or nothing, I guess” he whispers to himself right before he turns his head to look straight at Papyrus. “How much do you know about quantum mechanics?” The question makes Papyrus snort loudly.

“It might come as a surprise to you, but education has not exactly been a top priority of mine” he answers.

“Heh, well, crash course it is then.” He takes another drag of his cigarette and flicks the ash off before he talks again. “To simplify it really fucking much, it’s about particles. About the smallest things in the universe that makes up everything around us, you and me included.”

“I fail to see the importance of this science lecture” Papyrus comments. He is already bored and doesn’t understand what Papy is trying to tell him.

“I’m getting to it bro, but you gotta understand what the hell I’m talking about, or you’ll definitely think I’m crazy.” Papyrus rolls his eyes. Whatever. Papy obviously need this and Papyrus can pretend to understand. He has done that plenty of times before in his life when something others were talking about went straight over his head. He is good at faking.

“Fine. Continue.”

“Okay, so you gotta understand, this branch of physics isn’t bound by the natural laws of the physical world. It’s wacky like that. In classical mechanics, particles exist in a specific place at a specific time. But, in quantum mechanics, particles instead exist in every possible place: they have a certain chance of being at point A, another chance of being at point B and so on. There’s a lot to it, many different branches, but the one that we are interested in, is this one: The one that deals with time.”

“I’m not following” Papyrus admits, “Things cannot be in two places at once. It is impossible.”

“Is it?” Papy’s voice says, but Papyrus hears it coming from both his sides. His head whips around, leaving the shadow of Papy’s body on the right and finding him sitting at his left side instead.

Papyrus rips himself away and looks towards where Papy had been sitting before.

“HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?” he exclaims.

“Magic bro” Papy just answers with a shit-eating grin, “Now sit down. I’m just getting started.”

“So you are not even going to explain that?” Papyrus asks him, pointing at the place where Papy had been. There isn’t even an indent in the snow where he sat. How.. Did Papyrus imagine him sitting there? Why is his head suddenly throbbing with a dull ache?

“I’m getting to it” Papy repeats, “Shut up and listen.” Papyrus hesitates a little, doesn’t like the discovery of a new power he hadn’t known Papy possessed. He knew Papy was good at sneaking up on him and he never seemed to be able to hear him coming, no matter how much he tried, but he had never expected it to be this.

Papy just _teleported_. Papyrus has never heard of a monster capable of that. Well, besides his brother, but he thought that had been a one time thing. A mistake.

Once Papyrus is back on the ground, Papy starts talking again. “It’s actually pretty simple. See this lighter?” He holds up the flip-lighter he just dug out of his pocket. “If I throw this up in the air, it’s gonna land on the ground, right?”

“Yes, that is usually what happens with things that gets thrown up in the air” Papyrus responds in a sarcastic tone of voice.

“Let’s say the lighter ends up here” Papy continues like Papyrus didn’t even say anything. He places the lighter in the snow between their bodies. “In our timeline, the lighter ends here, right on this spot. But, what decided that it landed there? There are an infinite possible places it could have landed. Had I thrown it harder, had the wind knocked it out of course, had you tried to catch it, the lighter would have ended up somewhere else. Quantum mechanics say, that the lighter didn’t just land here. It landed everywhere at once.”

“I already think you are crazy” Papyrus tells him. This is… Wow.

“Still not getting it?” Papyrus shakes his head. “Ok. Eh… How about this then? A cat gets placed in a box along with a device that has the a fifty-fifty chance of shattering a bottle with poison. Is the cat dead or alive an hour later when the box is about to be opened?”

“You just said it was a fifty-fifty percent chance. It could be either” Papyrus answers easily.

“Right, and wrong at the same time. The cat isn’t either dead or alive. It’s both. Before you open that box and look into it, the cat is both alive and dead, because it exists in different timelines. In some timelines, the cat survives. In others, it dies. The cats in either timeline is equally real, but they can’t interact with each other. The split-second before you open the box, the cat is still alive and it’s dead, because that moment marks the moment of the timelines splitting.”

“Double crazy” Papyrus comments.

“Come on man, you must have something in that skull of yours that can understand this. We’re supposed to be the same guy” Papy says with a groan. Like he just got shocked, Papy sits up straight. “Hey, that’s the answer! Us!” He turns to Papyrus with an eager look on his face.

“How can we both be here, if what I’m trying to tell you weren’t real?”

“We are not exactly the same monster” Papyrus comments.

“Exactly. Something happened to the core timeline, something that made our two universes this different. Some kind of event split the timeline, creating two new ones.” Something like the monsters of Papyrus’ timeline deciding to use black magic to try and win the war, and the monsters of Papy’s timeline deciding against it…

“We’re both the same Papyrus, we are equally real, just like the cat, but until now we haven’t been able to interact.”

“But we did.”

“Because of your bro, yeah. His powers make him able to bend time and space, exactly like me. We can see all the different possible places the lighter can land. Every single second that passes by I could have made a decision or you could or anyone else could, that means I would have been in another place than here. I’m able to see that, see those places and create a shortcut to them. Which means that in another timeline that split from this one, I sat down here, on your left side. In this timeline, I sat down at your right.”

“And I can choose where to be while still staying in this timeline. Your bro bent time and space a little too hard when he tried warping you outta danger and that’s why you ended up here by a mistake. He jumped the timelines and not just the places” he finishes. Papyrus whips around again, finding Papy sitting at his right side again. He didn’t even notice him vanish from his left, but when he looks back, the spot is empty. Only the lighter in the snow remains, serving as the only evidence that Papy was ever there.

Papyrus picks up the lighter and feels his skull throb in a full blown headache. He hands the lighter to Papy.

“Let’s say I believe you, but don’t understand you and let’s get on with this” he just says. If Papy decides to continue this lecture, Papyrus might just walk away again.

“Fair enough” Papy says. He sighs deeply again. “So this is where it gets really freaky.” He looks up at Papyrus with a haunted expression and Papyrus feels a tug of fear in his soul. He suddenly wishes he didn’t have to hear what the other has to say, but he knows he needs to. He needs to be ready, so he can save his friends from whatever it is.

“There’s this human that shows up” Papy starts, “Not y/n. A different human. A kid.”

“A child?” Papyrus says in disbelief, “You are this worked up because of a _child?_ ”

“ _I’m getting to it”_ Papy growls. Papyrus holds his hands up.

Another deep breath. “There’s something wrong with them. They’re not like y/n. They’re not… responsive. At all. They come out of the old ruins door in the forest and they’re always covered in dust.”

“A child is able to kill monsters?” Papyrus interrupts, “This world is even weaker than I had thought.”

“It’s not just a normal kid! Don’t you listen? There’s something _off_ about them” Papy snaps. Papyrus is really surprised at the change in him. Papy is usually so down to earth and calm. He barely lets his voice reach the higher volumes and barely gets as animated as he is now, but something about this story he is trying to tell sets him on edge. It makes him buzz with magic, makes his eyes light up with orange. Papyrus decides to stay silent and let Papy talk. He acknowledges that he might not be prepared for how this ends.

“They don’t respond to conversation, actions or even attacks. They just stare at me and walk straight past me. It’s like they’re stuck on a track they can’t divert from. They always do the same thing, always go the same places. I’ve tried _everything_ to make them change paths. Anything that could prevent them from killing every single monster they come past, but _nothing_ has worked.”

“So they kill more monsters?”

“Yeah and their LV goes through the roof. It gets bigger than yours. It almost gets maxed out when they reach the castle in New Home.”

“That… requires killing a lot of monsters” Papyrus comments. He doesn’t like where this is going. Not at all.

“Exactly. Every single monster in the Underground, to be exact. It’s like they just know everything. How many monsters are in each zone, where they are hiding. And they go through every zone and they kill everything methodically, in the exact same way, every. Single. Time.”

“If they kill every monster in every zone, how do you know? Should you not have been one of the first to go, if the child appears in Snowdin?” Papyrus notices.

“Yeah, but that’s where it’s really crappy to be me” Papy says and lets out a hollow laugh, “I got in this weird accident when I was a kid, right? It’s what gave me my weird space/time jumping powers. And I’m not bound by whatever the hell that kid is dragging with them around the Underground. I can move freely wherever the hell I want. It’s like I’m practically invisible if I’m not standing in exactly the spot that is designated for me in their weird little game. If I don’t stand where I’m supposed to, say what I’m supposed to or act like I’m supposed to, I can’t touch them. I’m invisible, but… That makes me untouchable too. It means they can’t get to me. If I divert from the path, I survive. And I can observe them.”

“I’m guessing this is where Blueberry becomes the problem” Papyrus says. Papy slumps down.

“I figured out I was “invisible” the second time the kid came back. The first time they were here, I didn’t bother with them. I went into the woods to get high. I didn’t even spare them a thought. Humans has been falling into the Underground for a long time. They always end up disappearing when they get to the castle. And when I say disappear, I mean that either Alphys or the Queen took care of them.”

“But then I suddenly “woke up” again, back at the entrance to the ruins and the kid came out, I figured out that something was wrong. I followed them everywhere they went. I watched them kill without batting an eye and I played my role, which meant I basically just went where I was supposed to go during a normal day of work and said what I usually would have. It was the only way I could really interact with my bro too. It was so weird, seeing Sans repeat the same thing again, like it had never happened before. He didn’t respond when I said or did something out of place. And… Instead of walking to my post in Waterfall like I was supposed to do, I followed Sans as he went to “confront the human”. That’s…”

He groans and rubs his face again. “That was the first time I saw my bro die” he almost whispers.

“The child killed him?” Papyrus asks, just to confirm. Papy nods.

“After that I… I can’t remember exactly what happened. I think I spent a lot of time screaming, trying to pick up his dust but… My hands wouldn’t touch it! It was like I was a ghost. It just went straight through it, like I wasn’t even there. Like I wasn’t physical.”

“When the night fell, I went to Judgement Hall to meet the human. I was so, so _angry_. I’ve never felt rage like that before. I didn’t even bother with the usual bullshit of judging their soul. I didn’t need to look at it to know it was as black as the void. And the kid, they had the fucking nerve to laugh at me. They taunted me. I… I…”

“You killed them” Papyrus finishes for him.

“No, but I tried to. _Stars,_ I really did. I tried so fucking hard, but every time I managed to bring their HP to zero, time jumped and I looked up to find myself standing at the end of the hall again, looking down at them approaching. It was maddening and I got tired real fucking fast. In the end, the kid managed to get me one too many times and that was it. Game over.”

Papyrus doesn’t know what to say, so he stays silent.

“It’s a strange feeling ya know. Feeling yourself die. It doesn’t happen instantly, like it looks like. You feel it long before. It’s like your soul knows that it’s gonna die. It just stops beating. Stops living. You can feel the your magic vanish, feel it drain outta your bones. It’s terrifying. You just slowly become numb and that’s when you start turning to dust. That part is pretty fast, thank fuck for that. It’s the worst feeling in the world, feeling yourself dissolve.”

Papy lights up another cigarette and takes a deep breath through it. The smoke curls gracefully from his mouth and swirls through the air in beautiful patterns. For a few moments, they just watch it hover, unburdened and untouched by the troubles of their lives. The smoke is free, unlike they are.

“That’s when the first reset happened” Papy suddenly says. His voice is low and strained with emotion. “I don’t remember much after I died. Just darkness and feeling cold and scared. I woke up in my bed to Sans slamming his fists against the door, yelling at me to get up. It was like a dejavu. It was exactly like it had been, four days before the human showed up. And everything repeated. Sans died, the kid killed every monster in sight and even those who tried to hide. I ended up in the hall and the kid ended up killing me. And then repeat.”

“I almost lost my damn mind. I tried everything to make something different. Tried warning people, tried telling Sans that he shouldn’t go after the human, but no matter what, they either didn’t listen or didn’t hear me. And Sans died. Again, and again, and _again_. After watching him die the fiftieth time, I stopped going there. I stopped caring about any of it. Reliving the same few days was just too much. I couldn’t see the point in caring if I couldn’t change anything. So I didn’t. I didn’t even bother showing up when I was supposed to. I just let the kid do whatever the hell they wanted because I knew everything would reset anyway.”

“That changed when y/n showed up though” Papy says. Papyrus looks over at him and finds him smiling softly. “I don’t know what exactly happened, but after one reset, the timeline jumped back almost seven months or so and she showed up at the ruin’s door a few days later.” He lets out a quiet laugh. “I got so scared I almost spontaneously turned to dust when I saw her the first time. I remember thinking that, if a kid could have that kind of power, then what power could an adult have?”

“Probably a lot” Papyrus comments.

“Exactly. That’s what I thought. It’s why I attacked her instantly. I didn’t want to take any chances, not when I didn’t know what she was able to do. I couldn’t risk losing Sans for real. Seeing him get killed and reborn dozens of times were bad enough.”

“I assume something happened since y/n is still very much alive” Papyrus says.

“Yeah, Sans happened. Showed up just as I was about to blast her to pieces and jumped in front of her” Papy says, “That’s when I kinda woke up from whatever haze I had been stuck in for a long time. I saw Sans stand there in front of her, arms held out to the side and with that determined look on his face. You know the one that's just screaming he's not going to give up, no matter what." Papy takes a brief second to breathe deeply a couple of times. Papyrus wonders if his throat feels sore. Papy has never spoken this much in one setting before. It must be hard for his throat that's not used to being used this much. 

"He was shaking bro, like legit _shaking"_ Papy continues, "He was _terrified_ of me, terrified of the Blaster I had aimed straight at him. That’s the moment I started caring again. I let Sans take the lead and trusted his judgement of her. I kept an eye on her of course, but she has never showed any sign of having the same sickness as the other human.”

Papy sighs deeply. “Then the kid showed up again at the exact same time and place as before and I got thrown right back into hell. The only difference was that now y/n had a role to play too and she followed the exact same rules everybody else did. I was invisible to her when I diverted from the path.”

“What happened to her?” Papyrus asks.

“Kid slit her throat when she tried to protect Sans. She found them fighting and she ran straight in between them. The kid didn’t even hesitate. They just attacked.”

Papyrus has to look away from the pain showing on Papy’s face. A phantom picture of y/n’s beautiful neck slit open and her blood cascading down her front shows up in his mind. It makes him want to throw up. He suddenly feels so powerless.

“It ended the same way” Papy tells him, “I died in the hall and I suddenly woke up. But every time the timeline resets now, it jumps back four months and in those four months I can change things. Everything works normally, but when the kid shows up it’s like reality changes. I can’t explain why. I’ve tried everything to explain it, but I _can’t._ ”

“How many times has she died?” Papyrus asks. He doesn’t know why he keeps torturing himself, but he needs to know.

“Thirty six” Papy answers. Thirty six times y/n has died. Papyrus is determined to make sure that number doesn’t go up anymore.

“After the last reset, you guys showed up and the rest is history.”

Papyrus isn’t entirely sure what he is supposed to think or how to react, so he ends up just sitting still and listening to Papy breathe slowly. There’s a hollow sound of water falling somewhere in the background he notices and for a while he wonders where that sound comes from. All the water in the area is frozen solid.

“You think I’m crazy, right?” Papy suddenly asks him. He sounds so defeated. It’s not an emotion Papyrus likes hearing in his voice. His voice should be warm and filled with teasing and the hint of laughter, not dark emotions like this. That is Papyrus’ burden, not Papy’s.

It is a lot to take in and no, he isn’t completely sure Papy isn’t a little crazy. Papyrus is sure he would be if he had to go through that. Reliving the same period of time again and again would drive even the strongest monster insane. But for some reason, he believes Papy. He believes that this actually happened. He can see it on Papy’s face and in the way his body slumps down. In the way his eyes look heavy and in the way he usually keeps a sharp eye on everything around him.

Papyrus knows what paranoia looks like. He has felt it himself. It’s an old companion, one that has kept him alive. Papy is paranoid and scared. He fears something changing so he will lose his brother forever, something Papyrus can relate to. Always fearing that something will take his brother away is a daily occurrence.

There is a lot about Papy’s behavior that suddenly makes sense to Papyrus.

“Of course I think you are crazy” Papyrus says. He turns to catch the other’s gaze and he gives him a smile. “You _are_ a Papyrus after all. We have always been a little crazy.”

“Heh, guess you’re right” Papy just says. He doesn’t sound any happier, but Papyrus is going to change that.

“How long do we have before the child arrives?” he asks. Papy looks up surprised.

“About two weeks… Wait, you actually _believe_ me?” he asks dumbfounded.

“Nobody spends two hours trying to convince someone about something if it isn’t true” Papyrus says, “Besides, I can see that you aren’t lying. That’s enough for me. I don’t need proof.”

Papy continues to look at him with an open mouth. When tears start showing up in his eyes, Papyrus feels too uncomfortable to stay seated.

“Get up idiot. We have work to do” he says as he stands, “And wipe your face. Papyrus’ aren’t weak. You can cry like a baby later when we have fixed this.”

“What? You just suddenly know what to do?” Papy asks. The tears have fallen over his cheeks, but he seems unaffected by them. Papyrus is happy that he doesn’t need to deal with a crying version of himself right now. He’s not sure he would be able to handle all that emotion at the same time.

Hell, he barely even knows how to deal with his own emotions. How is he supposed to deal with someone elses?

“I have a plan, yes” Papyrus answer.

“Are you gonna share it with the class?” Papy asks annoyed.

“You are going to tell the others everything you just told me” Papyrus tells him.

“Like hell I am” Papy exclaims.

“You say that it’s only during these few months that you are able to change the timeline, yes?” Papyrus asks. Papy nods. “And I am guessing that your fear of having them think you are insane has resulted in you keeping this to yourself until now?” Another nod. “I am surprised that an intelligent monster like yourself hasn’t figured out the solution yet.”

“Just fucking tell me what you’re thinking” Papy growls. He sounds almost too much like Papyrus just now. It makes Papyrus crackle a light laugh. They really are the same person, aren’t they?

“If you can’t warn Blueberry and y/n while the child is in the Underground, then perhaps warning them during the time you're not invisible to them would be a good idea, don’t you think? It would certainly be helpful to have them know that they need to protect themselves against this child. And, with your knowledge of how they attack, we should be able to find a way to trap them so we have more time to find out how to break the curse you seem to have gotten yourself stuck in” Papyrus says. He looks to the side and watches as Papy slowly realizes the brilliance in Papyrus’ plan.

“But what if they won’t believe me?” he asks.

“They will. If you can convince me, you can convince them.”

“I hope you’re right about this bro. It’s my life we’re talking about here” he says. Papyrus snorts at him.

“If you have told me the truth, then it doesn’t seem like you have much of a life as it is. I am only doing you a favor by forcing you to talk to them.”

“Ouch.”

“Take it like a man, you pussy. Besides, I’m The Great Papyrus. I’m _always_ right.”

“I trust you bro. I trust you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I guess a lot of you figured out Papy's "problems" and his weird behavior had something to do with resets, right? But how many of you are surprised that I put my own little spin on things? Haha, yes sir. Things are not as they seem in US. Not at all. I wonder how the skelebros are gonna handle this one. 
> 
> Also, yes. Yes I love the two Paps being best pals. Yes, I love writing them interacting. Yes, there is a lot of "sitting down outside, smoking and talking about shit", because I LOVE their friendship, okay. I have always had this idea that Fell Pap and Swap Pap would either be mortal enemies or best friends. There is absolutely no in between for me.
> 
> Until next time sinners! <3
> 
> \- Miss Mercy
> 
> As always beta read by the wonderful Miss Time. Go give her some love for dealing with all my stupid grammar mistakes! [Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/)
> 
> You can still find me at[Mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/) if you have questions, requests, comments, screaming, crying, cursing or anything else you wanna dump on me. I'll also post updates and info about RaR there, so if you're ever wondering about something, take a look at the tag "Reborn and Refined fic" on my blog. I tag all my posts about this fic, so you should be able to find what you are looking for there somewhere. If not, then just send me a message and I'll answer asap.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s the fucking point? No one believes me! They’re just gonna do the same thing again, just keep dying again and again _and again!_ ” Papy argues.
> 
> “I know I might not hold much value in your eyes, but I would still like to be treated as an actual monster, thank you very much” Papyrus comments.

## Chapter ten

 

_I often wonder why I sit and wait to die_  
_What have I done to justify the sentence they gave?_  
_Too many hours spent in darkness questioning..._  
_"How and why"?_

3 by Disturbed - _  
_

* * *

To be honest, Papyrus had believed that they would take it a lot better than this. He doesn’t know _why_ exactly, but he was almost certain that Blueberry and y/n would just accept whatever came out of Papy’s mouth when he told them about the resets and that they would be ready to help.

As it seems, Papyrus was mistaken. They are _far_ from supportive.

“Papy, I’m…” y/n says slowly. Her eyes flicker over to look at Papyrus who is standing in the corner of the living room, keeping a silent watch over them. Papy, Blueberry and y/n are sitting on the couch, facing each other and Sans is occupying the armchair. Papyrus notices his brother seems very… Affected? Yes, he seems very affected by Papy’s explanations. He seems shocked, angry and very scared at the same time. Papyrus can only try to imagine what his brother is feeling. He just hopes Sans isn’t going to turn his back on Papy now. Their friendship has become so important to both of them that Papyrus isn't sure either of them would far too well without the other anymore.

“Have you… considered that you might need to talk to someone… about what you think you experience?” y/n actually asks him. The immediate reaction from Papy makes Papyrus’ soul burn in anger, but the powerful desire to defend his friend is almost stronger. Papy’s shoulders sag and he turns his face away from them, a clear sign that her words hurt him deeply. Papyrus can’t imagine what it must feel like to hear one of the people you love the most say exactly what you have feared them saying for so long.

“I’m not crazy” Papy says.

“I’m not saying you are” y/n says quickly, “But you have to admit it sounds a little crazy. I mean… We’re not dead.” She gestures between Blueberry and herself.

“Didn’t you hear him explain what resets means?” Papyrus asks her, earning himself a hard glare. He just snorts and shakes his head at her.

“Why do you believe him?” she counters him.

“He is telling the truth” he answers easily.

“And how do you know that?”

“I can see it.”

“You can “see it”? Great. A time jumper and a psychic in the same room. We are _so_ lucky” she mocks them. Papyrus is just about to say something really nasty to her when he gets interrupted.

“Please y/n, stop…” Blueberry begs, his voice is shaking. He is trying so hard to trust his brother, but Papyrus can see how much he is fighting, how little he wants to listen to his own thoughts and how guilty they make him. Blueberry doesn’t believe Papy more than y/n does, but he is trying so hard to be supportive despite that. “Don’t be like that. I-I’m sure there’s a good reason for this.”

“For what? Them trying to mess with us? Come on Sans. I love Papy just as much as you do, but I can’t just believe something like this without proof, which he doesn't have” y/n says.

“would ya believe it if i gave ya proof?” Sans asks suddenly. Papyrus looks at him in shock. Had he read his brother wrong?

Sans looks up, his eyes burning red. Papyrus steps back, unfolding his arms and tries to make himself seem as calm and small as possible. What did he do? Was it something Papyrus said, or maybe the he said it? Why is Sans scared? Why... is he looking at Papyrus like that? Like he’s apologizing before he has even done anyth…

“Stop!” The command flies out of his mouth before he can even stop himself. Sans ignores him and hurries, ripping his shirt over his head. Papyrus has to turn away to keep himself from throwing up in disgust. The ever looming self hatred always present in his chest swells rapidly, making him choke on it.

The room is deadly silent as the three others take in all the many scars left on Sans’ body from the many years of abuse he has been through. Papyrus can see every single one of them before his inner eye, can see and recall each and every injury his own hands gave his brother’s body, remember each situation where it happened.

“sorry i didn’t tell ya sooner pap” Papyrus hears Sans say to Papy, “i didn’t think anybody would understand if i ever tried explaining. guess we’re more alike than we ever thought, huh?” There’s something missing from the air, that Papyrus can’t pinpoint right away. It makes him feel weirdly uncomfortable, but not in the normal way.

It’s judgement. There’s none of it. Papyrus can’t feel any eyes burning on his back, can’t feel the others’ silent hatred of him in the air. Whatever they are looking at, whatever has made them speechless, it isn’t anything he caused.

Papyrus slowly turns his head to look over his shoulder.

Sans is sitting on the coffee table in front of the others with no shirt on. Papyrus’ eyes instantly see all the many scars covering his body, leftovers from poorly healed injuries that Papyrus barely even bothered with after inflicting them. His fingers are itching to heal them now, itching to remove that taint from his brother’s body, but he can’t get away with doing that. He is sure Sans wouldn't let him if he asked.

Although Sans’ chest is no prettier than Papyrus’ own is, the scar that the others are looking at with horror, is the clean, long cut running straight across Sans’ chest. It’s almost an exact copy of Papyrus’ claw marks. The only difference is that Sans’ scar is only one long cut and not five, and it runs from his left shoulder and down across his chest. It’s a scar Papyrus is not the cause of.

It almost looks like someone cut most of the way through his chest and into his soul with a sharp weapon. Like Sans fell victim for someone’s brutal attack and somehow managed to survive it despite his low HP.

“so… heh, i-i guess i gotta explain too, right?” Sans says. His voice is shaking in the familiar way that tells Papyrus he is seconds away from crumbling under his own anxiety. Having all of their eyes on him must be overwhelming. “didn’t think it would be this difficult…” Sans mumbles before he takes a deep breath and looks at Papy with a soft, understanding expression. “the kid in our world isn’t like yours and it ain’t bound by one road. it’s free roaming almost, although it didn’t get far the first many times it tried getting through the underground. i can’t remember how many times i killed that brat and their stupid pet flower, but it’s a lot. sometimes boss killed them, sometimes it was the dog sentries. sometimes the brat managed to sneak past all of us and make it to mettaton and i could watch them get shredded over and over again on tv.”

Sans tabs his chest. “i got this every time the brat made it to judgement hall. they figured out pretty quickly that killin’ monsters gave them a hell of a lot of power and despite the protests of the weed they carried around, they killed and killed and killed and they got so fucking strong. i was barely a match for them when they a few times managed to get about 19 LV. all i could do was dodge until the kid got lucky and then it was goodbye. whatever or whoever they ran into after me made them reset. every single fucking time they did it. only thing that stayed intact from the other timelines was my memory of them and this nasty thing across my chest. i always thought it was karma’s way of reminding me i was in deep debt for killin' a kid so many times.”

“i think i went through about sixty resets before i realized that, maybe my approach of the situation wasn’t exactly the right one. so, i decided to try something different, just for the heck of it. it couldn’t possibly get worse than it already was. being alone, watching everyone you’ve ever known get dusted again and again, bein’ the only one remembering all the different timelines is just… it’s a fucking tough burden.”

Sans takes a few quick breaths to calm himself before he continues. “at first i didn’t really know what to do. i couldn’t exactly get help from anyone else. if i told anyone in my world ‘bout this they would put me down before they would even consider believing me. so, i spent a long time trying different things out, trying to gain the brat’s trust so they wouldn’t try and kill me the second they saw me. and to make an already long story shorter, i managed to guide them through the underground unseen and helped them off some no good monster so they could get pass the barrier. haven’t seen them since and i got outta the reset hell with only a few casualties.”

Papyrus stands silently in shock, trying to understand what his brother has just told them. He tries to understand how he can have forgotten something like that. A human child walking past his watchful eye countless of times, even dying by his hand, and he can’t remember it.

Sans is certainly a lot stronger than Papyrus had ever thought. Not only mentally, but in his soul and magic too. Being able to withstand a creature with 19 LV, even for just a short period of time, is incredible. It is something Papyrus wouldn’t be able to do. But actually killing them too? That's just... Wow.

It's sick and twisted, but Papyrus can't help but be stupidly proud of his brother.

“I… I’m sorry” Blueberry suddenly whispers before he stands up. “I’m trying s-so hard to believe you both. I don’t want to doubt you b-but...” Blueberry sniffles and dries his face with the back of a hand. “I-it just sounds so impossible.”

“i literally have the evidence of the truth cut across my chest blue” Sans says, “how can you still not believe us? this is fucking real, whether you wanna believe it or not.”

“I’m with Sans on this one” y/n says, “It’s not that we don’t want to believe you. It’s just so hard to. I mean, Red… come on. A scar that mysteriously stays behind when supposedly everything else resets back to it’s original state? How do we know that isn’t just an old scar Papyrus gave you, like all the others you are covered in? How do we know that you didn’t just think up that story to make us believe Papy? We all know you’ve gotten overly attached to him and considering the way you’ve been treated in the past, is it then that weird for us to doubt that this isn’t just some desperate attempt to help your new substitute brother?”

“‘cause this one fucking killed me” Sans growls angrily, pointing to the hole in his sternum that is so obviously a direct hit to his soul, “my soul is right here. anything coming this close to it is gonna deal damage, and i got one hp. i’m dead if something just blows a little too hard on it. you should fucking know that blue, but hell, if ya don’t believe me, then ask boss why he never touched my soul. it’s a perfect opportunity to inflict a hell of a lot of pain if you wanna torture someone.”

“It is true” Papyrus says. His voice sounds way too strained, but he can’t get it to relax no matter how much he tries to clear it. “I never touched his soul for that exact reason. If you don’t know what you are doing while handling a one HP soul, you could accidentally shatter it by touching it wrong. It’s too fragile.” He takes a deep breath and looks away, feeling his soul twist painfully in his chest. “I will take responsibility for every scar on Sans’ body, except that one. I did _not_ kill my brother. I might be a murderer, but I’m not _that_ heartless.”

The fact that no one laughs at his accidental pun is a testament to how tensed the situation is.

Papyrus looks towards Blueberry, seeking his reaction to his statement, but he finds him gone. It worries Papyrus enough to unfold his arms and take a step in the direction he last stood.

“Don’t bother” Papy mutters to him, “He’s gone. You won’t find him before he wants you to.”

“Do you know where he went?”

“No. He never tells me.” Papy stands up too. “Excuse me.” He walks over to the door and opens it, but before he closes it behind him, he vanishes into thin air. Papyrus sighs and looks towards Sans and y/n who are still arguing and Papyrus decides that he is not needed here at all.

He exits the house and slams the door closed behind him. He has a feeling that he knows where Papy might have gone to cool down.

* * *

The “secret” spot in the forest where Papy spends many of his hours are silent, but not empty when Papyrus arrives. He doesn’t hurry up once he sees the flicker of orange in the sea of white and green. He just keeps walking in the same pace, counting his footsteps in his head while listening to the snow compress under his boots.

“I told you they wouldn’t believe me” Papy says defeated when Papyrus stops before him. There is a distinct scent in the air that tells Papyrus that Papy might not be completely sober at the moment. The way Papy’s body seems sluggish and lax tells him that he is correct.

“Yes, it seems like I greatly overestimated them” Papyrus admits. His response earns him a snort from Papy. The other skeleton gets up and starts pacing in front of Papyrus, who stays silent while the other mumbles curses to himself.

“What am I gonna do, what am I gonna do, what am I gonna do, what am I gonna do, what am I gonna do?” he mumbles again and again. Every second his words become harsher, more desperate until suddenly, he snaps and looks up at Papyrus angrily.

“What am I gonna do?!” he shouts at him.

“Calming down would be an excellent start” Papyrus tells him calmly.

“Would you stop being too stoic all the time and start freaking out with me? My life is ruined and I need to find a way to fix it!” he says.

“Stop being so dramatic. They don’t believe you. So what?” Papyrus says.

“So what? They are everything to me! Now I have to watch them look at me like I'm crazy for the rest of this reset.” Papy suddenly sobers and his face goes lax. “Oh hell there’s gonna be another reset… Fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck!_ ” In a flurry of movement, Papy raises a fist and slams it straight into a tree before Papyrus can stop him. A sickening sound of bone cracking rings through the air, threatening to make Papyrus throw up.

Papyrus grabs his wrist and pulls him around before he can do it again. “You idiot! Calm the fuck down!” he scolds Papy. He checks his clenched hand and sighs disappointed. He already knew it was broken, but fuck. Seeing it is much worse than hearing it. “Now you have two broken knuckles. Good job. That is only going to make this harder” he says, releasing Papy’s hand.

“Harder? It’s already hard! But hey, what do you care? You’re not the one who has to remember all of you getting _killed_!” Papy says. It’s so very obvious that he is in a great deal of emotional distress right now. Papy is acting nothing like himself and it makes Papyrus uncomfortable. He hadn’t know Papy’s distress ran this deep. If this is the things he has been doing and thinking by himself for years while living through the hell of re-living the same months and days again and again, Papyrus can understand why he has lost hope and why his soul if suffering for it. Continuously trying to do something and never succeeding just makes you give up. It’s only natural to do so if there is no obviously solution to the problem.

But, even though he understands, Papyrus can not stand idly by and watch his friend spiral into despair. He will make sure Papy pulls through, because he _has_ to. Papy is so important for not only y/n and Blueberry, but for Papyrus’ own brother too. If Papy can’t fight for himself right now, Papyrus will fight for him in the only way he knows.

Papyrus is going to be an asshole until Papy starts thinking clearly again.

“Would. You. Listen. To. Yourself!?” Papyrus growls angrily, “You are acting like we have already lost the battle when we have barely started strategizing yet! Get yourself under control and stop acting like a child throwing a tantrum!”

“What’s the fucking point? No one believes me! They’re just gonna do the same thing again, just keep dying again and again _and again!_ ” Papy argues.

“I know I might not hold much value in your eyes, but I would still like to be treated as an actual monster, thank you very much” Papyrus comments. That had hurt a lot more than he is willing to admit, but using Papy’s slip up to guilt trip him into getting his senses back is a good strategy. “ _I_ believe you. One would say that with my special capabilities, having my support easily equals those of the others. I might not cuddle you but I _can_ help you win. And don’t forget that my brother seems to have gone through this himself. He must have some sort of insight that can help us.”  

“Shit… Fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that bro” Papy says, exactly like Papyrus had expected him to. Like snapping his fingers, Papy plops straight back into who he used to be and all anger bleeds out of him. Papyrus fights the smile that wants to grow on his face. All Papy needed was a good push.

“Spare me your pleasantries. I have no time to listen to your guilt. Now, focus. There is no time to feel sorry for yourself. We have little under two weeks to come up with a plan and we need to be ready to protect our family.” Papy’s face lights up at the last two words and Papyrus absolutely loves the smile that spreads across his features. It gives Papyrus a warm burning feeling in his soul, one that he can only recognize as fondness and protectiveness.

“With two Papyrus’ fighting side by side, this human should have no chance at all” Papyrus says, “Now, let’s get to work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [Timewasrunningout](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/) as always. 
> 
> Find me at [Mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/) if you wanna talk! <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “pap said you wanted to talk with me” Sans says, “if you don’t have anythin’ to say, i’m gonna go catch some z’s. i need my strength for tomorrow.”
> 
> “Of course, I’m sorry I am stalling. It’s difficult to actually get these words out, even though I want to say them so much” he tells Sans softly, “But I just need to say it once. I need to know that no matter what happens tomorrow… No matter what I have to do to keep us safe, I have at least made sure you heard this once.”
> 
> “kinda scaring me now.” Papyrus ignores the attempt to ease the tension with humor. He looks straight at Sans and begs his face to look trustworthy.
> 
> “I love you Sans. With all of my soul and everything I am. You are my brother and I am sorry I forgot that for such a long time. I am sorry for everything I put you through, everything I did to you. You did not deserve it. You deserved so much more, so much better and I am terribly sorry that I have been the one to bring you so much pain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music suggestion for this chapter: ["Frail love" by Clover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqID4Wu5BkY)
> 
> This is the last of the pre-written chapters. If I do not update on Thursday, please be patient with me. Writing this is hard and takes a lot of time and effort, and I'm supposed to help my sister move in the weekend, so I might not get a lot of time to write. I hope you'll forgive me if the next few chapters takes a little bit longer! <3

## Chapter eleven

_Take the path that the weak ones demonize_  
_Look around and begin to realize_  
_That you're no longer alone tonight_

The brave and the bold by Disturbed - 

 

* * *

Papyrus soon learns that the multiverse has a dark sense of humor. He has been working almost non-stop with Papy and Sans for the past week and a half to come up with a almost bulletproof plan, that will insure that Papy doesn’t have to go through another reset, and if he does, that he at least doesn’t do it alone.

Their plan is perfected and done four days before the human’s arrival and all of them have a good feeling about it. It’s been a hard week, the tension in the little house has been at an all time high. Y/n and Blueberry have kept to themselves and barely even thought twice about switching sleeping arrangements when Papyrus suggested it. Papyrus, Papy and Sans had quite a few late nights and waking Blueberry up every time they tried to sneak to bed during the early morning hours was just not ideal.

It’s late morning and Papyrus is returning from a shopping trip. He is walking through town wearing one of Papy’s ridicules oversized hoodies, a red one though because he is _never_ wearing orange. He despises that color. A pair of dark jeans he found hidden in the very back of Papy’s closet that he kind of really likes keeps the cold from his legs and they match the hoodie pretty well. He looks quite dapper if he has to say so himself.

Papyrus is actually _humming_ a happy melody and has a slight skip to his steps. His soul feels light and it’s buzzing with positive energy. He has a really good feeling about this plan they have managed to come up with. He is looking forward to defend his family while standing next to his brother and his best friend and being ready for a battle he knows and believes that they will win with all of his soul.

He might even go as far as to say he is _happy_. The Snowdin cave is particularly bright today, the air chill, but not more than what his hoodie can hold at bay. It’s snowing ever so slightly, giving the small town a nice cozy look. Papyrus always did enjoy the snow. One might be as bold as to say that the town looks idyllic and walking through it now makes Papyrus notice how much he has actually come to love it.

He has allowed Sans to heal a few of his minor scars. Papyrus decided he didn’t need them as a reminder when he got the large ones serving that purpose, and the constant ache in his bones have lessened considerably since. He is very happy about that. The pain is still there, always a constant, but it’s almost too easy to ignore it now. That little scar across his lower vertebrae really had been keeping him in a world of unnecessary pain.

Just as he arrives at the house he sees the door into the hidden lab open. Sans and Papy step out. They both look tired beyond belief and Papyrus rolls his eyes at them. It’s typical that the two laziest skeletons in existence would be stupid enough to go straight back to work after their plan of attack is done. They could at least have taken one day off to catch up on all the sleep they have lost during the past week.

Not that Papyrus condones that sort of waste of time or laziness. But it would have been for their own good.

It’s of no matter. Papyrus will surely cook a grand meal for them tonight and then he will force them to bed early so they can be rested and ready for when they have to battle the human.

“Sans! Come here please!” he calls after his brother. Sans looks up shortly before sighing and saying something to Papy. When Sans tries to walk away, Papy grabs his jacket and pulls him back so he can wrap him up in a tight hug. Papyrus frowns and wonders what the purpose of that is. It’s not uncommon for Papy to be affectionate, but this seems a little over the top. Especially considering that Sans looks like he is ready to cry his eyes out when Papy lets him go and that Sans almost looks like he doesn’t want to part from him.

Papyrus walks towards him, struggling to keep the three bags of food sturdy in his arms. Sans drags himself closer and keeps his eyes turned towards the snowy ground. Papyrus’ soul pulses in worry. There is definitely something wrong.

Sans and Papyrus stop in front of each other. The expression on Sans’ face when he looks up at Papyrus chills Papyrus to the core. He tries for a long while to search for a proper term to use to describe the expression, but nothing really fits. All he can think is that Sans looks like a dejected man. There is absolutely no life in his eyes.

Papyrus fears the reason that made his brother look like that. Sans is many things, but easily disappointed is not one of them. It’s something that comes after a lifetime of disappointments. You just stop hoping for anything good and Sans certainly hasn’t held hope in a long time. Seeing him lose it again, seeing it bleed right out of him, is heartbreaking for Papyrus. Almost nothing can make his brother look as defeated as he does right now and Papyrus feels himself lose hope just because his brother did.

“What happened?” Papyrus asks softly. He lets Sans take one of the bags from his arms, even bends down a little so he can reach them and he doesn’t hurry Sans when he doesn’t answer right away. Papyrus can see how hard he is trying to find the right words.

“hey so, guess what boss” Sans says with a forced cheerfulness. The sound of the fakeness in his voice makes Papyrus want to cringe. The stiff smile on Sans’ face actually spreads a little before he says, “the machine is fixed. we’re going home.”

Papyrus’ body freezes solid instantly, one hand hanging in the air, inches away from pushing the door into the house open. Sans waits patiently beside him and says nothing while Papyrus has a major internal breakdown.

The machine is fixed. They are going home.

_The machine is fixed. They are going home._

It’s funny how eight small words can almost shatter his soul in seconds.

“Oh…” He can’t find anything else to say. For a long time, the thought of going home hasn’t haunted him. Papyrus has had more pressing matters to concentrate on, like helping Papy for example. How they have even gotten time to work on or think of the machine is incredible, because they have been with Papyrus for almost every hour of every day. If he has to be honest, he had actually stopped believing the two of them would ever be able to fix it and he had started thinking about what they should do in case their stay in this world turned out to be permanent. It’s a thought he barely wanted to acknowledge, but it has been there more times than he likes. Enough sleepless nights have been spent thinking what if and planning if those what ifs turned into a reality.

“yeah. gonna be nice getting away from this sickly sweet place, huh? back home to good ol’ snowdin and all our _friends_ ” Sans continues. He practically kicks the front door open and heads straight for the kitchen after saying those words. Papyrus doesn’t remember how to make his body obey him, but somehow he finds himself standing in the living room, trying to figure out what monsters in their own world Sans could possibly be referring to as their “friends”.

It’s first when the television turns off abruptly that Papyrus gets why Sans sounded so bitter. They don’t have friends in their own universe. Sans was being sarcastic.

Blueberry and y/n are sitting on the couch, both of them watching him practically fall apart. He tries to keep himself from doing so and only manages it because Sans comes back from the kitchen to take the two bags of food in Papyrus’ arms.

“What’s going on? Why do you look like someone just died?” y/n asks concerned. She stands up and walks over in front of Papyrus. She actually takes his hand and Papyrus squeezes hers hard instantly, a sudden rush of panic overcoming him.

He’s leaving her. This could be the last time he gets to touch her.

The thought terrifies him.

“Papyrus? Can you hear me? What happened?” she calls softly. Her fingers are running over his soothingly. Papyrus so desperately wants to hide himself away against her and never come up for air again. She is safe and beautiful and merciful. She is all that is good in the world and he has to leave her behind.

“The machine is fixed” Papy answers for him when Papyrus still can’t get the words out of his mouth. When did he show up? Papyrus can’t remember.

“Oh…” Blueberry and y/n says at the same time. It seems like that is the default reaction.

“Do… Do you have to go home right away?” y/n asks carefully, voicing the question that everybody is probably thinking.

“yeah” Sans answers as he appears from the kitchen again, “timelines are a weird thing. they move kinda like waves. we can only use the machine when the waves of our two universes touch and sadly, that’s happening early tomorrow mornin’. if we don’t go back there we’ll have to wait for another half a year or somethin’.”

“Can’t you just stay then?” Blueberry asks, “I really like having you here. I don’t want you to go back to that place. We can’t keep you safe there. I know things haven’t been good lately, but we can work on that!”

“no can do blue. the longer we’re here, the more we risk fucking up the timelines. we don’t know what kinda damage has already been done. we can’t risk staying here, no matter what. it’s always been the plan. we go back as soon as possible so nobody else suffers because of us.”

“But… It’s dangerous” y/n says, “You told me that Papyrus. You said you probably wouldn’t survive going back.”

“We probably won’t” Papyrus confirms, finally finding his voice, “Our survival in our world has depended solely on my ability to stay apathetic, something that I am not able to do anymore. I’m not sure I am as strong as when we arrived and we have no idea what we are walking into. When I vanished someone else must have claimed my title and position. I am sure our world is nothing like the one we left.”

“yeah, but we still can’t stay, even if it means we’ll get dusted the second we get back. we can’t risk collapsing the multiverse just because of that. that would mean killing every single version of us, and everybody around us. which includes the three of you, if you were wondering” Sans says while gesturing to Papy, Blueberry and y/n.

“No, we can’t risk your lives too. We have to return to our own world no matter what consequences it has.” Papyrus doesn’t want to go back. He really doesn’t. He doesn’t want to be forced to kill again, he doesn’t want to live in darkness with a brother who hates him. He doesn’t want to see Sans be miserable again when he just finally seems to have found himself. He doesn’t… He just can’t… He can’t breathe. Fuck, he can’t be here. He needs to be somewhere else right now. This is too much.

“Excuse me” Papyrus whispers, “I need some air.” He flees the house. He’ll come back. He’ll say goodbye properly later. He just needs some time to _think._

* * *

It’s early evening when he returns. His long walk in the forest has been spent thinking, but it hasn't helped him feel much better. All it has done is give him clarity. He knows what to do now and even though it almost kills him just to think about doing it, it also gives him just enough determination to keep fighting. He has been thinking of this plan for a long time, something that he has kept in the back of his mind as an emergency solution, but he never thought he would actually have to execute it.

He takes a deep breath. It’s time to get to work.

The house is almost completely silent and dark when he returns. The front door closes behind him with a shrill squeak and leaves the living room covered in almost complete darkness. The only source of light is coming from the couch, a mixture of colorful lights brightening the area a little. Papyrus looks away from it and considers walking out of the door again. He feels like he just walked into a very private situation and he doesn’t want to intrude.

Papy and Sans are sitting on the couch, wrapped tightly in each other’s arms. On either side of them, Blueberry and y/n is sitting, holding the two of them between their arms too. It’s one huge group hug, brightened by the light of the four souls hovering closely in front of them. Papyrus knows what is going on theoretically, but he hasn’t seen it since he was a child.

Sans is being comforted by his family in the only way that can help a monster find hope when their soul is empty for it. Having their souls so close to his feeds their love and support directly into him. Papyrus looks at them, feeling his mouth twitch in a small smile. He is so happy to see that his brother has so many people who love him. He deserves it and it only makes Papyrus’ decision to follow his emergency plan make even more sense. Sans deserves happiness, no matter what Papyrus has to sacrifice for it.

Papyrus turns around and reaches out to leave again, but he is stopped by a small voice calling out to him.

“Pap. Please don’t go.” He sighs and looks at Blueberry over his shoulder, finding the small skeleton hanging over the back of the couch, reaching a hand out towards him. “We know it’s not easy for you right now, but don’t shut us out. Let us help you too. You have to keep believing, even if it’s hopeless. You can’t give up” Blueberry says. His words resonate within Papyrus, making the cages in his mind rattle loudly.

Why is he even hesitating? Dying tomorrow will not be less painful if he denies himself this now. Blueberry, Papy and y/n aren’t just Sans’ family. They’ve become Papyrus’ too, he has thought of them as such for the past two weeks, and they are very obviously willing to offer him comfort too. Papyrus no longer has anything to fear. He probably won’t feel the loss of them for long tomorrow, so why not have something good for once that can battle the darkness in his soul?

“Please…” y/n whispers quietly. She’s coming towards him, her hands stretched out towards him in an offering. “Please don’t hide from us” she begs him.

He reaches a hand out towards her and lets her grab onto it greedily. He lets her guide him to the couch, lets her push him down to sit next to the ball of limbs that is Papy and Sans. She sits down right next to him and actually crawls straight into his lap so she can wrap her arms around his neck and bury her face at his shoulder. Blueberry manages to wedge himself into the small space between Papyrus’ and Papy’s bodies, fitting himself half in y/n’s lap and half in Papy’s. Papy stretches his arm out and drapes it across Papyrus’ shoulders, dragging him closer so all of them is pressed as tightly together as they can be.

Papyrus should feel very uncomfortable right now. He should feel crowded and unprotected, nervous and scared. He’s not. He feels safe, warm and protected instead. From the weight of Papy’s arm on his shoulder, to the puff of hot breath on his neck from y/n and to the hum of his family’s souls hovering in front of his face, all of it makes him feel so wanted. It’s such a strong feeling that it makes him choke on the emotion swelling in his chest.

He lets one of his arms wrap around y/n’s back and the other around Blueberry’s shoulders. Both of them nuzzle closer instantly, not even hesitating before doing so. Papyrus feels his soul stutter in response to the display of trust. They really do care for him, don’t they?

“Do you trust us to keep you safe Papyrus?” Blueberry asks him. His small glove covered hand is hovering over Papyrus’ chest. Papyrus looks into his magic filled eyes, watches the swirl of blue energy of his eye lights move from side to side as Blueberry searches his face for permission to call out his soul.

Papyrus is scared. His eyes searches for Papy’s orange soul hovering between scarlet red soul belonging to Sans, Blueberry’s teal soul and y/n’s (your preferred color) soul. He searches for the blackness of it and is surprised that the only sign of darkness in Papy’s soul he finds is the small flicker of grey in the aura surrounding it. Only Blueberry and y/n know how much of Papyrus’ soul that is black and the thought of showing it to Sans and Papy is scary. He doesn’t know how they will react to seeing exactly how ugly and disgusting Papyrus’ previous life has left him.

“We won’t judge you bro” Papy says like he can hear Papyrus’ thoughts, “We’d never do that. It’s okay.” His hand squeezes around Papyrus’ shoulder.

Right. Papyrus is being stupid again. Of course they wouldn’t think lesser of him because of his soul’s appearance. They already know most of what makes him so ugly anyway. Seeing the evidence can’t possibly be worse than knowing the causes of it.

He nods to Blueberry.

Blueberry is so, so careful when he coax the soul out. It almost feels like he’s caressing it with his magic, persuading it to manifest. There’s absolutely no pain or resistance coming from his soul. It moves willingly to Blueberry’s directions, almost like a snake following the tunes from it's masters flute.

As soon as it leaves the protective space of his chest, Papyrus loses his breath. The other four souls instantly hover closer and surround him from all sides. Their auras slide up close to his, not afraid of the darkness they can sense in it. He knows being this close to someone else’s soul transfers emotions, and he fears what they feel from him. He can feel theirs as clearly as he imagines they can feel his and that is a little bit scary. It has been a long time since anyone was this close to him.

There’s hopelessness, fear and an immense grief coming from Sans. Papyrus can recognize the feeling of his brother’s soul so easily one would think it had only been days and not years since they had done this. He finds comfort in the familiarity, but tries to keep his distance. He doesn’t want to make Sans feel like he is forcing him to be near him, even though Papyrus would love nothing more than to wrap his brother up in his soul’s energy and strangle all negative emotions from within Sans’ soul.  

Blueberry is a ray of sunshine, as always. His soul is hot and burning with positivity. Papyrus can sense his sadness and his doubt, but it’s overshadowed by the complete and utter trust and confidence Blueberry has in them. He is completely certain that Papyrus and Sans will survive this, that they will manage to find a way to get their happy ending. It’s so typically Blueberry that Papyrus has to laugh once, just to let his emotions out in some way.

Papy is much like Papyrus himself. He’s doubting, he’s scared, he’s grieving. He’s hopeless, but he’s trying very hard to follow his brother’s lead and keep his optimism.

Y/n is… Fuck, Papyrus doesn’t even know how to begin to explain what her soul feels like. It’s intense, strong and incredibly hot. It’s filled to the brim with all kinds of emotions, so many that he can’t decipher them all. He can feel love, fear, anger, hopelessness, optimism, determination, acceptance and a lot more coming from her all at once and he’s overwhelmed with how much one person can feel. Is this a human thing, or simply just an y/n thing?

Papyrus is startled out of his thoughts by a shaking hand latching onto his through the mess of limbs. Sans is shaking with withheld tears, his hand ice cold to the touch. Papyrus keeps still and lets his brother’s fingers clench around his hand, lets him get whatever comfort he can from that tiny gesture.

After a few moments, Sans turns around in Papy’s lap so he can look at Papyrus with careful eyes. He is clearly searching for something in Papyrus’ expression, but Papyrus can't figure out what. He ends up just staring back at his brother, waiting for whatever judgement he will have when he’s done with his search.

“to hell with it, i’m gonna die anyway” Sans mumbles when he after about a minute finally looks away. Sans taps Papy’s arm that’s wrapped tightly around his chest once and Papy lets go of him instantly without question.

Papyrus can barely keep track of what is going on around him. He is aware that everyone is moving almost in harmony, every move in sync like they've done this countless times before, but he can’t figure out which limb belongs to which person. All he can focus on is his brother, all he can see is Sans, crawling into his lap and fitting himself against his chest.

Papyrus sits frozen as Sans’ arms lock around his chest and his face hides away in his scarf hanging loosely from his neck. He is so afraid of moving and scaring Sans away again that he doesn’t even breathe. This is like a dream come true for him, having his brother hug him without visible fear and he actually considers if he’s sleeping for a moment. Maybe he fell asleep on his walk and this is all just something he conjured in his mind? It would certainly explain why Sans is actually grunting and lifting Papyrus’ arms up in an attempt to make them wrap around his body in a hug.

“just fuckin’ hug me boss” Sans grumbles into his chest, “i’m not gonna turn to dust just ‘cause you touch me, jeez.” Papyrus’ arms shake wildly when he tries to move them. They feel numb and unresponsive, but somehow he ends up with Sans caught in his embrace, y/n pressed tightly against his right side, her head resting on his shoulder and Papy and Blueberry pressed against his left side, offering silent support.

It’s so surreal. He can barely trust this moment to be real and perhaps some of the mix of panic, disbelief and enormous relief of finally being able to do this bleeds through his soul and over to the others’. Soon they all move closer and all of them send their understand, forgiveness and love towards his soul.

Papyrus closes his eyes and clenches his teeth shut. His soul is swelling with wild emotions that he can’t understand or keep at bay. He can feel his magic swirl and spread in his body, can feel it build up around his eyes, that are getting ready to cry.

He feels _safe_. He feels safe, happy and loved, but he also feels absolutely grief-stricken, because he is going to lose this in a few hours. He is going to lose his family, he is going to have to say goodbye to his brother forever and Papyrus is going to _die_. He really doesn’t want to die. He never has, but he has always been able to accept the possibility of that happening every time he left the house. Now he can’t even begin to fathom to thought of dying and it leaves him in a panicked haze of dread.

He wants to stay right here, in the embraces of his family and he wants to live and be happy.

He cries, letting his grief pour out of him, knowing that the others will make sure he doesn’t fall apart.

* * *

It feels like hours later when the huge ball of bodies they have become finally starts dissolving. Blueberry is the first one to leave, saying something about making dinner before it gets too late. He tries to smile brightly and tell them it’s going to be his best one yet, because they need to make their last meal together a thing to remember.

Blueberry has barely spoken the words out loud before the smile has dropped off his face. His soul retracts from the others’ and returns to him and he returns Papyrus’ with a wave of his hand. He then leaves after giving them all a small smile.

Y/n follows him soon after with the intent of helping him cook. It’s Papy that waves his hand this time, returning her soul to her. After that she squeezes Papyrus’ and Sans’ shoulders once quickly before she disappears into the kitchen.

Papy sits for a few moments and breathes deeply. He is clearly trying to find the words to say something, but he isn’t having much luck. After three minutes of staring into space he gets up, claps Papyrus’ shoulder and rubs a hand over Sans’ skull before he heads off to the bathroom in the pretense of taking a shower. Sans’ soul vanishes into his chest right after Papy leaves.

That leaves Papyrus and Sans on the couch. They’re no longer wrapped as tightly together as before, although they are still hugging. Sans is sitting at Papyrus’ left side now, hidden comfortably underneath his arm.

“thanks” Sans mumbles, “i needed this.”

“Me too.” Papyrus doesn’t know what else to say. He isn’t used to this kind of relationship with his brother. He’s not used to showing weakness and vulnerability and not used to not be judged because of it.

“welp. better go make sure everything’s works. gotta power the machine up and shit like that.” When Papyrus doesn’t say anything, Sans teleports away. Papyrus doesn’t go to find him, not even to figure out what Sans is really doing. It was very obviously a lie he just told, but Papyrus simply doesn’t care. Instead, he heads for the kitchen.

The mood is no happier in the kitchen than it was in the living room a little while ago. Blueberry and y/n are barely speaking to each other as they cook. They just move next to each other in an almost automated fashion, like they’re running on memory alone and are not at all thinking about what they are doing. They barely look up when Papyrus comes in.

“We need to talk” Papyrus announces quietly. Both of them stop working instantly and give him their full attention. Cooking dinner was apparently not as important, or perhaps they simply care more about what Papyrus has to say. Either way, it makes him the center of their attention.

He takes a deep breath.

“I don’t care if you believe us or not” he starts, “Papy needs your support in four days. The child _will_ appear, and we have made a plan. The plan is build for three people, as we thought that Sans and myself would be able to help him. With a little moderation, I managed to make it fit you two instead. You _have_ to take our place at his side. He can not go through this alone again.” Papyrus looks at y/n.

Papyrus places a small notebook on the table in front of them. “I know you both care a lot for him and I ask you to do this because of that. No matter if you believe him to be insane or truthful, your love should be enough to at least give him the benefit of the doubt. In this notebook you will find Papy’s detailed description of how the child acts. All information he has been able to collect about them is in here, along with the plan we have worked out. We will _not_ be harming the child…” Papyrus looks at Blueberry now. “We will only capture them and try to force them out of whatever strange magic has them, and everybody else in the Underground, trapped in the time loop. We have a few ideas to how we are going to do that in this notebook as well, but we believe that we might need a certain… _gentle_ touch. I think you will be sufficient for this job Blueberry.”

Silence. They both look at him like he is a ghost.

“Can you promise me that you will be by his side when this happens?” Papyrus asks them, “I can’t focus on staying alive when I go home if I am worried about his safety and you two are the only people I trust his life with.”

“Y-yes” Blueberry says. A shaking hand reaches out to take the notebook and he presses it to his chest like it is a precious thing. “I-I’ll make sure Papy is safe, no matter what. I won’t let him suffer alone, even if this is all in his head. I promise.” It sounds like Blueberry has done some thinking by himself before this and he just needed the opportunity to make his decision final. Good. One less thing to worry about.

Papyrus looks at y/n. She nods after a brief pause.

“Thank you” Papyrus tells them. He turns around to leave, satisfied with having one of the conversations he needs to have done with.

“Wait! Please.” He stops and turns to face y/n who catches up to him in the middle of the living room. She fidgets a little with her apron while looking at the floor. She takes a deep breath like she’s collecting courage, and looks up at him.

“I know we’re not exactly on the best of terms right now but… I just want to talk to you before you leave. In private. I have some things I want to say. Can… Can you please let me do that? Just an hour and I promise I won’t be all… clingy and stuff. It won’t end like last time, I promise. I… I just want to say goodbye properly. If you will allow me to do that.”

“Of course” he says softly. He reaches out and takes one of her hands. When she looks up in surprise he smiles sadly to her. “I will find you when I have finished my preparations for our departure, okay?” he tells her. It makes her face fall into a sad expression, but she nods. Once again he finds her absolutely stunning and his soul can’t stop beating hard in his chest at that thought. He is going to miss her so much.

She returns to the kitchen and he turns around, heading towards the bathroom. He can hear the water in the shower stall running in there, but he can also hear there is nobody standing underneath the spray. As he had suspected, Papy is using the pretense of taking a shower as a way to gain some privacy.

Papyrus lets himself in and closes the door again quickly. As expected, he finds Papy sitting fully clothed on the floor outside the shower stall with his head resting on his knees.

“I could have been naked in here bro” Papy says.

“If you want to make people believe you are showering, you should put a towel on the floor underneath the spray. It sounds more natural” Papyrus tells him, "Besides, I am literally you. I know how you look naked."

"Still weird" Papy mumbles. Papyrus decides not to answer. Instead, he sits down on the toilet and rests his elbows on his knees. Papy doesn’t move.

“I can’t do it by myself” Papy says.

“I know.”

“It’s just too much. We were supposed to do it together. How can I do it by myself?”

“You'll find a way of you really want to. If you're desperate enough” Papyrus says, pausing for a short moment before he continues, “But, as it is, I have already made arrangements for you. Blueberry and y/n will take mine and Sans’ places in our plan. They have agreed to help you, despite their beliefs. I gave them the notebook so they could study the plan. You have to trust them to help you, even if they don’t believe you.”

“Do you think they’ll be enough?” Papy asks, finally lifting his head so he can look at Papyrus. Papyrus nods.

“Yes, I do. Blueberry has become much stronger since I started training him. He should be able to do just fine against the human if they decide to attack and you can protect him if it comes to the point where the child must be put down. Concerning y/n… I am sure she knows exactly what to do with a human child. I don’t think humans fight in the same way monsters fight. I think she will surprise you, and possibly be the right solution. I have a feeling she has been the missing puzzle piece in our plan.”

Papy sighs and looks away again. “I don’t know. It all just feels so… pointless. It’s like a big joke. I mean, I finally told someone about this and we had a plan and now the universe is just saying “Sorry, nope. Not gonna happen.” Just like that. It’s like the universe is conspiring against me.” He runs a hand over his face before he rests his cheek on his arms and looks up at Papyrus. “What do I do if it resets again?”

“Exactly what you did this time” Papyrus answers, “You continue to try and tell us about it.”

“And if you guys don’t show up? I dunno what happens when you return to your world. You might not be bound by the resets that happen here.”

“If me and Sans do not show up again, you will have to try and find a way to persuade Blueberry and y/n to help you, even if they don’t believe” Papyrus answers, “Don’t give up again. There is always hope.”

“Heh. You sound like Blueberry” Papy mumbles before he turns his eyes towards the wall in front of him again.

“I hope you’re right about this bro” Papy says before he sighs, “I’m not sure I can take it much longer.”

“Of course you can, but I am sure you don’t have to. You know why? Because I’m always right, brother” Papyrus says sadly. He reaches out and rests a hand on Papy’s shoulder. “I am The Great Papyrus, after all.”

When Papy starts crying Papyrus sits down on the floor next to him and hugs him tightly to his chest.

Papy will be okay. Papyrus just knows it. He is strong and has the support of his family. That is all he needs.

* * *

“The night is a beautiful thing, don’t you think?” Papyrus asks his brother when Sans appears beside him. His legs are dangling freely in the air, hanging over the edge of the roof, and his eyes are turned towards the dim crystals on the cave’s ceiling. The air is chill, but fresh and Snowdin is calmly sleeping beneath him. He can see the lights of the Christmas tree in the distance.

It’s very late night, or early morning, Papyrus isn’t exactly sure. He is sitting on the roof of the house, trying to find a quiet moment to collect his thoughts. Helping Papy regain his hope in their plan took a lot out of Papyrus, and he is barely halfway done with all the conversations he needs to have. Dinner drained a lot of his energy too.

“sure is” is all Sans says.

“It was never quite like this in our world, was it? There is almost something magical about this universe. Something in the air that messes with your head” Papyrus thinks out loud.

_“It’s the air. It’s reused so many times, it messes with your head. It’s why you are feeling weird.”_ Papyrus remembers y/n saying that, but he doesn’t agree with her. It is not the reuse of the air that makes it mess with his head. It’s all the love and positivity it’s filled with that does it. It’s the mercy circulating around him, the good faith. He is almost certain it is what has helped him change this much in such a short period of time.

“You’ve changed a lot over the past few months. This world has been good for you” Papyrus continues. Sans has sat down next to him and is watching the night sky too.

“you too boss” he says.

“Please…” Papyrus pleads brokenly, “Can I ask you to just call me by name for the rest of our time together? I’m not your boss any longer. I never really was. I just pretended to be. I had hoped I had shown you that during these past months.”

“ol’ habits die hard” Sans says, “but i’ll try.”

“Thank you.”

The air between them is quiet, but pleasant like it has never been before for a little while. Papyrus keeps watching the sleeping city underneath his feet and finds himself longing to walk through it’s streets one more time. There is so many memories down there, so much happiness. This is the town where Papyrus started living again, where he started to atone for his sins. Where he earned back his brother’s trust. He really doesn’t want to leave it all behind.

“pap said you wanted to talk with me” Sans says, “if you don’t have anythin’ to say, i’m gonna go catch some z’s. i need my strength for tomorrow.”

“Of course, I’m sorry I am stalling. It’s difficult to actually get these words out, even though I want to say them so much” he tells Sans softly, “But I just need to say it once. I need to know that no matter what happens tomorrow… No matter what I have to do to keep us safe, I have at least made sure you heard this once.”

“kinda scaring me now.” Papyrus ignores the attempt to ease the tension with humor. He looks straight at Sans and begs his face to look trustworthy.

“I love you Sans. With all of my soul and everything I am. You are my brother and I am sorry I forgot that for such a long time. I am sorry for everything I put you through, everything I did to you. You did not deserve it. You deserved so much more, so much better and I am terribly sorry that I have been the one to bring you so much pain.”

Sans stares at him blankly for a long moment.

“i… i don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just please understand that I am being truthful right now. I really do mean this. That is all I ask” Papyrus says. Sans nods. That’s all Papyrus is going to get, and he takes it gladly. This is the closest he has ever gotten to making his brother believe him.

“Thank you. Now, I promised to talk to y/n too before going to bed” he says while standing up, “I was thinking, that maybe you could sleep in the room with Papy and Blueberry?”

“what for?”

“I wish to be alone with y/n tonight” Papyrus answers honestly, “It’s the last night we have and… Well we… We have a lot to talk about.”

“holy crap” Sans says flabbergasted, “you fucking love her, don’t you?” Papyrus only hesitates for three and a half seconds before he sighs and nods.

“I think I do, yes.”

“wow. did not see _that_ coming. i thought you were just fucking.” Sans shakes his head a little before he hums a small laugh. “sure, whatever. go fuck your girl one last time. i’ll take the shoddy mattress.”

“I am sure that if you ask really nicely, Papy might just let you sleep in the bed with him and Blueberry. There should be room enough in that huge monstrosity.”

“heh. maybe. but i think i’ve had enough of cuddle piles for the rest of my life. i’m not into the touchy feely stuff. pap and blue would probably cuddle me to death while i sleep and wouldn’t that be a fucking embarrassing way to go?” Sans says, “death by cuddling. hah.”

“That is completely up to you, brother. If I find you killed by cuddling tomorrow morning, I will not think lesser of you, I promise” Papyrus says.

“wow, thanks. you think you might even mourn me a little?”

“I might” Papyrus answers in a teasing tone, although the way Sans looks at him with a hint of surprise in his gaze suggests that he sounded a little too truthful for it to be considered a joke. But it’s not a lie, so Papyrus doesn’t care. If Sans dies before him, Papyrus is certain he will mourn him greatly.

“go get laid bro. i’ll come kick you back into shape tomorrow when we need to leave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ups? Did you expect something else to happen? Maybe a confrontation with Chara? Maybe an attempt to save US from the reset hell? Well, shit. I'm sorry I just kinda turned everything upside down. I'm pretty good at doing that, ain't I? Heh ;-P
> 
>  
> 
> Beta read by [Timewasrunningout](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/) as always.   
> Find me at [Mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/) if you wanna talk! <3 
> 
>   **ALSO, I'm nearing 100 followers on Tumblr and have requested ideas for what I could do to celebrate. Someone suggested doing a takeover of my blog by the characters of this fic. If you are interested in that too, let me know! It would of course be a Tumblr event only (unless it ends up making me write a little one-shot or something, then I will of course upload it here), but I'll make sure anon is still on in my askbox if I decide to do it :D**
> 
> Thanks for reading and for all your wonderful support/comments/kudos! You guys are the absolute best! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wish I could show you the surface” she whispers to him, “I wish we had a future together. There’s so much I wanted to share with you.”
> 
> “And me with you” he says, “But putting others in danger for my own sake is no longer a thing I can do. Had you asked me a year ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to do it.”
> 
> “A year ago you would probably have killed me on sight” she reminds him.
> 
> “Probably. Although, I would like to think that if we had met in my universe, you would still have been able to change my soul the way you did here.”
> 
> “Maybe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!: Blame "AmbrosialLotus" for this. All of it. They made me sad by making me listen to this: ["The Final Chapter" by Groundfold](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eW69lO5CkQY). I had to do the angst. So yeah. Don't yell at me. Yell at them. Thank you for your time. 
> 
> Okay, now go read!!
> 
>  
> 
> Beta read by Timewasrunningout, as always. Go give her some love!!!

## Chapter twelve

 

_Oh, I don't wanna think about the world_  
_'Cause I've been dreaming for a while, oh_  
_I settle with the butterflies, no_  
_The night is going out of style, oh_  
_Since I can't forget_  
_Why I went for red, oh_  
_Why don't we just make it now_  
_No, ain't no need to wait it_

[Angel zoo by Phlake](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm8zZ5Nm-70)

* * *

He’s is scared, his hand trembling slightly as it hovers over the door handle. There is a mess of noise in his head and a chaos of emotions in his chest, overwhelming him with a plethora of mixed impulses. He desperately wants to flee this house and all the pain and grief lingering in the air, and he desperately wants to never leave it ever again at the same time. He wants to avoid going in through this door and seeing y/n and her loving gaze again, but he also wants to do it so badly, wants to hide himself away against her chest, let her arms pull him close and let her soul keep him safe.

He wants to tell her exactly how much she makes him crazy, how much his soul twists when he thinks of her and how impossible it is for him to understand that she managed to steal him away like this in just under half a year. He wants to make sure she knows how much he has come to love her, even if he doesn’t fully know what it means to love like this yet. He wants to kiss her deeply and bare his soul to her, he wants to take her to bed and really make love to her, wants to know what that kind of sex feels like.

But he also wants to never do any of that, never wants to know what it feels like to love her for real, because that means he has something to lose. It means he has something to long for when he’s lying alone in his bed at night, unable to sleep because of the many nightmares threatening to invade his mind the second he closes his eyes. It would mean allowing the constant ache to be in his soul, allowing himself to miss something he will never be able to lie eyes on again.

Then again, his time is almost at an end. He won’t ever give up without struggling, he won’t let himself be killed without putting up a fight. Papyrus is many things, but he is not suicidal. He enjoys being alive, because being alive means there is still hope, there is still a chance to make things better. He will not let his guard down and he will fight until he simply can’t anymore. But Papyrus is a monster that thinks realistically. He knows himself very well and knows his own limits. It all depends on the situation he ends up in when he appears in his world and if he happens to end up right in the middle of a crowd, there is very little chance of him coming out of that confrontation alive, especially if he is as confused and nauseous as he was when he appeared in this world.

There’s a very good chance that this is his last night alive. He can’t handle the thought of dying without knowing what real love feels like, but he can’t handle the thought of surviving after having known happiness for one night either. He can’t decide what to do or what to say. It is what has left him struggling with himself out here in the hallway, hand hovering indecisively over the handle.

He shakes his head at himself. He is being ridiculous. She asked to talk to him and no matter what, he will keep his promise to listen. It’s the least he can do.

The door opens silently when he finally pushes the handle down. His eyes sweep over the room when he steps through the door and closes it behind him. He easily finds y/n and feels his soul beat hard in his chest in a mix of relief and disappointment.

He sighs softly and rubs a hand over his face to loosen some of the tension that has lingered there for too long. When he looks towards y/n again, he smiles weakly at the adorable picture. She is lying sprawled across her bed in one corner of the room, fast asleep.

He looks towards Blueberry’s bed standing in the opposite corner, just to be sure that no one else is in the room, before he walks over to her. He sits on his knees next to her and leans his head a little to the side, taking her in. He looks at her relaxed face, lets his eyes run over the curve of her nose and the swell of her cheeks. He lingers a little on her lips, debates for a small moment if he could get away with stealing a kiss, but he shakes himself out of it. He won’t risk waking her up, not when she is sleeping this calmly.

She must have been very tired after all the heavy emotions she has been put through today. It is only understandable. Papyrus himself feels drained of energy.

Papyrus sighs to himself again as he slides over to sit on the floor, his back leaning against the bed. He covers his face with his hands for a moment and tries to calm the disappointment in his chest. He can almost imagine what she would have said to him tonight, but somehow he still wanted to hear the actual words come out of her mouth. He wanted to be able to see her expression while she said it and not just imagine it.

His palms suddenly feel like the perfect thing to hide behind when the ball of emotions in his upper chest threaten to choke him. It swells and starts hurting, forcing tears to his eyes again. Damn all these emotions. He can’t figure them out. What are they even good for? What purpose do they have? Feeling like this is not going to help his situation, not at all. Why is he feeling it then, if it has no purpose?

Fuck. What is he going to do? Is the multiverse really this _cruel_? Forcing him to slowly change, to discover what happiness and love and family means, what it feels like and then snatch it away from him, just as he has started to accept he can allow himself to be vulnerable like that. Why would the multiverse do this? Is there some higher power hiding behind something out there, someone watching his life through a screen, who's invisible or hidden by a barrier perhaps, that just really enjoys seeing him suffer? Do they constantly seek out his pain because it somehow gets them off? Why can’t he be allowed to be happy too? Shouldn’t that be more satisfactory for this mysterious person than seeing him suffer?

Papyrus is tired of being the scapegoat. He is tired of always being the one taking the hits, of being the one who always has to be strong, that has to find a solution to the problems. He wants to be small and scared too, he wants comfort and he longs for someone to take his hand and guide him through to the other side. He doesn’t want to continue to fake being strong when he feels so utterly weak all the time.

He lets his hands cover his mouth to muffle the sounds of his grief. He mourns himself and the loss he will soon feel. All the good parts of himself that y/n, Blueberry and Papy managed to bring back to life, that will soon die a horrible death because Papyrus will be forced to turn into the monster he was before he came here.

A small, warm palm touches the back of his neck. He doesn’t startle or pull away from it, but instead leans into its touch when it brushes over his jaw and finds its way to his cheek.

He moves his hands from his mouth and grabs onto her hand. He pulls the entire arm all the way around his neck, making her move closer behind him so she’s lying with her chest pressed up against his back. He hides his face in her arm, squeezes her hand between his and tries to bite back the sounds of his sobs that want to escape him.

For a few minutes she holds him close and lets him cry quietly into her skin. Her fingers move up and down on his shoulder and arm, caressing him through the thin t-shirt he’s wearing in an attempt to comfort him. Papyrus feels a little embarrassed by having cried twice in front of her today, but he can’t stop himself now. The ball of emotions have swelled to the point where the pressure has to be released or he will hurt himself.

“It’s going to be okay” she whispers to him, “You’ll be okay.” He feels her lips just barely brush over the back of his head in a kiss and suddenly he feels so thirsty for her. He just has to feel her kiss again.

He turns his upper body around and finds her looking at him through half-lidded eyes. She’s clearly still very tired, but she’s still trying to comfort him despite that. It warms his soul.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks quietly. He can see her mind spinning with questions, can see her doubt in the way her eyes flicker down to look at his teeth and how her lips quiver uncertainly. Papyrus remembers telling her that kissing him would be painful because his teeth are sharp. It’s only natural that she doesn’t know that his magic created the closest he can come to lips to protect her when he kissed her last time they were together.

Despite the fear and risk of getting her lips cut open on his teeth, she still leans closer and nods her head yes. Papyrus doesn’t bother explaining that she has nothing to fear, can’t wait long enough to do so. He just leans in to meet her halfway there, his magic buzzing to life just a split second before her soft lips press against his teeth.

It’s difficult to explain how it feels to him. Of course he can’t feel a kiss like she can, or at least he imagines so. It’s his magic that makes him able to feel her lips open slightly to slide together with his magic ones better, it’s his magic that tells him that her mouth is hot and wet. It’s his magic that tells him she tastes like mint and salty tears when his tongue licks into her mouth to deepen their kiss. It’s all magic, but it feels exactly like if she had kissed his actual bones. He can feel her just as much as he could feel her clench around his magic cock, exactly like if she had been touching his soul instead of his body.

Her kissing him back with such strong passion makes a warmth bloom in his chest. It grows stronger, bigger, warmer, until he feels like he can barely contain it anymore. The more it grows, the more his desire for her grows in response until he can barely handle it. The warmth starts reaching up through his chest, up until it reaches his soul. It envelops it, the touch soothingly comfortable and feverishly hot at the same time.

He doesn’t allow her much time to breathe. Every slide of their lips over each other, every small moan and hot exhale makes him hungry and desperate to find every single way his touch will make her pant his name like a prayer. His fingers are itching to touch her, itching to map out every curve and dip on her body so he will forever remember it.

She’s the one that takes the first step towards something more. She’s the one who starts pulling at his shoulders and neck, trying to wordlessly beg him to join her on the bed. When he at first doesn’t do anything but kiss her harder and let his fingers get tangled in her hair, a small whine emits from her throat. She pulls away from the kiss and rolls over to lie on her back. An arm lifts the blanket covering her hips and legs while the other releases it’s grip on him so she can hold it out to him in invitation.

Her eyes burn with powerful emotions, the word _“please”_ practically audible where it rests just on the tip of her tongue. She’s like a Siren, using her seductive song to lure him into his watery death. Papyrus takes her hand with confidence and lets her pull him up from the floor. He will gladly meet his demise in her arms. There’s no reason to deny it anymore. She has him wrapped up so tightly in her web that he can’t possible breathe without her help anymore and to be honest, he’s not sure he even wants to.

It surprises him how well they actually fit together when he lets his body rest against hers. All the way from their feet, to their knees, hips, chests and arms, everything just falls into a comfortable place without effort. Her flesh yields just enough under the hard surfaces of his bones so he doesn’t hurt her and the warmth from the blood pumping through her body almost immediately makes him relax, the old aches and pains in his joints disappearing.

She looks up at him through her lashes, her gaze heated but careful. He still can’t understand how human eyes can be so… He doesn’t even have a word for it. All he can think of is how _much_ of everything her eyes is. How deep, how expressive, how wise, how powerful, how… beautiful.

By the stars… She is so unfathomably beautiful to him. From the mix of color in her eyes, to the silky feel of her hair and the mystery of her delicate soft skin, to the complication of her soul and the deepness of her capability to love, forgive and encourage. Her determination to keep going despite whatever hardships she must have faced in her life.

She is beautiful in every sense of the word and Papyrus counts himself unbelievably lucky to be allowed to touch her at all. An angel like her should not be touched by a foul demon like himself. He can’t stop himself from doing so though, and he prays to whatever deity that exists that his touch will not corrupt her. He would never forgive himself for that.

Her cheeks are heated and dusted with red. The heat hiding just underneath the skin almost makes her feel softer to the touch. He tries so hard to be gentle when he lets his hard, rough fingers trail over her cheeks and jaw in a soft caress. He can’t imagine his touch to feel any kind of good, but to his surprise she leans her head back with a soft sigh and bares her neck to him in a display of enjoyment. So much trust in one simple action.

He leans down and lets his tongue move across her throat. She swallows at the contact and moans quietly, her fingers tightening their hold on his t-shirt. He can feel her nails scrape over his shoulder blades and he grunts in pleasure as a zap of magic shoots down his spine and spreads across his pelvis. It starts simmering with the craving to be touched, not enough to make him lightheaded, but enough to remind him of it’s presence.

“Papyrus” she calls in a hushed tone, her fingers tightening again as he continues to lick his way up over her neck and chin until he reaches her lips. Whatever she was going to say is swallowed up by his kiss. He hums against her lips, loving the way her body has started to move impatiently under his.

“Papyrus… Pap- _ah shit_ , _fuck_ that’s so good” she pants when he releases her lips again. She bends her knees and hooks her legs over his, framing his hips with her knees and using her thighs to press him closer to her. The motion makes their pelvises grind together and Papyrus lets out a happy moan. He decides to bite her neck again and she repeats the movement of her legs and actually lifts her hips up to met his, deepening the grind between them.

“This wasn’t what I wanted when I asked to talk to you” she says quickly when he lets her breathe for a short moment.

“Do you want me to stop?” he mumbles. Please say no, _please_ say no. He so desperately needs this.

“Fuck no, never stop” she replies quickly, her arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer. Their bodies slide over each other and both their breaths hitch. “Just wanted to tell you- _ah_ yes, do that again!” Papyrus gladly repeats his caress of her breast through her shirt. He uses the small bump on his face that’s supposed to be a nose and makes it slide over the little peak of her nipple that’s visible underneath the fabric. Her breath hitches again.

Papyrus grins to himself and moves further down her body, using his teeth to nibble at her flesh. He’s curious to see what other parts of her are as sensitive as her nipples seem to be.

“It’s so difficult to talk when you distract me like this” she tells him. Her palms fit perfectly against the top of his skull. He can feel her nails desperately searching for something to grab onto, can feel them scrape over his head, making delicious zaps of magic desire shoot through him.

“Then don’t” he responds.

“But I have so much to tell you” she argues weakly just before she moans loudly as his tongue and teeth caress her hips. Her legs are automatically spreading apart, making room for him, inviting him in. He’s thirsty, desperate and the memory of her taste makes him almost insane with the need of her.

He rests his face against her thigh and breathes in her scent with a deep sigh. “I’ll listen” he promises her, “But I need you first. Please.” Saying please still burns, it still makes him feel weak, even though he knows it’s stupid.

Her face is filled with a ton of different expressions when he looks up to get her permission to continue. He can see her desire clear as day, but there’s fear and sadness there too. What makes him move up to kiss her again is the guilt he sees in the way she looks off to the side and bites her bottom lip.

His palm fits perfectly against her cheek when he tries to get her to look at him again. “Whatever happens tomorrow, it will never be your fault” he tells her, “It will never be because of what we do tonight or what we have done before.”

“I’m scared” she whispers. Papyrus startles when tears start welling up in her eyes and he starts panicking when they hit his hand. “I’m so scared Papyrus” she continues, “I don’t want to let you go. I’m scared of saying goodbye to you because what if it’s the last thing I get to say to you? I-I can barely keep myself from panicking when I think about how I’ll have to just stand there and watch you walk out of my life forever. How I can’t go with you or help you in any way. And the worst thing is that I’ll never find out if you made it or if you died the second you disappeared. I-I don’t know how to deal with all this uncertainty and fear and I’m s-so _scared…_ ”

“Shh” Papyrus is quick to hum soothingly to her when her words turn into sobs, “Breathe deeply. Hold onto me. I’m not gone yet. I’m right here. Ground yourself with that thought.” Her hands instantly grab onto his shoulder and his back, her fingers digging in between his bones. Her hold is strong and a little bit painful, but Papyrus still leans down and hugs her close.

“I can’t stop thinking about our time t-together” she cries, “And I feel like a damn i-idiot for acting so stupidly all the time.”

“What do you mean?” he asks her softly.

“I acted like a child after we had sex” she answers, hiding her face away at his shoulder, “I got so pissed at you for not treating me differently. That you just acted like nothing had happened between us at all. And I was so mean to you, even though you had every right to act like that. All I thought about was myself and I never stopped to think about how you were feeling or if there was a reason for it. And then y-you told me about your s-soul and I felt _so bad_ . I was so embarrassed and so ashamed to be the reason for you hurting so much that I just stopped talking to you, right when you probably needed me the most. All because I _again_ thought about myself first. I put _my_ comfort before yours and I wanted to apologize and explain but then everything with Papy happened and I became stubborn and childlike again, refusing to believe you just because I’m too stupid to understand what Papy was saying. And now… Now you’re leaving and I can’t make it better. I can’t make it up to you and the thought of you dying without knowing how fucking _sorry_ I am that I treated you like that, i-it _kills_ me. I want to change and I want to help you get better and I just want to do so many things and show you so much and now we don’t have the time because I was a fucking idiot that was too busy thinking about myself!”

“Shh” Papyrus hums again, holding her closer when she breaks into hulking sobs again. Her sobs become louder and more powerful when she figures out that he is trying to comfort her. She clings to him and lets her sorrow bleed from her soul. She was so strong earlier, so brave. She held off this breakdown so he and Sans didn’t have to feel even worse. She wanted to tell him all this and apologize, even though Papyrus can’t see why this upsets her so much. He doesn’t understand it, but it is apparently something that hurts her a lot.

He presses his teeth to the top of her head in an attempt to kiss her and soothe her pain. His soul hurts so much from seeing her be this distressed. It is begging him to make her feel better, but he can’t do anything. All he can really do is follow his emergency plan so she won’t have to suffer more than she already does. It’s the only mercy he can show her.

He thinks for a long time about what to say to her while she cries herself empty from tears. Once she is breathing calmly, still hidden against his chest where they end up lying on their sides, Papyrus pulls away just a little so he can look at her face. Her skin is slightly red around her closed eyes and her lips seem chapped and dry.

“Look at me please” he whispers to her. Her eyes crack open and they flick up to look at his face. Papyrus feels his soul beat hard in his chest at the picture she forms, lying here on his arm, her hair spread across the bed and dark eyes filled with sorrow looking up at him.

“I forgive you” he says once he has her full attention, “Not because I love you, but because I understand that you acting like that is not what you have chosen but what you have been taught. Being broken like we are...” He lifts a hand to her chest and presses it lightly against her sternum, right over the place her soul is hidden, “It makes us act stupidly, even though we know better. I should have acted differently towards you after our night together. I know that, but I too was selfish. I tried protecting myself against something that had already happened. So, please understand that I could never hold what others did to you, against you. It is not your fault that your first reaction is to feel hurt. It is actually rather understandable, considering.”

Her eyes are wide when he looks up from his hand on her chest. He can see his words have a great impact on her, can see her mind spinning with thoughts. “You love me?” she whispers and he almost has to laugh at how utterly flabbergasted she sounds. Like she can’t possibly understand how that can be true.

Papyrus nods. “I do” he answers honestly, “I don’t know how or when it happened, but I do. I love you. Something about you just… interests me. Observing something long enough makes you grow connected to it. I started out being only fascinated by you and ended up loving you. It’s… not what I had intended, but I can’t deny it any longer. Not when tomorrow is so… Uncertain. I need you to know, so you won’t forget me.”

“I don’t think I could, even if I didn’t know” she responds. Papyrus sees a tear spill from her eye again. He is quick to reach out and wipe it away.

“Please don’t cry again. I wanted this night to be one we could both remember happily” he tells her softly.

“Sorry” she says quickly before she wipes her eyes herself, “It’s stupid, but you’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.” She laughs hollowly and closes her eyes to breathe in deeply. “It’s kinda ironic that it’s when I’m about to lose you I finally get what I’ve dreamed about.” Something bitter shines through her words and Papyrus closes his eyes. She is right. He should have said it earlier. Waiting this long… It was stupid. Who knows what they could have had if he had just stopped being so stubborn?

“I didn’t exactly want to fall in love either” she continues after a short pause, “Least of all with you. I mean, you’re a monster. We’re not the same species. It’s just so complicated and you’re so far from the man I had imagined spending my life with. But, well… You managed to steal my heart away anyway. Somehow. It’s not like you’ve been very nice to me. Maybe I really am a freak, falling for the bad boy.” She laughs bitterly to herself.

Papyrus presses a kiss to her forehead and feels her sigh against his chin. “I wish I could show you the surface” she whispers to him, “I wish we had a future together. There’s so much I wanted to share with you.”

“And me with you” he says, “But putting others in danger for my own sake is no longer a thing I can do. Had you asked me a year ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to do it.”

“A year ago you would probably have killed me on sight” she reminds him.

“Probably. Although, I would like to think that if we had met in my universe, you would still have been able to change my soul the way you did here.”

“Maybe.” It’s a thought that has haunted him during the late hours of the night before. If Papy and Blueberry are Papyrus’ and Sans’ doubles and all other monsters seem to have a double too, does that mean there is a y/n in Papyrus’ universe too? Out past the barrier somewhere, living her life without knowing he even exists.

Of course, she would probably be much different than the y/n he has come to know. Everybody here is almost the exact opposite of who they are in his universe. It’s quite possible that Papyrus won’t even think her anything special in his universe. Y/n is perfect because she is her and she is here. If he can’t have this one, he doesn’t want any of the different versions of her that’s out there. Papyrus loves this human, this exact human, existing in this exact universe.

“What are we going to do Papyrus?” she asks him quietly, drawing him out of his thoughts. He tightens his arms around her and feels her snuggle closer.

“I don’t know” he answers honestly.

“Can we stay here forever? Just hide from the world?”

“I wish we could.”

“Yeah...”

She looks up and searches his face. He wonders what thoughts are going through her head as she looks at him. If she finds him strange and disgusting, or if she pities him when she looks at the scar across his eye. If the wrinkle between her eyebrows means concern, anger, grief or something else. He wishes he could read her mind, get an insight into what makes her the way she is, but he can’t. All he can do is watch her back and try to memorize her face.

He really doesn’t know what to do. Letting her go seems impossible right now. His arms feel heavy and made of lead as they lie around her. How can he ever possibly let go of something that has become as important to him as breathing is? Okay, he’s a skeleton. He doesn’t exactly _need_ to breathe, but not doing it is very uncomfortable. Like it’s an old response, an instinct, he panics if he chokes, and he feels exactly the same way when he thinks of leaving her tomorrow. He feels like he’s choking on his emotions and he panics.

She leans in to kiss him, startling him a little. Her lips are careful and curious as they explore the feeling of his magic pressed against them. He feels himself sigh and move closer to her when her tongue daps up quickly like she’s tasting him. This he can do. It’s easy and not scary and uncertain. He knows this.

The next time her tongue licks over his magic he’s ready to answer her cautious touch with his own tongue. It makes her groan deeply before she opens her mouth to him.

For a long time they just kiss. Their movements are unhurried and calm. They’re curious. Papyrus doesn’t know how to react to half the things she does, has never felt or experienced intimacy like this before. He’s counting on her leading him down the right road, and lets her take the lead. He follows her silent commands, tilts his head when she does, copies the movements of her lips with his magic and tongue to make the kiss as pleasurable to her as possible. Papyrus doesn’t have much experience with kissing either, he has actually only kissed one person beside y/n and he would rather not think of that experience while lying in bed with the woman he loves.

When she lifts herself up on an elbow and leans over him, slowly covering him with her body, Papyrus is happy to help her shift over him. He guides her hips until she’s sitting over his pelvis and then decides to slide his hands slowly up over her sides. His hands are dragging her nightshirt up, revealing her fine skin that he would love to cover in his marks. She lifts her arms eagerly and lets him pull it off her, only interrupting their slow kisses for a few seconds until the shirt is out of the way.

Papyrus looks at her body with heat spreading from his soul. Stars, how did he ever get this lucky? She’s just so hot, so perfect. Just looking at her makes his pelvis buzz with energy. His magic is aching to materialize for her, it’s aching to please her.

“Can I take your shirt off?” she mumbles into the side of his face in between small kisses. Papyrus sits up immediately, pushing her with him, but makes sure she doesn’t fall off him. With a swift pull his t-shirt is over his head and flying through the air. He doesn’t watch it land on the floor. He just drags her with him when he lies back down on her pillows.

“Guess that was a yes” she says before she giggles a little at his eagerness, “Are you impatient?”

“Very” he admits. His fingers dig a little into the meat on her hips, just enough so he can get a grip but not enough to hurt her. He grinds his hips against hers, making her squirm and gasp. He smirks at her in triumph when her expression turns downright lustful. He knows that she felt his magic turn solid for only a moment easily through his sweatpants and seeing her get this excited over something so simple makes him wonder how much he could surprise her with his magic. How many different types of pleasure he could show her.

But that would mean having a lot of time to play and explore, and they have so very little. No, Papyrus needs to make this night count. There is no time for desperate and needy.

He sits up slower this time and reaches for her cheek. His thumb caresses it a little before he leans in to kiss her. Their kisses are more heated now, deeper and more desperate. Her hips are never still, constantly moving in small circles over his cock making his head cloud with desire.

“Show me how to make love to you” he murmurs to her. She stops kissing him and leans back to look at his face with surprise.

“I’ve never…” He curses his lack of words to explain properly. “I don’t have experience with being gentle” he tries, “I don’t know how to take care of you properly.”

“We don’t have to do that” she responds kindly, smiling warmly to him. She pecks kisses over his cheeks and nose bone, making him squirm a little. Why does he want to hide away just because she did that?

“I like you when you’re rough” she continues, “I don’t need anything else.”

“I do” Papyrus admits quietly. He slides his arms all the way around her hips and hugs her closer. “I need… I want to… The other way is not… It doesn’t mean…” Papyrus growls irritated at himself. Why is it so difficult for him to explain?!

“You need it to mean more than just sex” she says, hitting bulls-eye right away. Papyrus nods and looks away ashamed. It’s pathetic and he knows it.

“Don’t do that” she begs, using her hands to gently move his face back towards her. He tries to avoid looking her in the eye, but she won’t let him escape. “Don’t hide from me. You don’t have to feel bad for wanting that. I want it too. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to change to make me happy if you don’t want to. I love you exactly like you are.”

“I… I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing” he apologizes, “I haven’t felt like this before. I have no experience with it.”

“Don’t apologize for that. Just let me help you, okay?” She presses a soft kiss to the scar above his eye. It makes his soul hurt in a weird way and makes his arms clench around her.

“I don’t want to disappoint you” he says.

“You won’t. I promise” she reassures him, “Just kiss me.” Okay. He can do that.

Soon after their lips touch again, she starts pushing him down. When his back hits the pillows once more she pulls back from the kiss to give him a smile. She then starts kissing his cheeks again, moving her lips slowly over his jaw and down over his chin. His body twitches and a moan sounds from his chest when her lips touch his neck. It makes her smile.

She covers his entire body in kisses, showers them all over him. The kisses to his collarbones make him pant as heat pools in his pelvis and the kisses to his shoulder and sternum and all the many scars still covering his chest makes him sigh as fondness swells in his chest. He watches her with rapt interest, watches the expression of adoration that is constantly present on her face.

She is kissing her way down his spine when her hands stop at the edge of his sweatpants. She looks up at him with a question burning in her eyes, her fingers hovering right over the one place where he desperately needs her touch.

“Can I…?” She doesn’t get to finish her question before he’s lifting his hips from the bed to make it easier for her to take them off him.

“Please do” he says hoarsely. They work together to get him naked and once the pants are on the floor, she settles back down and starts up where she left off. By now, the small trail of kisses is driving him insane. Each time her lips touch his body he feels fire burst forth inside his bones in response. When she finally, _finally_ presses the first of surely many kisses to the top arch of his pelvis, he can’t stop himself from groaning loudly.

“Did that feel nice?” She actually fucking asks him that.

“Very” he answers, “Please do it again.” She does and another groan escapes him. Stars, it feels like he’s being set on fire. His magic is going crazy inside him. It feels like his rib cage can barely contain his soul right now. It’s buzzing with so much energy and emotion that he almost can’t handle it.

A curious tongue licks over the smooth surface of his pelvis and Papyrus has to slap a hand over his mouth to stop himself from screaming. He did _not_ expect that strong surge of magic zapping down his spine. His toes curl when she does it again and his free hand grabs onto her hair in a desperate attempt to keep himself anchored.

He feels like crying when she stops her explorations of his pelvis and instead moves up to kiss him again. He removes his hand from his mouth happily and kisses her hard and long, trying to show her how much she has made him want her through his kiss.

As soon as her hips have settled down over his, his magic conjures the human-like cock for her. It slides along her panties covered core and makes her suck in a quick breath. Papyrus can feel how wet she is through the thin fabric, can feel the outline of her pussy against the magic flesh. It twitches with want. Fuck he wants to be inside her so badly.

He tilts his hips up a little, making his cock slide along her again. Her arms shake and she breaks the kiss to moan loudly.

Papyrus makes a quick decision. He wraps his arms around her back and turns them around so she is lying beneath him, looking up at him in shock. It’s his turn to make her body hum with pleasure.

He starts much like she did, by kissing her deeply. He follows the path her lips made over his body, uses his magic lips and tongue to give her pleasure. By the noises that start spilling from her lips, he figures it’s working and so he continues.

He pays special attention to her nipples when he moves past them and bites teasingly at the flesh of her breasts, making her yelp and moan in the same breath. He leaves a small red mark on the skin over her ribs by letting his teeth run over it a little more roughly. He just needs to see his mark on her body at least this once. She seems to like it and that makes it so much better.

Like he did, she eagerly lifts her hips when he asks permission to pull off her panties. Once they’re gone her knees fall apart easily, her hips moving impatiently, ready for his touch. He teases her a little, licks his teeth while grinning at her and nibbles at her thighs until she’s whining and begging him to touch her.

She tastes just as amazing as she did last time. She is hot, wet and delicious and he groans against her pussy, making her sob happily. Her hands are on his head again, nails scratching over his skull. He slurps against her and teases her opening with his tongue, making her shift under him and press closer to his face. His name has started falling from her lips in a mantra and the sound of it makes his soul swell with love for her.

“Stop! Stop stop stop!” she shouts suddenly while she pushes at his head, scaring the shit out of him. He pulls back instantly, afraid that he has hurt her. He checks her for injury quickly, fearing that his magic somehow failed to protect her from his teeth. He doesn’t see any blood right away, but he knows it’s just a matter of time if he...

“No no!” she says quickly when she sees his expression, “You didn’t do anything wrong! It was so perfect, too perfect. I didn’t want to come yet.” His panic vanishes immediately and he sighs relieved.

“Don’t scare me like that” he scolds her when he lets her pull him down on top of her again. She kisses him softly in apology.

“Sorry” she mumbles, “I’m sorry.” Papyrus grumbles a little against her lips, but he’s not angry at her at all. It’s mostly to tease her he does so.

“You almost scared the soul right out of me” he tells her. He still can’t understand how perfectly his face fits against her neck. He breathes in her scent and sighs deeply. Pine needles, the spices they used for dinner and that sweet something he can’t pinpoint. Delicious, like always.

“Let me make it up to you” she says. She does something with her hips  and suddenly Papyrus almost chokes on the air. His cock slides halfway into her with no resistance at all, making her back arch off the bed in delight.

“Oh stars…” he curses lowly, “Fuck. How are you still this tight?” His hips are already moving in small jerks, pressing himself deeper and deeper into her with every movement. She is squeezing tightly around his magic, her knees pushing against his pelvis, trying to make him go faster. He refuses to move his hips more than half an inch. He will not hurt her, no matter how good it feels to have her wrapped around him like this again.

Her breaths stay deep and slow, her eyes closed and her lip caught between her teeth. She’s the picture of desire right now, his very own Aphrodite. Fuck, he really needs a better title for her than lover. She’s so, so much more than that. What he wouldn’t give to be able to call her his mate. Papyrus would burn worlds to ash just to get to call her that. He would do anything, anything at all, to have her be his.

Papyrus doesn’t know how long it takes before both of them start getting close. The slow grind of their hips turns quicker and quicker as time passes. She is clinging to him, her arms and legs wrapped around his body. He feels completely enveloped by her and her love and it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. He had no idea it could feel like this, feel this intense. He feels like he is being granted the most precious gift in the multiverse right now and his soul can’t really process all the strong feelings running rampant through it.

He puts both his hands behind her head, letting his thumb stroke over her neck lovingly. Her eyes burn as they look into his. He can see her desire and love for him so clearly. He is convinced that is why he is so breathless now, or at least part of the reason. Yes, she feels amazing, but her love is much better. It feels much more powerful than his approaching orgasm.

He leans his forehead against hers and holds her gaze when he starts moving his hips with more purpose. The noises spilling from her lips instantly pick up and become much more urgent. Her body twists under his, trying to find the perfect position to get as much pleasure as possible. When she finds it, she stiffens a little before her hips start moving in tact with his. It makes everything so much better.

It doesn’t take much to make her unravel: Just a few well placed thrusts and a whisper of sweet words in her ear and then she is crying out in ecstasy, calling his name like it’s the only word she knows.

He reaches his own completion not long after her. Feeling, seeing and hearing her come makes it almost impossible to hold off. He kisses her hard when he comes, muffling the sound of his sob-like moan that rattles around in his chest.They continue to move against each other until the last zap of pleasure has been forced out of them. When his magic disintegrates, they both collapse with a deep sigh.

He moves off her as soon as he regains control over his body, although moving turns out to be a challenge. His limbs are weak and feels like they’re made of jelly. It’s a strange feeling.

He makes himself comfortable on the bed next to her, his back leaning against the wall, making him feel safe. Once he is comfortable he spreads his arms and lets her cuddle up to him. She sighs happily and nuzzles her face against his rib cage. He can’t imagine it could feel good to nuzzle something that hard, but she seems like she is enjoying it immensely.

After kissing the top of her head a few times and pulling her closer to his chest, he lets himself sigh and relax.

That was… phenomenal. It was everything he had dreamed of and feared. It was perfect. Fuck, he can’t figure out if he just made the best decision of his life or if it was the biggest mistake ever.

“Please don’t leave me” he hears her whisper against him suddenly. Her words makes his soul pull together tightly, the happiness slowly bleeding out of it.

“I really wish I didn’t have to” he whisper back to her.

“Let me come with you” she begs.

“Please don’t” he begs back, “Please don’t make me say no. You know why that is a very bad idea. Besides, you belong in this universe. Travelling to mine will most likely have the same consequences that our stay here has.”

“What if I don’t care?”

“I do care” Papyrus says, “My universe might not be worth much, but it still holds potential. It doesn’t deserve to be destroyed. No matter how small the potential is, it’s enough to try. I can save them. I know I can.”

“If you survive” she reminds him. Papyrus closes his eyes and swallows uselessly. He really, really hates that reflex.

“Yes. If I survive.” He feels her move away from him, but doesn’t open his eyes to look at her. His soul is hurting so much and he just needs a moment to get past the worst of it. Feeling all this sadness and grief is not ideal for a soul that is turning black.

“Please don’t die” she says. He feels her hand come to rest on his chest, right above where his soul lies hidden underneath. It makes it buzz. His soul really wants to be close to hers again, but that is too dangerous. He can’t risk getting used to the feeling of her soul. Not when he will never have the chance to feel it again after tonight.

“I will try my very best not to” he promises. He opens his eyes when her hand clenches into a fist.

“No” she says stubbornly, “You do _not_ have my permission to die, do you understand that? You are _not_ allowed to! So you do whatever you have to do, but don’t you _dare_ die. I don’t care if you have to murder every single monster in the Underground to stay alive. You do whatever it takes, okay? Protect yourself and your brother _at all costs_. Your safety is the most important thing. Nothing else matters.”

“You have no idea what you are asking me to do” Papyrus says sadly.

“Yes, yes I do” she says slowly, seriously. Her eyes burns with some emotion Papyrus has a hard time understanding. It scares him just a little. His precious angel should never look like this. She should never looks this angry and remorseful. She should never look like she regrets doing something as simple as just _breathing_.

“I understand _perfectly_ well what I’m telling you to do” she continues, her voice growing softer, “If you have no other choice, you do what is necessary to keep yourself and Sans alive, okay? It's self-defense. It won’t make you feel better to think of it like that, but at least you will still be alive to feel the regret afterwards.”

Papyrus is in shock. Suddenly, a lot of things dawns on him at the same time, suddenly he understands so much. The reason for her higher than 1 LV, why her soul is that broken, why she always startles so badly when a loud noise sounds, why her first reaction is always to protect either herself or others. Why she was able to stare into the face of death despite being terrified of him the first time they met. How she was able to protect Blueberry despite knowing he was too strong for her.

Oh, stars… What did the other humans _do_ to her? What have they forced her to do?

He hugs her. It’s the only thing he can really do. It’s all too much to deal with right now. There is a lot of horrible scenarios playing through his mind, all of them showing him possible situations where his beautiful, merciful angel would be forced to take a life to protect herself or others.

“I will not let you down” he promises.

“Good” she responds.

“But you have to promise me something too” he says. When he feels her nod, he pulls back so they can look at each other. “Don’t stop living after I’m gone. I need to know you are as happy as you can be. I don’t want you to be sad because of me.”

“I’ll try” she says. Papyrus accepts that answer. It’s better than nothing, even if it is a lie.

* * *

Papyrus lies awake long after y/n falls asleep after spending a long time just sharing sweet, soft kisses. She is nestled close to his chest still and is sleeping peacefully. He doesn’t want to leave her, but it’s getting late. Or, actually, it’s getting early. The cave has started to brighten outside and Papyrus needs to get going if he wants to get this over with before the others wake up.

Y/n grumbles unhappily when he rolls her over to lie by herself. He sneaks out of the bed and pulls the blanket up to cover her body so she won’t get cold. After giving her forehead a chaste kiss, he pulls back from her. He leaves the room silently and closes the door behind him.

The warmth in his bones from y/n’s warm body drains out of him slowly as he dresses himself in his black long sleeved shirt and long pants. His soul is trembling nervously in his chest, calling out for comfort. It’s hurting because he is scared, but he doesn’t let it stop him. He has to do this. He needs to do it.

He counts himself lucky that he thought of preparing his armor and placing it in the living room before going to talk with y/n last night. Doing this in the room would certainly have woken her up and he can’t imagine how much harder it would be to strap the leather pieces to his limbs if she had been looking at him with tears in her eyes.

Shaking his head, he tries to will himself to feel anything besides pain. Anger perhaps, or maybe even indifference. It doesn’t work and that makes him even more nervous. His chest armor feels much heavier than he remembers when he picks it up, but he draws comfort from that weight. It means he will have a few extra chances to survive if anyone tries to attack his soul.

His fingers move by memory while they work, in automatic, practiced motions. Pull a strap here, tie the lace here, click the clasps closed. Hide the metal chest piece away underneath the thin black leather tunic that bears the red mark of the Captain of the Royal Guard. Flatten out the shoulder guards and make sure they are lying correctly over his shoulders so they are protected from attacks. Wrap scarf loosely around neck, stuff the end in under the collar of leather tunic so it doesn't fall loose.

There’s a low hum coming from his soul. His magic is gathering power, readying itself for use while he gets dressed. He is going to need all his reserves for this, he’s sure. Every little spec of magic he has. He has to be smart about how he uses it though. No extreme attacks. Only defensive ones. He needs to only use just enough to keep himself alive so he can flee.

Stars, he hopes he doesn’t end up right in the middle of a group of monsters. He doesn’t even care if he has to walk all the way through the forests. He just really wants to end up in an empty place with no one around.

He’s… He’s done. There’s no more armor to put on, no more things to do. All he has to do now is say goodbye.

The four letters seem small and insignificant when he places them on the coffee table. It doesn’t seem like they’re enough, like they’re a poor excuse of a goodbye, but it’s all he has. He can’t risk waking up his family by going into the rooms to say goodbye properly. He wants to see them again one last time, but he can’t. If they wake up they will surely stop him from doing this and he can’t have that. He is doing this for their own good. He’s doing this for himself too. He’s not sure he would be able to leave if he had all of them standing around him, watching him go.

And Sans… Papyrus is doing this mostly for his brother’s sake. Sans can’t survive in their world. Papyrus is certain of it. Sans is too weak for the harsh environment of their world. His mind is delicate and fragile and he deserves to be happy. He would never be happy in their own world, no matter if their relationship has grown better, not like he has grown to be happy here.

Only one of them needs to return to keep their world in balance. Sans has written that into his notes one of the first weeks they were here. Papyrus is glad that he decided to break into the lab during those first weeks and find out how long Sans was in his work. It’s not something Papyrus is proud of doing, but back then Sans wouldn’t have said anything but “i’m working on it” if Papyrus had asked. He needed to see for himself.

From what Papyrus understood of Sans’ notes (and that really wasn’t much considering Sans’ notes is all written in that strange language Papyrus can’t remember ever learning and that Sans uses many scientific words Papyrus can’t understand), both of them didn’t have to be in their universe to uphold the balance. One of them was enough because they are siblings.

Papyrus thinks that Sans probably figured that out because he was actively looking for a way to stay behind back then, because he didn’t want to go back to their own world with him. Papyrus doesn’t blame him for that. He understands why perfectly and he gets why Sans would have changed his mind after they solved some of their problems. Why he never mentioned it. Sans is soft and of course he wouldn’t dream of leaving Papyrus to deal with their world alone.

It only makes Papyrus so much more certain that he is doing the right thing. His brother deserves happiness, even if it means Papyrus will be alone forever.

Enough of this. It’s time to get going.

The scarf around his neck flutters wildly when he opens the front door. It feels like a storm is brewing out over the forests. A fitting sendoff for a killer, Papyrus thinks bitterly. Darkness, cold air and loneliness. It’s exactly what he deserves.

The crunch of snow under his boots seems too loud in the silence surrounding him. He can’t help but look over his shoulder, feeling himself grow paranoid. He feels like he has to hurry for some reason and it makes him nervous. It feels like he is being followed, but whenever he looks around he can’t see anything but shadows, dark houses and empty streets.

Papyrus hurries to the backdoor. He doesn’t bother with picking the lock like he had planned on doing. The sense of urgency in his soul makes him want to hurry, so instead he just uses a concentrated attack to blast the entire handle and keyhole off the door. After the small attack vanishes, leaving a small smoking hole behind, he kicks the door open before rushing inside. He waits for a moment next to the door, listening for the sound of someone approaching, but it never comes. The world is silent outside.

It makes him feel a little stupid, but his reaction also tells him he’s ready to go back to his own universe. Paranoia will be a good companion while he tries to stay alive.

The machine looks ordinary and rather dull when he pulls the beige sheet off of it. It’s basically just a platform with a lot of wires and computers hooked up to it. There’s a low hum of magical electricity in the air swarming around the machine. It makes his back crawl with discomfort. Why does he feel like he is being watched?

By looking through some of the notes lying across a table nearby, Papyrus figures out which commands to type into the computer to prepare the machine for use. He also finds the commands that will make it self destruct once it has teleport him away.

The low hum of magic in the air becomes louder and louder until Papyrus feels his own skull rattle with the energy waves being emitted from the machine. He really hopes these walls are soundproof.

He’s completely focused on understanding the notes and commands correctly so he doesn’t make a mistake and send himself to the wrong universe. He’s so concentrated that he doesn’t hear the door open or the sound of footsteps slowly coming closer. He's so far gone that he doesn't notice the feeling of eyes burning on his back. Perhaps it is the machines magic energy that messes his senses up or maybe it's because he really has grown weak during his stay here, but Papyrus notices nothing before a low, dark voice echoes through the air.

 

 

 **“W h a t    t h e** **_h e l l_ ** **d o    y o u    t h i n k    y o u ’ r e    d o i n g?”**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cries for days*
> 
> NOTICE: I'm not going to be able to write during the weekend, so the next chapter will take a little while to complete! Please be patient!
> 
> Okay, on a much happier note! I'm 4 followers from 100 on tumblr and as a celebration I'm doing **a blog takeover with the characters from this fic!** YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT! If you have questions for the characters, something you wanna say to them or anything else at all, send your questions to them in my askbox and I'll let them answer them! I will announce on Tumblr when this takeover event starts and you can follow it with the tag "100 followers event" or "RaR Takeover" or "Reborn and Refined fic" on my blog! 
> 
> My Tumblr: [Mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com](mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “would you stop that?!” Sans hisses at him.
> 
> “Stop moving and I will!” Papyrus growls back. He hasn’t missed his attacks since he was a teenager and started training to join the Royal Guard. What is going on? How is Sans _doing_ this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ay, I'm back! Hope you didn't go insane waiting for this update! I worked super hard on it the past two days. 
> 
>  
> 
> **MAKE SURE TO READ THE END NOTES! THEY ARE IMPORTANT!**
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy! <3

## Chapter thirteen

 

 _You've got me shaking from the way you're talking_  
_My heart is breaking but there's no use crying_  
_What a cyanide surprise you have left for my eyes_ _  
If I had common sense I'd cut myself or curl up and die_

 _Sticks and stones could break my bones_ _  
_ _But anything you say will only fuel my lungs_

 _Don't mind us we're just spilling our guts_  
_If this is love I don't wanna be loved_  
_You pollute the room with a filthy tongue_ _  
Watch me choke it down so I can throw it up._

Sarcasm by Get Scared -

* * *

Papyrus startles badly, but instead of jumping up like he has been burned, he freezes instead. His fingers still over the buttons on the keyboard, his shoulders pull up and his back straightens. He closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, trying to calm his soul so it will stop beating wildly in his chest and stop screaming warnings to his mind. There is no danger here. It’s just Papyrus’ brother.

“i fucking _knew_ it! i fucking knew something was up when you were being all brotherly and cute!” Sans shouts angrily, “holy shit i’m even stupider than i thought! you know, you actually had me believing you for a second there. _fuck!_ ”

“I wasn’t lying” Papyrus tries to argue, although he knows his voice is fragile and his argument weak. Sans won’t believe him, especially not after having just caught him red handed, trying to leave him behind.

“yeah, right. of course you weren’t. ‘cause you _never_ lie and you could _never_ do something like this, right? i forgot you’re a damn model citizen by now” Sans responds sarcastically. Papyrus flinches a little internally at the harshness of his words. He really managed to upset his brother greatly, didn’t he? All that pain and fear bleeding through his voice, even that little tremble in his voice at the end of his rant tells Papyrus that Sans is trying very hard not to snap. Is he having an anxiety attack? Papyrus doesn’t think he has ever seen Sans actually snap under the pressure of his anxiety.

Papyrus turns around slowly on unsteady legs. His soul buzzes nervously in his chest, his magic humming to life. He needs to be very, very precise if this is going to work. He can’t miss. He can _not_ miss. This attack has to be spot on or it will have consequences Papyrus isn’t sure he can survive.

“Sans” he says slowly, hoping his sincerity shows on his face, “I was not lying. I meant everything I said to you. I’m sorry I have to do this, but it’s for your own goo…”

“don’t even think about doing that!” Sans shouts at him. There’s some sort of distortion in Papyrus’ vision and he has to blink. When his eyes open again, Sans is standing three feet further to the left. Papyrus’ attack hits the concrete floor with a hollow clang and splinters. He… missed?

“the hell is wrong with you?!” Sans yells, “you’d rather knock me out than explain yourself? jeez, you’ve more issues than i thought buddy!” Papyrus doesn’t answer. He’s too confused and panicked to do so. Instead, he lifts his hand, pulling on his magic to materialize another attack. He aims it straight at Sans’ head and prays for a direct hit.

Sans’ pupils flick over to the attack coming from his right instantly, like he _knows_ exactly where it will come from. He avoids it by teleporting again. Papyrus tries to anticipate where his brother appears by throwing a second bone attack, but something makes his head swim. He has to blink again and just as before, when he looks up, Sans has teleported away. He appears closer to Papyrus instead of further to the left, making both his attacks miss.

“would you _stop that?!”_ Sans hisses at him.

“Stop moving and I will!” Papyrus growls back. He hasn’t missed his attacks since he was a teenager and started training to join the Royal Guard. What is going on? How is Sans _doing_ this?

“for fucks sake” Sans curses before he has to teleport out of the way of another attack. Papyrus tries to follow him with his eyes, tries to anticipate his movements. Somehow, Sans constantly avoids his attacks, even when they should have hit him straight on. Something tells Papyrus that he isn’t just fighting against Sans’ ability to teleport. There is something else going on here, something that always _makes him miss._ It’s infuriating!

“ok that’s it.” Sans has just avoided another of Papyrus’ attempts at knocking him unconscious when he has apparently had enough. The second he appears, he lifts a hand up in front of Papyrus. There’s a flash of magic in his eye sockets before an aura of blue magic swirls around his fist. All of a sudden, Papyrus feels his soul be caught in a tight grip and get forced to materialize outside his chest.

Sans clenches his hand into a fist and swipes it to the right. Papyrus’ soul follows the movement and before Papyrus can do anything about it, he’s flying through the air like he weighs nothing. When he crashes into the wall, Sans lets his soul go for just long enough so Papyrus can fall to the floor with a thud. Once Papyrus is on the floor his soul is covered by his brother’s blue magic again, making him unable to move.

“now that that’s outta the way” Sans comments, “how about we try being adults for a sec and actually _talk_ to each other instead of this bullshit?” Papyrus looks up at his brother that is approaching and feels a stab of pride in his soul.

Sans is grinning at him. It’s the sort of smile that tells Papyrus Sans is so proud of himself and the fact that he managed to catch Papyrus unprepared. He has grown so confident and so mentally strong. His magic has always been strong, Papyrus has no doubt about that. He has no doubt Sans would have been able to disarm him as easily before their arrival to this universe as he did now, but Papyrus knows he would never had done it. He never _did_ it, not even when Papyrus literally had prepared the attack that would _kill_ him. This is the first time Sans has fought back and Papyrus is so stupidly proud of his brother and the confidence he carries himself with now. There’s no flicker of uncertainty, no sweaty forehead or nervous laughter. Sans is calm and collected, he is in full control over his magic.

A smile spreads on Papyrus’ face, a genuine, soft smile and it makes Sans falter for a short moment. The blue magic around Papyrus’ soul flickers in and out, but he doesn’t make a move. He no longer wants to. He can’t see the point anymore. Sans is right. Papyrus should know better by now than try to fix things the old way. Knocking his brother out and leaving him behind without asking was how the old Papyrus would handle this situation.

“what?” Sans asks immediately. He looks over his shoulder like he’s expecting to be attacked from behind somehow. “why’re you smiling like that?”

“Oh Sans” Papyrus sighs deeply, “I’m so, so very proud of you.”

“what?” Sans barks, his head snapping back again. The red magic in his eyes bleeds out, leaving the small white pinpricks behind. Papyrus can’t help but tilt his head to the side and really _look_ at his brother. How long has it been since Sans has been able to look at him with white eyes this soon after they have fought?

How long has it been since they actually had a real fight and Sans didn’t just let Papyrus knock him around like he wanted to?

“Look at yourself” Papyrus explains, “You’re so strong and so brave. You stopped me so easily.”

“the fuck are you talkin’ about? stop it” Sans snaps at him. His words hold no real venom. Papyrus can easily hear the tremor and see how Sans’ hand is trembling in the air. His soul is free and Papyrus can move, but he doesn’t. He keeps sitting on the floor and lets his brother process his words.

“Just relax. I won’t try to do it again. You have my word” Papyrus says softly.

“yeah, right” Sans just responds. Blue magic catches Papyrus’ soul again, making his body feel fifty times heavier. He’s not moving anytime soon. “i let my guard down and bam, i’m dead. not gonna happen bro.”

Papyrus’ soul swells with happiness. He actually feels like giggling like a child over something as stupid as that, but this might possibly be the best day in his adult life.

Sans called him “bro” again.

“Okay, I understand your mistrust. But then please, let me explain” Papyrus tries.

“oh, are you gonna repeat this?” Sans asks as he pulls out the letter Papyrus left for him on the coffee table, “‘cause if so, don’t bother. “you’re better off without me, you will be happier here”, yada yada yada. we both know that’s _bullshit_.”

“Is that what you think?” Papyrus asks. He can’t deny that that hurt a little. He spent a lot of time thinking about what to tell his brother in his letter. He even rewrote it many times, trying to make it as believable as possible. He knew Sans would never accept the decision Papyrus made, but he at least thought Sans would believe him when he said he was doing it to protect him.

“of course that’s what i think!” Sans exclaims, “how can you even ask that? of course i won’t be better off without you, you idiot! you’re my brother! we belong together. we’re stronger _together_!”

Papyrus’ eyes widen in shock. “Is… Is that really how you feel? Despite everything I’ve…”

“everything you did? yeah, ‘cause i do. i never doubted you for a sec. i never doubted that you loved me. i’m not stupid bro. i knew something real bad happened to you and i know it scared the crap outta you. why’d you think i kept coming back? why you’d think i never tried to stop you? it’s not like i wasn’t able to do so.” Sans makes a small gesture between them, like he’s trying to use their current situation to emphasize his words.

“I… honestly, I had no idea” Papyrus answers, “I always just assumed it was because you were more afraid of the other monsters than of me.”

“hah, that’s a joke right? bro, i can _teleport_. i can literally _control time and space_. yeah, sure, if someone got me by surprise, i’d be in trouble, but hell, i ain’t stupid! i’m always aware of my surroundings. gotta be with only one hp, ya know.”

Papyrus is stunned. He actually has no idea how to react to all this new information. Has he really been that wrong in his assumptions about his brother? He knew Sans was powerful and he knew he was smart, but this… This is just so much more than Papyrus has ever thought possible. He never even considered the possibility of Sans knowing the real reason for why Papyrus suddenly became so violent towards him.

“If you knew, why didn’t you ask? Why just let me…” He can’t say it. He can’t say it out loud. So instead he just tries to make a gesture with his hand. It becomes more of a twitch of fingers because lifting his arm at the moment is very difficult. Sans’ blue magic is so very strong. More than Papyrus had expected.

“be an abusive little dick?” Sans finishes for him, “‘cause you’re my baby bro and i know you better than anyone. i knew talking wouldn’t fix shit for you. the damage was already done to your soul. a wound like that doesn’t heal by just talking. you had to find your own way. scars like that, they need time and personal growth to heal. you were young and you had been hurt so badly. what could i possibly do? nothin’. i was a wreck myself. all i could do was let you do whatever made you feel safe. it was the only way i could be sure you wouldn’t fall down. i just had to let your mind protect you when i couldn’t.”

“But, you were so afraid of me” Papyrus argues.

“of course i was afraid of you! your soul is turning black pap! i never thought it was that bad until you… until _that_ week.” Papyrus flinches visibly this time and looks away. He knows exactly what week Sans is talking about.

“i knew i had let it go on for too long without saying anything” Sans continues, “i knew that you’d become desperate and just wanted it to end. you’re not the type that would kill yourself, so of course you found another way to make the pain go away. i’m sorry i didn’t figure it out earlier. i could’ve made sure you never had to go through that.”

“ _I_ had to go through it?” Papyrus repeats flabbergasted, “I _tortured_ you! If anyone should be spared the memories of that week, it should be you!”

“i’ve had worse” Sans says with a shrug. Papyrus’ jaw actually drops. He must look hilarious right now, because Sans breaks into laughs and shakes his head. “oh bro, if you remembered the things i did. i know you never really forgot about our old man like everybody else, but you don’t remember everything he did to us. to me. what you did to me that week was a casual sunday night back in the day for me.”

“But-but… You, you were… I shouldn’t have...” Why has he turned into such a blabbering fool all of a sudden?

“no, you really shouldn’t. guess you take after our dad a little more than i thought. and yeah, of course i was scared of ya. i had just realized that your soul had started turning black. i never knew when you were gonna snap because of it. i knew that when a soul does that, sometimes people would just stop feeling for a short period of time if they got pushed too far, and they became unpredictable. but you never did. you always stayed in control, but yeah. i was scared shitless. i didn’t wanna have to kill you bro.”

“I… really don’t know what to say” Papyrus admits. What can he possibly say to all that?

“how about you say nothing about that and start explaining yourself instead?” Sans suggests and nods to the machine that’s still buzzing with energy. Right. Yes, he can do that. Talk about something else.

“I snuck in here and looked through your notes” Papyrus starts, “I know only one of us needs to go back. I wanted to give you freedom. Or the closest thing to it.”

“so you were gonna leave me behind” Sans says.

“Yes.”

“just like that. no goodbye, no explanation. just leave me here to rot and worry about you” Sans says. Papyrus nods.

“I thought… Well, it will sounds stupid now, but I thought you were too soft for our world. That you weren’t strong enough. I didn’t want to ruin all the progress you had done here. I wanted you to be happy.”

“and being here, in this shitty universe, without my bro, was gonna make me happy or what?”

“You have Papy, Blueberry and y/n here” Papyrus says, “They’ve become your family. They can give you things I never will be able to. They already have.”

“they’re your family too, numbskull” Sans says, “and sure, yeah. i like ‘em. they’ve helped me a lot. but i don’t love them more than you! you’ll always be my number one and if i have to go back to that hellhole just to be with ya, then that’s what i’ll do. being here is only good ‘cause you’re here too, idiot. i thought you knew that.”

Papyrus shakes his head sadly. “I always thought you hated me” he admits, “Or at least despised me.”

“jeez, you’ve more self-hatred than i thought” Sans comments, “fuck, i thought you _knew_. i thought that was why you were so mean to me. because you couldn’t deal with it.”

“I couldn’t” Papyrus responds, “And yes, on some level I did know. I just thought it changed when I started getting really bad. I really did think you had started hating me. I wanted you to. I had to convince myself that we hated each other.”

“aw shit” Sans breathes. Papyrus feels his soul get released and return to his chest. He doesn’t look up, not even when he feels Sans sit down on the floor next to him. At first, Sans doesn’t do anything. He just sits next to him silently. Papyrus is okay with that. He’s tired and he doesn’t want to fight his brother anyway. He’s tired of being Sans’ enemy.

“it’s been long since we were this honest with each other” Sans says softly before he sighs. “it’s nice. i missed you bro.”

“I’m sorry” Papyrus chokes out. His hands clench into fists as he fights against the pain in his soul. Regret stings so badly. “I’m sorry I got so lost. I really was only trying to protect you. That’s all I’ve ever tried to do.”

“it’s ok. i get it. but bro, we’re stronger as a team. don’t know when you forgot that, but i never did. we’re stronger together.”

“Are we?” Papyrus asks genuinely. He finally looks up, unashamed by the wetness in his eyes sockets. Sans is crying a little too, so Papyrus won’t feel bad for showing his brother just how much this means to him. He is so, so grateful that Sans is actually willing to speak to him. He’s right. It has been far too long since they were able to do this. “Are we really stronger together? Because all I can see coming out of this is weakness and unnecessary vulnerability.”

“‘course we are. caring doesn’t make ya weak bro” Sans says. A genuine smile shows up on Sans’ face and it warms Papyrus’ soul much more than it should. That smile is all for him. Sans is smiling to _Papyrus_.

“I know that.”

“sure you do. but i’m not sure you understand it.” Papyrus huffs out a laugh before he looks at his still clenched hands. He relaxes them and feels himself smile. What is this feeling? It’s so strange.

“Yes, maybe that is the problem” he agrees, “It seems like there is very little I actually understand.”

“hey, that’s what you got big bros for. it’s my job to teach you” Sans says. He nudges Papyrus’ shoulder with his and Papyrus’ smile widens just a fraction.

A few moments pass by while they just sit silently next to each other. Papyrus basks in his brother’s presence and the comfortable feeling that’s finally settled around them. That unknown feeling is still poking around in his soul, making him feel all light, tingly and happy. Papyrus tries really hard to figure out what it is, but he can’t name it. He can’t remember ever feeling like this before.

“what’s up? you got that thinking look on ya face” Sans asks him.

“I’m… feeling something” Papyrus answers, “I’m not sure what and it frustrates me.”

“you don’t know what you’re feeling? that’s weird” Sans comments.

“I’m not used to feeling anything at all” Papyrus defends himself weakly, feeling like a child that is desperately trying to seem cool even though he isn’t, “I used to hide it all away. Or at least I tried to. Most of what I felt before was loneliness and pain.”

“for real? wow. that explains a lotta stuff.” Sans clears his throat and shuffles around a little. “you, eh… you want me to take a look? maybe i can help ya put a name on it.”

“I would like that very much, yes” Papyrus says, making his brother’s eyes widen in surprise. Just having Sans offer something like that is phenomenal. It makes Papyrus so happy.

“‘kay. don’t kill me please” Sans says. Papyrus is sure that was supposed to sound like a joke.

Sans calls out Papyrus’ soul again, but this time much more gently than he did before. It materializes slowly and hovers over to Sans’ outstretched hand. Papyrus watches his brother’s face through it all to find out what he thinks about his soul. He never found out earlier. Sans was hidden against Papy’s or Papyrus’ own chest for most of the time.

Sans cups the soul with both his hands and moves slowly to pull it closer to him. He handles it like it’s precious and fragile. Like it’s something to be protected. His face shows awe, but also pain and regret.

“jeez kid, what did you do to it?” Sans whispers to himself before he looks up at Papyrus with a determined expression, “we’re gonna fix this bro. i promise. i know how.”

“What, really?” Papyrus asks shocked, “You know how to turn it back to normal?”

“‘course i do. what’d you think i was doing all those nights i came home so late?”

“I thought you were at Grillby’s getting drunk. Or getting laid. Possibly both.”

“wait, what? _that’s_ what ya thought? oh hell, i get why you were always that pissed then!” Sans says before he starts laughing, “no bro, i was studying. at the royal library in the capital. i was trying to find a way to save ya.”

“I…” Papyrus’ words die on his tongue, “I feel like I owe you an apology. A really big one.”

“don’t sweat it. water under the bridge and all that” Sans just says, shrugging it off, “now, let’s have a look.”

Sans’ soul materializes next to Papyrus’ and suddenly a horde of emotions and sensations invade Papyrus’ mind. The souls slide closer, their aura’s mixing. Papyrus get bombarded by Sans’ joy and relief almost instantly. He finds himself feeling incredibly happy about the fact that he senses almost no fear in Sans. The only fear Papyrus can detect is the lingering dread about the return to their own world. Sans still doesn't’ want to leave, much like Papyrus doesn’t, but Sans is no longer certain they will die instantly. Sans is feeling the same emotion as Papyrus is. He’s consumed by it. He is willingly letting it swirl around in his soul, letting it soak into his body. It almost feels like the feeling gives Sans courage, like it is making him strong. What _is_ it? How can it make his brother seem so determined? So powerful?

“oh stars” Sans laughs, “bro, you really don’t know what this is?” Papyrus shakes his head.

“No. I haven’t felt it before. Not as far as I can remember at least” Papyrus responds.

“it’s hope ya dingus” Sans says, “you’re feeling hopeful.”

Hope? _Hope?_ Papyrus is feeling hope? But how is that possible? He’s still going back to his own world, he’s still going to most likely die. How can he feel _hope?_

“I… Well, that was unexpected.” Papyrus doesn’t know what else to say. It really is unexpected and he has no idea how that happened.

“hope and happiness, as far as i can see” Sans mumbles, “bit disbelief too, but that’s not too weird, considering. bunch of regret and self-loathing. gotta have to get rid of that to fix this mess. gotta focus on the positive things.” Papyrus is fairly sure his brother is no longer talking to him, but is talking to himself instead. Sans looks like he’s completely enraptured by what he’s feeling through Papyrus’ soul. His eyes are half-closed and he’s holding their souls close together, protecting them against his chest with his hands.

“honesty, optimism. thankfulness. well at least you know you fucked up and know when to appreciate the help. that’s good. it seems like most of the emotional responses are working like they should, so that’s not too messed up yet.” Sans finally opens his eyes again and he gives Papyrus a wide smile. “good news bro. i don’t think you’ve fucked up too badly. you didn’t mess up any of the emotional parts of your soul. just a bit of your memory, but hey, that’s not too bad, right? we can make sure you get a way to remember stuff if it becomes a problem.”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about right now Sans” Papyrus says honestly.

“i’m saying that we can make you better without you having too many permanent injuries after it. i’m saying we can reverse this blackness and make sure you’re safe” he explains.

“How can you possibly know that? How can you think it’s possible to save me? Look at me. It’s over a third black already Sans. I’m _disgusting_. And how can you reverse it? I haven’t been able to find a way yet.”

“‘ey, cut it out. you’re _not_ disgusting. and i know that because i’m your damn brother and i know that you have the strength to fight this. it won’t be easy, but by the stars, i’m gonna make sure you do no matter what, even if i have to kick your ass every time to make you listen” Sans says, “reversing it is pretty simple. you just gotta do the exact opposite of what you did to make it black. it’s all about the intention behind the acts bro.”

“Oh, so all I have to do is bring the people I killed back to life and be nice all the time? That’s so easy” Papyrus say sarcastically.

“i know it’s not as easy said as done, but basically? yeah. you gotta atone for your sins and you gotta mean it. it’s gonna be hard as hell, but if you wanna be safe, then you have to do it.”

Papyrus looks away. Why is he even discussing this with Sans? Papyrus doesn’t deserve being saved. The pain is his punishment.

“don’t think like that papyrus” Sans says. Oh, right. He can still read Papyrus’ feelings. “don’t think so little of yourself. i get this is your way of trying to make up for the crap you’ve done, but i’m telling ya. this isn’t the way.”

“What can I possibly do Sans?” Papyrus asks dejected. He pulls his knees to his chest and rests his chin on it, avoiding his brother’s gaze. “You know how our world is.”

“yeah it’s crap. but i believe in ya bro. i know you can do better. if anyone can change their minds, it’s you.” This makes Papyrus look over at Sans again. He receives a soft smile almost instantly. “there’s the pap i’ve missed. i knew you weren’t dead in there.” Sans nudges his shoulder again before he offers to return Papyrus’ soul. Papyrus only straightens up so Sans can return it and then he hides his face away in his arms.

“It’s just so… impossible” Papyrus mumbles.

“yeah, but hey. the boneheads in this universe figured it out. sure, we got the crappy end of the deal, but it’s still our home. it’s only as bad as we make it. who knows. maybe the other monsters are just waiting for someone to guide them.”

“You know that if I start going against the King’s orders, he will have me executed” Papyrus reminds him.

“then we end that poor bastard’s life” Sans responds. The actual hatred in his voice makes Papyrus look up. Sans looks furious. “he doesn’t deserve being alive anyway. Not after what he did.”

“What he did?” Papyrus repeats. Sans’ eyelights move in Papyrus direction. For a few moments they just look at each other, but then Sans breaks into a fake smile and shakes his head.

“just some ol’ lady’s rambles bro. it doesn’t matter. what does matter, however, is making sure asgore either helps us make shit better or vanishes. he’s the reason we’re this fucked in the first place. he messed with a lot of bad stuff back in the day which resulted in us getting locked up down here. it’s about time he paid for his crimes.”

“And who is better to bring him to justice, than his Judge?” Papyrus comments.

“heh, exactly” Sans says, “his judge and the judge's baby bro.”

“Urgh, don’t call me that. I’m not a child” Papyrus groans.

“no but you’re still my baby bro.” Papyrus rolls his eyes at him and stands up. Sans follows him.

They stand before the machine in silence for a bit, just looking at it. The magical energy around it is still very powerful. Papyrus is surprised it hasn’t woken anyone up yet.

“so. you still wanna go before they wake up or?” Sans asks.

“I’m… not sure I would be able to leave if they were here” Papyrus admits.

“‘kay. lemme make sure you didn’t fuck anything up here.” Sans walks over to the computers and starts typing on the keyboard with lightning speed. His fingers are moving so fast Papyrus can barely follow them.

Papyrus stands back and lets him work. While Sans mumbles to himself, Papyrus tries to collect his thoughts.

These past two days have been so surreal. Papyrus feels like he has been acting out of character, like he’s not been himself. He has been happy and heartbroken, he has cried in front of people and showed weakness. He has admitted his love to y/n and accepted Papy and Blueberry as a part of his family. He has apologized for his mistakes and started to feel hope and even regained some sort of positive relationship with Sans. How did he come this far in just six months? What is it with this world and the people in it that makes him change so much, so easily? Was it all really just because he himself had the desire to change deep within him all this time? Or was it something else, something… magical?

And now… now he’s standing here, about to go home to the world that messed him up so much. Papyrus is scared, he has to admit that. He fears what his world will do to him. He’s scared that he won’t be strong enough to withstand its darkness.

But, he has Sans now. Well, in some way, he always did, but now they are actually able to talk without it ending in a fight. Papyrus isn’t naive enough to think that they will never have problems again. No, he is certain that him and Sans will fight again at some point, but he is sure that Sans will not let it escalate to what it was before. Or at least… Papyrus hopes so.

“ok, it should be good to go” Sans announces as he turns around, “ready to go home bro?”

Papyrus takes a deep breath and steps closer to the platform. “No. But we have to” he answers. He takes a deep breath. “We better prepare for a battle before we step through.”

“yeah. don’t worry. i got your back” Sans says. Papyrus manages to send him a grateful smile. It feels stiff and forced, but he hopes that Sans can see how grateful he is for everything in it. How much he appreciates this second chance.

Papyrus spends a minute collecting his magic in his soul. When his entire body is lit up by it and vibrating with power, he finally feels ready. He casts a look at Sans at his side. His brother’s red lit eyes flicker over to look back at him and Sans winks at him once.

“let’s go kick some ass bro.”

“Yes, let’s show them what the skeleton brothers can do when they work together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Jazz Hands* Iiiih, so how many genuinely thought they were going to stay in Underswap? 
> 
> Okay, Important Information time!:  
> 1\. The next chapter will take some time. Don't hurry me. It's the end and I'm doing the event atm on Tumblr too, so my time is split between answering asks and working on the story.  
> 2\. In real Undertale style, there will be THREE endings to this fic! A Genocide (heartbreaking) ending, a Neutral (bittersweet) ending and a Pacifist (happy) ending. AND YOU CHOOSE WHICH ONE I'M GOING TO WRITE AND POST FIRST! Put your vote in the comments section to let me know! If no one "votes" then Miss Time will get to choose. ;)  
> 3\. Make sure to go over to [Mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com](mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com) and send your questions to the characters of this fic! They are taking care of my blog for me during this week! :)
> 
> Until next time sinners~~ 
> 
> \- Miss Mercy


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “i’ve never… it just felt so…” 
> 
> “Good” Papyrus finishes for him, “It feels incredible.” Sans looks up at his face briefly and Papyrus tries to give him an understanding smile. “It shouldn’t feel like that” Papyrus continues, “Taking a life should not feel like the best thing in the world, but it does. You get drunk on the feeling so easily if you are not careful. It can change you. Make you do things you never would have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we have a drum roll please? *Clears throat* The ending most people wanted to see first was.... GENOCIDE! So, as promised, here it is. This is just the **FIRST HALF** of this ending tho! I'm going on vacation tomorrow and all my time have been spent preparing for that, so I could barely write at all during the past week and a half. *sigh* It's so sad, I know. I will upload the last half of the chapter once I get back from vacation and have written it.
> 
> YOU WILL GET ALL THREE ENDINGS! DON'T WORRY! Also, be so kind as to read the end notes once you're done too :) I got some important info there.
> 
> Enjoy! Or, you know... Cry pathetically. That works too.
> 
> Betaed by the lovely [Miss Time](http://Timewasrunningout.tumblr.com/) as always. Please go give her some love. She really does more for this fic than you realize!

  _ **CHECK OUT THIS FANART BY[ sky-blue-siha](http://sky-blue-siha.tumblr.com/post/145629367678/a-quick-paint-i-did-while-thinking-about-the) on Tumblr! It is absolutely GORGEOUS!** _

 

Music suggestion for this chapter: [**"Shephard of Fire"**  ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GLkvCrcExU)and  **["Hail to the King"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6ffmunRjjI) ** by Avenged Sevenfold

* * *

 

##  **Chapter fourteen - Genocide part one**  

**_"The end, part one"_ **

Alternative ending number one: The one where everything turns out horrible

 

 

 _They say that time is supposed to heal ya_  
_But I haven’t done much healing_  
_Hello? Can you hear me?_

Hello by Adele -

* * *

_38 years later..._

 

Papyrus _seriously_ considers just staying in bed today. It is so very unlike himself, but he just can’t deny the thought when it arrives. Staying in bed seems like the perfect way to deal with the world today.

It has been a long time since he felt pain like this. Everything in his body is screaming at him, begging to be released from the pain coursing through it. His ribs hurt with every breath, a pain that is dull and burning. It’s like a deep ache that never goes away. His spine feels like someone pushed a metal rod all the way through it. The pain there is sharp and stabbing everytime he tries to shift around on the bed to lie more comfortably. He decides to stop after the third attempt, simply to spare himself.

He tries to blink slowly to get the dizziness in his head to go away. When he opens his eyes after holding them closed for a brief moment, the room has not stopped spinning yet, but is has slowed down considerably. A few more minutes with careful, slow blinking and it’s almost still. A headache that feels like a sledgehammer being pounded into his skull again and again is probably some of the reason for the dizziness. The sore spot on the back of his skull is probably the rest of the reason for it. He must have hit his head quite hard when he fell.

And then there is his leg. Stars, he doesn’t even know how to describe that pain. It’s the kind of pain that’s right in your face, like a toddler that throws a temper tantrum because they want candy and you just can’t unhear their desperate screams and fake crying. It’s everything all at once, a mess of sensations mashed together into one single signal: anguish. It’s almost so intense he can barely deal with it. The more he thinks about it, the more it hurts. It’s like an evil circle, because the more pain he is in, the more he thinks about it.

Stars, a splintered femur _hurts_.

How had he and Sans even escaped that ambush yesterday? Was it even yesterday it happened? Papyrus really can’t remember. All he remembers is feeling a rush of panic so fierce it felt like his soul got squeezed in half. He remembers feeling his leg splinter when he wasn’t fast enough to escape an attack. He hadn’t slept in two days which was stupid of him. Papyrus remembers feeling his leg snapping under him. He remembers falling through the air and remembers hitting his head so hard on the ground that his vision blacked out almost instantly.

After that it’s just a blur of noise and static images. He is guessing Sans managed to get them out of the situation alive. Or he hopes so. He can’t imagine who else would have spared his life and brought him back to his own home and put him in his own bed.

As if he had heard Papyrus’ thoughts, Sans walks through the door without knocking, confirming Papyrus theory that he somehow did manage to get them out alive. He’s carrying Papyrus’ armor in his arms, along with what looks like their first aid kit from the bathroom and a bowl of water. It’s a miracle that Sans can even walk with all that extra weight.

Sans glances over at the bed and almost falls over when he sees Papyrus looking straight at him.

“hey there, lazy bones! finally decided to wake up huh?” Sans teases, his voice laced with happiness. Papyrus barely has to put in any effort to read the relief soaring through his brother right now. It’s plainly obvious in the way he carries himself and in the way his smile is less strained than usual. And to be honest, Papyrus isn’t sure he would be able to notice that if it wasn’t so plainly obvious. His head is clouded and slow due to the amount of pain he is in.

“I felt like sleeping in” Papyrus decides to say. Perhaps joking about the situation can make it feel less grievous.He is surprised at how low and fragile his voice seems to be. He sounds like he’s on the brink of collapsing from exhaustion. He hopes it goes away quickly.

His eyes quickly run over Sans’ body to catalogue the damages without Papyrus actively trying to do so. Sans is wearing that black turtle neck shirt he hates so much, so that means something ruined his favorite red one. Was he hit by an attack? No, that can’t be right. That would have dusted him instantly. Then what? What could make Sans of all people choose to wear his most hated article of clothing?

“you deserve it too bro. you really saved our butts. but you could have said hey to me or something before sleeping for two days straight. got me worried for a sec there” Sans says continuing Papyrus’ joking tone of voice, although Papyrus is fairly certain he is far from amused.

Sans puts Papyrus’ armor on the table before he comes over to sit on the edge of the bed with the first aid kit and the bowl of water.

“I’m sorry” he says. Sans shrugs off his apology with a smile.

“nah, don’t worry about it pap. i knew that thick skull of yours was gonna be a good thing some day. i knew you would pull through.” Sans lets out a humorless laugh before he shakes his head at himself and turns towards Papyrus’ legs.

“‘kay, let’s look at the damage.” He starts to slowly peal of the pink bandages wrapped around Papyrus’ left femur. Papyrus has to bite his teeth tightly together to keep any sound of pain from escaping him. Each inch Sans peels off his leg feels like he is scraping the top layer of bone away too. The fabric sticks a little to the wound and the feeling of it being pulled off the edges by force is enough to make Papyrus gag. Stars, fuck fuck _fuck_. Why does it have to hurt that much?! Stupid leg. What use could that sort of pain have anyway?!

“hey, it’s not as bad as yesterday” Sans cheers. Papyrus glances down and decides very quickly that he really doesn’t want to know how it looked yesterday when today is this bad. Damn, it looks fucking awful.

There’s a long, deep crack running from his hip to his knee and it’s oozing marrow. The bandages have barely been removed before the first drop wells up and runs down his leg. A spiderweb of hairline fractures spread out along the entire crack, all of them red and inflamed like they are infected. It’s no wonder that it hurts this much.

“i’ve been healing on it a little bit every hour since i got ya home” Sans tells him as his hands get busy with dissolving a green paste into the hot water in the bowl. Papyrus recognizes it as the expensive magic infused cleaning paste they bought for emergencies only. It’s supposed to clean any corrupted magic away from the wound along with dirt and bacteria, so the wound won’t get infected. Looking at the wound, it looks like the paste isn’t working all that well. “i had to fit the larger pieces of bone together and let your soul heal the pieces that got dusted by itself. it was a fucking mess, but thank fuck for all those damn jigsaw puzzles papy used to force me to do with him. really came in handy.”

So that is why Papyrus is feeling this sick and tired. His soul has been working overtime to heal his injuries. He is probably close to empty for magic too, which doesn’t help. His soul really needs a break.

Sans starts washing the crack with a rag soaked in the paste-water. His touches are careful and light, but they still sting badly enough to make Papyrus flinch and hiss.

Both of them ignore his reaction.

“What happened?” Papyrus asks, his voice strained, “After I was hit? I don’t remember.”

“well, knight knight and pyrope had a fucking blast throwing insults after ya” Sans says, “how the great papyrus wasn’t so great after all and other crap like that. they were seconds from t baggin ya, i just know it. idiots. they never saw me comin’. snuck up behind them and blasted them to pieces.”

“You killed them?” Papyrus asks surprised. Sans ducks his head and turns his face away. His hands are still working but he is refusing to let Papyrus see his face right now. It worries Papyrus. Sans only does that if he’s ashamed of himself.

Papyrus reaches out to rest a hand on Sans’ shoulder the second he realizes why his brother is reacting like this. “Sans, it’s okay” he says. It makes Sans shake his head hard.

“no it’s not! it’s fucking awful” he growls. He looks back at his hands and soaks the rag in the bowl again. The crack in papyrus’ leg is already looking a little better. So maybe the paste really does work on infections.

“i’ve never… it just felt so…”

“Good” Papyrus finishes for him, “It feels incredible.” Sans looks up at his face briefly and Papyrus tries to give him an understanding smile. “It shouldn’t feel like that” Papyrus continues, “Taking a life should not feel like the best thing in the world, but it does. You get drunk on the feeling so easily if you are not careful. It can change you. Make you do things you never would have.”

Papyrus watches Sans closely as he talks. They have never had this conversation before, mostly because Sans never knew what taking a life felt like and Papyrus didn’t particularly want to share how many times he got off to the feeling of taking a life. It’s just one of those things that is so unbelievably _not_ okay. It’s disgusting to even imagine getting any sort of pleasure from that kind of thing, but he used to love that feeling, used to welcome it and used to actively seek it out. Sometimes he killed just to be able to feel that rush again and the stronger the monster he killed, the stronger the rush. Sometimes it could last days. It almost became an addiction to him and the only reason he didn’t just lose himself in it was… well, Sans. He kept Papyrus from dipping down into it with his cold glares and disgusted expressions. It reminded Papyrus that taking a life is the worst possible thing you can do.

“The rush then dies down, and you’re left with the guilt and the shame of practically getting off on the rush of power in your soul. And the worst thing is…”

“that the feeling never really disappears” Sans says for him. There’s a tear running over his cheek, but Papyrus doesn’t say anything about it. He cried after his first kill too. It’s only natural and he is sure Sans hasn’t let himself do it because of some very Sans-like idea that crying would be disrespectful. That he didn’t have permission to feel bad about it, despite the two lives he took was literally in self-defense.

“it’s always in there. i can still feel them, all their power inside my soul and it makes me _sick_ . i thought they would just disappear and then that was it. i’d feel guilty for a little while and then move on, but i can’t ‘cause they’re always fucking _there._ i’ve never wanted to rip of a piece my soul off so badly before.”

“It gets easier with time, brother” Papyrus says softly, “You’ll someday just accept that all that power you feel in your soul is yours and not theirs. It’s never them, but you just feel like that because killing them gave you the power. It’s the guilt talking.”

“how long did it take you?” Sans asks. He’s done with cleaning the crack in Papyrus’ leg and is now placing his hands over it, getting ready to heal it.

“A few weeks” Papyrus admits, “The first time is never easy and it makes the second time even harder to do because you fear that feeling returning. But it doesn’t. You just have to realize that it’s all you and none of them. They don’t live on in you just because you get their soul’s power. It’s not part of them.”

Sans doesn’t answer right away. He is concentrating hard on pouring healing magic into Papyrus’ leg. As skeleton monsters, they don’t have the natural potential for healing magic. It is something they have had to learn over many years, and their resources for it is very limited. It’s why Sans removes his hands after just three minutes of healing and why he is panting as hard as if he just ran through the Underground. Any other monster would have been able to heal an injury like this within a day, but Papyrus knows why Sans hasn’t sought out help from anyone in the town, despite things being different in Snowdin now. He doesn’t trust anyone else with Papyrus’ life, exactly like Papyrus wouldn’t trust anyone else with Sans’. This is a thing they do themselves, even if it takes weeks.

“ok it’s still not perfect but you should be able to walk on it” he pants. The crack is almost completely healed, but there is still a clear visible black line after it. Papyrus knows he needs to be careful or it will break open again.

“Thank you. It feels much better” he says and it really does. The pain is almost all gone. All that is left is a dull ache inside the bone itself, but he is used to that kind of pain so it’s easy to ignore.

“yeah, just try and stay outta trouble, ‘kay bro?”

“I’ll try” Papyrus replies, but they both know it’s an empty promise. The second Papyrus leaves this house, he’s in trouble and if he leaves the town, he’s almost guaranteed to stumble into a fight no matter what he does.

“how ‘bout just doing housework today pap?” Sans asks, the nervous energy around him telling Papyrus that this is more of a plea than a suggestion, “i already covered who’ll do the patrols and man the guard posts with the team ‘cause i didn’t know when you would wake up. so you got another free day and i can keep working on the leg so we’re sure it won’t break the second you go outside.”

“Yes, that sounds like a good idea” Papyrus agrees. Sans smiles relieved and gets up from the bed. Papyrus swings his legs out over the edge and places his feet on the floor carefully. For a minute he just tests the strength of his leg, trying to determine if he needs a crotch or if he can walk himself. So far, it seems like his leg will hold his weight.

“it seems fine” Sans mumbles to himself. He shakes his head a few times, like he’s shaking off some thought, before he grabs the first aid kit and pops the lid on it. He chooses a few rolls of heavy bandages and a roll of tape before he pushes the rest away uninterested.

He works focused as Papyrus tries to sit still so he doesn’t interrupt Sans’ work. The heavy bandages are made especially for skeleton monsters, the threads of cotton weaved together with small, soft metal wires, and it stabilizes the fragile bone effectively. The more his femur gets covered by bandage, the more Papyrus feels like he can actually use the leg. He knows he still need to be careful so the break doesn’t open up again, but at least he doesn’t feel like walking will be a challenge.

Sans finishes up his work by taping the end of the bandages to the covered leg. Once that is done he quickly packs the rest of the materials in the first aid kit and slaps the lid back onto it.

“that should hold pretty well for today” he says, “got your armor fixed up at the smith. don’t cover up the leg tho. gotta look at it regularly today.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“you’re welcome bro. i’ll go work on the schematics for the cannon. i’ll be in my room if ya need me.”

“Could you maybe work in the kitchen today?” Papyrus asks. Sans looks at him for a short moment before he nods, apparently finding enough reason to change his working habits in how Papyrus looks right now.

“sure. no problem. meet you down there.” Papyrus feels himself relax a little and he smiles. He is grateful that he doesn’t have to explain why he wants company today. He’s not sure he could explain the weird sense of dread that still lingers in his soul. He just knows that he has a feeling that something awful will happen today and he wants to make sure he is near his brother when it does.

“Thank you.” Sans just nods to him once, returning his smile before he walks out the door, taking the first aid kit and the bowl of water with him.

Papyrus is very careful when he tries to stand up. He supports his body weight by grabbing onto the table and leaning on his arm. His body tries to argue with him, tries to persuade him into going back to bed, but he refuses to let a little pain stop him. He needs to keep going. He has a reputation to uphold and a town to take care of.

He takes a step. His legs shake, but they hold. Good. It will hurt, but he can walk. That is all that matters.

His armor awaits him silently. Papyrus really wants to just put on some nice comfortable clothes instead, but he knows that even a “sick” day at home is no vacation for him. He is still the Captain and he needs to be ready if he is needed. Besides, his life is in constant danger. The other leaders of the Underground constantly sent out assassins in an attempt to kill Papyrus so they can claim his land.

Papyrus sighs deeply and starts the long process of putting on his armor while balancing on one leg.

It has been 38 years since him and Sans came back to their own world and a lot of things have changed since then. Papyrus is still unsure if they made a mistake trusting the King at first instead of just simply killing him, but what is done is done. They decided to talk to Asgore instead of attack him because they were afraid that he would be too powerful for them to defeat.

Papyrus’ face twists in a grimace when he thinks back on the King’s betrayal. How he had promised and agreed that the Underground needed to change so the monsters wouldn’t tear themselves apart and how he then a few months later turned on them.

Papyrus and Sans had been busy trying to make Snowdin an example for the rest of the Underground. Papyrus had known exactly which monsters in Snowdin would be delighted with this new change and had known which ones required a little more work before being convinced.

It had been going so well. People longing for a safe place to live had started to travel and move to Snowdin after word about their “peace” spread through the Underground. They had ended up with so many new residents that they had to hastily put up new buildings just to make sure the immigrants had somewhere warm to sleep. All houses owned by willing supporters were filled to the brim and even the inn was fully booked. Papyrus had hardly been able to understand that they had been that lucky, that things changed for the better so quickly.

Him and Sans quickly gained a different kind of respect than before, a respect that follows them today too. Now they aren’t known for their viciousness and people don’t fear them. They look up to them and know them because of their constant displays of mercy and their will to help and support.

Something went wrong. Papyrus doesn’t know what, but his theory is that Asgore somehow felt threatened by them. He didn’t like how quickly they could change the minds and souls of people and how strong their new community seemed to be or how fast it grew. How easily people offered help and worked together to complete a goal. It was something Asgore had never been able to accomplish without threats and violence.

He ordered Papyrus’ execution, and used treason as the reason behind it. Papyrus was faced with a full garrison of warriors from the Royal Guard, all of them ready to escort him to the palace to be executed. They gave him the “easy way out”, telling him to follow willingly  so they would avoid getting any “collateral damage”, as they called it. Papyrus is pretty sure they had orders to kill anyone within sight to punish him if he decided to fight back. Using the innocent against him because Asgore knew Papyrus was too strong to be subdued by even a full garrison of Guards when he was at his strongest and had Sans’ help.

Papyrus was close to actually giving himself over peacefully to spare lives. He didn’t want to have that kind of dust on his hands if he somehow survived the unavoidable battle that would follow a refusal, but the choice was taken for him by his brother and the rest of the town.

Sans had stepped in front of him and demanded to know what “treason” Papyrus had committed, because as far as Sans knew, Papyrus had only been trying to make life better for people.

The answer had almost made Papyrus laugh. Asgore seriously believed that he had been lying about his intentions and that Papyrus was assembling an army behind his back in an attempt to steal the crown from him. Asgore believed Papyrus was leading a _rebellion_.

Others had laughed, expressing their and Papyrus’ disbelief openly. Some even shouted about how insane it sounded and explained exactly why they thought that. The people in Snowdin weren’t soldiers. They were farmers, store owners, workers. They weren’t building a military base, but homes and businesses and even a school. They weren’t collecting weapons in the new barn that just went up three days prior, they were collecting food and tools to shape and rebuilt the land around the town to make room for more houses.

More and more monsters had started stepping in front of him, shielding him and protecting him with their bodies and souls. They were refusing to back down, refusing to let their leader, their hope, be taken away by the King’s troops without a fight.

Well, they did get a fight after all...

Papyrus shakes his head violently. No! There is no reason to think about that day right now. That will only make him feel guilty about the lives that were lost and he has more important matters to take care off.

Like making breakfast for example. Yes, that is _important_.

He leaves the arm and leg armor on the table and decides to only wear his chest plate and a thick sweater today to keep the chill out of his bones. Being this low on magic makes his entire body feel like it’s slowly freezing over. Sometimes he really wishes he was a warm blooded monster whose body is heated up from the inside. But that would require actually having blood to warm up in the first place and he is sadly lacking that. He doesn’t have anyone warm blooded at his disposal that can warm him up either, so the sweater will have to do for now.

Sans is sitting at the kitchen table when Papyrus finally manages to drag himself down there. There are papers of notes spread on every surface within five feet of him. His face is covered by his reading glasses and is almost pressed against the paper he is furiously scribbling on. Papyrus can recognize the shape of a handheld cannon and a larger sized one in the drawings, a thing they came across in a magazine from the dump which seemed like a perfect way to protect their little town. If they rely on something that is not magic, it will make them strong against Hotland’s residents and Alphys’ minions that are always armed with the newest of her mad science projects.

“How is it going?” Papyrus asks as he passes. Sans groans in response.

“not good. this thing…” Sans gestures to the torn out page of the magazine showing the cannons, “it doesn’t have any picture of the insides of these things, only a description and without something to work from, i’m practically operating in the dark here. it’s frustrating. math can only solve so much.”

“So you still can’t figure out how to make them actually fire” Papyrus comments. He opens one of the cabinets and pulls out a package of pasta noodles. He feels like making spaghetti today. Spaghetti can be breakfast too, right?

“nope. theoretically, we need something called gunpowder to make the cannonball actually shoot out of the tube, but i can’t find anything in any of the human books and none of stuff the library has, that talks about what the hell gunpowder is, is useful. all i could find is that it’s used to make “guns” work and surprise surprise, there’s no real explanation to what guns are either.”  

Papyrus comes over to stand behind Sans and looks at the schematics spread out in front of him. Sans has drawn a sketch of how he wants to canon to look. Papyrus isn’t sure if it’s a joke or it’s serious, but Sans has drawn the mouth of the cannon to look like one of his Blasters and that gives Papyrus an idea.

“Maybe they work like your Blasters” he thinks out loud, “The magazine said the cannon worked by making a force push the ball out of the long tube, yes?”

“yeah” Sans answers slowly.

“What if it’s like how your Blasters work” Papyrus says again, “They collect a huge amount of magical energy in the back of their maws before letting a tiny bullet of magic fly through it, right? And the huge ball follows the small one. So, maybe this cannon needs a guide too. A blast of energy to set it of. An explosion or something.” Sans straightens up, his face slowly morphing into that grin Papyrus had come to associate with Sans getting a brilliant idea.

“bro, you’re a _genius_ ” he says before he throws himself over the schematics again. Papyrus just smiles and returns to his cooking, happy that he was somehow able to help, even though he himself barely understood what he was trying to say.

It’s comfortable, working in silence like this. It is something Papyrus has come to appreciate a lot: alone time with his brother. It doesn’t really matter what they do, or if they even do something together. Just being in the same room like this is comforting and relaxing. It gives Papyrus a feeling of belonging.

A loud knock on the door brings both of them out of their thoughts however. They share a look before Sans rolls his eye lights overdramatically and gets up from the table. He walks out towards the front door, his steps heavy and annoyed while he mutters “just one single day is that too much to fuckin’ ask for?” under his breath.

Another knock sounds and Papyrus can hear Sans growl “calm ya tits, i’m comin’!” before the door opens. There’s a buzz of voices for a few minutes before Papyrus hears footsteps come closer quickly. He sighs and prepares to deal with whatever catastrophe is coming his way. It seems like being severely injured is not enough for the universe to give him the day off.

“Captain!” Papyrus turns towards the sound of the rabbit lady (why can he still not remember her name?) that is in charge of the Snowdin zone’s resources.  She practically stumbles into the kitchen in her eagerness to move faster than her legs are able to.

“Can I have a word, sir?” she asks, her voice brisk and hoarse. It sounds like she had another long night filled with arguments with her husband, Papyrus notices. It’s a miracle she hasn’t kicked him out yet. They aren’t even mates. It would be easy.

She stops right at the entrance to the kitchen and quickly salutes him by holding a fist to her chest and bending her head towards the floor. She stands like that, waiting for his response.

“Yes, of course. Do you want to sit?” He gestures to a kitchen stool.

“No thanks. I need to get going quickly again.”

“Okay. Then state your business.” Papyrus wipes his hands in a dish towel before he leaves it on the kitchen desk. He looks at her expectantly, waiting for her to start speaking.

“We have problems with our caravans again sir. Waterfall has closed their borders and are searching all cargo that travels in and out of their checkpoints. There’s no way we can continue to get resources from the Capital if they keep this up.”

“What?! I thought we settled this _last_ week. What suddenly changed?” Papyrus exclaims angrily. The rabbit lady doesn’t flinch when his voice grows louder, but she does nod along, showing she is just as annoyed as he is feeling.

“Apparently Gerson expects us to pay the insane taxes he wants to charge to move cargo through his areas. He is even refusing to let the Riverperson through too, so we can’t bribe them to bring us our cargo.”

“That greedy little turtle is starting to get on my nerves” Papyrus growls darkly.

_Take a deep breath Papyrus. Keep your control. Don’t let the anger take hold of your soul. You are stronger than that. You are only angry because you are exhausted and scared. You need info. Find a solution._

“How bad of a situation is this? How is our stock doing? Can we survive until this blows over?” Papyrus asks, “Gerson is just being greedy. He will lower the taxes again when he realizes it harms his own income too.” She takes a note block from the breast pocket on her vest and flips a few pages before answering.

“No sir. I estimate we have about one week of food left before people start getting violent due to hunger. Gerson timed this perfectly. We are low because it’s this close to delivering day and he knew it. If we don’t do something and do it soon, we’ll have a riot on our hands no matter how nice we try to play. People don’t want to go without food for their families again. It’s too dangerous in these days.”

“Fuck. Okay. Let me think for a second.” Papyrus turns and starts to absently stir in the pasta sauce while he thinks. It helps to keep his mind sharp and focused.

 _Fuck!_ This is really bad. It’s a potential _catastrophe._ Even though there hasn’t been a lack of food for many, many years, people are still terrified of ending up in a situation where they will starve. Having cast their alliance with him means that no one else will take them in and they have absolutely no other way of getting food. Being without food means being without magic and that is a death sentence for many monsters, especially the fleshy ones living in this cold and unforgiving area. They need their magic to keep warm, to keep themselves alive

Papyrus releases the wooden spoon, leaving it behind in the pot so he can rub his face with his hands. After winning the battle 38 years ago and escaping his execution, Snowdin became a quarantine zone. They had to very quickly build tall, impenetrable walls to protect from attacks from relentless groups of monsters that seemed to arrive every other hour.

The entire Underground reacted negatively to Papyrus’ refusal to follow the King’s orders and everybody had their own theory as to why the Captain of the Royal Guard would do that, despite it meaning his own death. The Underground was thrown straight into a civil war which ended with the zones being divided between five Warlords. Papyrus kept control over the Snowdin area, just as Sans’ friend, the old lady in the Ruins kept that area under her supervision. Waterfall was taken over by the greedy and power hungry Gerson and Hotlands by Alphys, who still thirsts for Papyrus’ blood to this day. She wants revenge for her lover, Undyne, who Papyrus killed in order to gain the title of the Captain of the Royal Guard. The CORE went to Mettaton who works closely with his creator to dominate all traffic in and out of those two zones. And then of course, Asgore keeps control over the Capital.

It’s a mess and it had taken far too long to bribe the right people and work out a way to buy resources and food from the Capital and get it delivered to Snowdin so he could feed the very hungry people there. Snowdin is perfect and easy to defend because attacks only come from one side, but it’s harsh, cold and almost impossible to grow food in. They are desperately dependent on other zones to stay alive and Gerson knew that. Papyrus thought they had reached an agreement last time they discussed terms. Gerson is many things, but he is somewhat fair and not necessarily cruel. Papyrus can negotiate with him, as long as Papyrus has plenty of gold and no problem leaving his dignity at home.

But it seems that something has made Gerson go back on his promise to keep the lines open.

“I will travel to Waterfall and talk to Gerson again and I will _make_ him open the borders for our traders” Papyrus finally says before he looks seriously at the rabbit lady again, “You need to buy me more time. Cut every ration in half. That way we have twice as much and prioritize the families with children and sick monsters. Tell everybody about our situation and tell them that they need to hold out for as long as possible before collecting their rations. In case Gerson is steadfast, we need a way to keep our people alive. Give people extra blankets and firewood if it is necessary and offer help to anyone who needs it. We need to make this last at least a month in case Gerson refuses to open the checkpoints to us again. We can’t afford his taxes.”

“Right away sir” she says. She says farewell in the same way she greeted him when she arrived before she leaves the house, eager to transform his orders into actions.

Papyrus sighs loudly and pulls the pot off the heat. He clicks the stove off and leans his hands on the edge of the kitchen desk, letting his head drop down. He closes his eyes.

He just needs a moment to breathe. Just a single moment to collect his thoughts. Being responsible for all the souls in Snowdin is a tiring task, one that keeps him occupied every second of every day. It has been a long time since Papyrus felt like his own life was the most important thing for him and he still can’t figure out if he likes that or if he despises it.

He fears what will happen if he can’t persuade Gerson to open the the checkpoints again. Papyrus has a theory that Alphys might have bribed Gerson into being on her side and if that is the case, then Papyrus is screwed. He can’t possible outmatch the amount of gold Alphys has at her disposal. Mettaton simply earns too much to ever make that a possibility.

“i can go talk to the old lady, hear if she’s able to help us out. she got a nice farm set up on her side, but she’ll probably want something in return” Sans says softly after giving Papyrus a few minutes to collect his thoughts. The idea makes Papyrus feel a flicker of hope in his soul.

“Find out what she wants and if it’s within reasonable range, give her it in exchange for as much food as possible. Her pies are good and that will hopefully make the people happy for just a little while” Papyrus says. He straightens up and starts cleaning up the kitchen. There’s no time for food now. This is a serious problem and he needs to fix it immediately.

“yup. i’ll talk to her when we get back” Sans responds. He starts collecting all the papers on the table in neat little piles. Papyrus watches him as he takes off the reading glasses and puts them in the breast pocket on his sweater.

“You should go right away. Time is of the essence” he tells Sans, which only makes his brother snort irritated.

“if ya think i’m gonna let you walk across snowdin and into waterfall all by yourself while you’re in _that_ condition, you’re an idiot pap” Sans says sternly. Papyrus can’t help but smile a little bit. Sans is really protective of him and it’s kind of endearing in it’s own way.

“As you wish brother. You can accompany me if that makes you feel better.”

“gee, thanks bro” Sans says, and he follows his cheerful response up with a muttered, “it’s not like you’d be able to stop me anyway.”

Papyrus just smiles and puts the pasta sauce in the fridge for later.

* * *

The added weight of his armor is a problem for his leg. It is almost too much weight for him to be able to walk on it, but he can’t leave the house with a crutch. It would be a beacon to his enemies, telling them that he is weak and practically defenseless.

He considers going without armor, simply because it means he at least will be mobile, but he decides against it. Leaving the house without armor on is just begging to be killed.

“i can just heal it a bit more pap, it’s no big deal” Sans tells him. He’s sitting on the couch, watching Papyrus walk in circles in the living room, testing the strength of his leg with different pieces of armor on. He just needs to find the right amount of armor versus the weight he is able to carry.

“No, you need to be ready for battle if we run into trouble” Papyrus says, “My magic is almost gone and I don’t have time to restore it. I can’t defend myself if I’m attacked. You need to protect me.”

“and this is comin’ from someone who was gonna go by himself” Sans comments with a snort, “ya sure did hit that head of yours harder than a thought bro. you’re normally not this scatterbrained.”

“I’m _fine_ ” Papyrus growls for the fifth time. Sans’ overprotectiveness is endearing, yes, but incredibly frustrating too. It has been a long time since Papyrus felt like a child and he does not like this walk down memory lane. He prefers being treated as an adult.

“sure. but how about you just leave that junk here at home and let me be the hero for once, huh?” Sans says. He stands from the couch and comes over to help Papyrus untie the armor around his wounded leg. “it’s not gonna do ya any good anyway. you can’t fight.”

“People will be able to see I’m without armor” Papyrus says, feeling nervous, “I’ve never left the town without it before.”

“i got that covered bro. don’t worry.” Sans lets the armor piece drop to the floor and asks Papyrus to wait for a second. He teleports away and appears seconds later, holding a complete set of that looks like a complete replica of Papyrus’ armor in his arms. When Papyrus reaches out and takes one of the pieces from him, he is surprised at how light it is.

“it’s just some fancy fabric with some paint on it. weighs almost nothin’ and looks exactly like the real thing. so people will see you as fully armored up, but you won’t be.”

“This is brilliant Sans” Papyrus comments impressed, “How did you make this? When did you have time?”

“you slept for two days bro. i had to pass the time somehow and i figured that you would have trouble carrying the weight of your armor for the first few days. so i fixed this up so you wouldn’t have to be stuck in the house for all that time. knew you wouldn’t be able to just stay put.”

“Thank you. This is very thoughtful.”

“don’t mention it. let’s just get this on you so we can get outta here.”

Sans helps him strap the pieces of armor without saying a word. Both of them know that they will probably end up in some kind of battle. It would be naive to think otherwise. Alphys isn’t stupid enough to not send out teams to patrol the area and especially not if she is behind the closure of Waterfall’s checkpoints. Other than that, Asgore still regularly makes attempts at Papyrus’ life and it is very likely they will meet one of his assassins on their trip too.

“all done” Sans announces before he stands up from the floor. He brushes some non-existing dirt off Papyrus’ chest and gestures to the mirror in the hallway afterwards. “so, what do ya think? is it good enough?”

Papyrus walks over to the mirror. He mentally flinches a little when he sees his reflection.

He looks awful. His face is pale due to the low level of magic in his bones and his eye lights are almost gone. His hands tremble slightly at his side when he looks at them and he cleanses them into fists in hope of stopping the tremors running through them.

The fake armor is perfect however. It looks exactly like his real set, but he can barely feel it on his body at all. He doesn’t know where Sans learned to create costumes like this, but he sure is good at it.

“It’s incredible” Papyrus tells Sans, watching him from the corner of his eye. Sans perks up a little at the praise and seems pleased.

“yeah?”

“Yes” Papyrus confirms, turning his head to smile at his brother, “I’m very impressed. Thank you.”

“quit being such a softie” Sans mumbles, “we got work to do.” His cheeks redden a little, telling Papyrus that his brother really hasn’t changed all that much since they returned to this world. He is still desperate for approval.

Some things never changes, Papyrus thinks.

They leave the house without saying anything else. There is no need to discuss plans or anything. They have tried this many times before and know exactly what to do and where to go to be most efficient.

Papyrus only drags his injured leg after him the first few steps before he forces himself to walk properly so he won’t attract any unwanted attention. It hurts much more to walk like this, but he keeps his pain hidden underneath a mask of calm and seriousness.

The town is already busy. Monsters are covering every street and corner, all of them working in some way or another. Papyrus looks at them and all the new buildings in his once small and quiet town. It’s so full of life now, so full of activity and happiness that he can barely understand that this is the very same place he lived for the last half of his dark and somber youth. This is Snowdin and it is _safe_ and _joyful._ People living here are working on houses, streets, parks and in stores. They are trustingly and willingly turning their back to dozens of other monsters with a laugh while carrying out work that will benefit others and not themselves. They are _enjoying_ life and they are feeling _safe_.

It’s almost incomprehensible how things can have changed so drastically during so few years. Papyrus was sure he would be spending the rest of his life working on achieving some sort of peace in the Underground and then maybe have a slight chance of seeing that peace unfold before it was his turn to return to the Stars. But instead he can walk through the town during the late morning and see it thrive in the streets of the town he have worked so hard to protect and that he loves so much.

Well, it’s more like a city now he supposes. How large does a town have to become before it is officially a city?

Of course, Snowdin isn’t perfect. There are still the lingering dread of tomorrow hanging in the air, especially in the alleys where the light and joy of the town doesn’t reach. In there, the doubts and fears still exist along with the occasional monsters who have lost faith in the new way. There is always that small group who are only here because it’s safe and not because they believe this really is the right way to live.

Papyrus doesn’t know how to deal with those people. On one hand, he really wants to just tell them to leave and settle down somewhere else, but on the other hand, he doesn’t want to do that either. The residents in Snowdin are cursed by other monsters and even despised. Their life is as much in danger outside the protective walls of the city as Papyrus’ is. Snowdin is the black sheep of the Underground right now and the four other sheep are desperate to grow sharp teeth and claws so they can shred it to pieces.

They fear it, Papyrus thinks. They fear the seemingly easy way of life, fear the unknown. They can’t understand, and honestly, how could he ever possibly think they would? They have all grown up without feeling kindness or love or compassion. They grew up knowing that the world is a dangerous place and it’s kill or be killed if you want to survive more than a week. They grew up learning how to kill to survive instead of how to smile through the pain and forgive. They never had an older brother to tug them in at night and tell them bedtime stories, nor did they have a brother who praised them and told them that one day they would make him stupidly proud.

Papyrus sighs and smiles to himself. Sans really has believed in him since the day he was born, hasn’t he? He never lost faith, never lost hope that Papyrus would be the savior Sans and the Underground needed. Papyrus still wonders to this day who Sans learned that from. How he learned to be kind and how to love. Was it their mother? Papyrus can’t remember her, but he remembers a time where his father wasn’t as twisted and psychotic as he was just before he died.

He likes to think it is their mother who taught Sans what real love is, just as it was their father who taught Sans what LOVE is. It’s a nice symbolism.

**“You are doing it again.”**

Papyrus tries very, very hard to not react to the sudden voice appearing out of nowhere. He closes his eyes instead and focuses on how the sound of his footsteps changes when he steps away from the clean, salted street and out of the gate, leaving Snowdin. He steps onto the snow covered road leading towards Waterfall and sets a brisk pace, wanting to get there before midday if possible. His legs hurts when he needs to use them differently to move forward through the high layer of untouched snow, but he ignores it.

It starts snowing just as him and Sans leave the city and Papyrus catches himself thinking that he needs to remind Greater Dog to clear the roads in town again before nightfall so they don’t get iced over.

 _“I was not”_ Papyrus thinks to the voice. He doesn’t need to speak out loud. He knows she isn’t really there, that it’s just his mind creating her image when he looks up and sees her walk beside him to the left. Sans doesn’t react to her as always, so Papyrus assumes she is still just another projection of his desire and longing for her.

 **“Uh huh. You so were”** she says, **“Being all poetic and shit. You really have changed.”**

 _“So have you”_ he thinks, even though he can see that she looks exactly like she did the last time he saw her. Her hair is the same, her eyes, cheeks, skin. Everything is exactly the same. She is even wearing that night-shirt she was wearing that last night he had with her. She is exactly as he remembers her.

 **“What’s wrong?”** she asks suddenly, the teasing tone in her voice bleeding into concern instead.

 _“Gerson closed the check-points again”_ Papyrus explains, even though he is perfectly aware of the fact that he is talking to himself in his head. _“We are headed over there now to try and negotiate with him, but I must admit, I’m feeling a bit of doubt.”_

 **“In what way?”** she asks him softly, tilting her head a little.

 _“I believe that Alphys might be behind this subtle attack and you know her. She is as brilliant as she is insane”_ Papyrus thinks before he sighs. Sans gives him an odd look but doesn’t comment on the gloomy expression on Papyrus’ face.

 **“That fucking lizard needs to get over herself and find someone else to fuck”** y/n says with a growl in her voice that sounds a little too much like Papyrus’ own. He ignores the obvious sign of this being his own mind he is talking to. He _needs_ this conversation. Y/n always knew what to do. She always had an answer and he needs her guidance, even if she is just a ghost and isn’t really here. Pretending she is will be enough to keep him somewhat sane for a little while longer, just as it always is.

 _“I think she might have loved Undyne”_ Papyrus thinks, smiling a little. Y/n looks at him with a lifted eyebrow and he shakes his head a little. _“I know, it’s awfully abnormal for me to say something like that, especially about someone in my universe, but these last few years I have really started to pay attention to how she speaks about Undyne, and I think that maybe they were more than just lovers. I think they might have been mates, or about to become mates. It would certainly explain Undyne’s strength when I fought her.”_

**“So? The bitch is gone and Alphys needs to get over herself. It has been, what? 45 years?”**

_“44 years”_ Papyrus corrects her.

 **“That’s way too fucking long to hold a grudge just because someone killed the girl you were fucking, especially considering it was self-defense.”** Papyrus lowers his head and decides to glance at his brother to see how he is doing. Sans is still walking along without saying anything, his deep red eyes scanning their surroundings. He is on guard while Papyrus has this moment of weakness and unawareness.

 **“It was self-defense, right?”** she asks.

 _“No”_ Papyrus answers sadly, _“I attacked her. She was just trying to defend herself against me.”_

 **“Oh…”** She is silent for a little while. **“But still, 44 years is a bit too long to keep that hatred going, don’t you think?”** The real y/n would have been very upset with him after learning something like that, he thinks, but this one doesn’t even seem bothered by it.

 _“I would have kept my hatred burning for twice as long if she had killed you for her own selfish gains”_ Papyrus thinks to her. He turns his head and looks at her briefly. He can’t stare at her face for too long, mostly because it would make him look stupid to stare at a spot at his left shoulder for a longer period of time, but also because the longer he looks at her face, the more it vanishes. He can’t remember the fine details of her face anymore and looking directly at it makes the illusion of her break.

 **“So what? You’re afraid this is going to be a trap?”** she asks. Papyrus doesn’t mention how she ignores his declaration of love. It’s not how this works and he knows it. She is really just him and having a projection of his own mind acknowledge that he loves her, even if hearing her say “I love you” back what he desperately want to hear, is just stupid. It’s futile. He already knows it and he doesn’t need his mind to remind him that he loves her.

Oh stars… He still loves her so much it hurts sometimes.

 _“Yes”_ he answers, _“Gerson knows I will be forced to confront him if I want Snowdin to survive and he knows that we can’t pay him more in taxes than we already do. We have all the gold mines in the Underground here in Snowdin, yes, but we don’t have enough experienced workers to extract it. Besides, they are almost empty anyway. I fear that Gerson might have told this to Alphys and she planned this out so perfectly and is now just waiting for us to arrive so she can have her revenge.”_

 **“And despite that, here you are”** she says, gesturing to Papyrus, **“Walking towards a potential trap. You’re smarter than this, Papyrus.”**

 _“What other choice do I have? The people of Snowdin will starve if I don’t fix this”_ Papyrus thinks to her, _“I need to take this risk to save my city.”_

 **“Find another way”** she says, **“There is always another way.”**

 _“I’ve tried my love, I have really tried”_ he thinks sadly. The endearment slips out before he can stop himself and he just lets it hang in his mind for a little while. He so desperately wishes he could say that to her directly instead.

 _“Snowdin is not ideal to grow crops”_ he continues when she stays silent, “ _The cold is too harsh, even if we infuse the earth with fire magic. The few fire magic monsters we have in the city aren’t strong enough to keep the magic flowing for long enough so the plants can grow. Grillby left after the war and settled in the Capital instead and other than him, Asgore is the only monster with strong enough fire magic to do something like that. I doubt he is willing to help us.”_

 **“Are you sure he is the only one capable of doing that?”** y/n asks him. Something in her voice makes him believe that she knows someone who would be able to do it, and that means that _he_ knows who, but has just forgotten it.

“Who?” he asks himself in a mumble. He ignores the questioning glance from Sans.

 **“I don’t know”** she answers with a shrug, **“Think Papyrus. Who uses fire magic? Who is strong enough?”**

Papyrus slows to a halt, making Sans call his name worried.

“Sans” Papyrus says, “Who of our allies uses fire magic?” Sans looks confused.

“eh, the vulcin family and heats flamesman does” Sans answers slowly, “i think we got a pyrope or two too and a few of the ol’ capital citizens. the bears, i think. why?”

“Is there no one else we know?” Papyrus says. He already knew all of those. “Someone we might be forgetting?”

“uh… i guess the old lady in the ruins does” Sans says, “she told me that’s how she cooks the food anyway.”

 **“That’s it!”** y/n cheers.

“We need to get back to Snowdin” Papyrus says immediately, “We don’t need to talk to Gerson at all.” Y/n smiles broadly to him and blows him a kiss. Her figure flickers a bit before it disappears. She has served her purpose now and is no longer needed according to his mind apparently.

“what? what the hell are you talkin’ about pap? ‘course we need to talk to gerson!”

“Trust me brother” Papyrus says urgently, “I will explain later when we are in private, but we do not need to risk our lives here.” Sans stares at him for a few seconds before he throws his arms into the air with an annoyed huff.

“fine, whatever. lead the way bro.” Papyrus smiles gratefully to his brother and turns around to head in the direction they just came from. They need to move quickly if they don’t want to be caught in one of Alphys’ tra...

His smile vanishes instantly as soon as he has turned around. The way back is blocked by a few dozen monsters, all covered in heavy armor and holding deadly looking weapons. At the front and center of the assembly is Alphys, her body covered by some strange white armor and her right hand wielding a wicked looking saw. If Papyrus had time to think and study it closer, he would notice that the saw looks like a giant replica of a bonesaw and he would notice how the blade’s teeth have been overexaggerated to be able to inflict maximum damage.

“S-so, you almost didn’t fall into my little t-trap” Alphys says. Her voice is high-pitched, shrill and penetrating as always and makes Papyrus’ head ache a little. Stars, he really fucking hates her voice.

“How d-disappointing. How didn’t “The G-great Papyrus” predict this outcome before he left his little fortress, hmm? It’s almost like it’s not really _you_ I’m looking at.” Her eyes start to travel over his body. They watch how he slowly bends his back in an attempt to look like he is preparing for battle. He can’t bend his knees and place himself in his battle position, so this show will have to do. He can’t see Sans in the corner of his eye anymore, so he is assuming his brother is preparing to defend them in his own way.

“Say, s-something is different about y-you” Alphys mumbles as her eyes scan his body. He doesn’t like the intelligence he sees in them, doesn’t like to be reminded just how stupidly outmatched he is against her intellectually. She can probably outthink him faster than he is even able to understand that he needs to counter attack her.

Then again, she doesn’t have his amount of LV or the many years of training. She is practically a child still and her skills will probably confirm that. It must be why she went to such great lengths to create a set of armor and a weapon that would hold against him in a fight and why she bothered bringing a group of her “friends”. It’s all just in case.

As it is, Alphys might be surprised at how easy an opponent he would be, had it not been because of Sans. Papyrus can barely walk, so how is he supposed to fight all these monsters? Sans can’t either. There’s just too many. They are in big, big trouble.

Alphys suddenly erupts into hysterical laughter.

“O-oh stars! This is j-just too _funny!_ ” she forces out between the laughs, “You’re _injured_ ! You can’t even fight, can you? _That’s_ why your eyes are so dim! That’s why you were stupid enough to come here! It’s why you brought that worthless piece of trash with you! He’s your “protection”, right? Ha ha ha ha!”

“hey now, i’m just here for comedic effect” Sans says. He appears at Papyrus’ left side and Papyrus immediately wants to tremble in fear when he sees the look on Sans’ face. His eye sockets are completely dark and his mouth is stretched into a manic and twisted grin.

A wind swirls around them and Papyrus sends a prayer to the stars.

“and you know what would be real funny?” Sans continues. He lifts a hand and pretends to look at his fingers for a second, drawing out the tension before he lifts his head to look at Alphys again.

**_“ S e e i n g   y o u   g e t   b l a s t e d   t o   p i e c e s “_ **

Sans’ voice dips into that low area that makes Papyrus’ spine crawl with discomfort. It’s the tone that tells Papyrus that whoever is standing in Sans’ way is going to have a really, _really_ bad time.

As expected, Sans straightens his arm out, holding his hand out towards Alphys and the group of monsters behind her. The monsters are looking sufficiently afraid and are ready to run for their lives. A few already has and Papyrus can see them vanish through the trees to the right.

Papyrus hears the hum of the Blasters before he sees it. It flickers into existence next to either of them, the dragon skulls larger than any he has ever seen Sans materialize before. The magic collecting rapidly in their maws is so powerful it prickles all over Papyrus body and makes the air seem too thick to breathe in.

The entire attack only takes about three seconds, but it feels like a year for Papyrus. He watches as the Blasters open their jaws and watches the blood red magic swirl inside their mouths. He doesn’t duck down when they fire off their attack with a ear-shattering boom, even though he wants to so badly. He wants to hide behind a tree and cover in fear of his brother and the amount of strength Sans possesses despite his low stats.

The beams of raw red magic hits Alphys head on. The Blasters fire for about a second and a half before the magic abruptly cuts off and the sounds of destruction vanishes. For the last half a second, the Blasters slowly close their jaws again, glaring angrily at the sight of utter and complete annihilation in front of them that they have caused. Then the magic is released and the Blasters splinter and disappear into thin air fast.

Papyrus feels like cheering and hugging his brother for about five seconds while the dust and smoke from the attack settles around them. He is _this_ close to actually congratulating Sans on a successful attack when the low sound of Alphys giggling appears.

Her giggles soon turn into another hysterical laughing attack. Papyrus can only stare at what he simply can’t explain. She should be completely disintegrated by now. They shouldn’t even be able to find her dust on the ground.

She’s standing inside an orb of some sort surrounded by a large area that has been completely destroyed by the Blasters’ magic. The orb is deep yellow and flickers as debris from the Blaster attack hits the surface of it. Alphys and the few of her followers that didn’t run away before Sans’ attack are safe inside the…

It’s a barrier, isn’t it? It’s a fucking _barrier_.

“Like it?” Alphys asks Sans while wiggling her eyebrows, “I made it especially for you.” She laughs again, louder this time before she abruptly stops and levels Sans with a glare.

“We worked together for ten years you _idiot!_ ” she shrieks at Sans gesturing wildly with her arms so her followers need to step out of her reach to avoid the saw in her right hand, “I know every single little dirty trick you have and I worked for _years_ trying to find a way to render you completely useless!” She points at Sans and smiles. She looks absolutely deranged right now.

“You. Can’t. Touch. Me!” she screams delighted.

“shit” Sans whispers. Papyrus has never seen him look this terrified, not even back when Papyrus was the monster that haunted Sans’ nightmares. That was his strongest attack and Alphys waved it away like it was an annoying insect.

Sans reaches his hand out towards Papyrus, hiding it between their bodies. It shakes violently in the air.

“that’s a neat trick you got there” Sans says to Alphys, probably to stall for time. His voice is calm as always, something he is clearly faking right now. “that really took you that long to make?”

“No, I’ve had this finished for a long time. I spent the last few years trying to find a way to trick your brother into letting down his guard. Seems like all the planning was for nothing. He’s not as great as people say he is. He’s actually rather stupid.”

“hey, my bro might not be a genius like you and me, but he got some good qualities” Sans says. His fingers wiggle impatiently. Papyrus decides to take his hand and throw all pretense of being the big strong monster into the wind. He is going to die in a few moments and he wants to hold his brother’s hand one last time, damn it.

Sans squeezes his hand tightly, like he is giving Papyrus a promise.

“And what qualities are that?” Alphys asks, “Being good at _murdering_ people? At destroying other monsters’ life? _Being good at ripping someone’s soulmate from them before they even get a chance to be happy?_ ”

“nah. he’s more simple than that” Sans says with a shrug before he grins at her genuinely again, “he knows when people are trying to stall for time so they can collect their magic for another attack.”

Alphys doesn’t respond. She just throws the saw in her hand at them instantly, aiming it straight for Papyrus’ head.

Sans reacts faster than Papyrus can. He pulls at Papyrus’ hand, making the saw miss by an inch. Alphys begins screaming because she missed and a barrage of magical attacks is released straight after by her minions. They all come flying towards them, deadly and shift.

“pap, hang on!” Sans shouts at him. Papyrus wraps his arms around Sans’ body by instinct the second Sans pulls himself up so he can wrap his arms around Papyrus’ neck.

There’s a flash of light and someone screams.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I'm going to Italy on vacation from the 18th to the 26th of June. I will have internet, but I prefer to not spent my time online while being on vacation. So if I don't respond to your comments/asks, that's why! I will do it when I come back however! :p  
> 2\. These endings are **hard as balls** to write and takes a lot of time, thought, efford and work to make perfect. It will take me a long time to write them and I ask you to be patient and understand that. I know waiting is really fucking annoying, but I can't overwork and hurry myself and create good chapters for you at the same time.  
>  3\. I want to say thank you again! I had never expected this fic to turn into what it has and all of your comments, encouragements and the fanart people have drawn for me is insane. Thank you so so so so much. Every single comment, kudo, hit, bookmark and so on makes me giggle like a little girl whenever I see them. I'm so grateful to have such wonderful readers as you! <3  
> 4\. Did I label the ending thoroughly enough? Let me know! (No I'm actually serious about this. I want to know if it was obvious enough which ending it was so the people who want to avoid specific ones are safe from their triggers and so on.)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kitchen is just as bad as the living room. Dirty plates, cups, glasses, pots and pans are spread everywhere. There’s a foul smell in the air, suggesting that something is rotting away in the room. Papyrus is fairly sure it’s the blackened sandwich hidden underneath a dish towel, lying on the kitchen table. He guesses that the sandwich is only a few days away from achieve monster-status and moving out of the house to pursue it’s own dreams. 
> 
> “Where is Blueberry?” Papyrus asks quietly. His question, although asked softly, makes Papy startle so badly that he accidentally knocks the kettle he just filled with water off the stove, that he had been trying to turn on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go kill Miss Time for this. She said she will gladly accept your slaps and curse words for making me write this ending. It's her idea, I molded it to fit my universe. Credit for the idea goes to her and as always, she has betaed this. Seriously, go give her some love <3 
> 
>  
> 
> DISCLAIMER IN THE END NOTES!!!! MAKE SURE TO READ THEM!!!!
> 
> Enjoy your hearts breaking my dear readers. 
> 
> \- Miss Mercy

 

##  **Chapter fifteen - Genocide part two**

**_"The end, part one"_ **

Alternative ending number one: The one where everything turns out horrible

 

_You got those eyes stare into my soul_ _  
_ _You get that smile when I’m giving you my all_  
 _You’re the brighter side of things_  
 _You’re the lighter side of life_  
 _And all the joy that you bring_  
 _Is why I need you in my life_  
  
Call you home by Kelvin Jones

 

* * *

The world morphs into a cluster of noise and color. Papyrus’ body gets forced through a way too narrow tube. He gets repeatedly slammed against a solid, invisible surface, while it feels like his limbs gets stretched out in ways a skeleton monster shouldn’t be able to. It feels as if all of his joints are being pulled too far apart, straight to that edge where he can no longer decide if they are still connected to his body or not.

He knows this feeling. He _recognizes_ it. This is the feeling that changed more than just his location for him. Papyrus never forgot how it felt to warp through time and space, feeling his bones turn to lead at the same time as they turn porous and brittle.

It only lasts for about forty six seconds before it’s over. It’s too little time to really be scarred by the horrible feeling, but just long enough to leave a lasting impression in his mind. Papyrus despises this feeling, but loves dearly it too. It means that he is going _home._

The feeling ends abruptly and he is catapulted out of the “tube”. His body flies through the air, his eyes still clouded and blinded after the trip through the void. He can’t see anything around him, can’t remember how to see. All he can do is embrace himself for the impact of landing.

He lands half a second later, his body crashing into the snowy ground with a loud sound. A low “oof” is forced out of his chest and they continue to come as he rolls, slides and skittles across the lumpy snowy ground under him, cutting a trail through the newly fallen snow. A mess of snow, ice and dirt is kicked up around him.

He comes to a harsh, sudden stop when his back hits something that refuses to move out of the way. All air leaves his body and he struggles for a few split seconds to remember how to pull new air into his chest.  

For several long moments he just lies there without really understanding anything. His mind is spinning and he still can’t figure out how to start functioning again. There’s a buzz of urgency in his bones, his limbs trying desperately to move as if he should be doing something, but he can’t remember what.

Then, it’s like lightening strikes him. His body becomes solid and present within his range of sensibility again instantly and finally his eyes start working again. Though, when he opens them, all he sees is an ocean of black and red nuances pressed tightly against his face. Something soft waving in the mild wind tickles his nose hole and he feels like sneezing.

It takes him three point two seconds to register that his arms are wrapped around something and it takes another seven seconds for his mind to recognize the scent of his brother. Then he finally snaps out of the fog that kept his mind enslaved.

“Sa- _sans_!” he tries to say, but his voice breaks halfway through the name. He coughs twice and tries to sit up, turning Sans over in his arms. There has been an attack right in front of Papyrus’ face the split second before he was whisked away by Sans’ magic and Papyrus remembers feeling it hit before the void turned his mind to mush. That would normally not cause him any panic, except he didn’t take the hit.

Sans did. His _1 HP brother_ did.

“Sans!” he calls again, shaking the lifeless body in his arms a little. He begs that the weird sandy feeling under the tips of his fingers when he strokes them over Sans’ face is just numbness from the teleport, and not the feeling of his brother turning to dust in his arms.

“Wake up you lazy piece of shit!” he curses, “You can’t fucking do this to me!” Sans gives him no response.

A sort of maddened desperation overtakes Papyrus right then. He doesn’t stop to think about how wrong it is when he reaches out with his magic and forces Sans’ soul to materialize. He just does it, a single string of words repeating in his mind spurring him on: If Sans won’t keep himself alive, then Papyrus will _force_ him to live.

He never reaches the point where he starts leeching his own HP into Sans’ soul. Instead, he sits and stares at his brother, unable to comprehend the data hovering right before his eyes.

 

**_HP: 1,5 / 6_ **

**_ATK: 1_ **

_**DEF: 15** _

 

It’s… Sans is… He’s going to be...

“P-pap?” Papyrus’ head snaps up, the all too familiar voice making his soul speed up rapidly. “Papyrus? Is that really you bro?”

Papy is standing a few yards away. He looks far from the monster Papyrus remembers, but it is so obviously him. Papyrus would recognize him anywhere.

“Yes” Papyrus simply answers. He wishes he could say something else, anything else, but his throat refuses to let him. It locks up, relief, happiness, worry and disbelief making it difficult for him to keep calm. He starts to shake slightly and his arms tighten their hold around his brother’s body. Tears tickle in his sockets for the first time in decades.

His voice snaps Papy out of his paralysis. He’s next to Papyrus so quickly that Papyrus swears he must have teleported himself. The slight dizziness returning briefly to him tells him he is probably right. Seeing Papy use his teleportation magic always makes Papyrus sick for some reason.

Papy throws himself at his knees and instantly throws his arms around Papyrus’ shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug. Papyrus returns it fiercely as best as he can with only one arm, keeping the other around around Sans’ body, holding him off the icy ground.

“ _Fuck,_ stars, it’s you, it’s really fucking _you_ ” Papy cries into Papyrus’ scarf, his shoulders shaking. Papy’s fingers curl into the already damp cloth of the scarf when he leans back a little to search Papyrus’ face. “I missed you so much bro” he says, “You’ve no idea, no fucking idea how hor-horri… _fuck!”_ His voice cracks and a few sobs wretches themselves out of his throat.

“Calm down my friend” Papyrus says softly, trying to calm down his doppelganger by stroking the back of his hand over his cheeks, drying away some tears running over them, “Please, help me get Sans inside in safety. He is passed out.” Papy finally looks down at the body cradled protectively against Papyrus’ chest. Something dark and nasty passes Papy’s features, but it’s gone so quickly that Papyrus can’t get a read of it.

“Fuck, shit… okay let’s get you inside fast” Papy says hurried when he sees Sans tremble just a tiny bit when a gust of cold wind moves past them. He pulls away, standing up before pulling Papyrus up by the arm. He doesn’t say anything, no warning or what so ever before Papyrus feels like puking again. His eyes sting and he blinks, only to look up and find himself standing in the living room of the skeleton brothers’ house.

Papyrus’ soul sends a stab of worry through his body when he sees the state of the house.

The living room is a warzone. There is a thick layer of dust covering everything. Books, papers filled with unreadable notes, dirty plates and laundry are spread across the entire floor and all surfaces in the entire room. The more Papyrus looks around, the more garbage he sees and he swears the pile of socks next to the television moves when his eyes run over it. On the table to the left, just next to the front door, the plate that used to hold the pet rock is standing silently, holding a small pile of dust and sprinkles that has long since lost their color and shape. It looks like they have melted and spread across the dirty porcelain.

Papy is quick to rip the layer of dirty laundry and papers away from the couch. Instead of cleaning it up, he just dumps everything in a pile next to the couch and walks over to the armchair. Two dusty blankets appear from another pile of clothes and papers and Papyrus won’t even start to imagine how long it has been there. The cloud of dust spreading from the pile as it is disturbed tells him it has been a while.

Papy rolls one blanket up, creating a sort of pillow and gestures for Papyrus to put Sans down. He does so, but only very reluctantly. He uses his elbow to support Sans’ head as he leans down and places him carefully on the couch, making sure to withdraw slowly so he doesn’t end up hurting him. As soon as Papyrus isn’t touching him any longer, Papy throws a blanket over Sans’ body and proceeds to tug it in thoroughly.

When Sans is reduced to a burrito on the couch, Papy finally stands and takes a step back.

“Coffee?” he offers after a few minutes of them just staring at Papyrus’ knocked out brother.

“Yes please” Papyrus answers in a whisper. Maybe coffee will make his head feel less like the living room looks and help him think more clearly.

Papy moves to the kitchen and Papyrus follows him.

The kitchen is just as bad as the living room. Dirty plates, cups, glasses, pots and pans are spread everywhere. There’s a foul smell in the air, suggesting that something is rotting away in the room. Papyrus is fairly sure it’s the blackened sandwich hidden underneath a dish towel, lying on the kitchen table. He guesses that the sandwich is only a few days away from achieve monster-status and moving out of the house to pursue it’s own dreams.

“Where is Blueberry?” Papyrus asks quietly. His question, although asked softly, makes Papy startle so badly that he accidentally knocks the kettle he just filled with water off the stove, that he had been trying to turn on.

“What… What happened to him?” Papyrus asks, connecting the dots. The mess, the empty house, the heavy dark circles underneath Papy’s eye sockets, the yellow nicotine stains on his teeth, the thinness of his body hidden underneath that dirty signature hoodie that is supposed to be orange, but is more brown than anything.

Papy sighs loudly and bends down to pick up the kettle. He drops a dishtowel on the water that spilled on the floor, but doesn’t dry it off right away. He just lets the cloth suck up the moisture while he fills the kettle again.

When he sets the kettle back on the stove with a little more force than necessary, he finally answers.

“I found out what the consequences of you coming here was” he says. His voice is flat and empty. It makes Papyrus’ back crawl with discomfort.

Papy sounds like he is in unrecognizable pain. Papyrus doesn’t like it.

“The human came right on time” he continues as he moves about, picking up some dirty service and dumping it in the sink, “We were ready for them, just as we had planned out. Met them at the gate into Snowdin, confronted them and so on. I let Sans take your place, allowed him to try and talk some reason into the kid. I could see right away that nobody was home, the kid was still stuck on their track, but Sans refused to listen when I told him to stay back.”

Papy slams two cups on the kitchen table he justed cleared by swiping a hand over the surface and knocking everything off it and onto the floor. A few seconds later the kettle whistles, announcing that it’s boiling. Papy turns around to fetch the water. He spends a few moments in silence while he pours it into the pot, letting the water sieve through the filter filled with ground coffee beans. A lovely scent of coffee soon spreads in the kitchen, killing the smell of mold a little.

“He walked right over to them” Papy says quietly, “Arms spread out and a smile on his face, just as he always did. Said that he wanted to be their friend and that he knew trying something new could be scary, but that he would be happy to help and guide the kid through the Underground so they could go home.”

“He started shaking. First it was just a little bit, uneasiness as the kid just stood there and _looked_ straight at him with that dead expression. I tried insisting, hissing at him to step back, to come back to me, but he refused. He stood fast and held his arms out, inviting the human into a hug and he waited, so sure of himself and his ability to help people.” Papy pours coffee into the mugs and ignores when he spills some and it runs over the table. After that he sits down and drains almost his entire cup in one go.

“It took one minute and fifty three seconds for the kid to react” he says. He refuses to meet Papyrus’ eyes. “They stepped forward, just one step, and swung their arm and… that was that. End of story. I couldn’t do a damn thing.”

Papyrus’ soul stills in horror. No...

“Heh” Papy laughs humorlessly, shaking his head a little. He finishes his coffee and pours himself another cup. “Sans still refused to come back to me. He was literally turning to dust and he refused to look at me. He told the kid that, that wasn’t what he had expected them to do, but that he knew they could do better. That they could be better if they just tried, just as he fucking always said. He still fucking believed the kid had some sort of chance of redemption despite them having just killed him.” Papy shakes his head again and takes another drink.

“He looked back at me for a second, gave me this stupid smile and I know, I just fucking know that he was trying to tell me to be better and to forgive the kid. Then he just…” There is a pause where Papy looks into the air without really seeing anything.

“...pulverized. He fell apart so fast and before I could move, his dust was gone, blown away by the wind. All that was left was his clothes.”

Papy looks away for a brief moment, squeezing his eyes closed and clenching his hands into fists. It almost looks like he is willing the images of his brother’s death away from his inner eye.

“The kid picked up his scarf” Papy then whispers, making a fury explode in Papyrus’ chest so suddenly it takes Papyrus by surprise.

“They… they fucking _laughed”_ he hisses in a low growl, “They laughed at me and waved it around, asked me if I weren’t happy that they took care of my idiot brother so I wouldn’t have to waste my time taking care of such an incompetent fool.”

Papy looks straight into Papyrus’ eyes suddenly. His expression is dark and his eyes haunted. Papyrus feels a stab of fear.

“I shot them to pieces” Papy tells him, “Pulled out as many fucking Blasters from the void as I could and I fired them all at once, giving the kid no chance of reacting before it was over. They ended up as a little bloody spot in the snow and… that was it. Just like that.”

“What?” Papyrus croaks almost unable to get the sounds from his throat to resemble words, “Didn’t the human r…”

“Reset? No. I don’t think they could, not after you guys came here. I don’t know how, but it seemed too final. It felt different than from the other times. They never came back.” Papy looks away again. “And Sans stayed dead.”

Blueberry is dead? No, but… He was supposed to… They were supposed to be safe when Papyrus and Sans left!

Papyrus’ mind stops working. His fingers tighten around the cup held between his shaking hands and he fights against the painful, dark void opening up in his soul.

He can’t believe it. It’s so difficult to, despite the entire room he is in screaming the facts at him. Everything around him is proof that it’s true. Blueberry _died_ and he died a long time ago, leaving his brother behind in agony and grief.

Tears spill from his eyes and drips from his jaw in a steady stream, the red-ish droplets hitting the surface of the table with a silent splash. Papyrus doesn’t move and doesn’t try to hide them. He just lets them come, because it’s the only thing he can think of doing right now that doesn’t involve dissolving into a sobbing mess of broken bones on the floor. It’s the only outlet for his sorrow he can allow himself without breaking down.

He can’t understand it. Him and Sans leaving this universe was supposed to keep their new family from being harmed, not _cause_ it. They shouldn’t… They should…

“We should have stayed” Papyrus whispers, “We shouldn’t have left. We could have prevented this, we could… He shouldn’t have...”

“You couldn’t have known bro” Papy tries to reassure him. A cold hand reaches across the table and pries one of Papyrus’ away from the cup so it can be held and squeezed in a comforting manner. “I know you’re blaming yourself in there, but that’s not gonna bring him back. Trust me. I spent way too fucking long hating your guts for ever showing up here, but just couldn’t keep blaming you when it wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was our fault” Papyrus says, “If we hadn’t come here, the child would just have reset and Blueberry would have…”

“Stop it” Papy says harshly, “Right now!” Papyrus shuts up, but the way Papy sighs soon after tells him that he knows that Papyrus is still silently blaming himself.

“How are you still alive?” Papyrus decides to ask. He appreciates that Papy ignores how shaky his voice sounds. “Losing my brother… I’m not sure I would survive that.”

The question makes Papy lean back and let go of Papyrus’ hand.

“Y/n” Papy answers easily, “She made me keep living. I’m pretty sure she’s the only reason the grief didn’t make me fall down. I still had to protect her.”

Her name being spoken with such love and devotion makes Papyrus’ soul hurt. He tries very hard not to acknowledge the stab of jealousy in his chest and forces the lump of bile back down by swallowing.

The way Papy’s tongue caresses her name tells Papyrus all he needs to hear. They somehow ended up as lovers.

Papyrus tries to feel hatred for either of them, tries very hard to feel hurt and betrayed, but his soul won’t to let him. He is jealous and sad, of course, but nothing else, because he understands why perfectly.

They lost himself and Sans without warning. They left at night, without saying proper goodbyes. Papy and y/n woke up and just found them gone. A few days later, they lost Blueberry. They grieved together, alone and scared, empty for hope and the reason to keep living. It’s not too impossible to imagine how they both sought safety in each other and that the safety they found together at some point evolved to be physical too. It’s not even impossible to understand how the physical turned emotional. It has been 38 years after all. That is an awfully long time to be alone with someone, an awfully long time to seek comfort from someone without growing attached.  

Papyrus understands and he wishes he didn’t so he would feel justified in turning his grief and pain into anger and hatred. Anger is so much easier to handle.

Papy studies Papyrus’ reactions closely, holding his breath. When he sees Papyrus’ shoulder slump in defeat and acceptance and finds no signs of anger, Papy relaxes and finally exhales.

“Is she dead too?” Papyrus asks, because he can’t imagine her allowing the house to look like this if she is still alive.

“She’s still alive” Papy answers quietly, “Well… Sort of.” That makes Papyrus look up in confusion.

“How can she be “sort of” alive?” he asks. Instead of answering, Papy just shakes his head and empties his cup.

“It’s better if I show you instead of explaining. I didn’t understand what the fuck was happening until a few years after it was too late, when Undyne dug out an old textbook from the human world and hell, I still hardly understand. Seeing it is just easier.”

Papyrus follows Papy out of the kitchen instantly, leaving his still full cup behind without a thought.

He checks on Sans quickly when they pass the couch, but continues walking to the staircase when his brother still doesn’t respond to Papyrus shaking his shoulders.

Papy leads him to Blueberry’s room and stops in front of the door, his hand on the handle. He levels Papyrus with a hard stare and suddenly seems very serious.

“Don’t tell her who you are” Papy says, “No matter what she says, _don’t_ tell her who you are. It has been a long time since she had a break and it takes weeks for her to recover.” When Papyrus just looks back at him confused, not understanding anything, he sighs and says much softer, “Please, just don’t. I know it must be killing you, being this close and then me asking you this. I know you must have missed her like crazy, but… I can’t deal with going through another month of her wailing non stop. Please. I beg you.”

“Okay” he just promises. He doesn’t understand why, but Papyrus has a feeling that he will understand very soon.

“Oh and eh… Don’t freak out, okay? Humans are supposed to look like this. I checked” Papy says. He doesn’t give Papyrus a chance to answer. He just pushes the handle down and opens the door.

Papyrus looks into the room and finds it completely transformed from what he remembered.

The once light blue walls are painted in a soft rosy color. The windows are framed by lacy, white curtains and the windowsills occupied by several potted plants. The two single beds that once stood in opposite ends of the room are gone, replaced by a single bed placed against the right wall. It’s covered by thick blankets and fluffy pillows. There is a frame around the entire bed, a sort of rail that somehow reminds Papyrus of a child’s bed, where the rail is supposed to keep the child from falling out of the bed while sleeping.

On the nightstand next to the bed, a old book is waiting to be picked up again. Papyrus can’t decipher what the title of the book is. The front cover is too badly water damaged.

The rest of the room is clean and tidy. A few dressers take up space and the walls are covered in pictures and shelves with small decorative objects that are clearly some sort of memories. Papyrus particularly notices a picture standing in the center of one dresser to his left. It’s rather big and it’s of y/n and Papy. They are in an embrace, bodies pressed closely together as they pose for the camera. Their smiles aren’t huge, but they are there.

In front of the slightly open balcony door an arrangement of armchairs and a little table stands on a thin, but warm looking carpet. A tall floor lamp sends a soft yellow light over the backs of the armchairs.

It is like the perfect contrast to the rest of the house. In here, everything is clean and everything has a place to be in. There is no dust covering shelves or tabletops, and the floor is visible and clearly freshly vacuumed.

Something white and round moves at the sound of him entering. Papyrus can only see the crown of the head, but he knows who it is the second her voice sounds.

“Is it already time for my medicine, dear?” she asks. Her voice is fragile and low and so very different than the one he has been hearing in his mind for almost four decades now, but he knows it’s her without a doubt.

She sighs deeply and turns her face towards the door again. The view outside shows the end of Snowdin and the start of Waterfall in the distance. Everything is covered in a thick layer of snow and the crystals in the cave ceiling have started to darken, giving the forest to the left an eerie, but fairytale kind of look.

“How time moves fast when you get caught up by your thoughts” she almost whispers. She seems to think for a small moment while Papyrus tries to figure out why his soul is crying out in regret and sorrow for her when she is obviously alive and right in front of him. What does his soul know that he doesn’t yet?

“Please” she says, “Come sit down. I want to tell you a story.” Papyrus forces his body to move. With stiff legs, he steps closer to the unoccupied armchair to her right.

“NO!” Papyrus startles and rips the hand away from the backrest of the armchair, his eyes sticking to the face of the woman he loves so dearly. She stares at him with a wild expression, her eyes flashing with power and anger. “Not there!” she scolds him, “That is reserved for _him_! Sit in the other one.” Papyrus’ eyes flickers to the kitchen stool standing on her left side. He only hesitates for a few seconds before he goes over to sit down there instead. As soon as he is sitting, she calms down and eases back into the blankets covering her body.

Papyrus is in shock. He can’t find any words to speak and he is pretty sure his soul is in the process of breaking. It hurts so fiercely.

Her _face_ . What happened to her face? To her beautiful hair? Her soft skin and lovely limbs? She looks like she’s dying, her body too thin to carry her weight. Her skin is thin and white, almost transparent and looks like it will break at the softest of touches. Everything about her just screams _fragile_.

Papy said it was normal for humans to look like this? Why? Why does she look like this? Is she sick? Is this an illness? Papyrus can hardly recognize her. Had it not been for her eyes and her soul, he would have sworn this is a completely different woman.

“What is with the expression?” she asks him. She has been studying his face too and his body, “What is these clothes you are wearing dear? Aren’t you too old to pretend to be an edgy teenager?” She reaches out with a shaking, thin hand and her small delicate fingers plucks at the tunic Papyrus wears over his chest. She tsks at it and shakes her head like she is disappointed.

She looks up at his face again and seems to freeze. Her eyes move from side to side, looking at the details of his face. Her hand moves from his chest and to his cheek, resting against the left one. A cold thumb strokes over the old scar lovingly, almost like it’s remembering that she did that once before. For a split second, she looks like herself to Papyrus, her eyes are sharp and focused. Then the light vanishes again and she shakes her head at him.

“What have you been doing?” she asks him, “Getting into more fights?”

“No” Papyrus lies, which makes her flick her tongue against her teeth annoyed.

“Don’t you lie to me Papy. I know you. You are reckless and don’t care. Now you’ve hurt yourself. What would I do if you died? I would be all alone.” She removes her hand and turns around to mess with something on the table next to her.

Papy… She… She called him Papy. She thinks he’s Papy? Doesn’t she recognize him?

“Here it is!” she exclaims excited. She turns around and looks at him again, but for some reason pauses.

“Who are you my dear?” she asks him, “I didn’t hear you come in.” Papyrus’ soul feels like it’s ripping itself apart.

“Papy” he answers. Her eyes light up.

“Oh dear, is it time for my medicine? Time sure does fly when you get caught up in your thoughts” she says, repeating herself.

“Yes, it does” Papyrus just answers. What is going on? Did… Did she forget he was sitting next to her? What is happening? She must be sick. Maybe she hit her head or something. Some monsters forgot things after hitting their heads too hard. Maybe that’s… Maybe that’s what is wrong with her.

“Look at this dear” she says. He accepts the small picture she holds out to him and instantly recognizes his own brother and Blueberry. He remembers when that picture was taken. He took it himself. It was about a month before him and Sans left.

“Aren’t they adorable? Twins, can you imagine? Their momma must have had her hands full” she says, “Maybe that’s why they look so thin. Poor things. Didn’t get enough food. They’re just skin and bones.” Papyrus can’t even find it in himself to find that pun amusing.

“They almost look too much like you dear” she continues, “You really should eat more. Get some meat on those bones of yours before you disappear on me.”

“I will try my love” he practically whispers. She doesn’t even remember that he’s a monster? Does she see him as some sort of very thin human?

“Good boy. And you really shouldn’t wear that much red. It’s too bright of a color for you dear. Orange is much better, don’t you think?”

“I was just trying out something new” Papyrus lies.

“That is good. Trying new things is good.” She looks out of the window again and they fall into silence.

Papyrus stares at his shaking hands, his mind empty for thoughts. All he can do is try and breathe through the pain rolling through his soul. He knows why it is grieving her now, why Papy said she was only “sort of” alive. The woman Papyrus remembers is no longer here. She doesn’t recognize him. He doesn’t know why, but he is sure that remembering him would cause her to “break” as Papy said and Papyrus really doesn’t want to experience what that is like.

“Do you remember those guests we had a few years back dear?” she suddenly asks him quietly, “They were brothers, I think.”

“Yes, I do” Papyrus answers. He looks up at her, but finds her looking out of the window. Her expression is sad and it makes Papyrus want to cry.

“I really loved the tall one” she tells him, “I thought he loved me too.”

“He did” Papyrus quickly says, “He still does.”

“You always say that dear” she sighs, closing her eyes briefly before looking at him, “But if he loved me as I loved him, why isn’t he coming back for me? I’ve been waiting for so long. Even reserved a chair for him at my side as he asked for in his letter. He said he would be back, but he just left me.”

“Maybe he got held up” Papyrus says, “Maybe things in his world got so bad that he couldn’t leave.”

“Nonsense. If he loved me, he would have came no matter what.” Her words cut deeply into Papyrus’ soul and he has to look away. He wished he could have come to her as he promised, he wished he had had time to find a way to travel to her without upsetting the balance of the universes. But with the war breaking out and the Underground being split between borders and ruled by several Warlords, universe jumping just ended up in the back of his mind. He had more pressing matters to tend to, lives to safe and people to protect. He kept telling himself that one more year didn’t make a difference, that she would wait for him to be ready.

Well, apparently she did and Papyrus wishes she hadn’t so fucking much. Seeing her like this, broken and falling apart, her mind in shambles and her memory so destroyed she can’t even recognize him is excruciatingly painful.

“Oh dear, is it already this late?” she says suddenly. Papyrus closes his eyes and breathes deeply. “Is it already time for my medicine?”

“Why do you need medicine?” he asks. Her eyes are on him when he looks up. “Are you sick?” His question makes her laugh.

“No no, not at all Papy. I’m just old. You know that dear” she says.

“I think I forgot what that means for humans” he says, “Can you explain it to me again?” She laughs softly and claps his cheek gently with a weak hand.

“Of course. Growing old is something all humans do. Remember when Undyne told us about the difference in monsters’ bodies and humans? How yours are sustained by your magic and mine by the physical matter that makes me up? My soul is not as strong as yours in that regard, I’m afraid. It can’t keep my body looking young. My body is shutting down and when it can’t keep itself alive anymore, I will fall down.”

Monsters’ bodies don’t do that.

“Your… Is it tearing itself apart, trying to keep you alive?” he asks.

“I guess it would seem like that to you my dear” she says, “But don’t worry, I’m strong Papy. I have a few more years in me. I won’t leave you too soon.”

“That is good” Papyrus chokes out, “Please don’t fall down. I can’t live without you in the world.”

“Well you will just have to. Remember? You promised me that night in Waterfall. You promised to keep fighting for me, even after my body gives out. You’ll use my soul and break the barrier and you’ll set the monsters free, right? Make my death into something good and not sad. You promised me Papy. You promised.”

“Yes, I remember now. I promised to be strong for you” Papyrus cries quietly.

“Good boy” she says before turning away from him again. Her eyes find the outside again and she sighs deeply. “It is such a lovely afternoon. It’s perfect for a picnic” she says, “Papy, let’s have a picnic for dinner. Can’t you tell… Oh what was his name again? You know, the happy one, to make something delicious for us? He’s always so good in the kitchen. I taught him so well.”

Papyrus didn’t think he could possibly feel more pain than he already does, but his soul proves him wrong by intensifying his agony.

She doesn’t remember that Blueberry is dead?

“Of course, I’ll tell him right away” he lies. He just can’t make himself say the words out loud.

Y/n’s head leans back after a few minutes in silence and her eyes close. It doesn’t take long before her breathing evens out, telling Papyrus she probably fell asleep.

He sits on the small stool for a long time and tries to calm himself and his soul down, tries to will his tears to dry up so he can continue living on through this. He curses himself in his mind, curses his reluctance to find a way back, to always thinking she would wait or just forget about him. He curses himself for leaving in the first place and not just staying to protect his family as he so desperately wanted to. Why didn’t he just say fuck it and risked staying? Blueberry would be alive if he did, y/n wouldn’t have gotten hurt and have lost her memory.

“It’s a human disease” Papy whispers. Papyrus doesn’t startle. He heard him enter and sneak closer.

“So she is sick” Papyrus whispers back. Papy nods in the corner of Papyrus’ vision.

“Undyne called it dementia” Papy explains, “Apparently, some humans get that. It makes their brains die or something. It makes them forget everything slowly over time. It started out as just small things. She forgot how to tie her own shoelaces, forgot that Waterfall was filled with water and Hotlands with lava. That the Queen’s name was Toriel. Then it got worse. She forgot Sans was dead and when she remembered again she wailed for a week straight. She knew what was wrong long before I did, but she never told me. When she wanted to, it was so bad she forgot that she knew what was wrong. From there on everything just escalated so fast. A year ago she could still recognize you on the few pictures we had. Now she can hardly recognize me half the time.”

Papy glances at her sadly and shakes his head. “She doesn’t have long bro” he whispers, “And I’m terrified of what happens when she gives up. I don’t know what to do. Undyne doesn’t either. Her book didn’t say anything about a cure and we’ve tried everything we could think of.”

Papyrus doesn’t get to respond, because y/n seems to wake up even though they only whispered to each other. Papy ducks behind her chair so she doesn’t see him and Papyrus meets her gaze when she opens her eyes.

“Hello dear. What are you doing here? Is it time for my medicine already?” she asks him. Papyrus shakes his head and leans over to pull a blanket up over her body to keep her warm.

“Not yet, y/n” he tells her softly, “You can rest a bit more. I will wake you when it is time.” She gives him a smile and pats his hand softly.

“Thank you, my boy. I love you” she mumbles, her eyes closing quickly again. Papyrus has to force a lump in his non-existent throat away so he can answer her. When he does, his voice shakes with the force of how much he means the words leaving his tongue.

  
“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **DISCLAIMER!:** I know VERY LITTLE about dementia! I am in no way an expert of this decease. If I have gotten something wrong, I apologize. I only know one person, my mom's aunt, who has dementia and I haven't seen her since I was a child, so I remember little of how she acted, but I tried my best to portray this terrible illness. If you know it better and can see I have made some horrible mistake, please tell me and I will try my best to correct it. Otherwise, remember this is fiction and not facts. This does not portray how the real world is. 
> 
> Thanks for your time! I hope you liked (or well, you know) this first alternative ending of my story! Next up is the Neutral ending, and it's gonna hurt too. I promise! <3 
> 
> Until next time. 
> 
> \- Miss Mercy


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “yo pap, you sure this is the right date?” Sans asks, appearing suddenly out of thin air.
> 
> “Sans! You are supposed to hide! What if the human comes right now?!” Papyrus instantly scolds him, trying to hide how much his brother’s sudden appearance scared him. The arm wrapped around Papy’s shoulder falls back to Papyrus’ side instantly.
> 
> Sans grins at Papyrus, finding his reaction funny.
> 
> “Don’t” Papyrus warns him. He is not in the mood the listen to Sans’ bad humor right now.
> 
> “buzzkill” Sans mutters at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! This chapter contains graphic descriptions of violence and major character death! If you are triggered by this, please do NOT read this! Come to me for a safe resume instead. 
> 
> Thank you for your time. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
>  
> 
> _Also, remember to check the end notes! Big announcement!_

## Chapter sixteen - Neutral

_**"The end, part two"** _

  
Alternative ending number two - The one where they never go home

 

 _Not much more inside of me left to lose._  
_No one hates me quite like you._  
_Let me show you the proof._

 _I don't mind my own self-loathing,_  
_And I don't need help from you._  
_I know I'm lonely,_  
_But what am I supposed to do?_

  
A Rumor of Skin by Stone Sour

* * *

_“Can’t you just stay then?” Blueberry asks, “I really like having you here. I don’t want you to go back to that place. We can’t keep you safe there. I know things haven’t been good lately, but we can work on that!”_

_“no can do blue. the longer we’re here, the more we risk fucking up the timelines. we don’t know what kinda damage has already been done. we can’t risk staying here, no matter what. it’s always been the plan. we go back as soon as possible so nobody else suffers because of us.”_

_“But… It’s dangerous” y/n says, “You told me that Papyrus. You said you probably wouldn’t survive going back.”_

“Papyrus?” she calls again, much more careful. It’s like she’s afraid of scaring him.

Papyrus doesn’t know how to answer her. His mouth opens, his tongue curls like it’s ready to answer to her, but something makes him hesitate and keep the words to himself. They get stuck in his throat and refuse to disclose.

Sans answers for him after half a minute’s of silence.

“we probably won’t” Sans tells y/n while watching Papyrus with a worried expression, his voice strangely distant and empty from emotions, “but we have to try. it’s too risky to stay. even if we end up getting dusted the second we arrive, we still can’t stay. we can’t risk collapsing the multiverse just because of that. that would mean killing every single version of us, and everybody around us. which includes the three of you, if you were wondering” Sans says while gesturing to Papy, Blueberry and y/n, “we _have_ to go.”

 **“No.”** Sans jumps a little at the low, dark tone coming out of Papyrus’ mouth. It even scares Papyrus. Even to his own ears, he sounds like he’s on the verge of exploding in unfathomable rage, just a second away from snapping.

“b-boss? what do ya mean “no”? we t-talked about this, r-remember?” Sans says. His voice is trembling with fear much like Papyrus’ clenched fists are. Papyrus had thought they had come so far, gotten past the place where Sans’ soul automatically snaps into being wary around Papyrus whenever his voice is anything but calm and happy. Apparently that was just all in Papyrus’ head.

Papyrus looks up at the people surrounding him and takes a short moment to look at all their faces. The sight of their fear, of the sorrow already somehow invading their souls are enough to convince him that the decision he just came to _is_ the right one. Doing anything but this would be _wrong_.

“We are not going home” he tells them slowly, quietly. Papyrus’ eyes move over to Papy’s and he forces a small twitch of his mouth, trying to smile reassuringly to his best friend. “There is _no way in hell_ I’m leaving you just days before the human arrives. I don’t care what consequences our stay here has. We know absolutely nothing about it and the multiverse has survived the first six months. I don’t see how six more is a problem.”

Papyrus’ soul brightens with joy and relief when Papy’s face twists into an unreadable expression, his soul surely overcome with powerful emotions.

“b-but b-bro…” Sans starts, but Papyrus interrupts him by holding up a hand.

“No Sans. We are staying to protect our family. End of story” Papyrus says, “But, if you are that desperate to return, you may choose to do so yourself. I am staying.”

“like hell” Sans spits, his fear suddenly forgotten in favor of anger, “i’m not leaving you behind!” Papyrus’ mouth tilts upwards in a genuine smile.

“It is your choice brother” he says before turning towards Blueberry, “Now that that is settled, will you leant a hand in the kitchen Blueberry? Dinner is already late so I would appreciate the help.” Blueberry tilts his head a little to the side and studies Papyrus for a moment before answering.

“Sure” he says slowly.

He follows Papyrus into the kitchen without a word. Papyrus doesn’t look back to see how the other three are reacting. He has made his choice and that is that. He can’t waste his time thinking about what would have happened if he had chosen differently. What would have become of his family had he been able to answer y/n’s question instead of choking on the words. That is a mystery he can philosophize about some other day.

“Are you okay Pap?” Blueberry asks. He is just standing next to Papyrus who apparently has been staring at the bag of groceries on the kitchen table for a few minutes.

“I am fine” Papyrus answers, “Just thinking.”

“About your home?” Blueberry asks. The answer popping up in Papyrus mind instantly makes him smile.

“This is my home now” he tells Blueberry, “Here, with my family.”

Fuck. He made the little skeleton cry.

Oh well. He will just have to deal with a very happy and very hug-hungry Blueberry for a few hours. No big deal.

* * *

Today is the day. It’s early morning, just after 8AM. This is possibly the earliest Papyrus has seen Papy be up and about and look alert and awake at the same time.

They are standing outside the ruins door, side by side, their shoulders only slightly touching. Normally Papyrus would have a few feet of air around him at all times to be sure to have room enough to maneuver, if he ends up in a battle, but today he is allowing this tiny break of his routine. Papy needs his support more than anything right now.

“Why am I wearing your clothes again?” Papyrus asks Papy for possibly the fifteenth time since they started working on their plan. Papyrus swears he _feels_ Papy roll his eyes at him.

“So you don’t scare the kid bro” he answers.

“That is the reason I’m standing out here in the open and Sans is hiding behind the trees though, is it not?” Papyrus says.

“No, you have to startle them, not scare them” Papy says.

“I could do that just fine in my armor, thank you very much” Papyrus grumbles. He is feeling naked and vulnerable. How is he supposed to fight a human when his entire body is open to attacks like this? He won’t be able to concentrate.

Right. He’s not supposed to _fight_ the human. Only “talk” to them. How very boring.

“If the kid sees you like that, they might be so scared of you that they will reset instantly. It happened when I tried scaring them to leave my bro alone” Papy says with a dull voice.

“And so what? I will just be back here in this very spot” Papyrus tries to argue.

“No, you’ll probably be right back in your own universe, not remembering a damn thing!” Papy finally seems to snap, “We’ve had this conversation fifty times Pap. I told you all this before. Why are you suddenly asking old questions again?” Papyrus shuffles around a little and clears his throat, but doesn’t answer. He won’t admit it.

“Are you nervous?” Papy asks.

“Of course not!” Papyrus lies, lifting his chin a little in defiance, “I am The Great Papyrus. I’m not afraid of anything.”

“Never said you were bro” Papy comments with a little chuckle, “But it’s cool if you are. Hell, I’m scared shitless too.” The sobering tone in Papy’s voice makes Papyrus drop all pretense and look straight at him.

Papy’s shoulders are hunched, his back curved forwards way more than usual. There’s a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead and Papyrus can see his shoulders shake ever so slightly. How the hell could he miss exactly how much Papy is affected by this?

“You should have stayed hidden behind the trees with Sans” Papyrus tells him. He wraps a single arm around Papy’s shoulders, knowing that the show of affection, a “hug” will somehow be enough to calm the shaking skeleton a little.

“And leave you out here by yourself? Yeah, right.”

“I am more than capable of defending myself. Plus I look almost exactly like you, so the child would probably just assume I’m you and not touch you” Papyrus says, “And you are very obviously not feeling alright.”

“Yeah, well waiting around for the person who killed your bro and you countless times will do that to you” Papy tries to joke. The joke falls flat.

“Breathe deeply brother” Papyrus says quietly, squeezing Papy’s shoulder a little. Perhaps the same method he uses to help Sans through a panic attack will help calm Papy down now. “Three times in a row and then hold it for a few seconds. Trust me.”

Papy does as told and stops shaking after having repeated the breathing method a few times.

“Thanks.” Papyrus just nods in answer and continues looking towards the large stone doors. He can’t remember if he has ever seen these before in his world. If so, he never really paid them much attention. This is Sans’ domain after all. His patrol routes. Papyrus rarely ever comes this far out.

“yo pap, you sure this is the right date?” Sans asks, appearing suddenly out of thin air.

“Sans! You are supposed to hide! What if the human comes right now?!” Papyrus instantly scolds him, trying to hide how much his brother’s sudden appearance scared him. The arm wrapped around Papy’s shoulder falls back to Papyrus’ side instantly.

Sans grins at Papyrus, finding his reaction funny.

“Don’t” Papyrus warns him. He is not in the mood the listen to Sans’ bad humor right now.

“buzzkill” Sans mutters at him. He turns to Papy instead. “you _sure_ this is the right date bro?”

“Yeah” Papy answers angrily, “I wouldn’t just _forget_.”

“well, it’s half past ten pap. you said the brat would be here at nine o’clock.” Sans gestures to the ruins door. “obviously, they’re not here.”

“But…” Papy says. He fumbles with his phone and drops it in his hurry to get it out of his pocket. With a curse he scoops it up again and checks the time. “I swear I was telling the truth!” he exclaims, “The kid always shows up at nine! I’m not making this up!”

“hey hey we’re not sayin’ you are” Sans is quick to reassure him, “i’m just saying something must have happened, ‘cause they’re not here.”

“I don’t get it. They _always_ show up at the same time. Always!”

“We will wait” Papyrus tells them, “No matter how long it takes for the child to reveal itself. We will wait.”

Papyrus looks at the door again and tries gets comfortable in his stance. A nervous, doubting energy sparks in his chest, but he ignores it.

The child will come. He believes Papy.

* * *

The cave turns dark around them, but they don’t move more than a few feet. They barely speak and when they do, their voices are hushed and cautious.

The child doesn’t show up.

* * *

It’s early morning. Sans and Papy are asleep. They are sitting up against a tree, curled around each other. Papyrus finds the sight of their open jaws and the small drool drops in the corner of their mouths really similar and really fucking adorable. He decides they have waited for long enough when his phone tells him it’s nine AM again.

He wakes his brothers up and forces them to follow him home so they can eat.

* * *

They plan a guard schedule over breakfast. Blueberry makes them all pancakes, but he and y/n are strangely silent around them. Papyrus catches them send each other looks but doesn’t comment on it.

* * *

Papyrus refuses to let y/n follow him and Papy on patrol. He tells her to stay at home where she is safe. He won’t risk her getting hurt if the child somehow shows up. Behind him he hears Papy tell Blueberry the exact same thing. Papyrus’ cheek hurts from the slap a full hour after.

* * *

Sans takes the first shift in front of the Ruins door. Papyrus and Papy accompany each other on patrol, making sure to double check all the hidden trails and shortcuts through the area to make sure the child didn’t sneak past them.

Papyrus sets up a few traps in key locations, despite Papy’s protests. They won’t kill anyone, but they will make sure they can’t escape before Papyrus releases them. It’s just a precaution.

* * *

Four days pass like this. They continue to patrol and keep watch over the Ruins door, never leaving it without at least one set of eyes on it. Papy seems to be losing hope and it scares Papyrus.

Blueberry and y/n try to argue their temporary house arrest, but Papy snaps and yells at Blueberry, making him cry. Blueberry and y/n stay in their room for an entire day after that. Papyrus decides not to get involved. He has other things to do that are more important.

* * *

 

_A week later..._

 

“it’s just weird” Sans says, gesturing with his hands in front of him. They are walking back towards the house to eat lunch before returning to patrol again. It’s Papyrus’ turn to keep watch over the door after they have eaten, so Papy can go eat too.

Papyrus is staying silent, allowing his brother to rage about this subject. They literally can’t do anything but wait and see what happens, but Sans has always been the kind of monster that didn’t like sitting idly by, despite being as lazy as he is. He hates feeling helpless and hates not knowing.

“the kid was always so damn punctual in our world and pap says they never change anything here either. it’s always the same. so why haven’t they shown?” Sans asks him.

“I don’t know” Papyrus answers with a slight shrug of his shoulders, even though he is sure his brother isn’t really looking for any response to his by now thirty minute rant. It’s the only way Sans can feel a little in control. If he’s trying to find the answer, then at least he’s not being useless. Well, that is how Sans thinks anyway.

“i mean, what’s the point of waiting when they always win? are they trying to make something new happen? is this our doing?” Sans continues without pause, exactly as Papyrus had expected.

“Perhaps this is our fault, yes” Papyrus says, “Our stay here has consequences, you said that yourself.”

“yeah but i meant like big consequences” Sans responds, gesturing wide with his hands in the air, “like, “the void collapsing and swallowing us up”-big. this is just weird. it doesn’t make sense. it’s not logical.”

“Maybe there is no logical explanation” Papyrus says, “Maybe this is just the universe’s way of balancing things out. We arrived here and the child did not.”

“but that makes no sense!” Sans argues, throwing his hands into the air once again. He opens his mouth to continue, but gets interrupted.

A blood curdling scream cuts through the air.

Papyrus’ head snaps up instantly, his soul freezing solid when he recognizes the voice. “Y/n!” he exclaims at the same time as Sans, his voice sounding shredded and terrified, even to himself. They both set off instantly, rushing back towards the forests outside of town where the scream came from.

For some reason, it feels like time slows down as Papyrus fights to keep moving. His legs turn numb and start shaking, making it almost impossible for him to run. He tries to push himself harder, to run faster, but it just seems like he slows down all the time. It is like the snow is trying to suck him down.

His soul is pounding hard in his chest, fear pulsing through his bones, making his magic act up. He can feel his eyes burn with it already and feel it spark between the tips of his fingers, his attacks waiting to be cast. He doesn’t know what made her scream like that, but no matter what it is, Papyrus is ready to purge it from this Earth, punishing it for ever forcing such a sound of pain and distress out of her throat.

Sans is teleporting forward a few yards at the time, trying to let Papyrus keep up, but obviously desperate to hurry too. It pisses Papyrus off.

“Just GO!” he yells at Sans, “Get to her!” Sans casts a look his way before he vanishes from sight, making Papyrus’ head spin even more.

Papyrus fights through it by shaking his head and clenching his jaw. He forces his legs to move faster.

A huge flash of red appears and vanishes quickly on his left and he automatically turns that way. He recognizes the magical aura of his brother’s attacks and he doesn’t like that Sans has been forced to use magic already. Sans never uses magic unless he absolutely has to.

Papyrus moves off the path and follows the scattered footsteps he finds leading in between the trees. There are three sets as far as Papyrus can see, and that makes him worried. What is y/n doing out here by herself and why is there two monsters after her? Papyrus thought this world was safe! _Fuck!_ He should have protected her better! Taught her how to fight or something. He has been irresponsible.

He presses himself through the heavy undergrowth, ignoring the pain of leaves, branches and what he swears feels like thorns rubbing and smacking hard against his body. He is lucky he is wearing his armor today or his body would have dozens of new scars.

The bushes suddenly give out and the trees part, opening up to a little meadow.

The scene is _horrifying._

Sans is the first person he sees. His brother is standing with his back towards Papyrus, one of his arms stretched out and his fist clenched. An aura of blue magic surrounds his hand, telling Papyrus that Sans is using his gravity magic on someone right now. The memory of that strong magic holding his soul down makes Papyrus feel a little short breathed.

The next thing Papyrus sees is a creature he has never seen before. It looks fragile and pathetic, it’s limbs thin and weak, but despite that it is somehow fighting Sans’ magic holding it’s soul captured. Papyrus recognizes the shape of a human soul. This must be the child.

“What is going on?” Papy appears next to Papyrus, “I saw magic flash from the door and… _SANS!_ ” Papy is gone instantly and Papyrus sees him reappear in the corner of his eye. Papy throws himself on the ground and picks something up in his arms.

It’s Blueberry.

Papyrus is moving before he can even think about doing it. He’s sprinting past Sans and is getting ready to throw himself to the ground too when something on the outskirts of his field of vision catches his attention.

It’s y/n. She’s lying a little bit to the right of Blueberry and Papy and she is obviously panting in pain. The snow around her is covered in a sickening red color.

Papyrus changes directions and goes to her. “Y/n!” he calls desperately. He turns her around, making her scream in pain. Papyrus feels his soul flip over in his chest. He suddenly wants to throw up.

Her entire front is shredded, cut open and bleeding strongly. The cut runs across her chest, along her collarbones and it’s oozing blood in a steady stream. He can see right away that the cut isn’t deep, but it’s nasty. Y/n has snow fisted in her hand and she is pressing it against the wound for some reason.

“What are you doing?!” Papyrus asks her horrified. He tries to pry her hands away so she doesn’t put any more filth in her wound, but she rips her hands away from his grip again.

“No no stop I’m trying to stop the bleeding” she hisses

“Tell me what to do” Papyrus says, “I don’t know how to heal humans.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. It’s just a flesh wound” she says. Papyrus looks at the wound again and disagrees. It certainly is a flesh wound, but it’s bleeding so much. Humans are supposed to keep the blood inside their bodies, right? Fuck, why can’t he remember the lessons Alphys in his world gave him? He knows a human's weak points! He knows how much blood they can lose before dying. Think Papyrus, _think_.

“Go to Blue” she orders him with a stern voice, “The kid got him in the throat Papyrus, he’s in trouble. GO TO HIM!”

_What?_

Papyrus looks behind him and instantly feels the heavy emotion lingering in the air crash into him. Papy has his back to him, but his entire body is lit up by orange and blue magical auras. His body is wrapped in magic. Papyrus can only just see Blueberry’s feet poke out underneath Papy’s arm, the rest of him is hidden. Papy has Blueberry in his lap.

“Go Papyrus!” y/n says again, harder this time. Papyrus moves immediately.

He crawls over in front of Papy, dread and a twisted sick anticipation making his breath hitch and his soul stutter.

The sight that meets him is almost worse than the one of y/n.

Blueberry is cradled against Papy’s chest. One of Papy’s arms is under Blueberry’s head, keeping him up and the other is held above their chests, holding both their souls tightly together.

Papyrus knows what Papy is in the middle of doing. He is feeding his magic, his lifeforce, his HP straight into Blueberry’s soul in an attempt to heal it and keep him alive, despite Blueberry’s soul already being on the brink of shattering. There is long hairline fractures spread across the entire surface of the teal soul. It is seconds from breaking. Blueberry’s HP is already zero. He should have been dead, but Papy is keeping him alive by sacrificing his HP for him.

“Please bro…” Papy’s voice is so tiny and quiet Papyrus barely hears it at first, “Come on Sans. It’s not supposed to be like this. This was supposed to be our happy ending. You were supposed to stay in the house…” Papy starts hulking, large tears running over his face. His head lowers and he presses his forehead against Blueberry’s.

“Why didn’t you just listen to me?! Why didn’t you believe me?” he asks brokenly. Papy hisses suddenly at the same time as his soul pulsates with magic, pushing a huge amount into Blueberry’s soul. Papyrus watches Papy’s HP drop seven points instantly. He has over six hundred, Papyrus thinks to himself. He can do this.

“Please don't leave, please don't leave me, please just stay” Papy begs hurried. Whatever he is feeling through their tight connection, it’s obviously terrifying him.

Blueberry suddenly seems to come to life. The hand that has been lying dead and unmoving on the snow lifts. It’s shaking and covered in pink marrow, which probably ended up on it after Blueberry tried to stop the stream of marrow coming out of the deep cut across his throat. He rests his hand on the one Papy is using to hold their souls.

“It’s okay, you can let go Papy” Blueberry whispers. His voice is so fragile, so airy, like it’s not really coming from him. Papyrus looks at Blueberry’s face, at his still smiling mouth and finds it unmoving. Blueberry isn’t using his mouth to talk.

“No! No I can’t, I can't do this without you bro. Don’t give up on me. I can fix you. I’ll save you” Papy responds in a panic. There is a huge flash of magic and twenty points vanish from Papy’s HP. Papy cries out in pain. Papyrus can’t imagine how much it must hurt to leech his own HP off like that. It must feel like he’s killing himself slowly.

“Yes you can” Blueberry says, “I know you can because you’re so strong and you’ve always protected me, always been such a good brother...”

“No I _failed_ you! I failed you, I failed you…” Papy interrupts him harshly.

“Shh. It’s okay. You have to let me go Papy. You are hurting yourself” Blueberry tells him softly.

“I-I can’t. Please don’t make me watch this again bro. Don’t leave me.” Papy’s voice breaks again and he starts sobbing against.  

“I know it will be scary…” Papy weakly cries out again and another fifteen points vanish.

Blueberry’s HP stays at zero. It’s not helping. Papy is killing himself. “B-but I know you can do it! I believe in you!”

“No, no, no, no, no” Papy chants. Papyrus isn’t sure he’s even listening anymore.

“I’ll see you again very soon brother. I’ll always be with you” Blueberry tries to encourage him. Papy shakes head and clenches his eyes shut. His tears are still falling heavily onto Blueberry’s chest.

“Let me go Papy. Let me go. It’s okay. You can let go” he says again.

For a silent moment, it seems like the world stops. There’s suddenly no wind, all sounds seem to die out. Blueberry and Papy look at each other, something unsaid passing between them.

Papy’s eyes widen a bit before them clench shut and Papyrus feels his soul threaten to shatter too. He knows what decision Papy just made.

In a flash Papy releases his magic. It plops out of existence with a huge flash before it vanishes completely.

The effect is instantaneous. Blueberry’s body crumbles to dust within seconds, leaving only his clothes and his devastated brother behind.

His soul hovers in Papyrus’ hand for a moment longer. There’s a ghost of a whisper, Blueberry’s voice curling around them. “I love you broth…”

His soul shakes violently and shatters with a tiny sound. The pieces fade away quickly.

Papy slowly clenches his hand, his soul returning to his chest as it is instinct. His head lowers even more, his entire back hunching. His shaking hands grab onto the clothing in his lab. When he lifts it, the dust cascades off his body like a waterfall.

The sound that erupts from Papy can’t be explained with any words Papyrus knows. Papyrus feels it more than he hears it, feels the torment, the agony, the pure, raw hurt deep within his own soul. Papy howls his grief into the air, his mind clearly lost way beyond reasoning. Papyrus isn’t sure Papy would even hear him if he tried talking to him right now.

Papyrus isn’t sure he would even be able to talk.

He knows what he feels himself is but a fraction of the pain Papy is feeling right now, but he can’t snap out of it. He can’t take control over his emotions and push them back to spare his already damaged soul. The emotions rip through him, grabbing his soul in a ironfist grip and refuses to let go.

Something pulsates in his soul. It’s dark and twisted and so unbelievably hot. It’s alluring, magnetic, almost seductive. It pulls him in, bewitches his mind. It promises him an end to the pain, a way to take revenge.

Papyrus hears Sans yelp and hears the crackle of a Blaster charging up.

 _Sans!_ His brother is still fighting the killer.

His body feels numb when he stands. He doesn’t feel the dust spread over his legs run off of him, nor does he hear the warning shout coming from y/n, begging him to snap out of it. All he feels is warmth and power. So much power, burning in his soul and his bones. His magic crackles in the air, the slow buzz of it getting louder and louder the more he pulls from his soul.

He walks over to Sans, his eyes focused on one target. The child is grinning at him, their eyes wide and excited. They are having fun, apparently.

Papyrus will be too, in just a little while.

“Run” Papyrus commands Sans. Sans pulls back from him instantly, remembering the kind of tone Papyrus’ voice has adopted. The Blaster next to him disappears.

“b-bro, t-they’re too s-strong” Sans tries to warn him. Papyrus waves his hand, calling his favorite attack forth. A long bone materializes in his hand, the magic turning solid instantly. The bone vibrates with power, the surface more blood red than ever before.

“Last chance brother” Papyrus says, “Run away.” Sans vanishes instantly.

When Sans’ magic leaves the human’s soul, they fall back to the ground, hitting it hard. They struggle a little to get up, but Papyrus notices how they refuse to let go of the small plastic knife held tightly in their hand. The sight of it makes him pause.

They killed Blueberry with such a pathetic weapon? Were they _trying_ to dishonor him by being so obviously respectless towards him? They couldn’t even honor him by choosing a proper weapon?

It makes Papyrus seethe with rage. Blueberry deserved a warrior's death, but instead, this human cut him down with a _toy_ like he was nothing. Like he was an insect.

“This is… interesting” the child says. Their head tilts on their neck, their messy hair falling in front of their face. Their wide eyes still stare into his soul. “You are _different._ ”

“I’m your _worst_ nightmare” Papyrus promises them, lifting his weapon. The child just laughs at him. The sound of their voice chills his soul a little. Why does it seem so familiar?

“You look like a bad super villain” they mock him, “I bet you are barely able to lift that thing in your hand. Is that supposed to be a weapon? Pathetic.” They gesture to his long bone with their knife.

“Care to test your theory?” Papyrus asks, feeling a smirk stain his face. He should be howling in grief like Papy, not _smiling._ It makes him feel guilty, but the feeling is quickly squashed by the warmth pulsating in his body. His soul grows bigger and sends a surge of power through him.

The child giggles again and shrugs. “It’s your funeral.”

They move so fast that Papyrus is barely able to counter their attack. In a flash they’re next to him, the knife inches from his neck. His magic reacts instantly, materializing a weak bone attack in front of his neck that deflects the knife. The child is pushed back by the strong magical outburst from the attack breaking by force.

Papyrus doesn't hesitate. He moves in to attack, ignoring the cry from Sans behind him, begging him to show mercy.

Papyrus will not show mercy. This demon does not deserve that.

 

 

> Music suggestion: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow5t1IJAEAI ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow5t1IJAEAI)    **UNDERFELL OST - Seriosseous Tussle**

He makes a fake attack, pretending he will attack head on with his long bone. The child jumps back as expected, avoid the swipe. Papyrus calls up a walls of bone attacks behind them, but they somehow avoid them too by twisting their body mid-jump.

It’s alright. Papyrus had prepared for that too. They can’t avoid another one if they don’t see it coming.

The blue bone attack that materializes instantly after the child twists out of the way it large, thick and packed with magical energy. The child crashes into it and falls through it. They scream loudly as almost all their HP bleeds straight out of their soul.

They hit the ground feet first and have to crouch down to catch their breath. Their tiny hand is grabbing at their chest desperately, trying to slap the pain from the attack away.

Papyrus moves before they have a chance to. He steps forward and grabs their soul with his magic. His gravitation magic has never been as strong as Sans’, but it’s strong enough to make sure they can’t attack at full power. Papyrus steps out of the way from a weak attempt at an attack from the child before he moves in swiftly.

His fingers twists around in their hair and grabs on tightly. The tips of his fingers scrape over their scalp painfully, making them shout in pain.

The child tries to jump at him, but he uses their momentum to his advantage. Using his hold over their hair, he rips their small body over his head. He lets them fly swiftly through the air, guiding their fall with his hold.

Sans screams at him again seconds before the child crashes into the ground. He knows this double fake attack Papyrus uses for opponents who are too sure of themselves, but are too observant too.

An ocean of bones erupt from the ground the split second before the child lands. The ends are pointed, the edges deadly sharp and ragged. They cut easily through the child’s body and soul.

Papyrus lets go and steps back to watch his actions’ consequences unfold before him. The child is choking on the blood welling out of the wound in their neck where a bone pierced through it.

Their wide eyes are watching him. Papyrus enjoys the obvious, soul crushing fear he now sees in those eyes. They had clearly not expected him to be this strong.

Papyrus walks closer to them again. He bends down so his mouth is right next to their ear. He lets the darkest, most hidden place of himself flow freely out of his soul, letting the pure hatred he feels for this child be easily heard in his voice.

“No one touches my family and lives to tell about it” he whispers to them. Their tiny body starts shaking violently in fear. Some sort of liquid spills from it, but Papyrus doesn’t recognize it. It’s not red like blood, but stains the snow under them yellow. Frankly, he couldn’t care less about what it is right now.

“I know what you can do” he tells the child, whispering the words straight into their ear like it’s a deep secret while he lets his teeth brush past it just once, making them flinch, “I know about your powers. If you come back here, if you hurt my family again, I will not be stopped by amnesia or the multiverse. I will find you…” He pauses briefly so he can lift his head a little and look into the eyes of the terrified, shaking human underneath him. Their eyes are still wide, but  they somehow seem smaller now, as less as a threat. Strange.

“... and I will make you regret the day your mother birthed you” he promises, “Change your ways, or don’t come back. I’ll be awaiting your decision.” Papyrus reaches out and places his hands around the child's neck. He sees their eyes widen even impossibly more and their mouth opens like they are about to say something. He doesn’t wait to hear what they have to say. He just twists their neck, making it snap with a loud crack, that makes his stomach protest. That sounded too much like bones breaking.

Utter silence follows the loud crack of their neck. Papyrus watches the little body in front of him deflate and eventually slap lifelessly to the ground when he lets his magic disintegrate. He stands paralyzed in front of it, feeling some sick feeling swirl in his soul.

For some reason, the image of the small broken body on the ground makes him want to gut himself. They look too much like a child now. They didn’t do that before when they were standing before him, taunting him with a weapon in their hand. Why does it feel like the human he just killed, weren’t the human he started fighting?

Papyrus turns away from the child and moves back to where Blueberry died with slow heavy steps. Papy is hulking into Sans’ shoulder, still caught up in his grief, although he isn’t as loud as before. Papyrus won’t even look at y/n’s body that is lying motionless where he left her. He knew he should have helped her somehow. He knew he shouldn’t have left her. Now he failed her too and he is not sure how to deal with that.

He falls to his knees next to the sparse dust still covering the ground and he scoops the body of the woman he loves up, holding her tightly to his chest. His eyes sting horribly, but he hides his tears away in her hair.

“I’m so sorry Blueberry” he whispers. Papyrus doesn’t know what he is apologizing for. For not saving Blueberry? For failing him? For proving him wrong?

Papyrus wasn’t strong enough to show mercy no matter what. Blueberry believed in him so much, believed he would be able to be better if he just tried, but Papyrus had tried so hard and he still failed at the end. He let his hate and grief and rage consume him, let the dark spots on his soul take control over his mind and he killed without stopping and thinking things through first.

Papyrus is fairly sure that the human he threatened in the end was not the one he threatened at the beginning. The human that died was not the human who killed Blueberry. Something was wrong with it, something Papyrus can’t explain right now, or possibly ever. All he knows is that he just killed an innocent person, despite Blueberry’s constant lectures on forgiveness and kindness. He always said people could change, no matter how bad they were and Papyrus believed him too. Or so he thought.

There is no saving Papyrus. Not now.

Something starts buzzing in his ears and the corners of his vision start turning grey.

Papyrus lifts his face away from y/n’s blood covered cheek and finds Papy and Sans sitting in their tight embrace. The surroundings are flickering and blurred. In the distance, Papyrus sees blackness spread over the ground, swallowing everything up in it’s void.  

“A reset” Papy says. His voice is destroyed.

“at least it’s not a load” Sans says to Papy before he looks at Papyrus, “looks like you scared the brat good.” A fear Papyrus has never felt before invades his soul and he suddenly feels like he’s losing control and needs to quickly grab it again. He forces that feeling down so he can think clearly.

“Don’t let me forget” Papyrus begs his brother, “Whatever it takes, make me remember.” Sans nods. Papyrus reaches out to grasp Papy’s hands in a last attempt to reassure his best friend.

He feels the grey static eat into his body. He had expected it to hurt, but it doesn’t. His body just vanishes from his sense of feeling.

“We _will_ return. Believe in us” he promises. He sees Papy nod once.

The world turns grey.

* * *

 

Papyrus is having a nightmare. He is aware of that fact. He is standing in front of a black unidentifiable figure, in the middle of a battle. For some reason, the figure makes him scared, makes him shake in fear. Papyrus hates it for doing that to him.

Just as he is about to attack to end the weird feeling of being way out of his league, a blur of red and black jumps in front of him, shouting his name. There’s a sound of something moving through the air rapidly fast and then a thud of a body hitting the ground hard.

Papyrus looks down and sees Sans lying at his feet, a knife stuck in his sternum. Sans is shaking, grinning and laughing like a maniac despite marrow running all over his chest from his wound. Papyrus tries to force himself to go to his brother, to help him, but his legs refuse to move.

His teeth part and words that are not his come out of his mouth. Someone or something is using his voice without permission.

“Pathetic. Useless as always. Can’t even do a rescue maneuver right.” Sans cowers under Papyrus’ words and sinks into the ground with a hiss. He is still laughing hysterically.

“papyrus!” Sans shouts loudly, “PAP! WAKE UP DAMN IT!”

Papyrus’ eyes open suddenly. His body moves by itself, an old memory of being attacked in his sleep controlling his body, making sure history will not repeat itself. He reaches out towards his magic and jumps at his attacker, but instead of hitting his mark, he goes flying through the air instead.

He comes too and finds himself pinned against the wall by his brother and his surprisingly strong blue magic. Papyrus didn’t know Sans had magic as strong as this! He is holding Papyrus’ entire body weight up and from the look of it, it’s not hard at all for him to do it.

“Sans!” Papyrus shouts, “Put me down right now, you useless piece of shit! That’s an _order_!”

Red magic flashes in Sans’ eyes. Papyrus feels something twist in his soul. Why does this feel so familiar?

“oh shut the fuck up pap” Sans says, “we got places to be and shit to do and i have a shit ton of stuff to tell ya, so you better listen up ‘cause i don’t have time to repeat this.”

Sans drops him to the ground.

  
  


**_FIN._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **ATTENTION!**
> 
> I'm holding a Q&A livestream as per request of my followers on Tumblr! I will be answering any questions you can think of! Miss Time will join me in stream to take care of the chat and read the questions for me while I play Undertale just to let you have something to watch. So if you wanna come hang out with us and talk about this fic, or something else, you are welcome! 
> 
> It's on Wednesday the 6th of July at 10PM CEST (Central European Summer Time). 
> 
> Twitch channel: [Tenebrex](https://www.twitch.tv/tenebrex)
> 
> I can't wait to see you there! :D <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He feels a chill run down his spine. He recognizes this feeling all too well. This is the feeling of being faced with a soul that is way too powerful, and way too wild and untamed, for him to comprehend. This is the feeling of looking straight at _Death_.
> 
> A much darker voice than before slithers forth from the hood. It makes Papyrus’ entire body shake involuntarily.
> 
> “Be valiant, Papyrus The Great. The wheels of fate have spun and you are the version of you who drew the longest straw. Rejoice over your fortune.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! This chapter is a beast to write and I ran into a semi-writers block with this and had to get my mind off it. Hence all the one-shots I've uploaded these past few days. If you haven't seen them yet, you should! They are juicy! *wink wink*
> 
> It's going to be at least two parts long, maybe even three or four depending on how the next scene goes. So look forward to that!
> 
> This chapter is Un-betaed! Mistakes will occur. Sorry! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy anyways! <3
> 
>  
> 
> (PS. This ending is set after the UF bros leave through the machine!)

## Chapter seventeen - Pacifist, part one

_**"The end, part three"** _

  
Alternative ending number three - The one where everything turns out great ||| The TRUE Ending

 

 _And I’m trying to find my peace of mind_  
_Behind these two white highway lines_  
_When the city goes silent_  
_The ringing in my ears gets violent_

Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy -

 

* * *

 

_3 years and 11 months later..._

 

Papyrus wakes up long before the weak light from his window reaches his bed. He is still lying in darkness and that only helps to strengthen the weak phantom touches and sensations from his rapidly vanishing dream. His eyes feels heavy when he opens them, and for a long minute he just stares at the small water damage on the ceiling right over his bed. His mind is filled with images of his dreams and his soul filled with longing. He can still feel the ghost of human fingers brushing across his rib cage teasingly, feel the soft whisper of words against his temple and feel silken smooth lips press against his teeth in a loving kiss.

He sighs and closes his eyes so he can rub some life into his face. The movement of bone on bone lets a slight scraping sound escape out into the room, chasing the echo of her voice out of his mind. Not for the first time he catches himself thinking, that had things been different, he might accidentally have woken her up by doing that. Their bodies are so different and fuck… He has spent hours upon hours lying awake at night, trying to imagine what parts of hers would surprise him the most. Trying to keep the image of her perfect in his mind to no avail. His memory of her has long since turned greyed and as holed as a sieve. He can barely remember how her face looks anymore.

It has been almost four years and he still dreams of her. He wishes he could just forget her. He wishes for it so much it hurts him sometimes. It would be easier for him if he didn’t have to be plagued at night by the visions of the woman his soul decided to belong to. Especially since he can never see her again. He always ends up grumpy or sad for the rest of the day and he hates it. Hates that it has to define who he is.

But it seems like forgetting her is as impossible as forgetting how damaged he is. As easy as not feeling the sharp tugs of pains from his damaged body when he struggles to sit up. Which isn’t easy at all. It hurts so much and no amount of healing either Sans or anybody else have done has managed to free Papyrus from the pain. Where it usually were a preferred companion for Papyrus, now it’s just another reminder that the person who can soothe all his pains are so far out of his reach, that using a metaphor to describe how much it sucks isn’t even funny.

By the stars, he misses her _so much_. He misses all of them, both Papy and Blueberry too. He wish he could see them again so badly. All he really wants to do is hug them. He so desperately just wants a hug.

He allows his thoughts to get diverted for just a moment and he sends a thought to his lost family members. He wonders how they are doing, how they managed to deal with their incoming challenges. His wonderments are closely followed by a stab of worry and an harsh rush guilt for leaving them, as they always are. He takes it in, allows the dark feelings to churn in his soul for a bit before he just lets it all go.

He shakes his head at himself. He’s still a sob then. Alright, well it’s better than dead or soulless. Papyrus smiles to himself. Who would have thought that one day The Great Papyrus would happily smile at the thought of having a soft soul and worrying for other people?

Papyrus pulls the blanket of his body and forces himself to sit up and get going. The day is young and he has plenty of work to do. He can’t sleep in everyday. His is not his brother.

The house is quiet when he walks downstairs, his feet clicking against the wooden steps. He hadn’t expected anything else, seeing as his brother is not home. Even if Sans had slept in his own bed during the night, the sounds in the house wouldn’t be much different. Papyrus would only have had been able to hear the soft snores coming from Sans’ bedroom.

Papyrus walks across the dark living room, heading for the kitchen.

The light bulb in the ceiling lamp flickers dangerously when he flicks the light switch, but it stabilizes. Papyrus sighs, looking hopelessly at it before he shakes his head and makes a mental note to himself. He really needs to get that changed soon, even though it will cost him a fortune.

He gets to work on breakfast. It’s not like he’s particularly hungry or has any desire to eat, but he has been keeping the ritual going ever since he came back to his own world. It might not be much he eats, but he eats three times a day, exactly as Blueberry had ordered him to do. For some reason, Papyrus just can’t stand the thought of breaking his promise to the little guy, even though he is more than free to do so now. Blueberry would never know and yet still, Papyrus eats religiously at the exact same times every day. The times Blueberry had dubbed “eating time” in his universe.

Papyrus walks to the sink with slow steps. He grabs the kettle standing on the desk next to it and holds it underneath the tap. He fills it halfway with water. The metal clicks loudly in the silent room when he places the kettle on the stove and soon after a woosh of fire sounds. He waves the matchstick in the air quickly, while turning up the flow of gas so the flames lick across the entire bottom of the kettle.

While the water boils, he starts working on his food. It’s just simply oatmeal, nothing too fancy or expensive. It’s just enough to keep his soul healthy and outside the boundaries of starvation.

His mind is empty while he works. It’s a common thing. Repetitive labour, like stirring in a pot, keeps his mind clean and safe. It’s one of the reasons he likes working as much as he does and why he enjoys making puzzles and traps so much. He likes using his head, likes thinking when his thoughts are centered around something academic and not something emotionally difficult.

The kettle starts whistling just as he finishes pouring the oatmeal into a bowl. He drags it off the stove quickly and pours the boiling water into the waiting cup, covering the tea leaves with it.

He sits at the table alone and eats in silence, trying to keep his mind occupied by thinking about his schedule for today. He chews slowly and blows carefully on his tea before taking a sip so he won’t burn himself.

When he is done he washes the bowl and cup and replaces them in the cabinet.

He can’t stall any longer. He needs to get ready for the day.

With a sigh, Papyrus goes to the bathroom. He showers quickly as always, and afterwards walks to his room to get dressed. His attire for today is waiting for him on the table, neatly folded and placed there the day before so he wouldn’t end up being late for work.

Even though this new uniform is lighter and less complicated to put on than his previous, Papyrus still struggles with it a bit. It’s just a simple sort of suit-like set, a thick jacket with the new Royal sigil embroidered on the right side of the chest and a pair of thick, sturdy pants. He can still use his boots, but he always chooses to wear a normal pair of leather winter boots instead. He thinks they fit him better now.

He wraps his scarf around his neck and checks the pockets of the jacket for his keys and other necessary items before he leaves the house.

The second he steps outside, someone screams.

“SHIT, _RUN,_ IT’S PAPYRUS!” a young boy exclaims. Papyrus barely has time to register the sight of three small teenage monsters running away before they’re taking a turn and disappearing behind a corner.

Papyrus looks down and finds a strange thing at his feet.

It almost looks like a lot of miniature balls, but when he looks closer he finds thin strings connected to all of them with tape. Next to the pile of balls on strings, the doormat that is usually in front of the door lies. There is a piece of paper on top of it. Papyrus picks it up and unfolds it.

It appears to be a message for his brother. Papyrus can’t stop smiling like an idiot.

_This means war! Enjoy your wake-up call skele-douche. Who’s laughing now, huh?_

It seems like Sans has gotten himself a couple of rivals. Papyrus shakes his head with a smile and looks down at the balls again. He wonders…

He stands up and steps on one of them. It pops with a loud bang. Yes, he thought so. The classic miniature bomb stuck to the doorway thing. Harmless, but guaranteed to surprise you greatly.

He leaves the prank materials behind for the kids to reclaim later and quickly scribbles a note to them too, just to let them know when his brother is due to return home. Whatever his brother has started, Papyrus is sure he deserves whatever pranks these kids have in store for him.

The walk to the Riverperson is quiet. The road through Snowdin is rarely populated at this time. Papyrus only meets one other person, the shopkeeper, who nods stiffly to him before hurrying away. She doesn’t like him much, but Papyrus doesn’t blame her. He is a hard monster to handle, and considering that he is the one who killed her King, he’s surprised she even greets him when their paths meet. He’s surprised a lot of monsters still do and that very few of them seem to be able to be polite towards him too. He had not expected that when he stabbed Asgore through the heart. He had honestly expected to be outlawed and killed on sight within days.

He still can’t understand how well things turned out for the Underground, considering. It’s far from perfect of course, but there has been some huge changes over the years. Papyrus had expected a civil war after the King’s death and had expected people to fight for dominance like dogs.

“The Palace, please” Papyrus tells the Riverperson when he arrives at the dock. He steps into the boat without waiting for an answer and sits down in the far end of it. The Riverperson pushes softly on the riverbed with his stick. The boat floats out towards the middle of the river, bopping in the water.

Papyrus bites his teeth together and closes his eyes. He _hates_ being on the water. It always makes him nauseous.

During the about thirty minutes long trip, Papyrus sits silently and watches the scenery as it changes from Waterfall’s dark, watery caves, to Hotland’s intense heat and bright areas and lastly to the Core’s mechanical technological wonders. He watches monsters go about their day, and feels a small stab of pride everytime he sees smiles instead of frowns or fear on their faces. It feels good to know he is part of the reason that these people have the freedom to smile now, even if it is briefly.

The Riverperson takes him straight to the back of the Palace, a “secret” entrance that’s only for employees of the Crown.

Papyrus drops six golden coins in the basket near the Riverperson's feet as a thanks for their services, even though they won’t ask for anything to provide this transportation. They have always been a strange, and rare, monster. Nobody ever messed with them, even before the King’s death. The Riverperson was protected by some unspoken rule or agreement.

Maybe that’s why they ended up being such a smug, sly bastard.

“Tra la la” they sing in their soft-spoken, melodic voice, “When the opportunity presents itself, find your courage. Tra la la.” Here we fucking go.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Papyrus snaps angrily. He’s in no mood for this monster’s cryptic riddles and he has already had enough. This boat trip always puts him on edge, and after that dream, Papyrus is done before he even got started with the day. He really just want this day to be over with so he can go home again and wallow in his self-pity.

The Riverperson turns their head slowly, their robe barely moving as their head does. Their shoulders stay in the same position as before, making it look like they are breaking their own neck in order to be able to look directly at him. There are no sounds of cracking bones or rustling fabric or fur however. There is no sound at all when they move and eventually stop turning their head when they are looking straight at him.

Papyrus stares into the empty hood, finding complete blackness in there. No face, no head, no nothing. Just eerie darkness and a strange tremble in the shadows underneath the hood.

He feels a chill run down his spine. He recognizes this feeling all too well. This is the feeling of being faced with a soul that is way too powerful, and way too wild and untamed, for him to comprehend. This is the feeling of looking straight at _Death_.

A much darker voice than before slithers forth from the hood. It makes Papyrus’ entire body shake involuntarily.

“Be valiant, Papyrus The Great. The wheels of fate have spun and you are the version of you who drew the longest straw. Rejoice over your fortune.”

Papyrus hesitates for a moment before he snorts with a confidence he isn’t feeling. “Your prophecies makes less and less sense every day, my friend” he says. Inside the hood, the shadows shift. Papyrus swears he can see a smile form in there.

The Riverperson turns their face back towards the water and pushes away from the small dock. “Tra la la. Please come again soon” they say in their normal light voice, as they slowly sail away. Papyrus watches them go with a soft smile. That monster is creepy as all hell, but they always seem to know what is going on. He wonders again, as he often does after interacting with them, what kinds of powers hides underneath that cloak. What kind of powerful magic they have at their disposal. They have an old air around them, which makes Papyrus believe they might be as old as the Underground itself. If not older. He wishes he could ask questions about it, but he would surely just get some riddle as response, or get none at all.

Many things can be said about the Riverperson, but they are not talkative. They only say just enough and never more or less.

Papyrus straightens his back and wipes a few specs of dust away from his uniform. After a deep breath, he walks towards the entrance to the Palace.

He easily finds his way through the many halls and comes to the Throne Room a few minutes later. He pauses at the entrance and folds his arms behind his back.

The Queen has a guest, as she usually has at this time of day, and Papyrus doesn’t want to intrude. Especially not when they are laughing together as they are over something one of them just said. A pun, if he knows the Queen and her companion right.

“... and he refused to let me help him with the shoelaces for a week!” The Queen chuckles warmly and rests a paw against her mouth.

“Children are strangely stubborn in that age” she says.

“tell me ‘bout it.”

Well, when they are talking about him, it’s not rude to interject, is it?

“As far as I remember, you pranked me one too many times while “helping” me with my shoelaces, brother” Papyrus comments, announcing his presence, “One can only trust you for so long when you constantly bound them together and made me trip over my own feet.” Sans and the Queen look up towards him immediately, and send him twin smiles.

“Your majesty” Papyrus greets the Queen, bowing to her before he walks closer, “I hope I am not interrupting anything important?”

“nah bro, we were just chatting. finished the boring stuff an hour ago” Sans says, earning himself a soft slap in the back of the head from the Queen. Papyrus snickers at his brother’s expression. Sans is fucking adorable when he blushes. Like a kitten trying to hiss for the first time.

“Your work as the Royal Scientist is not _boring_ Sans” the Queen says, “You are doing so many great things for our people. Without you, we wouldn’t have been able to get the Core up and running again and you saw how positively people reacted to having power again after such a long time.”

“yeah yeah” Sans just says, waving her compliments away like they don’t affect him. Papyrus can see they do so, greatly, in the way Sans blushes even deeper.

Papyrus smiles to himself and feels joy for his brother. He had never thought he would see the day Sans got himself a best friend, but even if it’s not clear to his brother yet, or even if Sans isn’t ready to admit it yet, Papyrus can see that the Queen makes him very happy.

“how are you doing bro?” Sans asks him, tilting his head a little while he studies Papyrus’ face.

“I’m am alright” Papyrus just answers. He doesn’t want to worry Sans about how much he actually misses the other world and their doppelgangers, or how much it makes his soul fill with the bad feelings. His brother is finally making a name for himself and finally seems like he has found his spot in the world. Papyrus can’t take that away from him just because he is too weak to deal with his longing like an adult.

Papyrus looks to the Queen. “I’ve come to deliver my monthly report, your majesty” he tells her.

“That is very sweet of you, but I’ve told you before you can just send a messenger. You do not need to come here in person, Papyrus” she tells him. It’s not the first time he has heard this coming from his Queen and it is not the first time he has responded with a forced smile and a slight bow.

“It is my job to do so, your majesty” he says. The small folded letter in his pocket is found and handed to her. When she just shakes her head at him and puts the letter away for later, he bows again and steps back.

“I’ll leave you to it then. Your majesty, brother” Papyrus says in parting. He turns around and starts walking out of the room again.

“hey bro, wait up!” Papyrus stops and looks over his shoulder at Sans.

“sorry tori, gotta take a rain check on that lunch. i just remembered i had something to show my brother and it’s kinda a big deal.”

“No worries, we will talk later.” The Queen brushes her hand over Sans’ head, a show of affection that is so rare to see for Papyrus that it takes him a few seconds to recognize it for what it is. It’s first when Sans smiles brightly and runs the back of his own hand over her cheek that Papyrus realizes this isn’t normal behavior for friends.

Has he missed something?

“sure thing. see ya.” Sans waves a goodbye before he hurries to Papyrus side. Papyrus lets him guide the way out of the Palace and stays silent. His mind is too filled with thoughts to talk now anyway.

To Papyrus’ surprise, Sans leads him out of the main entrance and not the back.

“Where are we going?” Papyrus asks.

“the lab.”

* * *

The large square building in Hotlands that houses the only lab in the Underground, has not changed much since Papyrus was here last. It’s a bit more worn, looks older, but is basically itself.

It still gives him the chills to stand outside the large slide-doors and wait for Sans to punch in the code. Old, bad memories of a man much taller and thinner than Sans, rattle in the cages Papyrus has put them in. They give him an intense headache if he tries to think about them.

He follows Sans inside when the doors open. Sans heads straight for the light switch and flicks it on, bathing the room in light. Papyrus barely has to look around to know that the room has not changed much since he was here last. Sans is strangely orderly when it comes to his work spaces.

“ok, you need a break bro” Sans says out of nowhere. Papyrus stares surprised at him for a few seconds before looking away again.

“I can’t go on vacation, Sans. People need me” Papyrus dismisses him. So it is going to be one of those conversations. Why couldn’t they just have gone home to do this? Urgh.

Maybe it’s because Sans has to go back to work afterwards. Which is just perfect, because that leaves Papyrus with a long and lonely walk home where he can feel like crap when this argument once again leaves both of them irritated and angry at each other.  
  
“ya run around everyday looking like a lost pup. sure, you've plenty to do and lots of people ready to ask help, but ya bored outta ya mind” Sans argues. Papyrus doesn’t like his tone. Something is changed in it. Sans is much more blunt that normally. He isn’t using the tone he normally does when he tries to “help” Papyrus but not hurt his feelings.  
  
“It's honorable work.”  
  
“ya helped a little girl knit a bed blanket last week, pap. it was _pink_ .”  
  
“So?” Papyrus asks, folding his arms across his chest. Why is he feeling so defensive over this?  
  
“so? bro, you gotta have realized this too. you’re too damn smart to not have!”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“damn it pap! do i really need to spell it out for you? the fucking fact is, that you’re a _warrior_ and you are living in times of peace! you're not cut out for this kinda life. it's draggin ya down and frankly, i’m not the only one that's started to notice” Sans answers. His eyes flicker down to look at Papyrus’ chest. It makes him uncomfortable.  
  
“Notice what? I’m perfectly _fine_ ” Papyrus says, trying to downplay the magnitude of what he knows Sans will see if he took a look at Papyrus’ soul. Just keep it hidden, Papyrus. Just a little bit longer.  
  
“your soul is turning black again bro. you’re not fine.” No response. Papyrus looks away from his brother.

“dang it pap, we _just_ fixed it! you are supposed to be careful” Sans curses. A hand grabs onto Papyrus’ elbow and pulls at him until he’s facing Sans again. His brother looks furious and scared out of his mind at the same time.  
  
“I thought I asked you not to Judge me without my knowledge” Papyrus tries to grumble half-heartedly. He just can’t fake being angry, not when he knows it’ his own damn fault and that he’s the one to blame for this mess. Sans is right, they only _just_ got Papyrus’ soul back to normal, after years of intensive care and effort. And what do Papyrus do to thank his brother for all his hard work?

He goes right back to fucking his soul up by longing after a human that is literally too far out of his reach for him to ever have any hope of seeing her again.

 _Fuck_ , here he goes again. Papyrus really hasn’t missed this pain.  
  
“well if you didn't run off everytime i asked to see it, then maybe i wouldn't have had to!” Sans scolds him.  
  
“I had things to do” Papyrus dismisses.  
  
“at ten pm?”  
  
“Yes. Being the Captain is a time consuming occupation that is not constricted by normal labor hours” he lies straight through his teeth.  
  
“suuuure. that blanket was _really_ important” Sans mocks him.  
  
“For the girl it is!” Papyrus snaps. Sans just shakes his head and sighs at Papyrus’ harsh tone.  
  
“pap, bro, come on...” Sans begs him quietly, “i thought we had gotten better than this. remember what happened last time you didn’t tell me when you were hurtin’? stop this nonsense and _talk_ to me. what's going on with ya?”  
  
Papyrus deflates almost instantly. Stars, he has gotten so damn _soft_ these past few years.

He can’t do it anymore. Being alone with this just hurts too fucking much.  
  
“I miss them” he admits in a whisper. He closes his eyes when they sting and has to look away again. The hurt in his own voice even makes his eyes fill with tears.  
  
“i know bro” Sans says quietly, “i miss ‘em too sometimes.”  
  
“I can't stop thinking about them. What happened after we left. If leaving was a mistake or the right thing to do” Papyrus confesses, “I constantly worry… What if the human was too strong for them? What if…” He can’t say it out loud, but he thinks Sans might get what he’s thinking.

What if they are _dead?_  
  
“you dream about her, don't ya?” Sans asks. Papyrus only hesitates for a moment before looking at his brother from the corner of his eye. He nods.    
  
Sans sigh deeply, but nods too, like he just decided something. He stands. “‘kay, follow me bro.”  
  
“Where are we going?” Papyrus asks.  
  
“it's a surprise” is all that Sans says.

They take an elevator down and walk through a dark basement. There is a lot of locked doors and dusty surfaces down here. Papyrus wonders if there is ever anyone down here besides his brother. There is a distinct trail in the dust covering the floor, leading the way Sans is headed. If Papyrus had to put a word on the overall look of this place, he would say it looks abandoned.

Sans stops in front of a door labelled “private” and types something into a keypad next to the door. The keypad looks too new and too clean in this environment.

The door swings open and reveals what Papyrus can only describe as a work room. There are tools and papers everywhere, books in huge stacks and parts made of bended metal, mechanical in origin, that he can’t even figure out what is supposed to do.

Sans walks right in like he owns the place, which he probably does, while Papyrus stops right inside the door. The door closes behind him and he’s left to just stand and take in the sight.

There is something in the middle of the room. A huge object, covered by a blanket. Sans is walking towards it and stops next to it. He turns around and sends Papyrus an easy smile.  
  
“What is this?” Papyrus asks slowly. He hates that he can’t keep the mistrust out of his voice.  
  
“it’s your birthday present. congrats bro!” Sans exclaims, gesturing outwards with his arms. Sans pulls the blanket off the things and reveals a… thing.

“My birthday is not for another two weeks, Sans” Papyrus says as he looks at the weird contraption, “But… I guess a thank you is in order? So thank you, brother, for this piece of technology I have no idea what is or what does. It was very thoughtful of you.”  
  
“jeez. so negative.” Sans turns on machine. “this is a portal machine, bro. version 2.0. it'll take you straight back to papy and blue.” Papyrus freezes and his eyes widens.  
  
“W-what?”  
  
“i worked on this ever since we got back here. didn't wanna leave the guys hanging. i was thinkin’ about them too so… i found a way to go back and forth between the worlds” Sans says casually and shrugs. Like it’s no big deal.  
  
“But.. What about the risk?” Papyrus asks, “You said the multiverse could collapse if we didn’t go home.”  
  
“checked that out too. whatever damage we did by going there in the first place, it's already done. can't fuck it up more than we already did and we can't fix it. it's outta our hands. but i installed a few sensors on both sides, just in case. if anything happens to the balance of time and space, i’ll now instantly” Sans says. What is that glow around him? Papyrus can’t really remember seeing it before…

Wait. That’s… _pride_. Sans is proud of something he has done. He’s proud of himself.

That should _not_ give Papyrus the urge to hug the soul out of his brother.  
  
“How do I get back?” he asks, trying to distract himself.  
  
“it’s a one way trip bro. no refunds. you go, you stay.”  
  
“What?” Papyrus must have misunderstood this. Sans isn’t standing there telling him that this miracle, this wonder of a machine can take him straight back to their lost family, and then trap him there forever.  
  
“i'd have to build another machine on the other side if you wanna be free going back and forth” Sans explains, “it’s gotta take awhile to do, but i figured that if i gave you a copy of my notes for pap, he might be able to do it for me. i’m just too busy here.”  
  
“How did you come back then? You said you put down sensors!” Papyrus asks. This makes no sense! Is Sans asking him to leave him behind? No!  
  
“i did. i got my powers numbskull. i know the equation for that timeline now so all it takes is a lotta magic and a lot of complicated math done in my nuggin’ at the time and i can travel there all i want” he says.  
  
“I... I... Can’t leave my duties. People need me…”  
  
“pap, let’s not lie here ‘kay? you know as well as i do that the underground hasn’t needed you for almost two years now. you’re a warrior, a damn good one too. you freed us from asgore’s tyranny and cruelty and you gave us structure and safety until i got tori back on the throne. but you work best in war and conflict. it’s just who you are” Sans says. Papyrus knows he’s right, knows that Sans is trying to compliment him, but he just won’t listen. If that’s true, then it means he’s worth nothing now, has no value to people, to his world and… and… NO!  
  
“I’m more than that!” Papyrus shouts so suddenly he startles himself too, “I’m not just war and destruction!”

“‘course not. you’re a family man too. a protector. but you’re not happy here bro. your soul kinda proves that point pretty well for me” Sans says, gesturing to Papyrus chest. Papyrus doesn’t know what to say, can’t understand the mix of panic, hurt and excitement that is filling his soul. He can’t control it, so he does nothing at all.  
  
Sans sighs loudly at Papyrus’ silence. He steps away from the machine, closer to Papyrus and spreads his arms in a resigned manner.

“the truth is pap, this world don’t need ya anymore. it hasn’t for a long time, but! i know one that do.” Sans reaches behind him and clicks a button. “and i know you need it too. you need _her_ . you need someone to protect and someone to keep ya grounded. she did that. ‘sides, blue is the most positive asshole i know of. he’ll keep your soul good. i know it.”  
  
“I-I… I can’t just leave my responsibilities. I’m needed here” Papyrus tries to argue. He knows it’s weak and Sans can easily argue against him. They both know that he’s right.

Papyrus is not needed anymore. This world doesn’t need a killer anymore.

“bro, come ‘ere.” Sans reaches out, offering a hug. Normally, Papyrus would have snorted and told him to keep his hands to himself, that Papyrus doesn’t _need_ a hug. He’s stronger than needing something so pathetic.

But right now? He’s not. He needs it. _Desperately_. He just needs someone to actually need him right now too.

Papyrus goes to Sans and pulls him into a tight hug. He presses his face into his brother’s shoulder and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to keep a hold of himself.

“I can’t leave you, brother” Papyrus mumbles to Sans, “I really want to go see them but… I can’t leave you here all alone. I can’t stand the thought of you living in that house alone.”

“eh… about that” Sans says slowly, “i’m… kinda moving out. next week.” Papyrus pulls back in shock.

“WHAT?!”

“easy, calm down!” Sans says quickly, his hands flying up between them, “lemme explain!”

“Explain then!” Papyrus growls, crossing his arms again.

“i’m…” Sans hesitates, his eyes look off to the side like he’s contemplating if he should actually tell the truth. When he looks back at Papyrus, there is a light in his eyes and an expression on his face Papyrus haven’t seen before.

“i’m in love bro” Sans finally admits, “like, legit, 100%, stupidly in love. i know it’s crazy and i never thought i’d ever feel like this. had no interest in it, but fuck… i really do.” Papyrus deflates a little and unwrap his arms. They feel twice as heavy when they return to hang uselessly at Papyrus’ sides.

“she’s amazing too” Sans continues when Papyrus doesn’t comment, “beautiful and funny as hell. she really gets me, understands me in a way nobody else does. i’ve never met anyone in my life that knew the kinda pain i’ve been in, but she understands me. she…” Sans hesitates again. “she lost a kid too.”

Ouch. There’s that pain in his soul again.

“I didn’t die” Papyrus mutters, even though he knows that to Sans, it probably felt like that. His baby brother suddenly changed from one day to the next, and refused to even be near him. It really must have felt like Papyrus died to Sans.

“you kinda did” Sans says, “i even mourned you. didn’t really realize until after i confessed it to tori and she told me it sounded exactly like she had felt back when, but…”

“What?! Tori? Toriel? It’s the _Queen_?!” Papyrus exclaims. Sans’ face splits in a stupid grin and Papyrus swears he sees his eyelights change into hearts for a split second when her name is mentioned.

“yeah. it is.”

How is Papyrus supposed to react to this? To his brother falling in love with the ruler of the Underground. She’s the _Queen_ for fucks sake! Does he have any idea of what that entails?

Oh stars, Sans could end up as the King of the Underground. What the actual fuck!

“Does she feel the same towards you?” Papyrus asks. Sans shrugs.

“she says she does” he says.

“And you believe her.”

“yeah, i do. a soul touch doesn’t lie bro.”

“Oh…” Papyrus says. Suddenly, all his urge to fight Sans on this matter and make his brother reconsider drains out of him. “So… It’s that serious?”

“yup. she asked me to move in with her. she’s lonely in that huge house. doesn’t like the memories. we’re building a new one in the city. construction is almost done too. it’s... pretty.”

“Pretty. Right.” Papyrus feels like his soul has stopped beating. His brother is leaving him. After almost thirty years of living together, Sans is leaving him to be with the monster he loves so much, he dared put his soul in her hands. He hasn’t been able to do that with Papyrus since they were children. Not even after they became friends again.

There is no greater show of trust or love than that, and Papyrus knows it. There is nothing he can say or do to make his brother stop loving her and stay with him in Snowdin.  
  
“i’m sorry bro” Sans says, sounding truly sorry, “i gotta do this. i _need_ this. been waiting my whole life for a chance to be a real dad. now i got tori and… well we’re talking about it. i’m _happy_.”

Papyrus feels his soul shudder in his chest. Why does it feel like it’s splintering?

“Oh.” He doesn’t know what else to say.

“come on bro, don’t do that. don’t feel like that” Sans says, knowing exactly what’s going on in Papyrus’ head as always. Maybe Papyrus really is a shitty brother. Maybe he deserves this. He already had accepted that he would live in loneliness once to give Sans happiness. Why is this any different?

“i still love you. that’ll never change. i’m not saying you have to go. i won’t force you to. i’m just sayin’ that if you want a shot at happiness too? the door is literally right here. you’ve never been happier than you were with blue, pap and y/n.”

Papyrus supposes Sans is right, but…

“What if they don’t want me anymore?” Papyrus, “I’m still... broken. Or what if they’re…”

“they’re not” Sans says, “i checked. they were fine last i check.”

“Did you…?”

“talk to ‘em? no. didn’t wanna hurt them by leaving again” Sans says.

Silence stretches between them for a short moment before Sans sighs.

“listen, i get that you’re nervous. a one-way trip is scary. leaving everything behind. hell, i’m not sure i would be able to leave you behind either. so how about this? i’m gonna come check up on you after a day’s time. if you wanna come back home, i’ll take ya. no questions asked. and i promise to visit often if you decide to stay.”

Papyrus doesn’t say anything.

“pap, _please_. at least try doing something nice for yourself. you deserve this.”

“Do I really?” Papyrus asks, “After all I have done?”

“yeah, i really think you do. you deserve at least the chance. and so what if it’s not your happy ending? you’re still gonna find peace some way.” When did his brother become so wise?

“Okay.” It feels like he just sealed his fate. It scares him, the uncertainty of what awaits him on the other side of this portal, but somehow he finds his courage anyway.

“do you want to grab something at home first or?” Sans asks, “i could take you there real fast.”

“No” Papyrus says, shaking his head, “I’m afraid I will change my mind if I think too much about this. It’s better to just…” Be valiant and rejoice over his fortune…

That sneaky bastard!

“sure. i can always drop something off later if ya decide to stay” Sans says, “now go get ‘em pap.”

Papyrus looks to his brother after he steps in front of the glowing portal. A part of him really wants to reach out and hug Sans goodbye. Some part of him wants to say something in parting, remind Sans that he is loved and that Papyrus will never forget him, even if Sans doesn’t uphold his promise to come check up on him. Papyrus wants to give his brother his blessing and tell him to be happy with the Queen, despite the many hardships Papyrus knows lies in their futures.

He does none of that. Instead, he nods once and forces a smile on his face.

“I will see you around, brother.”

“yeah, see ya pap. good luck.”

A deep breath to calm his soul. Three seconds of doubt and then… **Determination.**

Papyrus steps through the portal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR +420 KUDOS! You guys are the best!!!! <3 
> 
> Even though this story is coming to an end soon, don't worry! I have plenty of new projects cooking in the pot. You can look forward to seeing two huge chaptered fics from me in the future! A Kidfic UT!Sans x reader fic with a LOT of angst and HUGE plottwists where just as it seems as they finally get everything they want, something unexpected, never seen before, happens that rips their lives apart **and** an Underswap Mob AU fic with US!Pap x reader, told from US!Pap's POV. Get ready for master thief Blueberry and Hitman/Information dealer Papy mixed with a little mystery and a lot of "not-what-they-pretend-to-be" reader. The media will nickname Papy "The Shadow Reaper". Mmhh hmm. It's gonna be good.
> 
> I also have about 23 requests for oneshots waiting to be written! So during then next long period of time, expect to see at lot of me ;) 
> 
> Until next time sinners! <3 
> 
> \- Mercy


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus turns the corner and freezes.
> 
> An urgent panic bubbles up in his soul, the appearance of the emotion so sudden and the impact of it so harsh that he stumbles backwards a few steps. His balance wavers and he falls sideways against the wall. His jacket tears on the sharp edges of the rough stonewall, but he doesn’t care, he _can’t_ care right now. He needs to flee, to run, to _hide_. It’s too much at once, it _hurts_ to look at.
> 
> He drags himself back around the nearest corner and falls to his knees, his hands gripping uselessly at the dirty floor just on the other side of the doorway. His chest is too tight, his soul too overwhelmed with emotions. He can’t breathe, can’t phantom the sight he just saw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is Un-betaed! Mistakes will occur. Sorry! 
> 
> I suggest listening to this while reading! This youtuber makes some incredible dark themed music and it sets the perfect mood for a writer and a reader. [Nocturnus by Adrian von Ziegler](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzMAwJ6OhI4)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: FANART OF A VERY SPECIAL MOMENT IN THIS CHAPTER! ONE MADE BY ME AND ONE BY THE LOVELY LIFE-SANS-SINS! CHECK THEM OUT! [Life-sans-sins fanart](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/post/148656012342/in-honor-of-the-most-recent-update-3-youre) AND [My first fanart ever! xD](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/post/148655824492/uf-papyrus-hugging-the-tree-chapter-18-of)

## Chapter eighteen - Pacifist, part two

_**"The end, part three"** _

  
Alternative ending number three - The one where everything turns out great ||| The TRUE Ending

_Tell me pretty lies_  
_Look me in the face_  
_Tell me that you love me_  
_Even if it's fake_  
_Cause I don't fucking care at all_  
_You been out all night_  
_I don't know where you been_  
_You slurring all your words_  
_Not making any sense_  
_But I don't fucking care at all_

[idfc by Blackbear -](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmWBphAf72g)

* * *

He had thought that it would be like stepping through a doorway. A few easy steps and then he would arrive safely in the other universe.

It is nothing like that. Instead, he’s propelled forward the second he touches the weird liquid looking portal. He has just enough time to be surprised about the portal not feeling wet at all before it sucks him in. Then the next thing he remembers is being spit out and flying through the air in high speed. Damn Sans and his laziness. He could at least have warned Papyrus so he wouldn’t end up landing straight on his face again!

In some ways, the emotional impact of what he has just done hits him harder than the actual impact with the snowy ground. The air is forced out of him violently when he lands and he instantly tumbles to the side, beginning a wild roll. He groans in pain as he rolls across icy lumps of snow and gets blasted with large snowflakes falling hard from the cave ceiling above. Despite all that however, all he can really think about is the heavy knot of guilt trying to strangle him.

He left his brother behind in their world. _Willingly._ Papyrus _left him_.

It’s a strange conflict he faces. On one side, his soul is shouting at him in anger, calling him heartless and _stupid._ How could he leave Sans behind? He’ll _die_ without Papyrus! Their world will eat him up and spit out his dust without a second of hesitation and Papyrus was the only thing keeping him safe! How could he be so incredibly _selfish_?

But on the other side, his mind is telling him what he already _knows,_ but what his soul for some reason has chosen to ignore; their world is not as deadly as before. Sure, monsters can still get attacked, there are still those who can’t adapt to the new order, who can’t trust no matter what, but killing other monsters is seen as a crime now. Besides, Sans will probably be with the Queen, so he’s most likely more safe than Papyrus is right now. The Queen is always protected by the Guard, all hours of the day.

That thought manages to calm him down enough to remember that he will see his brother again in 24 hours. Sans will come for him. He’s sure of it. Sans has _never_ broken a promise to him before.

Papyrus shakes his head to clear it and sits up. His head is still spinning when he opens his eyes, so for the first three seconds he thinks he is seeing the world in static pictures. The white snowflakes whipping past his eyes in the dark Snowdin cave makes it look that way.

He starts brushing snow off himself even though it is useless, but slows to a halt when something catches his attention.

There’s something off, something _wrong_ with the air. He can’t pinpoint it right away, not while his head still spins from the teleport, but the longer he sits still in silence, the more he realizes what the problem is. Slowly, a sense of dread fills him.

It’s the silence. The air is completely deadly _silent._

It shouldn’t be like that. It’s wrong. There should be noises, laughter and voices in the air. The hum of power buzzing from the buildings he’s sitting in between, the sounds of people walking down the street. He should hear the sounds of life, not just deafening silence and the howling of the magical wind from the snowstorm.

When he turns his head, he confirms what he had already suspected. He’s right next to Muffet’s. He recognizes the building easily. He should be able to hear the jukebox playing and hear drunk people singing.

What’s going on? What _happened_ here?! Where are the monsters?

A sudden, terrifying thought makes him rush to get on his feet. The snow slides away underneath his boots, making him fall, but he half-crawls forward until he can get enough momentum to get back on his feet. He stumbles many times on the slick ground, his usual elegance and precision all but gone.  He starts sprinting down the road in a panic, his soul beating wildly in his chest. He can’t feel his legs as he moves, can’t breathe and barely see through the blur of new snow falling around him.

Dark windows and no footprints in front of the door makes him almost trip in his rush to get to the door. The skeleton brothers’ house seems eerie and hollow, like an empty urn just waiting to be filled with dust. It makes him choke on his breath. It’s just so _wrong_ . Even the chain of tiny lights on the edge of the roof is turned off and Blueberry _never_ turns those off.

His fists slams against the door violently, the impact so hard that the door flies open. It crashes into the wall and knocks dust loose from the doorframe. For four long seconds, the echo of the crashing door travels through the house. Papyrus stares into the dark house, his soul squeezing together tightly in his chest in worry, as the dust slowly sinks down towards the floor.

“Hello?!” he calls, his voice shaking almost as much as his hands are.

He doesn’t call out again when there is no answer; there is no point in doing so. If anyone had been home, and able to answer him, they would have. Instead, Papyrus steps over the threshold and readies his magic. It sparks as it comes to life and travels along his limbs with an easy that has come after years and years of practice. His hand closes around the long, red bone attack materializing in his palm. It sparks with power, buzzing between his fingers in a familiar way that calms him a little. He lifts his weapon, ready for a fight. He doesn’t know what’s hiding in the shadows, but he is ready for it.

He sneaks through the living room silently, back bend and eyes examining everything within sight. He’s looking for clues to what might have happened to his family.

A lot of the usual things occupying the room is gone, everything except the furniture it seems. Even the pictures on the wall is gone. Now there’s only the sharp shapes of their frames left behind on the wall. Papyrus can’t help but think Blueberry must have been _furious_ when he saw what nicotine does to walls. Papyrus can imagine the desire to clean the little skeleton must have had. He feels it itch in his fingers too.

He goes to the kitchen when he sees nothing but open doors and dark rooms at the top of the staircase. His soul beats louder in his chest, filling him with nervous energy. An empty house during this time a day isn’t unusual, but the bedroom doors being open is.

Sans told him Papy, Blueberry and y/n were alright… He said they were alive and well. So where are they? Can… Can Sans have made a mistake? Or maybe he checked up on them a long time ago and they have since been attacked? The entire town sounds and seems abandoned and Papyrus really doesn’t like the state of the house. He _really_ doesn’t. His instincts is telling him to run for his life and that is _never_ a good thing.

The kitchen looks as abandoned as the living room. There is empty cupboards everywhere and dust on every surface. No signs of any recent life.

Except one sign. A tiny piece of folded, slightly crumpled paper with four big capitalized letters written on the front. **_PAPY_ ** **.**

Papyrus picks it up with a shaking hand and flicks it open with a finger. Still holding his weapon with his other hand, just in case, he lets his eyes run over the letter and ignores the flutter of dust falling off the paper. He can’t think about how long ago this message must have been written, even though the faded ink tells him it’s been years.

 

 

> _Papy! I’m leaving for New Home with Alphys and y/n! You need to hurry up! Don’t fall behind lazybones!_
> 
> _If Muffet can’t get done before midnight, then tell her we will come back tomorrow!_
> 
> _I’ll wait for you at the entrance so we can see it happen together like yesterday!_
> 
> _\- Sans_

  
Hurry up? Where were they going? See what happen? Have they simply just moved to the capital? That is a possibility, considering the house looks abandoned, but the rest of Snowdin seems to be too. Why would the entire Underground abandon Snowdin? It doesn’t make sense. What _happened_?!

It’s of no matter, he tells himself. Papyrus knows where to go for his next clue now. He has his destination.

* * *

After finding the Riverperson's dock empty, Papyrus heads towards the cave entrance to Waterfall. It’s a long walk, but his soul is feeling rather determined to get to the bottom of this mystery. He needs to find his family, no matter what. He just needs to know what happened to them.

He soon realizes that whatever “problem” made monsters abandon Snowdin, it is in Waterfall too. The same eerie silence follows him on hos journey towards New Home, no matter how far from Snowdin he goes.

Papyrus still haven’t found any clues to what the “problem” is, but his best guess is that it has something to do with the human child. It’s too big of a coincidence if it’s not. Maybe they really were too evil for Blueberry or y/n to persuade and too strong for Papy to kill. Maybe they…

No. Papyrus must keep his hope. He has to believe that his family is strong enough to protect themselves. They are smart and cunning. He has no doubt that they would find a way to stay alive now that all of them knows of the dangers of the child.

He finds more houses empty and meets no monsters on his way. The further into the Underground he goes, the more nervous energy builds up in his soul. The evidence is pointing towards something huge happening, something big enough to make every single monster leave their homes in a rush. The silence they left behind is deafening. Eerie.

In the more moist biome of Waterfall, Papyrus can see clearly that a lot of monsters have travelled along the exact same road. The main trail leading through the Underground is stomped down and covered in footprints. It doesn’t help his nervousness when he finds pieces of valuable belongings thrown away along the trail, almost like they were abandoned in haste.

When he arrives at the entrance to the Echo Flower star room, he stops as he usually to before entering in his own world, but this time it’s for a completely different reason. He stands paralyzed and just _stares_ at the horror before him.

The Echo Flowers… Even in his universe, they are something holy and treasured. No one fucks with them. Their cave is a sanctuary, a temporary safe haven and everyone comes to pray to the stars by them, hoping that their wish will be remembered by a nearby Echo Flower and that way be fulfilled.

But… they’re all dead. _Trampled._

What could have made the monsters desperate enough to not care about their most precious plant? Their most holy of places? Papyrus is genuinely shocked at the mindless destruction! He himself has done unspeakable things in his past, but he has never harmed an Echo Flower in his life, not even on accident. Doing so gives you an instant death penalty. No exceptions. _That's_ how important Echo Flowers are to monsterkind.

His soul weeps for the plants’ pathetic fates and he feels his sockets grow wet at the thought of all that is now lost to monsterkind in this world. Of all the things the humans had taken from them, the Echo Flowers was not one of them, and monsterkind had counted themselves lucky that some of their old, precious culture had been preserved in the war. Echo Flowers have always been the symbol of hope and strength and perseverance. To see them trampled, like they are nothing… Something must have rendered them worthless to the monsters. Papyrus can only tremble in fear at the thought of something powerful enough make the monsters lose hope like this.

He really hopes it’s not the human child, but he must admit, the evidence is piling up. It looks like something went on a warpath through the Underground and forced the monsters to flee their homes to survive. Papyrus can’t think of anything but a threat to monsterkind’s existence that would make them just migrate away in a mindless rush like this.

Papyrus takes a few deep breaths to calm his soul and keeps his eyes on the door leading out of the cave as he walks. He makes sure not to step on any of the trampled plants and whispers a small prayer for good luck before he leaves the room. May the Stars be with him. He is going to need their guidance and strength in order to find courage enough to face this foe.

The silence follows him as he leaves Waterfall.

* * *

The trip through Hotlands and the Core is uneventful. He finds no signs of life there either, only small pieces of trash and some more personal belongings left behind. It’s mostly clothes and other common things he sees, but he does catch sight of a lonely teddy bear lying on one of the vents in the Hotlands puzzle rooms. It pulls painfully at his soul to imagine what must have happened to the child that owned it. He remembers being overly fond of an action figure when he was a child and he never left it behind unless he was forced to.

Arriving at New Home via the main road is a strange experience, most of all because there is no other monsters around. Even in his own world, the main road through the Underground is always populated, at all hours of the day. Seeing it abandoned is so strange. The sudden shift in the environment, from the colorful constructs of the Core to the grey, barren walls and builds of New Home feels like getting a visual whiplash injury. It takes a few moments when he leaves the Core before his eyes can really understand that the surroundings are just grey now and he hasn't suddenly turned blind.

He's still trying to find any clue to where Blueberry, y/n and Papy have gone. He finds none and it frustrates him greatly.

He opts to take the long walk along the length of the capital instead of using the elevator. Being stuck in an elevator is a bad thing when hunting a dangerous enemy. If he got ambushed while exiting it, he would stand very little chance of surviving.

Plus, it gives him the opportunity to check on the capital itself, but as he makes his way down the long, long road, he finds out it was pointless. The capital is abandoned too and sits dark and silent in the horizon. No signs of life. Not even a single pillar of smoke from a chimney telling him someone, anyone, is still alive down there.

That makes the nervous energy in his soul spark and grow to new heights. The capital is the last defense of the Underground. It’s designed to withstand an army. All monsters should have evacuated there in case of emergency, but there is none. Not even destruction either. No houses lying in rubbles or collapsed buildings blown to smithereens. It all looks normal, like he remembers from his own world. Maybe a bit brighter, happier, safer. There is no spikes or royal flags and no huge walls and gates to keep citizens in and enemies out.

It just looks… empty. Like a ghost town, in the worst possible way.

He keeps going, keeps hoping to find a clue to where his family disappeared. His search leads him all the way to the royal estate and again, he finds the house empty and abandoned. No signs of fights or destruction; Just thousands of footprints all leading the same way.

Papyrus stops outside the door and sits down to think. He leans his back against the wall and allows his magic to dematerialize.

Where have they gone? They can’t just have disappeared like that! All the tracks leads straight to here, but there is no signs of a battle and no piles of dust anywhere. This is literally the end of the Underground and the monsters have just… vanished.

What is he missing? What clue didn’t he find? Blueberry said in his letter that he would wait for Papy here in New Home, so where did they go after that? And why were their house empty? Why is the entire Underground empty? What could have made the monsters so scared they fled like this, and what could have made them disappear without a trace?

Well… Papyrus turns his head and looks at the door. He supposes there is a trace. The tracks lead inside and into the cellar, which leads to Judgement Hall and the Throne Room. But there is nowhere to hide down there. It leads straight to the Barrier, which they can’t escape. If they had been forced down there, then that room would now be a mass tomb.

Wait… what if…

Papyrus shots up and rushes through the door. If Papy managed to kill the human, then that would mean they had the final soul!

No… No that’s impossible? They couldn’t have! But it would make sense! All monsters would rush to get outside and they wouldn’t care about personal belongings or the safety of their holy plants, because they would be able to breathe _fresh air_ again, see the _real stars_ and experience _freedom_ and, and _fuck_ Papyrus can’t _breathe._

He runs. He runs as fast as his legs can carry him, runs past open doors, elevators and through Judgement Hall with a single thought driving him forward. If this is real, if this is actually happening, then he might just spontaneously turn to dust. It’s so surreal, too impossible, too _incredible_...

Papyrus turns the corner and freezes.

An urgent panic bubbles up in his soul, the appearance of the emotion so sudden and the impact of it so harsh that he stumbles backwards a few steps. His balance wavers and he falls sideways against the wall. His jacket tears on the sharp edges of the rough stonewall, but he doesn’t care, he _can’t_ care right now. He needs to flee, to run, to _hide._ It’s too much at once, it _hurts_ to look at.

He drags himself back around the nearest corner and falls to his knees, his hands gripping uselessly at the dirty floor just on the other side of the doorway. His chest is too tight, his soul too overwhelmed with emotions. He can’t breathe, can’t phantom the sight he just saw. The jacket is thrown off him without a thought so he can breathe better. It’s hot, too hot, too constricting. It’s forgotten seconds later.

He breathes. Slowly, forcing the air to rattle through his ribs and out between his teeth. Each breath is injecting calm into his soul, putting him more and more at ease. Slowly his mind is able to comprehend what he just saw, is able to explain to him what must have happened. Look at the evidence, Papyrus. Always return to the evidence. The truth is in the details. _Observe._

He fights his way back to his feet, but keeps supporting himself with a hand on the wall. He feels so utterly weak and helpless, so useless in comparison to what fate met the monsters of the Underground. Slowly, he walks past the corner and through the door leading to the Barrier, keeping his eyes on the ground so he does not get too overwhelmed at the sight again.

He keeps looking at his feet and trembling legs, keeps himself rooted in the familiar sight of his own body as he walks forward through the cave and the dirt and...

**_Light_ ** **…** It hits him suddenly. It’s intense, warm and _foreign_ . It burns in his eyes and on the bones of his hunched back, easily penetrating the thin shirt covering his upper body. He could never have imagined this, something so far away, so untouchable, to be so _strong,_ so _powerful_ and so _warm_. He can feel the heat of the rays soaking into his body, killing off old aches within seconds, and creating new responses from his body he had not anticipated.

He is sweating. He’s actually… He’s…

He’s _outside._ He is standing _in_ _the sunlight_.

Papyrus collapses again. His legs just gives out under him and his body hits the ground _hard,_ joints protesting. It causes a cloud of dirt dust to burst from beneath his body.

He sits there for a long time, just trying to _understand_. He can’t even open his eyes and look at the world, he’s too afraid it will be nothing like he have spent his entire life dreaming about.

He’s even more afraid it will be exactly as he has been imagining. The thought of everything being as perfect as he has longed for it to be in all those silent, private thoughts and dreams is _terrifying_.

His… His prayers have been heard. He can hardly believe it. Across time and space, his prayers to the Stars have been answered and his wish granted.

Papyrus is _free_ . He is _outside_ on the _surface_.

There’s so many sounds out here, so many new scents. The air tastes different on his tongue, feels different on his face. There’s actual _wind_ , a breeze swirling around his frame, pulling at his clothes playfully. He can feel the soft caresses of the air on his face and the warmth and slight moisture of the earth seeping up underneath him. The sun must have baked on this spot for a while before he fell to his knees here. The _sun..._

His fingers spread across the dirt ground he’s sitting on, feeling the rough and foreign texture of real, living, growing plants against the tips of his fingers. Grass, he remembers. This is _grass_. The history books told many stories of this strange weed that humans allows to populate a lot of their world.

_Deep breaths. Find your center, your anchor. Your purpose._

He opens his eyes.

Greens, blues, browns and whites instantly attack his vision. Colors, so many colors. So much _light_. He can barely understand what he is seeing. He feels blind and yet, like he has never been able to see before this very moment.

There are trees as far as his eye can see. Buildings in the distance. A dirt trail leading down the side of the mountain. The footprints continue from here and leads towards the small collection of wooden houses he can see everywhere in between the trees at the bottom of the mountain.

He can see _the bottom of the mountain._ How _crazy_ is that?

Papyrus turns his face towards the sky. He can’t fight the tears that spill over his cheeks any longer. He’s too overwhelmed, too emotional. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He has been dreaming of this moment for his entire life, for the moment where he was no longer a prisoner underneath a rock, but a free monster.

The sky… Fuck, it’s so beautiful. There is no ceiling here. No constrictions, no barrier. He can literally go as far up as he want if he could somehow fly. There are actual birds flying around above him, creatures he has only read about in secret and admired, longed to see with his own eyes. They are right there and their song is the most beautiful thing he has ever heard. He can't believe that they can go up that high, can't believe that there is nothing keeping them trapped inside. Nothing keeping _him_ trapped anymore.

He... He cant’... How did they…? What…? This is just so…

 

Papyrus needs a moment.

* * *

His phone doesn't work, and that is what finally makes him decide to get back on his feet again.

He doesn’t know how long it takes before he’s able to get back on his feet without instantly collapsing underneath his own weight. The first few steps he takes towards the small town at the bottom of the mountain is shaky and unstable. He can hardly believe that he have lost control over himself like this, but he has. He needs to support himself by grabbing onto trees on the side of the trail, and even _that_ makes him stop in wonder. The first time he touches the bark of a foreign tree, he ends up cuddling with it, just so he can feel its texture. He has only ever seen pine trees in Snowdin. But this one is not a pine tree. He has no idea what it’s called, but he loves it. He loves it _so much_.

When he finally makes his way to the town, he sees the first monster since his arrival. He never thought he would be so happy to see one of the rabbit monsters, but he feels like kissing the poor old rabbit walking past him when he first enters the town.

Papyrus doesn’t kiss him, but it’s close. So close that the rabbit monster actually growls at him in warning. Papyrus can't stop himself from smiling like an idiot.

He walks aimlessly and looks at the houses, impressed by how much monsters already seem to have evolved after gaining access to the surface again. Papyrus wonders if the humans helped them find new ways to build, because he’s seeing a lot of structures like he’s not used to and seeing signs offering deals to things he never knew could exist. What is a “dishwasher” and what is it’s use? Papyrus doesn’t know and for once his ignorance is the reason for his smile and not his fear.

Something familiar finally catches his eye after a long time wondering around and Papyrus walks towards it instantly. The building he is headed for is offering him answers to all his questions. It’s… cute. Small, purple, nice and cute. Papyrus recognizes the style easily, but even if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to miss the huge sign outside.

_Miss Muffet’s Café._ Papyrus is saved.

The second he steps inside, he is recognized. A dozen voices instantly call out to him in greeting, but they are all muffled when he is suddenly wrapped up in six strong arms.

“Pap!” Miss Muffet exclaims straight into his shoulder. She hugs him for a few seconds before pulling back and slapping him across the face. _Hard_ . “How _dare_ you go home without saying goodbye?!” she shrieks angrily. Okay, Papyrus deserved that one.

“Apologies, my dear friend. There was not much time…” he manages to force out. His entire face still feels paralyzed, stuck in his expression of terror and wonder, that stupid smile not really leaving but not really visible either. He must look like an idiot and he couldn't care less. His voice is practically gone too, which just adds to the humor, he guesses. It’s a miracle that Muffet even understands him, and she seems to turn serious when she hears his voice shake.

“Come dearie, sit down. I think you need a drink.” She pulls on his arm softly, asking him to follow. He can’t really feel his legs as he stumbles the few steps over to the nearest booth and sits down. Muffet vanishes for a few moments, but returns with a tall glass in her hand, filled with a slightly yellow liquid.

Papyrus doesn’t even ask what it is before he drinks it all in one big swallow. Every drop that vanishes down his throat eases the tightness of his chest just a little bit and makes it easier for him to breathe. When the glass is empty, he places it back on the table and looks up at Muffet, who has sat down on the other side of the table. She is giving him a kind look and a small smile, resting her chin on a few of her hands.

“It’s overwhelming” she says. She gestures to the door with a hand. “Seeing it for the first time is… intense. You seem to be holding yourself together pretty well, considering. Papy passed out the first time.”

“I might have spent a few hours sitting on the ground, staring at dirt” Papyrus admits quietly. Muffet just chuckles lightly. It's a wonderful sound, one he has missed dearly. He is pretty sure it is what makes him add, "I cuddled a tree." Muffet breaks into a laugh and hides her face behind her hands. She's adorable and fuck Papyrus has missed her.

“I understand. I had nearly forgotten how the sky looked. It had me confused for a while too” she says when she stops laughing again. When she sees Papyrus’ expression, she chuckles lightly. “Oh dearie, I’m a lot older than I look. It comes with being a spider-monster. Whether it’s a curse or a blessing, I haven’t figured out yet.”

“I could imagine how living for so long could be a curse” Papyrus says. Muffet just nods.

“So, how did you get here?” she asks him, changing the subject, “Papy told me you had gone back to your own world.”

“He what?”

“Don’t look so surprised dearie!” she says, waving a hand at him, “Papy needs someone to talk to once in awhile. It’s why he started coming to my little café to begin with. Being alone with… all _that_ , I can imagine must be very difficult. It is a heavy burden to bear on only one set of shoulders.”

“So… you know everything? About the child too?” Papyrus asks. Muffet nods.

“How is he?” he asks, “Are they okay? All three of them? Did they manage to stop the human? My phone won’t work up here for some reason.”

“How about I call him, and you can ask him yourself?” Muffet suggests.

“Yes please” he quickly says, “Thank you.”

* * *

Papyrus waits at the table for about thirteen minutes, slowly nursing a new drink Muffet gives him. He feels nervous, but not as much as before. Whatever this drink is, it has some calming effects on his soul and seeing Muffet again has made this all the more real to him. She still won't say anything about what happened to Papy, Blueberry and y/n, but she does smile every time he tries to ask, so he can only imagine it is good. His family is safe and that is all he needs to know to return to his calm self again. Well, almost calm self. 

Papy doesn’t even bother using the door when he arrives. He appears at the bar suddenly, looking like someone who just woke up and half ran, half teleported all that he could until he appeared here. It’s probably because that is exactly what he did. Papyrus isn't even surprised.

“Where is he?!” Papy snaps at Muffet, leaning in over the counter. Muffet points in Papyrus direction and Papy’s head snaps around with a sickening sound of crunching bones.

Papyrus stands from the booth and lets his arms hang loosely at his sides. He doesn’t know what he’s in for; will Papy hug him or hurt him? Is it relief or anger he sees on his twin’s face? Stars, it’s been so long Papyrus can barely recognize his best friend and they are almost identical!

Papyrus opens his mouth, but hesitates before he says anything. What could he possibly say to ease the worry and panic he sees in Papy’s eyes? How can Papyrus assure him that it’s really him?

“You look like shit.”

He has no idea why that is the first sentence that leaves his mouth, but it seems like it is the right one. Papy slumps in relief and a second later Papyrus’ arms are filled with one shaking, sobbing alternative version of himself.

“Fuck you” Papy retorts weakly, his fingers desperately digging into the material of Papyrus’ shirt. Papy’s failed attempt to ignore the fact that he’s crying his eye sockets out right now makes Papyrus smile. He leans his head closer to Papy’s and tightens the hug. Something tight unfolds in Papyrus' soul and he feels warmth flood his body. His mouth widens in a happy smile.

“I missed you too, brother” he mumbles. His words makes Papy cry harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! There should only be one or two chapters left! I'll try making it into only one huge long chapter, but that might take awhile. Writing these chapters are really really difficult and I'm so grateful that you guys are being so patient with me, and are constantly giving me support! This story has gone WAY beyond anything I had ever thought and it still blows my mind to this day. And it's all thanks to you guys. So thank you so so much! <3
> 
> I'll see you next time! ;) 
> 
> Remember, updates, info about this fic and my work in general along with other good things happen on my Tumblr! Come say hey if you wanna talk, or even throw a question my way if you have any! I even have a Discord server where you can meet me and a lot of other amazing readers of this story! It's always super fun whenever we mess around in there. If you want the invite link, just say the word :)


	19. THE END

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all, love does conquer all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're here. The end. The finale. Wow, what a ride. 
> 
> I have a lot to say, but I will keep most of it to the end-notes instead. There is just a few thank you's I have to get out now. 
> 
> First of all, thank you so much to all of **you** , for being so patient with me. I have not had a single one of you rush me, or constantly asking me for updates and that has really helped a lot. I'm so grateful that you all seem to be so genuinely nice and understanding people and I'm blessed to have amazing readers like you. You have made this fic into what it is and without you it wouldn't have been the same. So give yourself a clap on the shoulder and feel proud. You have helped much more than you know with this fic and you hold some of the credit too. <3
> 
> A HUGE mega thanks to [my buddy Shiv](http://shivra.tumblr.com/) for the incredible and mind blowing beta job she did on this chapter. You can all go and thank her for this chapter ever coming out. I was ready to give up and abandon this fic just a little week ago and now here we are. She is 100% the reason this chapter is as amazing as it is. 
> 
> Another thank you to [the amazing Darrel](http://darrelodin.tumblr.com/) for suggesting just the perfect music. It gave me just enough inspiration to get this chapter finished and he deserves all the hugs in the world. This chapter's song quote is from the music he suggested. (He is also a great writer, so go check out his work!)
> 
> OK I will keep the rest of my thank you's and stuff to the end notes. Now go enjoy the last chapter of Reborn and Refined!
> 
> \- Miss Mercy

## Chapter nineteen - Pacifist, part three

_**"The end, part three"** _

  
Alternative ending number three - The one where everything turns out great ||| The TRUE Ending

 

**~ ~ The Finale ~ ~**

 

 

 _Crashing, hit a wall_  
_Right now I need a miracle_  
_Hurry up now, I need a miracle_  
_Stranded, reaching out_  
_I call your name but you're not around_  
_I say your name but you're not around_  
_I need you, I need you, I need you right now_  
_Yeah, I need you right now_  
_So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down_  
_I think I'm losing my mind now_  
_It's in my head, darling I hope_  
_That you'll be here, when I need you the most_  
_So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down_  
_D-Don't let me down_

  
[The Chainsmokers - Don't Let Me Down (Illenium Remix) ](https://youtu.be/5IrH61IQW54%20)-

* * *

“Come with me,” Papy says when he pulls away from the embrace. His face is covered in tears and he has dark shadows underneath his eye sockets, but Papyrus can’t remember a time when Papy ever looked this _happy_ . He looks genuinely _relaxed_ and comfortable. Happy is a good look for him.

Papyrus glances at the hand Papy reaches out towards him. The other skeleton lets out a small chuckle at the gesture. “Still having trust issues?” Papy asks with a wink and a grin. It makes Papyrus snort.

“It’s not an issue unless _you_ make it one,” he responds, making his friend chuckle again and shake his head fondly at Papyrus.

“You haven’t changed one bit,” Papy tells him.

“You would be surprised at how much has actually changed,” Papyrus says. He feels a bit smug about the curious look Papy is giving him. “Later my friend,” he says. “You had somewhere for us to be?”

“Right. I want to show you something.” He lifts his hand again and this time Papyrus takes it, despite feeling a bit uncomfortable. Holding hands is something _children_ do, not adult monsters.

“Hang on. This might feel a bit uncomfortable,” Papy says as he squeezes his fingers tightly around Papyrus’ hand. It’s Papyrus’ only warning before he’s teleported away.

They reappear outside somewhere, but Papyrus is too busy falling against a tree to find out where. He just knows it’s outside because the air is still fresh and clean. Besides, it doesn't matter. He can count the locations he knew of on the Surface upon one hand.

He leans his chest against the tree and coughs, trying to shake the sickening vertigo. He _hates_ the feeling of teleportation. He doesn’t understand how Sans and Papy do it so damn easily.

Also, how many times today is he going to be hugging trees? Twice within hours might suggest a newly developing obsession, and he’s not too happy about it. He’s The Great Papyrus. _Not_ The Great Treehugger.

“Look bro, look,” Papy tells him eagerly, patting his back a little.

“I am trying to keep my breakfast in me at the moment, thank you very much,” Papyrus snarls at him weakly.

“Come on! I promise you’ll love it,” Papy begs him. He’s fucking jumping next to Papyrus like an excited child.

“ _Fine,_ ” he sighs loudly. He pushes himself away from the tree, swearing to not touch another one for _at least_ a week. He lifts his eyes from the ground.

 _Sky_. Papyrus is in the _sky._

“I told you!” Papy says proudly when Papyrus’ jaw literally drops in surprise.

They are on top of the mountain - the very top of it. There is something poetic to be said about him being on the peak of the prison that once held him captive beneath the Earth, but Papyrus can’t put together a coherent thought at the moment to figure it out. He’s so far up that he feels like he can lift his hand and touch the fluffy clouds drifting past above their heads.

The world is _so big_ . How could he never have known? He had read all the human books that fell into the garbage dumps and devoured their words eagerly as a child, but he’d never really understood when they had said the world was full of endless possibilities. Had never really understood what they had meant when the characters looked towards the horizon. _Now_ he does. He can see so far into the distance that the horizon converged into a small line of green and blue and he knows that there is even _more_ out there. More of the Surface.

“This is my favorite spot,” Papy says quietly. “I keep coming back here every day. I can’t help myself.”

“I understand why,” Papyrus says. “It’s…” His words fail him.

How can he possibly describe this view and what it means with a single word? It feels like entire novels, songs and movies should be dedicated to express exactly what he feels, standing here on the top of the world and finally now understanding that all this unknown land is just waiting for him to explore it. That he’s _free_.

“Yeah, keep doing that for about four years and you’ll be where I am now.” Papy laughs softly and claps Papyrus’ shoulder. Papyrus feels like crying again, but he doesn’t. Instead he tears his gaze away from the view and looks at his best friend.

Papy looks the same as before Papyrus left, and yet still so different. It’s obvious to see that a lot has happened since they’d last seen each other. The four years seem to have aged him, too. A skeleton monster never changes dramatically in appearance, but if you know what to look for, the characteristics of age are apparent.

Papy’s eyes are deeper, for example, hinting at newly gained wisdom,and the barely visible eyelights in his sockets are more discernible, suggesting that he’s happier than ever. His bones also look just a slight shade darker for some reason. Is that what the sun does to a skeleton monster’s bones? It’s the only explanation Papyrus can come up with.

But possibly the most noticeable of all, Papy’s hands are much more worn out than last time Papyrus saw them. It really shows when Papy holds out a package of cigarettes for Papyrus, offering him one. His hands are mildly discolored and there are small scrapes and chips all over his fingers.

“You should really start using gloves my friend,” Papyrus says when he reaches out to accept a cigarette.

“Eh, they’re already messed up, so why bother?” Papy just says and shrugs.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Papyrus asks. He can’t imagine how it must feel to have his hands be permanently stained. There’s a good reason why skeleton monsters prefer wearing gloves: it’s not just for sake of fashion (although looking amazing wearing gloves is certainly a plus), but because their hands are so easily damaged or stained. They are very sensitive, too. Or, at least Papyrus’ hands are. Just watching Papy touch everything with his bare hands makes a shiver run through Papyrus’ body. Fuck, that must be so uncomfortable. Or perhaps, along with the damages of his hands, Papy has lost some feeling in them too? Papyrus hopes so. If they are anywhere near as sensitive as Papyrus’ hands… Stars have mercy on Papy’s soul then.

Sans almost never wears gloves either, but Papyrus is pretty sure Sans doesn’t exactly need them. He’s always hiding his hands away in his pockets anyway. Papyrus has only seen him wear a pair of white ones when he is at work, but then again, being the new Royal Scientist requires Sans to _actually_ work, and not just nap.

“Nah,” Papy answers with a shrug. “Besides, I never really got used to having my hands covered up all the time. I can’t do anything with gloves on. Trust me. Sans tried forcing me to wear a pair for a week. I could barely take my own clothes off.”

“I thought you always slept in your clothes anyway,” Papyrus comments. Papy snorts a laugh and blows a big cloud of smoke into the air. The lighter clicks when he turns it off after lighting Papyrus’ cigarette and he hides it away in his hoodie again.

“Yeah, well…” Papy says. He sits down on the ground and leans back on an arm, turning his eyes towards the horizon. Papyrus joins him on the ground, but chooses to lean against a tree instead. So much for that promise.

“Sans had this whole “lifestyle change” thing going when the barrier broke. Wanted to “get rid of old habits” and be more “active” when we moved to the Surface or some shit like that. I humored him for a bit.”

“What? You’re telling me you actually _tried_ being Blueberry for a while?” Papyrus asks. Papy just grins at him stupidly.

“I had a battle body and everything. Sans made it for me himself. It was actually pretty awesome,” Papy tells him. Papyrus has a hard time imagining Papy in a costume like the one Blueberry runs around in all the time.

Papy shrugs. “But I felt naked in it, so I convinced Sans that trying out some of the human’ clothes wouldn’t be too bad, and surprisingly enough he ended up loving it. Now he barely uses the same outfit more than once. Him and Undyne have gone a bit fashion crazy.”

“Blueberry and fashion,” Papyrus repeats slowly, imagining. “Now there is a thing I never thought would happen.”

“He’s adorable, the little fuck. And he damn well knows it too. Uses it against me when he wants his way. He managed to talk me into getting a yellow couch. _Yellow_.” Papy laughs.

“You still live together?” Papyrus asks.

“Yeah. I’m not sure we’ll ever live apart. It just feels weird ya know.” Papy takes another drag of his cigarette and looks at Papyrus. “Speaking of Sanses, where’s Red? Did you ditch him or something?” His words make Papyrus flinch. A wave of guilt crashes into him, but he stubbornly pushes it away, reminding himself that this was Sans’ idea to begin with.

“He is in our universe,” Papyrus answers. He focuses on his cigarette and ignores the look of surprise on Papy’s face.

“He didn’t wanna come?” Papy asks carefully. It’s like he can feel how sore of a spot this is for Papyrus. Hell, maybe he can actually feel it. Papy was always good at reading him, just like Papyrus was good at reading Papy.

“Sans is…” _Leaving Papyrus. Moving out. Abandoning his brother. No longer dependent on Papyrus’ protection or company._ “... in love.”

“What?” Papyrus looks at his friend and sees the same flabbergasted expression on his face that he assumed he must have had on his too when Sans told him about Toriel.

“Yes. My brother is in love with the Queen,” Papyrus says. He snorts quietly, amused and looks away again. “He is moving out next week. They have apparently been building their house for awhile now. Supposedly it’s _pretty_.”

“Wow… that’s kinda crazy,” Papy admits with a small whistle.

“They want children, too,” Papyrus adds for no particular reason. He just feels like he needs to say it; share whatever this weird turmoil of emotion in his chest is.

Papy is silent for awhile and Papyrus lets him think. He can only begin to imagine what must be going through Papy’s head right now.

“So… Is that why you came back? ‘Cause Red is moving out?” Papy asks. Papyrus tilts his head a bit.

“What? No, of course not!” he says quickly, but then hesitates. Well, technically it _is_ part of the reason, isn’t it? As much as he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Sans to live in their house alone, Papyrus himself isn’t too fond of living there by himself, either. The past few months have been especially bad. He always thought Sans just had a lot of work at the lab and that was why he almost never came home, but now Papyrus is suspecting that his brother might have spent his nights with the Queen instead. Perhaps even in a weird attempt to make Papyrus used to being alone? Sans would do something like that, he thinks. He’s always so overprotective, always does everything he can to make sure Papyrus is as happy as he can be. The fact that he allowed Papyrus to turn as bad as he did before they met Papy, Blueberry and y/n in an attempt to let Papyrus do what he thought made him happy shows just how much Sans is willing to sacrifice for Papyrus.

This might actually be the first time Sans has done something for himself, despite the fact that he knew it would make Papyrus sad. In a strange way, that actually makes Papyrus _happy_ instead.

“I came here to check up on you,” he tells Papy honestly. “Sans presented the portal machine to me as a birthday gift and the opportunity was there. I’ve been… worried.” And Papyrus didn’t want to be alone. He’s scared of the loneliness; of what the silence might do to him and his soul. He’s scared of being forgotten, of not being needed. He needs people in his life, he needs a family. He hates himself for being that weak, and yet he loves it, too, because Sans was right. Papyrus has never been happier than when they lived in this universe.

“He knows our birthday isn’t for another two weeks, right?” Papy comments.

“Of course,” Papyrus says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the small notebook that Sans stuffed in there when Papyrus walked past him. Papyrus should have said something about it, he realizes now. Asked what or how to explain it to Papy, but at the time he was consumed by doubt and fear and excitement after having made the choice to leave. He barely even noticed that Sans had slipped it into his pocket.

“Here,” Papyrus says as he hands Papy the notebook. “From my brother. He thought you might be able to create another machine in this universe so we can travel freely.” Papy takes the notebook, but doesn’t start flipping through it right away as Papyrus had expected. Instead, he lowers his arm so that his hand is resting in his lap and he looks at it with so much sorrow, like the mere presence of the book is ruining his life. Papyrus feels his soul twist in sympathy. Papy must really have missed Sans if he looks so heartbroken over something so insignificant.

“He’s coming to check up on me tomorrow,” Papyrus tells his friend. Surprisingly, it does nothing to make Papy seem any happier.

“Are you leaving again?” Papy asks quietly. Papyrus is taken aback. He actually has to sit up and turn towards Papy to be sure he can read his face well enough.

 _Oh._ So he’s not just sad about Sans not being here. He’s sad they left. _Both_ of them.

“We had to leave. You know that. We didn’t know what could happen if we stayed,” he says softly. He can’t say that he won’t leave again. Papyrus doesn’t even know if he will himself yet. It all depends on… Well, it depends.

Papy nods.

“Yeah I know. You just vanished tho. Left those letters behind and vanished without saying goodbye. I thought… I dunno what I thought.” Papy shakes his head and takes the last drag of his cigarette before stomping it out on the ground. Papyrus is just about to scold him for littering this beautiful Surface nature, but then Papy picks up the butt of the cig and puts it in his pocket. It is oddly satisfying for Papyrus to witness.

“I tried to leave on my own,” Papyrus admits. His confession makes Papy’s head snap up. Before he can say anything, though, Papyrus continues. “I wanted to let Sans stay. He had figured out that the “balance” of the universes only needed one of us in our world to stay healthy. I don’t know how. There were a lot of symbols I didn’t understand in the notes I looked through.” Papyrus sighs. “I left a letter for him too, but he took it when he saw me sneaking out.”

“So, what happened?” A column of smoke rises from Papy’s face as he asks his question. He must have lit another cigarette while Papyrus was talking.

“He confronted me. Kicked my ass. Told me I was an idiot,” Papyrus answers. Why is he suddenly smiling?

“So you’re ok? Both of you? No one died or lost a foot? You’re not at each other's throats anymore?” Papy asks.

“No, we’re okay. Very much so.” Papy breathes a sigh of relief.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear that bro,” Papy tells him with a deep sigh. “I’ve been so damn worried about you two.”

“As have I,” Papyrus responds. “We left you at a critical time. I’ve felt very bad about that ever since we left.”

“Yeah, the thing with Chara,” he just says, nodding.

“Who is ‘Chara’?” Papyrus asks.

“Oh shit, right you don’t know!” Papy exclaims, “Fuck bro, you’ve no idea what crazy shit I’ve been through these past years.”

“Well, I'm all ears.” Papyrus looks straight at Papy with a controlled blank expression, just waiting for the joke to register in Papy’s head. When it does, Papy’s face morphs into an expression of pure joy.

“Did you just…”

“No. Of course not. The Great Papyrus would never stoop as low as to make puns,” Papyrus says instantly, his voice carrying a portion of that fake superior confidence he used to speak with all the time before meeting Papy. His tone only makes Papy’s expression even more excited. The smile on his face makes the breaking of his standards worth it. Papy is supposed to be smiling.

Before Papy can explode and start throwing puns around, Papyrus decides to move on with the conversation.

“So you managed to kill the human?” he asks. “How? I thought you said that was impossible?” Papy’s expression turns horrified instantly.

“What? No no! I didn’t _kill_ them!” Papy rushes to say. “They’re perfectly fine and alive! It’s all just a huge misunderstanding.”

“O… kay?” Papyrus says slowly, lifting a brow bone at his friend.

“Shit how do I explain this?” Papy mumbles. “Okay see ehm… Chara is... sick.”

“The human is sick,” Papyrus repeats flatly. “Is that normal for humans? To become so sick that they murder everything within sight?”

“Technically? Yes. It’s apparently a pretty common disease, but Chara’s special. Only about one percent of humans have that.”

Papyrus just keeps staring at Papy. Is he seriously _defending_ the very human that _killed_ him and his brother so many times Papy had started to give up on life? _Seriously_?

“Don’t give me that look. I know what you’re thinking,” Papy says. “It’s madness, sure, but I’m not insane or brainwashed. It’s actually a thing, I swear. It was y/n who figured out the kid was just sick and not some crazy maniac killer. She took one look at them and instantly knew something was wrong.”

“What?”

“It’s called [ Dissociative Identity Disorder ](http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/dissociative-identity-disorder/dissociative-identity-disorder-did-statistics-and-facts/). Basically means you’re more than one person in your head,” Papy says.

“What?” Papyrus repeats again. This has to be a lie. How can people be more than themselves? It makes no sense.

“Look, I’m really not the right guy to explain this,” Papy says and sighs, “I barely understand it myself. But all you gotta know is that the kid that killed everybody isn’t Chara. That’s Frisk, Chara’s alternative personality. They are two completely different people.”

“But they are the same person?” Papyrus asks slowly. Papy nods.

“Look, I know it sounds crazy as all hell. I didn’t believe y/n at first either, but I’m telling you. It’s true. You can ask her to explain it. She’s much better. She spent a lot of time studying it so she could take good care of the kid,” Papy says.

“Take care of them?” Papyrus questions.

“Right, yeah she adopted them when we got out. They don’t have anyone waiting for them out here apparently. It’s…” Papy suddenly looks like he’s about to cry. “The kid has been through a lot of shit bro. Their biological parents were real scumbags. Did a lot of nasty shit.”

“That was very nice of her to do,” Papyrus just says. What else can he say? He doesn’t really understand all of this just yet. How can he possibly even begin to understand why and how she decided to just adopt a child? A murderous child nonetheless.

“It was. I’ve no idea what would have happened to the kiddo if she hadn’t protected them. The humans are really harsh when it comes to kids. There are so many rules and everybody keeps an eye out for them. When we came out here, the humans freaked. They thought we had brainwashed y/n and Chara and were keeping them as pets. It was real bad at first.”

“How did you manage to get this far then?”

“A lot of talking,” Papy answers with a tired smile. “The Queen is surprisingly good at that. She…” Papy looks away, his smile disappearing. “She took one for all of us. Admitted what she’d done to all the kids that vanished on the mountain. Gave their souls back. She’s in some human jail now. It was the humans’ only demand if we wanted to get permission to build around the mountain. She had to pay for her crimes.”

“That is… actually pretty impressive,” Papyrus says.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that it’s impressive that the humans only blamed her? They didn’t condemn every monster in existence for the wrongdoings of one person. It seems like humanity has grown a lot since the Great War,” Papyrus explains.

“Yeah they have. It took a lot of time to get everyone to calm down and trust us, but so far there haven’t been more than a few small incidents. But just between me and you… I think y/n has been a huge help. She’s been our ambassador; been talking to the human leaders and stuff like that. She refuses to have any titles but everytime something with the human authorities goes sideways, people call her up and she comes to sort out the mess. It’s kinda impressive to watch her work actually.”

“If you say so,” Papyrus says. He slowly finishes off his cigarette, looking at the horizon. His thoughts linger on y/n, and on the news he just received. Would she even want to see him after this long? He left without a proper farewell and promised to return, but it has been almost four years. So much has happened for her, to her… Will he even fit into her life any longer? Would she have any need of him? He’s just a monster. A killer. There isn’t much else he can do. He has almost no other skills. How would he fit into her new domestic life, here on the surface where she takes care of a child?

Papy studies him while Papyrus thinks. He can feel his friend's gaze linger on his face. Whatever he reads on Papyrus’ face, it makes him chuckle lightly and clap his shoulder after some time. The gesture makes an old feeling of belonging blossom in Papyrus’ chest.

“Come on bro. Let’s go see her,” Papy says. He stands and offers a hand to Papyrus.

“Right now?” Papyrus asks.

“Yeah. Why wait?”

“Does she even want to see me again?” he asks. He takes Papy’s offered hand and gets pulled back up with ease.

Papy hesitates a bit before he nods a single time and buries his hands in his hoodie’s pockets. “Yeah,” he just says. That doesn’t exactly make Papyrus feel any more confident.

“You don’t seem too sure,” he comments. Papy shrugs.

“She hasn’t mentioned you much, but I know she hasn’t stopped thinking about you. She’s the stubborn type,” he says.

“How do you know that?” Papyrus asks. Papy starts walking down the small trail leading down the mountain, surprising Papyrus. He was sure he was going to suffer through another teleport.

“Her eyes darken when she looks at me,” Papy answers his question. When Papyrus just glances at him from the corner of his eye, Papy chuckles and shakes his head slightly. “Bro, it’s not bad. Means she still thinks about you at least, right? You have a chance. Besides, it’s not like it can get any worse than it already was. So maybe you’ll get laid. Or maybe you’ll get your ass kicked. Either way, it’s better than not knowing, right?”

“I guess I can’t argue with that logic,” Papyrus reluctantly admits.

Silence stretches on between them for a while and Papyrus takes the time to look at the forests around him, trying to calm his mind and his soul. He will have plenty of time later to be nervous. For now he just really wants to feel awe over all this new terrain he is seeing.

“Why are we walking?” he asks suddenly, the question leaving his mouth before he even realizes he is asking it.

“She lives in the forest,” Papy answers, “It’s not that far from here. She felt safer closer to the exit of the Underground for some reason and Chara did too. So they settled down here. Besides, after your reaction to my shortcut, I thought you’d appreciate the walk.”

“Oh.” So she lives nearby. That means he has even less time to figure out what he is going to say to her when they meet again.

“We can take a shortcut if you really want to,” Papy offers.

“NO!” Papyrus exclaims instantly. He quickly clears his throat, feeling a blush of embarrassment heat up his face. “I mean, no thank you,” he says, exaggerating calm in an attempt to save his dignity. It’s not working.

Papy laughs. “Alright. It’s not for everybody I guess.”

* * *

Papyrus doesn’t know how Papy finds the right place. The path leading towards it that splits from the main trail is so hidden and overgrown with plants that he can barely see it. It’s just a thin row of small flat stones imbedded into the ground, cutting a way through the many trees and the thick undergrowth of the forest. That, compounded by the long shadows being cast by a setting sun, make it almost impossible to navigate the trail.

The approaching dusk is giving the space between the trees an eerie feel that makes a shiver run down his spine. The distant calls of birds are growing louder as the daylight fades, and the canopy above is casting moving, dappled shadows on the ground, making it difficult to spot the meager stone path. As a result, Papyrus increasingly finds himself treading on the dirt and leaf litter more often than on the stones of the path itself. The ground is soft and damp from a recent rain, and every step he takes releases more of that refreshing, earthy scent into the air. Everywhere he looks, Papyrus sees flowers of variating purple and yellow colors swaying gently in the breeze travelling through the forest. He makes sure that he avoids stepping on them.

Maybe it’s due to having walked it many times before, or maybe Papy just has better eyesight than Papyrus because both his sockets are still intact, but Papy finds his way through the forest easily. He walks the hidden path with confidence born of surety, like he knows it inside and out.

They enter a clearing a few minutes after leaving the main trail. The clearing is not big by any means, but it’s just wide enough to allow a small cottage to nestle in between the trees. It seems like a cosy place. The house itself is made purely of wooden logs and has an attached chimney made of stone on the left side. A larger amount of the flowers he’d seen earlier are peppering the area around the structure, turning it into a ship amidst a sea of waving petals. These flowers look well taken care of and shine with richer, brighter colors than the others.

Just before they reach the dark wooden front door, Papy holds a hand up, silently asking Papyrus to stop. Papyrus does do curiously, tilting his head a small bit.

“Just want to give you a piece of advice before we go in,” Papy answers the unspoken question lingering in the air.

“Okay.” Papyrus nods once and stays silent, offering his friend time to collect his thoughts. It doesn’t take long.

“If the kid says their name is Frisk, run away from them,” he says. “Don’t do anything. Just run, okay? Call me or y/n. But don’t stay near the kid. They can’t control themselves when they switch and they _will_ hurt you if they feel threatened.” That is a strange request, but Papyrus still nods. Better to just say yes to appease his friend.

It works instantly. Papy’s body relaxes and a smile lights up on his face. “Great, thanks bro. Sorry for being weird, but it makes me a lot calmer about letting you be near the kid.”

“Are you afraid I will hurt them?” Papyrus asks, unable to stop his voice from sounding hurt.

“I’m afraid they will hurt _you,_ ” Papy says seriously. Papy doesn’t let Papyrus say anything else, or even prepare for this encounter. He walks to the door with purpose and knocks on it twice. After stepping back, he looks over his shoulder at Papyrus, who is hiding behind him. Papyrus will fully admit to doing that, too. He is using his best friend as a living shield and he is not even as embarrassed about it as he thought he would be.

The door opens and Papyrus’ breath catches in his throat.

 _“Uncle Papy!”_ A young human bolts out of the door and throws themselves at Papy. Papy doesn’t seem concerned about this attack-like behavior. He actually laughs and starts swinging the human around, keeping them close to his body in a tight hug.

“Heya kiddo, how’s it going?” Papy asks when the twirling stops and the human is back on the ground. Papyrus is confused and his head feels like _he_ is the one that just spun around himself four times. He had expected a small child, not a human this big. He is so confused that he forgets that almost four years went past, and of course what was a child back then has now grown into this… almost adult human? Papyrus doesn’t know the right terms to use. Is this human the equivalent of a monster being in their teenage years? Are they still considered a child? Or are they an adult? Papyrus is so confused.

“I’m good! I finished that project. Wanna see? I finally got the right amount of food color to mix with the vinegar so…” The child suddenly sees Papyrus and their eyes widen. “Who’s that?”

Papy turns around a bit and puts an arm around Papyrus’ shoulders. He drags him forward, placing him right in front of the human. Papyrus feels his bones start to shake a little.

“This is my bro Papyrus. I told ya about him before,” Papy introduces him. His voice almost sounds _proud_ to Papyrus.

“ _He’s_ my uncle Pap?” the child asks, stunning Papyrus even more. _What?!_

“Heh, maybe you should ask him if he’s okay with you calling him that, champ. Remember what we talked about, with your mom and him?”

“Mom is his lobster,” the child says with great seriousness, nodding. “Just like in Friends!” For some reason, the absurdness in that statement gives Papyrus his voice back.

“What kind of nonsense have you been teaching this child?” he asks Papy, who of course just laughs.

“Don’t worry bro, I’ll show you sometime. But for now, let’s go check that vulcano of yours kiddo.” They both disappear into the house super fast, leaving Papyrus behind at the front door, unable to say anything before they are gone. It’s okay, though, because he’s not sure if he would be able to move now anyway.

She’s _right there_. Half hidden behind what looks like a bookshelf right next to a door, he sees her standing paralyzed at the sight of him. Her eyes are huge, wide and full of disbelief, her mouth covered by both of her hands like she is trying to hold in a scream.

Her hands fall away soon though. When her jaw starts clenching and her eyes harden, Papyrus finally looks away. His boots suddenly become interesting to him, especially when he hears her stomp towards him, every step thundering with withheld anger.

The slap to his cheek is sharp, loud and _well-deserved_. It holds so much power that his head actually snaps to the side. He lets it stay there for a second, letting the feeling of his HP slowly dropping a few points sink into his bones. He takes a deep breath before he slowly turns his head back towards her. Pain blooms in his cheek, but all he can worry about is the pain her hand must be in right now. Hitting pure bone with a fleshy hand must be painful.

“Hello,” he says weakly. What else can he really say to her?

“Four _years_ Papyrus,” she hisses at him, “and you start with “hello”? I thought you were dead, you bastard!”

“I’m sorry,” he says. It seems like that was the right thing to say because she relaxes her stance a bit and folds her arms across her chest.

“Better. But I’m still mad at you,” she says.

“Understandable,” Papyrus agrees immediately. “I am sure I deserve much worse than what you just gave me.”

“You’re damn right you do,” she says, “but I’ll have to owe you. There’s a kid in the house. I have to be a rolemodel and right now I’m trying to teach them that violence is bad.” Papyrus won’t acknowledge how excited that statement makes him. She can owe him all the slaps in the world. No problem. He will even gladly bend over so she can reach better.

Stars, he’s fucked up.

She looks at him, her eyes flickering over his body quickly, taking him in. When he does nothing but stare back at her pathetically, she sighs and unfolds her arms. “Come in,” she says, waving him towards her.

“You look like crap,” she comments as they walk. He closes the door behind him and turns around to face her again. She’s leaning against the doorframe a few feet away, still looking at him.

“Apologies,” he says, sending her a small smile, “I have had a very long day. Getting here was not easy and it happened suddenly. If I knew I was coming I would have freshened up.”

“Slob,” she says, her voice brimming with affection. He has missed her voice so much.

“I’m afraid my brother might have had a bad influence on me,” he says.

“Where is he by the way? Didn’t you bring him?” Papyrus shakes his head.

“Sans decided to stay in our universe with what I assume is his soon-to-be mate,” Papyrus answers, “but he will visit tomorrow to check up on me. You can see him there.” He sees the curiosity spark in her eyes before she steps closer to him and places a hand on his forearm.

“What? How did that happen?” she asks. Right as Papyrus opens his mouth to answer, a shrill ringing noise sounds from the next room.

“Shit, hang on,” she says. The next moment she’s gone, running towards the noise. It cuts out seconds later and he hears her say her name.

Papyrus feels exhaustion start to blossom in his soul. Too much has happened too soon. He needs to relax soon and process all these new things on top of an overwhelming amount of information or he might pass out.

“What? Again?!” She groans. “Can’t you just fix it? But why does he insist on seeing _me_? I have guests…” There’s a pause. Papyrus moves into the other room and discovers it to be a kitchen. Something spreading a delicious scent through the air is cooking in a pot with a lid on the stove. What looks like a pie being made is standing in the middle of the desk, ingredients spread all over the place.

“Fine, I’ll be there, but you owe me one okay? No it’s fine. I just have to let my friend know. Yeah I got someone who can look after the kid. Will you please stop? You asked me to come in. It’s too late to suddenly feel bad. Right, okay. See you in twenty. Bye.”

She hangs up the phone and bows her head with a loud sigh. “I should ask him to pay me. Maybe that would make him fix his own damn problems,” she mutters with a slight growl in her voice. After a deep breath, she looks up at Papyrus with a strained smile. “Sorry, I have to go do a thing. The idiots at the embassy apparently can’t survive without me for even one day.”

“Alright,” Papyrus just says. He has no idea what that means, but he can take a hint. He hopes he doesn’t sound as disappointed as he feels. “I will try to locate Blueberry instead then. I haven’t seen him yet.”

“No wait!” she barks quickly, stepping forward to grab onto his forearm again. She seems to catch herself doing it though, and lets go of him just as fast. “Please, you can stay. It won’t take long.”

“I don’t want to intrude,” he says. “You are obviously busy.”

“You won’t, I promise! I’ll be back as soon as I can and then we can talk, okay?” Papyrus makes a grimace without meaning to and watches her face drain of color. He just doesn’t want to sit around doing nothing, but if her blanching and fidgeting are any indication, she is clearly in the process of misinterpreting his expression. “Or we can just watch a movie. You can meet Chara? They are such a funny kid. I bet you’ll love them. M-maybe we can go for a walk in the forest? I could show you surface stuff? Unless you’ve of course seen it before…”

Papyrus places a hand on top of hers to stop her from nervously wringing them. He somehow manages to smile calmly to her even though that simple touch makes his soul flutter nervously in his chest. She’s _so close._

“If you want me to wait for you, then I will,” he tells her.

Her shoulders drop at the same time as her hands turn around and her fingers weave themselves in between his. A smile appears on her face. “Thank you,” she says softly. She squeezes his hand before letting go. She walks out of the room and heads toward the direction Papy and the child disappeared.

Papyrus takes a deep breath.

* * *

Papyrus finds himself standing in front of the stove, circling a wooden spoon in the pot full of tomato sauce. There are small balls of something in it, a way to make spaghetti sauce that Papyrus has never seen before. It intrigues him more than it probably should, and he catches himself devouring every word of the handwritten cookbook lying open on the counter next to the unfinished pie. It’s not even the recipe for the pasta sauce, but he’s still completely enraptured by the words.

He tries to talk himself out of it, but somehow ends up standing in front of a fully set table, holding a pot of drained spaghetti noodles between his hands. It brings a smile to his face and the sweet scent of something baking in the oven makes his soul buzz with pride. The instructions had been easy to follow and weak as he is, Papyrus had not been able to withstand the temptation, even though y/n had said nothing about finishing dinner for her. Not only was it a lot of fun, but he managed to occupy his mind for almost an hour, keeping his still lingering fear of the upcoming conversation at bay.

“Something smells amazing!” Papyrus startles and almost drops the pot in his hands on the floor. The human child comes rushing into the dining room and practically throws themselves over the nearest chair. Their hands reach out towards the pot with sauce standing on the table and Papyrus’ soul zaps in panic.

“Don’t!” he snaps at them. They flinch back like they’d been hit and look at him with huge, careful eyes. Papyrus tries not to feel embarrassed about his sudden exclamation and instead places the pot in his hands on the heat protector on the table. “Eagerness will get you burned, child,” he scolds the human. “The metal is very hot. Your fragile skin would not be able to withstand the heat without protection. Don’t be stupid and force me to take you to a healer. Your mother would have my head if something happened to you.”

“I’m sorry,” they mumble.

“Wow bro, you almost sound like an adult,” Papy comments as he enters the living room. He drops himself on a chair next to the child and ruffles their hair. The gesture makes them slap weakly after him, pretending to be annoyed, but Papyrus can see they are secretly enjoying the treatment. The smile on their face does not lie.

“I _am_ an adult,” Papyrus says.

“Uh huh,” Papy just hums. He breathes in deeply and sighs on his exhale. “Something good is cooking.”

“She left a half finished pie in the kitchen,” Papyrus explains quickly. “It would be a waste to leave it there. The ingredients would have spoiled.” Why is he defending himself like he did something wrong?

“Why are you blushing bro?” Papy asks with a grin.

“I’m not!” Papy opens his mouth but Papyrus cuts him off before he can say anything else. “Give me your plate child.”

“My name is Chara,” they say. Papyrus accepts the plate they hand him and allow them to guide him in how much food they require. Papyrus has no idea how much a human child is supposed to eat. “And I’m twelve! I’m not a child anymore.”

“You are still wearing stripes,” Papyrus tells them, nodding towards their green t-shirt.

“Only because uncle Papy and uncle Sans tells me I have to! I hate stripes,” they argue. Papyrus doesn’t even have to respond in any way. A few seconds later the human is busy eating. They are practically inhaling their food and Papyrus watching in mild horror and disgust.

* * *

Papyrus is taking the pie out of the oven while the other two finish their dinner when he hears Papy curse lowly. He can weakly hear the custom ringtone of Papy’s phone from his position in the kitchen and Papyrus smiles to himself. It’s funny that Papy hasn’t changed his ringtone in over four years.

Papyrus places the pie on the counter and moves towards the dining room right away. He takes off the heat resistant gloves and enters the room right as Papy answers the phone.

“Heya bro, what’s up?” Papyrus doesn’t have to read Papy’s face to figure out what kind of news is being delivered on the other end. Blueberry is so loud on the other end of the call that Papyrus has no problem hearing him. So loud that Papy places the phone on the table and leans over it with a lazy expression. Papyrus snorts at him. Of course he would be so lazy that he won’t even hold the phone up if he can avoid it.

“ALPHYS! IT’S THAT BLASTED CANINE! CAPTURE HIM!”

“WHY?” Alphys asks.

“HE IS MY ARCH NEMESIS! HE STEALS MY SPECIAL ATTACK ALL THE TIME!”

“CRIMINAL! HALT! BY THE POWER BESTOWED UPON ME BY THE QUEEN, I ARREST YOU FOR THEFT!”

“QUICKLY AL! HE’S GETTING AWAY!”

“OH NO HE WON’T!”

It sounds like Alphys and Blueberry are starting to run away from the phone. Their departure is followed by a series of crashes and curses, and a few shouted warnings. Papy has a weird expression on his face, one that doesn’t fit after the strange thing they just heard. His eyes are heavy and his smile wide. He looks exhausted and happy.

“What did you do Undyne?” he asks the phone. He clicks the screen and the sounds gets much louder. He must have put it on speaker.

“W-we went t-to this b-bar…”

“So he’s drunk.”

“J-just a little,” Undyne admits. Papy sighs loudly.

“I’ve told you he can’t handle it.”

“W-we thought you were just being overprotective…”

“What happened?”

“Al c-challenged him to a competition…”

“So he’s not just a little drunk. He’s a lot drunk.”

“Y-yeah…” Another deep sigh.

“I’ll be right there. Send me a text with the address and try to keep him in your sight,” Papy says.

“T-thank you Papyrus.” Papy hangs up the phone. He rubs his hands over his skull and groans weakly.

“It’s gonna be such a long night,” he says, “Sans is a nightmare when he’s drunk.”

“I know,” Papyrus says. If Blueberry is anything like Papyrus’ brother when they are drunk, then Papy is in for a long, difficult night.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go take care of him,” Papy apologizes. He looks at the child and tilts his head a little. “You two think you can hang out a bit until your mom returns? Can’t be long now.” All of a sudden Papyrus realizes what that means and a rush of fear crashes in over him.

“I’ll be okay,” Chara answers.

“Of course you will. You have that math assignment you need to finish tonight,” Papy says. Chara groans like they are dying. It makes Papy shake his head. “You know the rules kiddo. No bedtime story if the homework isn’t done.”

“But you won’t be here to read to me!” they argue.

“Pap will read to you, right bro?” Papyrus startles.

“What?” he croaks.

“You’ll read to them, right? Bedtime story?” That’s the begging eyes. Papy is begging him to say yes. Damn him.

“Of course,” he says.

“Great.”

* * *

It’s okay, Papyrus tells himself. It’s just a child. It can hardly be more difficult looking after them than looking after his brother.

He finishes up cleaning the kitchen and takes his time doing it. He tells himself that it’s because he is allowing the child to do their homework, but honestly? It’s also because he needs time to think himself. He needs a break so badly and washing the dishes gives him time to think. It gives him an excuse to hide in the kitchen like a coward.

Not much has changed in his situation since he arrived here. He’s still as unsure about his own future as he was before he left and he has no idea where he stands with y/n either. He can’t figure out what to think about this child and the explanation Papy gave him, but then again he can hardly figure out what to think about his own feelings and desires, so maybe that’s just his inability to process it all quite yet.

It’s such a mess.

But… One thing that hasn’t changed is the pit in his soul that’s filled with fear and worry. Papyrus is desperate to get some answers to his many questions, to make sure that y/n is safe and happy, but she is gone and can’t reassure him. The only person who is here is Chara and he can’t just…

Well, maybe he _can_ ask them? Why shouldn't he?

He hurries to finish cleaning up and heads down the hallway towards the child’s room. He feels a brush of eagerness now that he has a possibility to get some answers.

He knocks on the door and he hears Chara telling him to come in.

The child is sitting on their bed when he enters their room. They only acknowledge him briefly by looking up before returning their attention back to the toy in their hands.

Papyrus walks over to them and sits down at the end of the bed. He takes a deep breath. He can’t believe he is about to do this but he has to know. He has to be sure there is no danger.

“Who is “Frisk”, child?” he asks them quietly. Their hands stop moving but they don’t answer. Papyrus breathes in deeply. “I am aware that this question is not easy to answer and that you might not want to talk about it, but I need to know that you are safe. That y/n- that your… Mother, is safe. Do you understand?”

The child nods but does not look up. Papyrus lets them be for a bit, knowing that talking about difficult things requires time.

“Mom says that Frisk is me,” they say quietly. “But that they aren’t me. I don’t know what that means.”

“I want to hear who _you_ think Frisk is, Chara. Not what anybody else thinks.” They look up in surprise.

“But… Everybody always tell me that Frisk is just in my head. That they aren’t real.”

“Do you believe that to be true?” Papyrus asks. Chara shakes their head slowly, like they are afraid of getting yelled at for admitting that.

“Who is Frisk?” Papyrus asks again. It makes Chara’s eyes flicker down to watch their hands around the teddy bear again.

“I first thought Frisk was a ghost,” they answer. “They showed up when I woke up in the Underground. But… I’m not so sure anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because Mom and Dr. Gerald say Frisk isn’t a ghost. They are adults so they are always right.”

“Not all the time,” Papyrus says sadly. “Most of the time adults are right, but we make mistakes too. Big mistakes sometimes. You should absolutely listen to what adults say, but if the thing they want you to do or believe feels really really bad, then it’s okay to say no or don’t believe them. Some adults are _very_ bad and only want to hurt others.”

“Have you been hurt by adults?” Chara asks. Papyrus sighs deeply.

“Yes. A lot. My father…” Even just thinking about him still makes Papyrus tongue feel too heavy in his mouth, like he’s suddenly unable to speak. “My father, although he had all the purest intentions in the world, hurt me very badly because he believed it was right. He believed he was trying to save my life.”

“What did he do?”

“He mostly operated on my soul,” Papyrus answers. “He tried to make it stronger so my magic would be stronger so I could defend myself better. It was very painful and didn’t work as intended.”

“Do you hate him for hurting you?”

“I do, but not just because of what he did to me. I hate him because of what he did to my brother. And because he left us when we were still children. We had a very hard time surviving after he left and a lot of bad things happened because of that.”

Chara is silent for a long time before they speak again. “I trust Mom. I think she’s right. Frisk isn’t a ghost. They are my guardian angel.” Papyrus stays silent and allows Chara to think. When they are ready, they look up at him again.

“I know Frisk has done bad things,” they say. “A lot of bad things that I would never do but they protected me. They promised to keep me safe and they did.

“Do you remember what they did to the monsters?” Papyrus asks.

“A little. Not really. I have nightmares sometimes where I see stuff but I can’t remember if it’s real or not. Uncle Papy helps me with that after I have one. He remembers.”

“Does his help mean a lot to you?” Papyrus asks. Chara nods.

“He helps me understand. I’m not even sure how I could do all the things I could do before - all the time stuff. He doesn’t know either.” Chara tilts their head a little. “Do you remember?”

“What do you mean?” Papyrus asks.

“Do you remember the first time we met? Or is this _your_ first time?” they ask him. Papyrus startles.

“Have we met before today?” he asks quietly. Chara nods.

“I can’t remember all of it but… My friend Tem can. They say that what I do remember is from a completely different timeline.”

“Child… How many times have we met before?” Chara looks away again.

“I only remember small pieces but… Ten times? Maybe more.”

“And what is so special about the first time?”

“You really don’t remember?” they ask before tilting their head. “You killed me.”

Papyrus feels like his soul is splintering.

“Frisk was in control of me and I did bad things. I hurt uncle Sans and Mom. Uncle Papy was very sad and you… You got so angry, so so fast. Frisk didn’t believe me when I told them that you were too strong for us. They still made you even angrier. They thought you looked funny with your eyes shining red like that. They said it was “new” and new was good. It meant a chance of surviving.” Chara hugs their toy close to their chest.

“It was over so fast. Frisk always leaves when they can’t protect me anymore, so I always remember dying. You said stuff to me that scared me a lot. I…” They pause and hide their face away like they are ashamed. “You were so scary I wet my pants,” they mumble.

“I don’t remember any of that.”

“It’s okay. Mom and uncle Sans don’t either. I’m not even sure uncle Papy remembers the other timelines.”

Silence.

“I’m not mad at you,” they say, “for doing that. You were very sad. I understand. I have done a lot of bad things too because I was sad.”

“But it is not okay to do that,” Papyrus says. “Even if you are sad or scared, hurting others is never okay.” Chara nods.

“I know,” they mumble, their shoulders dropping, “I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”

“On on condition,” Papyrus says. Chara looks up hopefully. “If you forgive me too for hurting you. I was very wrong to do that.”

“But you don’t even remember it,” they say confused.

“That is not important. I still did it. You still remember, which means it still happened for you. It is still hurting you. I can see that.”

“How?”

“You were afraid of me, the first time you saw me,” he says. “Your eyes widened. You tried to hide it, but you can never truly hide pain like that. It always shows in some way. If not to everybody, then at least still to people who know how it feels.”

Chara looks at their toy again, shoulders slumped and face folded into an expression of regret and sadness. With the heavy mantle of knowledge that no child should have weighing them down, Chara looks so much older than their body says they are. Papyrus can relate to that. Being a child and having to act as an adult is tiring and comes with a lot of self doubt and self hatred. Everything you do seems impossible, but you do it anyway because you have to, and that leaves you wondering: _“Did I do it right? Was I good enough?”_ Papyrus has asked himself that question far too much when he was growing up.

Papyrus leans down a bit, trying to catch their eye and easily produces a kind smile when they look up at him. His soul beats happily when their lips twitch in an attempt to return the smile.

“I always find that reading a good story when I am feeling sad helps make me happy again,” he says, extending his offer in a gentle way. He wants to leave them room to say no in case they want to be left alone. He will understand if they need that.

Chara looks up at him, their eyes huge and hopeful, lips parted just a little. “Will you read it to me?” they ask with a small voice. They fold their hands together in front of their chest and blink their huge doe eyes in an exaggerated fashion. Their bottom lip sticks out just the tiniest bit.

“Yes. Go collect the book you want,” he asks. They jump out of bed right away and hurry towards a bookshelf. While they are busy looking for the book they want, Papyrus shifts on the bed, making room for them to be able to lie down under the covers. When he has prepared the bed he sits back down at the headboard and leans against the wall.

Chara comes back and presents a book to him. When he takes it from them, they crawl back onto the bed, but instead of snuggling underneath the blankets, they surprise Papyrus by invading his lap and fitting themselves against his chest.

Papyrus sits stiffly, arms hovering a little in the air as the tiny human makes themselves comfortable on his lap. When their back is snugly tucked against his chest and they have managed to find a comfortable spot to rest their feet on his femurs, Chara reaches out and pulls his arms down around them. He tightens his arms around them just enough for them to be safe. The child purrs, a thing he had no idea humans could do, while they rub their face against his chest a little, like they are snuggling closer.

“A-are you comfortable?” he asks. He can’t imagine a skeleton monster must be nice to sit on for someone as squishy as a human, but Chara nods and hums happily.

“Is it okay?” they ask, all of a sudden looking nervous. “You’re not mad, are you?” 

“No,” Papyrus answers, “Just surprised. I thought you were going to lie down while I read.”

“Mom and uncle Pap always cuddle me when we read,” Chara mumbles, “They say it’s good for me.”

“If you don’t want to cuddle then you do not have to,” Papyrus says. “You should only do what you would like to do when it comes to things like this.”

“I like it,” they admit. “It’s nice.” For some reason, the small quiet way they say it, like they are ashamed of enjoying being hugged, warms Papyrus so much he feels like he might spontaneously combust.

“Alright,” he says. He pulls them a little closer and rubs his face softly on the top of their head in a gentle nuzzle. Their hair is very soft, he notices. Just like y/n’s. “I like cuddles too,” Papyrus shares with them without knowing why. “But don’t tell my brother that. He will never stop teasing me if he knows.”

“I can keep a secret,” Chara giggles. “We can be secret cuddle friends if you want. You could read to me every night. I can just tell Mom that I like your voices better.” Papyrus smiles at the eagerness in their voice. Clever little thing. Exploiting the information they just gained and gently trying to manipulate him with it in an attempt to get more of what they want.

“If you would like that, I would be honored to read to you every night,” Papyrus says. “Although I can’t imagine I’m all that nice to cuddle with.”

“You are the best kind to cuddle with!” Chara exclaims and hugs him closer. “You are so tall and your arms are really long. You can wrap me up much better than Mom or uncle Sans can.”

“As long as you are happy, little one,” Papyrus responds. He lifts the book up and flicks it open. He feels himself make an expression of confusion. “Are you sure this is the right book?” he asks.

“Mmh hmm,” Chara hums.

“It is an educational book about birds,” Papyrus says, just to be sure they know which one it is.

“I like birds,” Chara says. “They are pretty. Mom says I can get a canary if I go to all my therapy sessions. I only have 174 meetings left before I get it.”

“That is very nice,” Papyrus says, “and a good compromise.”

“Can we read the canary part first?” Chara asks. “It’s on page 80.”

“Alright.”

* * *

Papyrus reads. His voice stays low and calm, his eyes moving over the pages with only slight difficulty. He didn’t take his glasses with him and he has to make due with only one eye. Chara doesn’t say anything about his slow pace and he assumes that is because they don’t care.

Slowly, the longer he reads, the heavier the body of the small child in his lap becomes. When the section about canaries is done and he has moved onto another bird, the first snore finally escapes the small human. Papyrus keeps reading.

He’s filled with unknown emotions and he needs time to process them to understand what they are. Chara sleeps calmly against him, their small snores and his voice is the only sounds in the room. His chest feels too tight for his soul and his neck starts itching in that way that means he is close to crying. He doesn’t understand why until he finally stops reading and starts slowly moving off the bed so he can cover Chara with their blankets.

Falling asleep on someone like that is a show of immense trust. The realization almost floors Papyrus. Chara had been scared of him just a few hours earlier and within that time they have come to trust him enough to fall asleep on him. They feel safe around him, even though they live with the memory of him killing them. Papyrus has trouble comprehending the amount of inner strength and bravery this child must have to forgive someone who killed them so easily.

He manages to stand up, cradling them close to his chest in his arms. He bends over and puts them down on the bed before tugging the blankets up over their body. The toy they have been holding all night gets tucked in too, safely held in their arms. Chara nuzzles it with their nose and makes a small sound in their sleep. It almost makes Papyrus whine because it’s so cute to witness.

He brushes the hair away from their forehead and presses the best version of a kiss he can give on their cheek. He remembers Sans doing that to him when he was a child and it is one of the best memories he has. The show of love, respect and devotion that small act shows always made Papyrus love his brother ten times more than he already did. Hopefully it can help show the human how grateful he is for their understanding and forgiveness. Maybe Papy was right. Maybe Chara is really just sick. They do not resemble a killer at all. Papyrus has such a hard time imagining them killing anything as he watches their facial muscles twitch into an expression of concentration. They must be dreaming.

Papyrus straightens and turns around, ready to leave the room. He takes the first step and looks up before freezing. Y/n is standing in the door, her hands covering her mouth and her eyes wet with tears. Papyrus’ soul tightens in fear.

“Not here,” she whispers when he opens his mouth. She waves him closer and he goes to her. He waits while she closes the door and then follows her to the kitchen.

Once there she turns around, eyes still wet with tears, but her lips stretched in a big smile. Papyrus calms down a little.

“Thank you,” she says softly, “for taking such good care of them.”

“It was nothing,” he responds.

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “It was everything. You didn’t have to do that and you did. It was really nice of you.” She takes a long breath and sighs afterwards. “Chara is not used to strangers and they are always scared of being hurt. Always being beaten to a pulp by people will do that to a kid. So you being this nice, reading them a bedtime story, was really good. It will help them a lot. So thank you.”

Papyrus feels his fear disappear and his expression soften. “Anytime,” he promises. Y/n smiles at him. She reaches a hand out towards him, asking for permission to hold his. Papyrus grabs it and squeezes.

“Let’s go to the living room,” she says. “We can talk there without risking waking them up. Do you want anything to drink?”

“Tea would be nice, thank you,” Papyrus says.

“Okay, you can go sit down. It won’t take long,” she says and lets go of him. Papyrus does as told. He doesn’t want to get in the way.

She quickly brews a cup of tea and a cup of coffee and soon she is walking into the room. She places the cups on the coffee table and settles on the other end of the couch from where Papyrus is sitting.

She takes a sip of her cup before she starts talking. “So,” is all she says.

“I’m assuming you have questions?” he tries.

“Just a few,” she says. “Most importantly, I just want to know what happened. We fell asleep together and when I woke up you were gone. Why did you leave without saying goodbye?”

“I did say goodbye,” he defends himself weakly. One look from her is enough for him to sigh and give up. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not what you meant,” he says. “The truth is that I had to go before you woke up. I’m not sure I would have been able to leave if you had all been there to say goodbye.”

“I see. But that doesn’t explain the letter. Was that supposed to be your final goodbye?” she asks.

“The letter was a promise,” he responds.

“ _I will come back for you. Save me a place by your side,_ ” she says, repeating his written words as if she has them memorized. “I have to say I felt a little left out when I saw Sans and Papy had gotten long letters and all I got was a sentence.”

“You shouldn’t,” Papyrus says.

“Oh? How so?”

“Because I was saying goodbye to them,” Papyrus says, “And not to you.”

“So you were really going to come for me?”

“Yes. I was going to try and make my world safe enough for you,” Papyrus explains. “You said you wanted to come with me, but with the way things were four years ago, I couldn’t risk it.”

“Is it better now?”

“Much. The King is dead and the Queen rules in his stead. She is unstable and still grieving the death of her children, but she is much wiser than the King was and not controlled by her emotions. She has managed to restore some sense of loyalty and safety to the Underground.” Papyrus smiles and takes a sip of his tea. “It has been almost a year and eight months since I was in a battle. I haven’t had to use any force for over a year to solve conflicts. None at all. It’s a miracle.”

“So why did you come back?” she asks as she places her cup on the table. “It sounds like you had something good going on back home.” A lie is ready on the tip of his tongue, the same lie that he has been trying to convince himself of ever since he walked through the portal. _I just wanted to check up on all of you. The opportunity appeared. Sans made me._

But it’s not a lie that leaves his mouth. “I’ve been so lonely. Sans is moving out and I don’t want to be alone. I’m… afraid of what that will do to my soul. My brother knew a way to heal it and it was completely healthy for almost a year.” He collects his thoughts for a moment before he starts rambling.

“I’ve been thinking about you ever since I left and I just had to see you. Just one more time if that is all I could get.”

Papyrus is fully prepared to get his ass kicked when she jumps at him after a short pause where she just stares at him like he’s insane. It’s why he is so utterly surprised when all she does is crash her body against his and start making out with him furiously. He’s pressed into the arm of the couch hard, trapped between her body and the armrest and he can’t move his body.

Once his mind recognizes what she’s doing, his soul does a painful lurch and screams in happiness. It’s typical, after so many nights and days where he longed to be in this situation again, and now when it’s happening, he is hesitating. He’s too overwhelmed by emotion to reciprocate. Too afraid to move.

“Kiss me back,” she whispers against his mouth in a desperate plea. Her voice vibrates through the magic between their mouths, the magic that’s unconsciously keeping her safe - an instinct that hadn’t diminished in their years apart. It makes his arms itch with the need to hold her.

He holds himself back.

“Y/n…” His tongue caresses her name. It feels too good to finally have it fall from his mouth, finally being able to say it out loud again after denying himself for so long. He had been so afraid of even thinking her name, afraid of what the intense longing for her would do to his soul if he even so much as allowed himself to recognize it. But now, saying it out loud, it feels like all the puzzle pieces of the universe are falling into place.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, pulling back. “Have you… Is there someone else?”

“No.” He says it quickly and harshly. He _never_ wants her to think that. He could never have anyone besides her. Not while she is still the soul his own longs for so desperately.

“Then what is wrong?”

“I’m afraid,” he admits.

“Why?”

“I’m not sure I can let you go again if I let myself kiss you. I’m afraid of what losing you again will do to me.”

“Why would you lose me? Are you leaving again?” she asks. Her voice is fragile and shakes. Fear is obvious on her face. She fears losing him just as much as he fears losing her.

“I don’t know.” Honesty is what she deserves and he will give her that. “I don’t want to. My world has no need of me any longer. My brother is moving out. My duties are unnecessary. I am… Alone.”

“No, never! I’m here. We are all here,” she says. Even though her arms twitch like they want to wrap around him again, she holds herself back and only takes his hand. “I know I’ve changed a lot and I have Chara now. It’s a really big responsibility and I know it is a lot to ask for but…” She steps closer.

“ _I_ need you,” she says. “I need you in my life so much. These years without you have been like torture. I’ve been longing to hear you say this for so long and... I was so scared of what happened to you and I hated that I couldn’t just ask you. That I couldn’t do anything to protect you. I just waited around, stuck here in this universe while you fought who knows what kind of battles.”

“You had your own battles to fight,” he reminds her. “You have not just waited around. You freed an entire species and freed Papy from his nightmare. And now you are trying to free someone else from theirs. The child is happy and safe because of  you.”

“It’s still nothing compared to what you did. You were in life threatening danger every day Pap,” she says, “and I can’t handle being left behind again. So please, _please_ don’t leave me again. I know it’s crazy to ask of you and that we barely know each other - have barely found out what this _thing_ between us is - but I know for certain that I need you in my life. I need you here, with me where I can keep you safe.”

“Why? What use could you possibly have of me? I’m just a killer. Brutality is all I know.” His words are heavy, his confession stabbing at his soul. He is. He is just a murderer...

“We both know that is bullshit, Pap,” she snaps. Her face softens quickly after and she reaches out to grab his hand. “Besides, I thought I told you already? I like it _rough._ ” Her voice changes, takes on a teasing edge. Paired with the smile showing up on her face, it’s obvious she is trying to give him an easy way out. She is flirting so he can either take her offer or deny her advances instead of dealing with the heaviness of the conversation right this second. Any other day, Papyrus would have gladly smiled back and let the heavy conversation fall behind them as they lost themselves in pleasure. But today…

He _needs_ this conversation. He hates that he does.

“Please…” he says quietly. Her smile softens into a frown instead and she pulls back from him a little. It makes him nervous enough to grab her wrist to keep her close. With a gentle pull he coaxes her into his arms. She moves closer until she’s resting her head against his chest, and breathes out a soft, relieved sigh. Fuck Papyrus hates and loves the pure, raw satisfaction he senses in that small sound passing her lips. That small sound telling him that she has been desperately waiting for this to happen for as long as he has.

“Tell me that you can fix me,” he mumbles against the top of her head, uttering the words to her hair like they’re some precious secret. “That we have a future together. And I will never leave again.”

“I can’t fix you Papyrus,” she says softly. She lifts her head to look at him, her face showing one emotion over all else. “But I will love you no matter what you become. We _do_ have a future together. I can promise you that.” It’s not what he asked for.

But he can live with it.

He will never completely understand how his hands can fit so perfectly underneath her thighs as he lifts her up. She weighs almost nothing to him and she wraps her legs around his hips so willingly, lets her chest press against his without hesitation. Her lips are as soft as ever when he kisses her, her body as greedy for his touch as before. When he grinds his hips against hers she moans happily.

“Please,” she pleads.

“What?” he asks. As soon as he lifts his mouth from hers just enough to speak she lifts her chin up, inviting him to bite at her neck. He is mesmerized for a few seconds and just stares at the long, slender neck before him. Her show of trust touches something deep in his soul that he has been trying to hide away since the day he left for his own world. It’s raw, it’s sore and it’s so powerful when it finally snaps free. It almost cripples him, but not as much as her next words.

“Please wreck me. Make sure everybody can see I’m yours.”

Brave. Trusting. Beautiful. Deliciously _dirty_. How did he ever get so lucky?

His touches turn rougher. His teeth sinks into the flesh of her shoulder and forces the skin to stretch to its full capacity. He never breaks it, never draws a single drop of blood, but she still let out sounds like he does. A mix of moans and pained groans coupled with her hips constantly moving against his. He is glad he has kept his magic from materializing because he is sure it would have been too much to feel her grind against his soul it its purest form. Just feeling her move against his body is enough to make him shudder.

He lets her shoulder go and instead licks up her neck until he reaches her lips. They part for him easily and their tongues play with each other.

“Can I take you to the bedroom?” he asks her.

“Fuck yes please do.”

“Hang on tight darling.” It’s her only warning before he stands up from the couch and starts carrying her away. He keeps their mouths locked in a hard kiss, keeps her body stable in his arms by clenching his fingers around her ass and navigates the house by memory alone. He counts his steps, the memories of the outlay of the house easily coming back to him. Years and years of combat training, of always being observant even if he doesn’t notice, and it all ends up being used like this: finding his way to a bed so he can fuck the soul out of the woman he has come to love.

He finds the correct door easily enough. It’s the only room he has not yet been in, and the only room whose door has been closed all the time. He is making a guess, but ends up the right place anyway.

She bounces a bit off the bed when he drops her on it and gives her a smile before he walks to the door again. He closes it, but doesn’t lock it.

When he turns back around, she’s sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him closely. Her eyes stick to his body, following it as he moves. It wraps him in a sort of power, a feeling of confidence. He can see she is so obviously _hungry_ for him that she is almost visually drooling. Her tongue daps out and licks across her lips, leaving them glistening and wet behind. A rush of desire lights up in his soul and makes his spine tingle with excitement. His pelvis starts itching. Oh how he wishes that mouth was on his body right now.

“Do you like what you see?” he asks her. He walks towards her slowly, dragging his feet. He wants to give her as much time to watch him as possible. The room is not that big, but he still has time enough to slowly unbutton his shirt and drag it off his shoulders in what he hopes is a sensual display. He stops in front of her, just far enough out of her reach for her to be unable to touch him unless she leans forward, but close enough for her to feel the heat of his magic buzzing through his body.

Her eyes linger just a second too long on his pelvis and the bulge that has started growing there as his magic materializes. Papyrus smirks when her eyes snap up to his and her cheeks darken in a blush.

“You seem eager,” he teases her while his fingers so, so slowly unbuckle his belt and pop the button on his pants. Her eyes follow his hands as they move and her body shudders at the sound of his zipper being undone.

“I am,” she responds, licking her lips again. “You’re so fucking hot Pap.” He hums his approval to her, joy and pride blossoming in his chest. Her words hit as hard as they always have and only fuel the fire burning inside him.

Papyrus leans down, supporting his body on the edge of the bed with his knees. He helps her take her shirt off and peppers kisses all over the exposed skin. She sighs happily at the treatment and eagerly pushes her hips up when he goes to remove her pants and underwear. Once naked, she just sits back and waits for him to make a move with a small smile on her face. She looks so comfortable, even with his eyes on her unclothed body and the sight of that trust just makes him want to hug her until they both pass out.

“Lie back,” he says instead, “on your stomach darling.”

She flips around right away, muttering a small “hell yes” and looks over her shoulder after having found a comfortable position. She wiggles her hips a bit, sending him a grin. “Have you fallen asleep back there hun?” she asks.

“Never.” Papyrus crawls up over her body after pushing his pants off and fits himself over her. She’s soft and warm, beyond comfortable and a part of him really just wants to lie back and take a nap while wrapped up in her body. But the desire quickly gets replaced by another when she tilts her hips up and grinds her asscheeks against his magic.

His hands grab her hips and pull them flush against his. His hard grip is making sure she can barely even wiggle and he leans down to be able to whisper in her ear. “Naughty girl” he mumbles. She starts moaning when he grinds his hips, dragging his length across her wetness. She is so ready for him and he can’t wait to just take her.

She’s tight, hot and wet, just like the last time he’d pushed into her. Her sounds grow in volume and he reminds her to keep them in. Chara is sleeping nearby and Papyrus does not want to wake them up like this. That is not for a child to witness. Y/n bites into the pillow underneath her head, instantly muffling herself.

He wraps his arms around her neck after bottoming out and rests his head against hers, breathing deeply into her ear. His thrusts are powerful and deep to begin with, meant to drive her nuts with pleasure. It seems to be working. He is making her sing her approval into the pillow she is biting. Her hands have locked onto his underarms with an iron grasp, her fingers slowly massaging his bones. After each thrust he can hear her moan _yes_ into her pillow.

“You are so perfect,” he tells her. “Feel so good under me. You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this happening the past four years, how many times I’ve come at the thought of you writhing underneath me like this.” Her sounds grow in volume and Papyrus smiles and turns his face a little so his mouth is right next to her ear.

“You like that?” he teases her, letting his voice go dark and quiet. “You like thinking about me touching myself to the thought of you?”

“Yes, fuck yes I do,” she answers him. Her ass lifts from the bed in an attempt to make him go deeper. His next thrust is harder and makes her shout in pleasure.

“It has been driving me insane,” he lets her know. “Every other night having to deal with all that desire in my soul that kept building up just because you wouldn’t leave my mind. I can’t even count how many times I’ve choked on your name when I came or how many times I’ve regretted not being able to finish with you.”

“Please,” she whines. She’s moving around under him so much now that he accidentally misses on a thrust. He mourns the loss of her tight heat around him instantly, but decides that he wants to see her face.

“Turn around a bit,” he tells her. He guides her to lie on her side, her upper body twisted around so she is looking at him but her hips are still on the side. He enters her again in a quick move, forcing her to slap a hand over her mouth to muffle her noises. He rips it away and kisses her hard, fucking into her at a brutal pace. The magic is building in his soul, and he needs to make her crash before he reaches his peak.

“Are you close my love?” he asks her in between kisses. She just nods and hugs him closer, makes him kiss her harder. He can feel her tighten around him and feel her body tense up. She is holding herself back for some reason.

“Let go darling,” he hums to her lovingly, planting a sweet kiss to her cheek. The contrast between the soft kiss and the rough pounding of her pussy makes her seem overwhelmed with emotion.

“No, please, I don’t want to come. Just keep fucking me.” Her answer is drawn-out and whiny. Papyrus quickly changes their position again so her legs can wrap around his hips. He can get much closer to her like this and can grind deeper. He uses that to his full advantage as he starts to move so, so slowly, letting her feel every inch of him sliding against her spasming muscles. It won’t take much for him to push her over the edge by force, but he wants her to let go. He wants her to let herself fall over that edge.

“W-what are you doing? Move!” she demands. Her nails starts scraping over his shoulders and the back of his head. The touches send tingles down his spine, but he suppresses the sound of approval wanting to leave him. He can hold himself from his peak for days if that is what it takes to bring her pleasure.

“I am,” he says. He makes the next thrust agonizingly slow and even goes as far as to pull all the way out just so he can slide against her clit, trying to drive her mad. She bites her lip before groaning in irritation.

“Not like that! Move faster. You’re driving me nuts here,” she complains.

“Then tell me why you don’t want to come,” he says. It makes her groan and whine again.

“I’ve wanted this for so long and if I come it’ll end too soon,” she answers. “Please, just keep going. Just let me be with you a little longer.” Papyrus stops moving.

“If you think I’m going to be satisfied with just having you once tonight, you are greatly mistaken,” he tells her. He pulls his hips back just enough for him to be able to slide into her again. She moans loudly when she’s filled with him again and tightens her legs around his hips, forcing him as deeply into her as possible.

“I plan on keeping you awake all night,” he says as he starts thrusting again. “I plan on having you come so many times you won’t be able to walk. I will have you scream my name so much that your voice is ruined tomorrow.” He twists his hips and finally hits the right spot, the one that makes her so loud he has to muffle her sounds by holding a hand over her mouth.

“And then tomorrow night,” he tells her quietly. “I’ll do it all over again.” Tears well up in her eyes and spill over. They feel warm when they hit the tips of his fingers.

“I’m not leaving you,” he promises her, understanding that her tears are not out of pain, but out of fear and disbelief. “This is not our last time together. You have nothing to fear.”

She shakes his hand off of her mouth, a wild, desperate look appearing in her eyes. “Prove it to me,” she demands. “Prove to me you’re serious.”

“How can I possibly do that in any other way than stay by your side?” he asks.

“Let me touch your soul.” Papyrus stops moving.

“What?” he asks. How can she know that will prove it?

“I know touching your soul will let me see you are telling the truth, so let me,” she says.

“That is a very, very personal thing to ask for,” he says calmly, despite being close to fleeing the room. Why is his face suddenly so warm? Is he blushing? Fuck, it’s hot in here isn’t it?

“I know that,” she says. She suddenly seems to grow more nervous. Her hands slide up over his back and over his shoulders. They end up resting on his cheeks, her thumbs stroking softly over his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to sound like I’m forcing you to do it. It was supposed to be a question.”

“How do you even…”

“Know? Pap, we all had a huge hug-session on the couch before you left us. Our souls were so close together. I could feel all of your emotions.”

“That is very different than a direct touch, y/n” he tells her, “That was just family trying to comfort each other. Touching souls is something completely different, something personal and powerful and only something l…” He doesn’t know why his voice suddenly stops working.

“... only something lovers do?” she finishes for him. Yes. _Definitely_ something only lovers do.

He nods and right as he does, he suddenly understands what she is trying to make him prove.

“Oh…” he says. Everything makes so much more sense to him now. Her hesitation, her slightly pained expression, the tears running over her cheeks. Why she wants this so much she is trembling just the tiniest bit in fear.

She is afraid of having her heart broken. She wants to know if he loves her and Papyrus can’t even try to pretend he doesn’t understand why. He had been sending her so many mixed signals before he left her. The first time they were together was all about play and then he had to be weak and confuse her. He constantly tried to deny his feelings, constantly refused to let her get close to him. Their last night together must have confused her so much, and his letter even more so.

Now he’s back and he’s acting like he expects her to know. But the truth is that he barely knew for sure before he saw her again. Can he really blame her for having doubts?

No. He can’t. She is perfectly justified.

Papyrus pulls away from her and carefully covers her body with the blankets so she won’t feel exposed. He can see the intense stab of fear going through her body when he moves away, and he hates the violent trembles of her body when he lies down next to her. He tries to ignore them and her tears when he wraps her up in his arms. She clings to him the second she is able and starts crying silently into his chest. Papyrus can only imagine what thoughts must be going through her mind right now, and he hates every single one.

“I need to warn you,” he tells her quietly. He feels her pause in question. He doesn’t meet her gaze when she looks up. “You won’t just see the answer to your question when you touch it,” he says. “You’ll see everything I am and have been. It will be very confusing and very overwhelming. You will definitely see things that you will not like. You know a lot, but I promise you. Knowing will do nothing to lessen the shock of actually seeing what kind of monster I was.”

“What?” she asks. “You’re… You’re actually going to let me touch it?”

“Yes. It _is_ the only way I can show you how sincere I am.” He moves back just enough for there to be room between their bodies for his hand. After a deep breath to calm his panic - an ancient, now-unneeded reaction to having his soul touched - he makes it materialize in his hand. It hurts much less than it used to do. It no longer feels like his soul is being ripped away from his chest, and there are almost no pinching pains accompanied with it.

He breathes deeply again and opens his eyes. His soul is still broken; still bruised and chipped, but no longer black. Only a tiny spot of darkness in the center of his soul remains, one that he has been stupid enough to allow to re-grow there.

He offers his soul to her, his hand trembling and his breathing becoming irregular. _It’s alright. She will not harm him. She is safe. She loves him. It is okay._

“Promise me,” he begs, “that you will not flee me when you have seen what I really am. At least let me explain.”

Her eyes flicker between his soul and his face, her cheeks still wet and shining with tears. Papyrus imagines that they will not become any drier while she is assaulted by his past.

He feels pressure all over his body when she carefully slides her hands around his soul and lifts it out of his hand. He is a split-second away from snapping and ripping his soul away from her again, but he manages to stop himself. The only reaction he allows to show is the quiet whimper escaping him. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to breathe through the feeling of pure, insane _panic_ rushing through him.

He doesn’t see any of the things she does and feels nothing but fear and panic at having someone else hold his very life in their hands. It’s such a powerful feeling and it only brings bad memories to his mind. He knows she won’t harm him, but his past have taught him that all touches of his soul is bad, even though it is supposed to be the most intimate thing lovers can do together.

She says nothing for a long time and when Papyrus has finally managed to calm himself down enough for him to silence his whimpers, he opens his eyes to see her reaction.

Her eyes are squeezed together, her cheeks still wet with fresh tears as he anticipated and her forehead wrinkled in concentration. She is obviously trying to sort through all the images and emotions, a task that Papyrus knows she won’t be able to complete tonight. She will continue to experience and discover more and more of him for the next long period of time.

“Y/n…” he whispers, lifting his hands to softly rest them on top of hers, “Please.” She opens her eyes to look at him. Her expression makes his soul sting in the worst way possible.

Fucking hell. Papyrus didn’t want this night to end with _him_ crying too. He is supposed to be stronger than this!

“P-please listen to me,” he asks softly. “It will take you a lot of time to understand everything b-but- _fuck_ _don’t_ _do that_.” Her hands had unconsciously tightened around his soul and she lets go of him instantly.

“I’m sorry!” she exclaims, “Shit shit shit, sorry! Did I hurt you?!”

“No,” he answers, trying to breathe through the rush of fear. Having his soul squeezed like that is so uncomfortable.

After a minute, he feels better. “I’m alright,” he reassures her. She has been slowly moving away from him. “Please, focus on us for a moment.” Her soul materializes next to his. Right away he can feel how sorry she is, how much she is cursing herself for not being more careful with him. She knows exactly how fragile a monster’s soul is and she knows how difficult it has been for him to share himself with her like this. She hates herself for messing up and breaking his trust. She thinks he regrets doing this now.

He quiets her rush of self-hatred with a soft brush of his soul against hers, letting her know that he is not angry.

“Can you feel me?” he asks.

“Y-yeah.”

“Good. Please look at me,” he asks. She looks into his eyes immediately.

**_“I love you.”_ **

The words are harder to speak than he thought, but he knows that even though he might not sound sure, she can feel exactly _how_ true the words are. She can hopefully feel the vast space in his soul that is overflowing with his affection and love for her, can feel how it almost cripples him when he thinks about her.

She doesn’t say anything in return, but Papyrus can feel it. Her relief is immense and overshadowing at first, but as soon as the disbelief bleeds away, her love storms forward and wraps around him. It’s choking him, filling every little corner of his mind and taking over his soul. He can hardly believe he has been able to affect anyone this much by doing nothing, but then again, he can’t understand how he can love her this much either. It’s not as if either of them had been trying. It’s a mystery, and frankly, Papyrus is tired of thinking. Tired of fighting. He just wants to give up and allow himself to fall victim to their love.

After all, love does conquer all.

  
  
  


**_FIN._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are. 
> 
> First of all, what did you think? I'm dying to hear your reactions! I've been working really hard at plotting this, and even though this final chapter is still not exactly how I wanted it, I'm pleased with how it ended up. 
> 
> **If you have any questions about this fic, my plotting or about the characters (especially the OC/reader character), I'll answer any questions you want on Tumblr. Just drop me an ask.**
> 
> Thank you:  
> \- to everybody who has left a kudos! You are the absolute best. <3  
> \- to everybody who has left me a comment, or several. You are the reason writers like me love to share our work and you are 100% what makes this site 10000 times better.  
> \- every single person who have drawn fanart for this fic! You have blown my mind and made all my dreams come true. <3  
> \- Miss Time for helping with the beta work on this fic during the first many chapters and for being such a great friend.  
> \- to the people who bookmark. I read every tag you put on there, and I have to say I've never been more flattered. It's so great.  
> \- to the people who have recommended my fic to others: You especially deserve all the cookies in the world.  
> \- to the people who supported me through this. Virtual hugs to all of you.  
> \- **to the anon who requested this fic. I hope you got what you wanted and thank you so much for sending me out on this adventure. This entire fic is dedicated to you and I want to gift it to you, if you are comfortable with having your name at the top of the fic. Let me know <3 **
> 
> I think that was everything, but I have probably forgotten a ton of people and a ton of things I wanted to say. 
> 
> Now I will move on to other projects. Keep a look-out on my Tumblr for updates. I have two huge projects planned, a writing school going on, 15 one-shots/drabbles waiting to be written, a sequel to the Pap-wich on the way and three collaps planned. I'm not going to stop now ;)
> 
> Thank you for the experience guys! I'll see you later, refreshed and prepared for more great adventures.
> 
> \- Miss Mercy


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